_The Same to the Same_
_Cosenza_
Why is it, my dear marquis, that the history of my life is so
party-coloured and extraordinary, that I am unable to foresee at the
smallest distance what is the destiny reserved for me? Happiness and
misery, success and disappointment so take their turns, that in the one
I have not time for despair, and in the other I dare not permit to my
heart a sincere and unmingled joy.
The day after I dispatched my last letter the duke of Benevento, whose
age is so much advanced, was seized with a slight paralytic stroke.
He was for a short time deprived of all sensation. The trouble of his
family, every individual of which regards him with the profoundest
veneration, was inexpressible. Matilda, the virtuous Matilda, could not
be separated from the couch of her father. She hung over him with the
most anxious affection. She watched every symptom of his disorder, and
every variation of his countenance.
I am convinced, my dear Rinaldo, that there is no object so beautiful
and engaging as this. A woman in all the pride of grace, and fulness of
her charms, tending with unwearied care a feeble and decrepid parent;
all her features informed with melting anxiety and filial tenderness,
yet suppressing the emotions of her heart and the wilder expressions of
sorrow; subduing even the stronger sentiments of nature, that she may
not by an useless and inconsiderate grief supersede the kind care, and
watchful attention, that it is her first ambition to yield. It is a
trite observation, that beauty never appears so attractive as when
unconscious of itself; and I am sure, that no self-forgetfulness can be
so amiable, as that which is founded in the emotions of a tender and
gentle heart. The disorder of the duke however was neither violent nor
lasting. In somewhat less than an hour, the favourable symptoms began to
appear, and he gradually recovered. In the mean time a certain lassitude
and feebleness remained from the shock he received, which has not yet
subsided.
But what language shall I find to describe to my Rinaldo the scene to
which this event furnished the occasion?
The next day the duke sent for his daughter and myself into his chamber.
As soon as we were alone he began to describe, in terms that affected us
both, the declining state of his health. "I feel," said he, "that
this poor worn-out body totters to its fall. The grave awaits me. The
summonses of death are such as cannot but be heard.
"Death however inspires me with no terror. I have lived long and
happily. I have endeavoured so to discharge every duty in this world as
not to be afraid to meet the supreme source of excellence in another.
The greatness of him that made us is not calculated to inspire terror
but to the guilty. Power and exalted station, though increased to an
infinite degree, cannot make a just and virtuous being tremble.
"Heaven has blessed me with a daughter, the most virtuous of her sex.
Her education has been adequate to the qualities which nature bestowed
upon her. I may without vanity assert, that Italy cannot produce her
parragon.--The first families of my country might be proud to receive
her into their bosom, princes might sue for her alliance. But I had
rather my Matilda should be happy than great.
"Come near, my dear count. I will number you also among the precious
gifts of favouring heaven. Your reputation stands high in the world, and
is without a blemish. From earliest youth your praises were music to my
ears. But great as they were, till lately I knew not half your worth.
Had I known it sooner, I would sooner have studied how to reward it. I
should then perhaps have been too happy.
"Believe me, my St. Julian, I have had much experience. In successive
campaigns, I have encountered hardships and danger. I have frequented
courts, and know their arts. Do not imagine then, young and unsuspecting
as you are, that you have been able to hide from me one wish of your
heart. I know that you love my daughter. I have beheld your growing
attachment with complacency. My Matilda, if I read her sentiments
aright, sees you with a favourable eye. Pursue her, my son, and win her.
If you can gain her approbation, doubt not that I will give my warmest
benedictions to the auspicious union."
You will readily believe, that my first care was to return my most
ardent thanks to my protector and father. Immediately however I cast an
anxious and enquiring eye upon the mistress of my heart. Her face was
covered with blushes. I beheld in her a timidity and confusion that made
me tremble. But my suspence was not long. I have since drawn from her
the most favourable and transporting confession. Oh, my friend, she
acknowledges that from the first moment she saw me, she contemplated me
with partiality. She confesses, that her father by the declaration he
has made, so far from thwarting her ambition and disappointing her
wishes, has conferred upon her the highest obligation. How much, my dear
Rinaldo, is the colour of my fortune changed. It was upon this day,
at this very hour, I had determined to leave Cosenza for ever. I had
consigned myself over to despair. I was about to enter upon a world
where every face I beheld would have been a stranger to me. The scene
would have been uniform and desolate. I should have left all the
attachments of my youth, I should have left the very centre of my
existence behind me. I should have ceased to live. I should only have
drawn along a miserable train of perceptions from year to year, without
one bright day, without one gay prospect, to illuminate the gloomy
scene, and tell me that I was.
Is it possible then that every expectation, and the whole colour of my
future life, can be so completely altered? Instead of despair, felicity.
Instead of one dark, unvaried scene, a prospect of still increasing
pleasure. Instead of standing alone, a monument of misfortune, an object
to awaken compassion in the most obdurate, shall I stand alone, the
happiest of mortals? Yes, I will never hereafter complain that nature
denied me a father, I have found a more than father. I will never
complain of calamity and affliction, in my Matilda I receive an
over-balance for them all.