WALKING IN DARKNESS.
1841-1842.
"GOD'S WAY LEADS INTO TRIAL"--GROUNDS OF
THANKFULNESS--PROTRACTED DARKNESS--CAST DOWN, BUT NOT
DESTROYED--TRUST IN GOD COMMENDED--THE MEANS OF ITS
ATTAINMENT--REVIEW OF THE WORK.
December 15, 1841. From Nov. 12 to this day my fellow-laborers in the
church and I have seen thirty inquirers and candidates for fellowship,
and some of them we have seen repeatedly. How can we sufficiently praise
the Lord for still continuing to use us in his service?
Dec. 18. Saturday morning. There is now the greatest need, and only
fourpence in hand, which I found in the box at my house; yet I fully
believe the Lord will supply us this day also with all that is
required.--Pause a few moments, dear reader. Observe two things. We
acted _for God_ in delaying the public meetings and the publishing of
the Report; but _God's way leads always into trial, so far as sight and
sense are concerned_. _Nature_ always will be tried _in God's ways_. The
Lord was saying by this poverty, "I will now see whether you truly lean
upon me, and whether you truly look to me." Of all the seasons that I
had ever passed through since I had been living in this way, _up to that
time_, I never knew any period in which my faith was tried so sharply
as during the four months from December 12, 1841, to April 12, 1842. But
observe further: We might even now have altered our minds with respect
to the public meetings and publishing the Report; for _no one knew our
determination, at this time_, concerning this point. Nay, on the
contrary, we knew with what delight very many children of God were
looking forward to receive further accounts. But the Lord kept us
steadfast to the conclusion at which we arrived under his guidance.--Now
to return to Saturday, Dec. 18. _Evening._ The Lord has been very kind
to us this day. In the course of the morning six shillings came in. We
had thus, with what provisions there were in hand, all that was needed
for the dinner, but no means to provide for the next meal in the
afternoon. A few minutes after the laborers had met together for prayer
this morning, there was given to one of them a sovereign for himself. By
means of this all that was needed for tea could be procured. When we
again met in the evening for prayer, we found that the supplies amounted
to two pounds eight shillings twopence, enough for all that was required
to-day. But one thing more is to be noticed respecting this day. I was
informed that three more of the orphans have been recently brought to
the knowledge of the truth. We have now been meeting daily for prayer
during the last five weeks, and thus the Lord has not merely heard our
prayers respecting the funds, but has also blessed these children.
Dec. 23. This is now the sixth week that the laborers in the day schools
and Orphan Houses have daily met for prayer. Several precious answers we
have already received since we began to meet, as it regards pecuniary
supplies, fresh instances of conversion among the children, etc. One of
our petitions has been that the Lord would be pleased to furnish us with
means for a stove at Callowhill Street schoolroom. But, though we had
often mentioned this matter before the Lord, he seemed not to regard our
request. Yesterday afternoon, while walking in my little garden, and
meditating and praying, I had an unusual assurance that the time was now
come when the Lord would answer our request, which arose partly from my
being able _to believe_ that _he would_ send the means, and partly from
the fact that the answer could no longer be delayed without prayer
having failed in this matter, as we could not assemble the children
again, after the Christmas vacation, without there being a stove put up.
And now, dear reader, observe: This morning I received from A. B. twenty
pounds, and we have thus much more than is required for a stove.
REVIEW OF THE YEAR 1841.
1. In reading over my journal, I find that the Lord has given me, during
this year, many precious answers to prayer, in addition to those which
have been recorded in the previous part of the Narrative. I mention the
following for the encouragement of the reader: 1. One of the orphan boys
needed to be apprenticed. I knew of no suitable believing master who
would take an in-door apprentice. I gave myself to prayer, and brought
the matter daily before the Lord. I marked it down among the subjects
for which I would daily ask the Lord; and at last, though from May 21 to
September I had to pray about the matter, the Lord granted my request;
for in September I found a suitable place for him. 2. On May 23 I began
to ask the Lord that he would be pleased to deliver a certain sister in
the Lord from the great spiritual depression under which she was
suffering, and after three days the Lord granted me my request. 3. On
June 15 I began to ask the Lord to deliver a brother at a distance from
the great spiritual nervousness in which he found himself shut up,
which not only distressed him exceedingly, and in a great measure
hindered him in his service towards the world and the church, but which
in consequence was also a trial to the saints who knew and valued this
dear brother. This petition I brought many times before the Lord. The
year passed away, and it was not granted. But yet at last this request
also has been granted to me and to the many dear saints who I know
prayed for this dear brother; for though he was for some years in this
state, it is now [in 1845] two years and more since he has been quite
restored. 4. On June 15 I also began to ask the Lord daily in his mercy
to keep a sister in the Lord from insanity, who was then apparently on
the very border of it; and I have now [in 1845] to record to his praise,
after nearly four years have passed away, that the Lord has kept her
from it. 5. During this year I was informed about the conversion of one
of the very greatest sinners that I had ever heard of in all my service
for the Lord. Repeatedly I fell on my knees with his wife, and asked the
Lord for his conversion, when she came to me in the deepest distress of
soul, on account of her most barbarous and cruel treatment that she
received from him in his bitter enmity against her for the Lord's sake,
and because he could not provoke her to be in a passion, and _she would
not_ strike him again, and the like. At the time when it was at its
worst I pleaded especially on his behalf the promise in Matthew xviii.
19: "Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as
touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my
Father which is in heaven." And now this awful persecutor is converted.
6. On May 25 I began to ask the Lord for greater real spiritual
prosperity among the saints among whom I labor in Bristol than there
ever yet had been among them; and now I have to record to the praise of
the Lord that truly he has answered this request; for, considering all
things, at no period has there been more manifestation of grace, and
truth, and spiritual power among us, than there is now while I am
writing this for the press [1845].
2. The state of the church with reference to numbers. There are 572 at
present in communion, 88 having been added during the past year, of whom
30 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord among us.
3. The Lord's goodness as to my temporal supplies during this year. He
has been pleased to give me by freewill offerings of the saints, L238,
11s. 13/4d.
January 3, 1842. This evening we had a precious public prayer meeting.
When the usual time for closing the meeting came, it appeared to me that
there was a desire to continue to wait upon the Lord. I therefore
proposed to the brethren that those who had bodily strength, time, and a
desire for waiting still longer upon the Lord, would do so. At least
thirty remained, and we continued till after ten in prayer, whilst
several brethren prayed. I never knew prayer more really in the Spirit.
I experienced for myself unusual nearness to the Lord, and was enabled
to ask in faith, nothing doubting.
Jan. 4. As we have often found it to be the case, so it is now. After a
season of more than usual poverty, comes a time of more than usual
abundance. To-day the same brother who has been spoken of under November
2, and who has drawn his money out of the savings bank to spend it for
the Lord, sent twenty pounds more of it. There came in also from
Guernsey one pound, and one pound seven shillings besides. I am now able
to order oatmeal from Scotland, buy materials for the boys' clothes,
order shoes, etc. Thus the Lord has been pleased to answer _all_ our
requests with respect to the pecuniary necessities of the orphans, which
we have brought before him in our prayer meetings during the last seven
weeks. We have thus had of late an abundance, but the expenses have
been great also; for within the last twenty-five days I have paid out
above one hundred pounds.
Feb. 5. Saturday. As only ten pounds ten shillings sixpence had been
received since January 29, _i. e._ only so much as day by day was needed
to provide necessaries for the orphans, there is again the greatest
need. It is now twelve o'clock, and there are no means as yet to meet
the expenses of to-day. The words in the prayer of Jehoshaphat, "Neither
know we what to do, but our eyes are upon thee," are at this moment the
language of my heart. _I_ likewise know not what to do, but my eyes are
upon the Lord, and _I am sure that he will help this day
also_.--_Evening._ In the course of the morning came in, by sale of
articles, twelve shillings. We were able likewise to dispose of one of
the articles which were sent last evening for five shillings. This
afternoon one of the laborers gave me ten shillings, and three shillings
came in for needlework. By means of this one pound ten shillings we were
able to supply all that was needed.
Feb. 8. By what came in yesterday and the day before, the need of
yesterday was supplied, and there is enough in all the houses for the
meals of to-day; but in none of the houses have we been able to take in
any bread; and as yesterday also but little could be taken in, there
will not remain any for to-morrow; nor is there money enough to take in
milk to-morrow morning. There are likewise coals needed in two houses.
Indeed, so far as I know, these three years and seven months, since
first the funds were exhausted, we were never in greater poverty; and if
the Lord were not to send means before nine o'clock to-morrow morning,
his name would be dishonored. But I am fully assured that he will not
leave us.--_Evening._ The Lord has not yet been pleased to send us what
is needed for to-morrow, but he has given us a fresh proof that he is
mindful of us. Between four and five o'clock this afternoon were sent
nine plum cakes, which a sister had ordered to be baked as a treat for
the orphans. These cakes were an encouragement to me to continue to look
out for further supplies. There was also found in the boxes at the
Orphan Houses two shillings and a penny halfpenny, and one shilling
fourpence came in for stockings. These little donations are most
precious, but they are not enough to meet the need of to-morrow; yea,
before nine o'clock to-morrow morning we need more money to be able to
take in the milk. Truly, we are poorer than ever; but through grace my
eyes look not at the empty stores and the empty purse, but to the riches
of the Lord only.
Feb. 9. This morning I went between seven and eight o'clock to the
Orphan Houses, to see whether the Lord had sent in anything. When I
arrived there, he had just two or three minutes before sent help. A
brother, in going to his house of business this morning, had gone
already about half a mile, when the Lord was pleased to lay the orphans
upon his heart. He said, however, to himself, I cannot well return now,
but will take something this evening; and thus he walked on.
Nevertheless, he could not go on any further, but felt himself
constrained to go back, and to take to brother R. B., at the Boys'
Orphan House, three sovereigns. [The donor himself stated this to me
afterwards.] Thus the Lord in his faithfulness helped us. Help was never
more truly needed, for our poverty was never greater; nor did the help
of the Lord ever come more manifestly from himself; for _the brother was
gone on a good distance_, it was _between seven and eight o'clock in the
morning_, and it was _so short a time before money would have been
needed_. Consider this, beloved reader, and with us praise the Lord for
his goodness. Praise him particularly that he enabled us to trust in
him in this trying hour. There came in besides, to-day, seven shillings
sixpence.
Feb. 12. Saturday. Never since the funds were for the first time
exhausted had there come in less during any week than during this. We
were only able to supply the absolute necessities; but this we were
enabled to do. When the meal-times came, the Lord always provided what
was needful, and, considering the great distress there is now almost
everywhere, our dear orphans are very well provided for. Now this day
began not only without there being anything in hand, but our stores were
greatly reduced, and we had to procure provisions for two days. One of
the laborers gave five shillings in the morning, to provide the means to
take in the milk. I collected together some pamphlets, which had been
given for sale, to dispose of them, and they were sold about eleven
o'clock for four shillings. There came in also by sale of stockings
three shillings, and twelve shillings was paid on behalf of one of the
orphans. Thus we were provided with means to procure a dinner, and had a
_little_ towards purchasing bread, but by no means enough. All the
laborers were together in prayer from half-past eleven till one, and we
separated comfortably, with the purpose of meeting again in the evening.
When I came home there was given to me an old broken silver pencil-case,
which, though worth very little, I took as a fresh proof that our Father
was mindful of our need. When we met again this evening, we found that
three shillings sixpence had come in by sale of stockings, and sixpence
for two Reports. As all this was not enough, a few old and needless
articles were disposed of for four shillings, also the broken
pencil-case for sixpence. I say _needless_ articles, for other articles
it did not seem right to us to dispose of, in order that the Lord's own
deliverance might be manifest. A laborer was also still further able to
give seven shillings of his own. To one of the laborers two shillings
had been owed by a certain individual for more than a twelvemonth, which
being paid just now, and given by him for the orphans, came in most
seasonably. Thus we had one pound eighteen shillings sixpence, as much
as was needful to procure provisions till after breakfast on Monday
morning. However, the Lord helped still further. Between eight and nine
this evening, after we had been together for prayer, and had now
separated, some money was given to one of the laborers for himself, by
which means he was able to give nine shillings, so that altogether two
pounds seven shillings sixpence had come in this day. This has been, of
all the weeks, during the last three years and seven months, one of the
most trying, so far as it regards the trial of faith. Thanks to the Lord
who has helped us this day also! Thanks to him for enabling us already
this morning, when we met for prayer, to praise him for the deliverance
which we were sure he would work.
Feb. 16. This morning there was now again only sufficient money in hand
to take in milk at two of the houses; but as a laborer was able to give
six shillings sixpence, we had sufficient for the milk, and had also
enough, with the provisions that were in the houses, to provide for the
dinner. Nothing more came in in the course of the morning, nor was I
able to make inquiries how matters stood. In the afternoon, between
three and four o'clock, having once more besought the Lord to send us
help, I sat peacefully down to give myself to meditation over the word,
considering that that was now my service, though I knew not whether
there was a morsel of bread for tea in any one of the houses, _but being
assured that the Lord would provide_. For, through grace, my mind is so
fully assured of the faithfulness of the Lord, that, in the midst of the
greatest need, I am enabled in peace to go about my other work. Indeed,
did not the Lord give me this, which is the result of trusting in him,
I should scarcely be able to work at all; for it is now comparatively a
rare thing that a day comes when I am not in need for one or the other
part of the work. Scarcely had I sat down to meditate, when a note was
sent to me from the Orphan Houses, in which brother R. B., master of the
orphan boys, had written thus: "On visiting the sisters in the Infant
and Girls' Orphan Houses, I found them in the greatest need. There was
not bread in one of the houses for tea this evening, and the six
shillings sixpence was scarcely enough to supply what was needed for the
dinner. I therefore opened the box in the Boys' Orphan House, and most
unexpectedly found one pound it. Thus, through the kindness of the Lord,
we were again abundantly supplied as it regards present necessities." In
the evening the Lord, in his love and faithfulness, stretched out his
hand still further. I had expounded at the meeting a part of John xi.
The last words on which I spoke were, "Said I not unto thee that if thou
wouldest believe thou shouldest see the glory of God?" When the meeting
was over, as a fresh proof of the truth of this word, a note was given
to me in which a sick sister sent me five pounds for the orphans.
Feb. 19. Saturday. Our means were now again completely spent. Our
provision stores were, perhaps, even more exhausted than on any previous
Saturday. There was not the least human likelihood of obtaining means
for sufficient provisions for this _one_ day, and much less for _two_
days. When I went before breakfast to the Orphan Houses, I found a
letter from Nottingham, containing one shilling, which had arrived last
evening. This was not only a sweet proof that our Father remembered our
need, but it was also like an earnest that he would supply us this day
also with all we required. In the course of the morning came in by sale
of stockings four shillings elevenpence. In the box at my house I found
one shilling. One of the laborers gave four shillings tenpence. Thus we
were provided with those things which were absolutely needed for this
day. We met between eleven and twelve o'clock for prayer. When we met
again in the evening, a second letter had arrived from Nottingham, with
another shilling. This was a further sweet proof of our Father's loving
remembrance of our need; but with all this we were still without any
means to provide bread for to-morrow, the Lord's day. At eight o'clock I
separated from my fellow-laborers, as I expected brother R. C. to arrive
a little after eight at my house. I therefore requested one of the
brethren to go with me, in order to take back to the Orphan Houses what
the Lord might send in by post or in any other way. It was now half past
eight in the evening, and there was no bread yet in any one of the three
houses for to-morrow. A few moments after, brother C. arrived, and he
had not been more than about five minutes in my house when he gave me
half a sovereign which he brought for the orphans. I soon found an
opportunity to leave the room for a little, gave the ten shillings to
the brother whom I had brought with me from the Orphan Houses, and who
was waiting in another room; and thus between nine and ten o'clock
sufficient bread could be bought. Observe! For the trial of our faith
the Lord had allowed us to be kept waiting so long. When, however,
brother C. had arrived, having money for the orphans, he _could not
delay giving it at once_, a matter most worthy of notice. This has been
a week full of trials of faith, but also full of deliverances.
Feb. 21. Since Saturday evening came in one pound eight shillings
elevenpence. There was also sent from Plymouth a piece of blond, a piece
of quilling net, and eleven pairs of children's stockings, for sale.
Thus we were supplied with means for that which was requisite for the
beginning of this day; but, as our stores had been so reduced at the
end of last week, there was not enough for tea this afternoon. Four
o'clock had now come, one hour before the usual tea-time, when a brother
from Somersetshire came to see the Orphan Houses, and put a sovereign
into each of the boxes. Our great need soon brought out the money, and
thus we were supplied. [Observe! The brother, as he himself told me a
few days after in the course of conversation, had but little time, and
therefore rather hastily went over the houses. Had he stayed long and
conversed much, as might have been the case, his donations would not
have been in time for the tea.] There came in one shilling besides, by
needlework done by the children.
Feb. 25. Greater than now our need had never been. Our trials of faith
have never been so sharp as during this week. Indeed, so much so, that
most of the laborers felt to-day considerably tried. Yet neither this
day has the Lord suffered us to be confounded. Through a remarkable
circumstance one of the laborers obtained some money this morning, so
that all the need of to-day could be amply met.
Feb. 26. My prayer this morning was in particular that the Lord would be
pleased now to look in pity upon us, and take off his hand. Indeed, for
several days my prayer has been that he would enable us to continue to
trust in him, and not lay more upon us than he would enable us to bear.
This is now again Saturday. There having been given yesterday a rich
supply to the matrons, I knew that not so much as usual would be
required _this_ Saturday; still, I thought that one pound ten shillings
would be needed. Between ten and eleven o'clock this morning a parcel
came from Clapham, containing two pounds two shillings, with two frocks,
two petticoats, two chemises, two pinafores, and six handkerchiefs, all
new. Thus we were richly supplied for to-day, for only one pound ten
shillings was needed.
March 2. This evening were sent, by order of an Irish sister,
thirty-three and a half pounds of woollen yarn. Respecting this donation
it is to be remarked that last Saturday we had asked the Lord, in our
prayer meeting, that he would be pleased to send us means to purchase
worsted, in order that the boys might go on with their knitting.
March 9. At a time of the greatest need, both with regard to the day
schools and the orphans, so much so that we could not have gone on any
longer without help, I received this day ten pounds from a brother who
lives near Dublin. The money was divided between the day schools and the
Orphan Houses. The following little circumstance is to be noticed
respecting this donation. As our need was so great, and my soul was,
through grace, truly waiting upon the Lord, I looked out for supplies in
the course of this morning. The post, however, was out, and no supplies
had come. This did not in the least discourage me. I said to myself, the
Lord can send means without the post, or even now, though the post is
out, by this very delivery of letters he may have sent means, though the
money is not yet in my hands. It was not long after I had thus spoken to
myself when, according to my hope in God, we were helped; for the
brother who sent us the ten pounds, had this time directed his letter to
the Boys' Orphan House, whence it was sent to me.
March 17. From the 12th to the 16th had come in four pounds five
shillings elevenpence halfpenny for the orphans. This morning our
poverty, which now has lasted more or less for several months, had
become exceedingly great. I left my house a few minutes after seven to
go to the Orphan Houses to see whether there was money enough to take in
the milk, which is brought about eight o'clock. On my way it was
especially my request that the Lord would be pleased to pity us, even
as a father pitieth his children, and that he would not lay more upon us
than he would enable us to bear. I especially entreated him that he
would now be pleased to refresh our hearts by sending us help. I
likewise reminded him of the consequences that would result, both in
reference to believers and unbelievers, if we should have to give up the
work because of want of means, and that he therefore would not permit
its coming to nought. I moreover again confessed before the Lord that I
deserved not that he should continue to use me in this work any longer.
While I was thus in prayer, about two minutes' walk from the Orphan
Houses, I met a brother who was going at this early hour to his
business. After having exchanged a few words with him, I went on; but he
presently ran after me, and gave me one pound for the orphans. Thus the
Lord speedily answered my prayer. Truly, it is worth being poor and
greatly tried in faith for the sake of having day by day such precious
proofs of the loving interest which our kind Father takes in everything
that concerns us. And how should our Father do otherwise? He that has
given us the greatest possible proof of his love which he could have
done, in giving us his own Son, surely he will with him also freely give
us all things. It is worth also being poor and greatly tried in faith,
if but thereby the hearts of the children of God may be comforted and
their faith strengthened, and if but those who do not know God, and who
may read or hear of his dealings with us, should be led thereby to see
that faith in God is more than a mere notion, and that there is indeed
reality in Christianity. In the course of this day there came in still
further thirteen shillings.
March 19. Saturday. As it has often been the case on Saturdays, so it
was this day in particular. We began the day in very great poverty, as
only seven shillings had come in since the day before yesterday. There
was not one ray of light as to natural prospects. The heart would be
overwhelmed at such seasons, were there not an abundance of repose to be
found by trusting in God. The trial having continued so long, and our
poverty having now come to such a degree that it was necessary we should
have help in order that the name of the Lord might not be dishonored, I
had proposed to my fellow-laborers that we should set apart this day
especially for prayer. We met accordingly at half past ten in the
morning. By that time had come in four shillings sixpence, seven
shillings sixpence, and ten shillings. In the afternoon we met again at
three, when ten shillings came in. In the evening, at seven, we met once
more, there being yet about three shillings needed to provide all that
was required. This also we received, and even three shillings more than
was actually needed came in, just when we were about to separate.
April 9. Saturday. Only one shilling sixpence had come in since
yesterday afternoon. We needed more money than there was in hand,
especially as it was Saturday, but the Lord was pleased particularly to
try our faith. In the course of the morning came from some sisters in
Dublin, eighteen yards of calico, thirty-four yards of print,
forty-three balls of cotton, and a pair of worn lady's boots. This
donation came most seasonably, as we had been mentioning repeatedly the
need of calico and print in our prayers, and the sewing-cotton and the
pair of boots came at once into use. Moreover, this donation was a sweet
encouragement to me to continue waiting upon the Lord. Evening was now
approaching, and no money had yet come in for provisions, etc., which
would be needed on the Lord's day. About six o'clock, I gave myself once
more to prayer with my wife, and requested the Lord in my prayer that if
the sister who in love to him has taken upon her the service of
disposing of the articles which are given for sale had any money in
hand, he would be pleased to incline her heart to bring or send the
money this evening. After this I sat down peacefully to read the
Scriptures, being assured that this time also the Lord would stretch out
his hand on our behalf. _About half past seven o'clock_, the sister, to
whom reference has just now been made, came and brought one pound ten
shillings fourpence for articles which she had sold, stating that,
though she was unwell, _yet she felt herself constrained not to delay
bringing this money_. Thus we had all that was needed, and six shillings
more. When I arrived with the money at the Infant Orphan House, about
eight o'clock, I found my fellow-laborers in prayer, and while we still
continued in prayer a sister sent a large basket of stale bread, being
five brown loaves, seven bread cakes, and five French loaves.
April 12. We were never in greater need than to-day, perhaps never in so
much, when I received this morning one hundred pounds from the East
Indies. It is impossible to describe the real joy in God it gave me. My
prayer had been again this morning particularly that our Father would
pity us, and now at last send larger sums. I was not in the least
surprised or excited when this donation came, for I took it as that
_which came in answer to prayer, and had been long looked for_.
May 6. Only three pounds ten shillings twopence halfpenny had been
received since the 2d, on which account there would have been only
enough means in hand to provide for the breakfast to-morrow morning,
when in this our fresh need we received eighty-six pounds, two pair of
gold earrings, a brooch, and two rupees.
May 10. To-day, in closing the accounts, we have left, at the end of
this period of seventeen months, in which we have been so often
penniless, the sum of sixteen pounds eighteen shillings tenpence
halfpenny for the orphans, and forty-eight pounds twelve shillings five
and one fourth pence for the other objects of the Scriptural Knowledge
Institution.
The time now seemed to us to have come, when, for the profit of the
church at large, the Lord's dealings with us, with reference to the
various objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution, should be made
known by publishing another Report. For, whilst we, on purpose, had
delayed it at this time five months longer than during the previous
years, and that during a period when we were in deeper poverty than
during any previous time; yet, as from the commencement it had appeared
to me important from time to time to make known the Lord's dealings with
us, so I judged it profitable still to seek to comfort, to encourage, to
exhort, to instruct, and to warn the dear children of God by the printed
accounts of the Lord's goodness to us.
Though our trials of faith during these seventeen months lasted longer
and were sharper than during any previous period, yet during all this
time the orphans had everything that was needful in the way of
nourishing food, the necessary articles of clothing, etc. Indeed, I
should rather at once send the children back to their relations than
keep them without sufficient maintenance.
I desire that all the children of God who may read these details may
thereby be led to increased and more simple confidence in God for
everything which they may need under any circumstances, and that these
many answers to prayer may encourage them to pray, particularly as it
regards the conversion of their friends and relations, their own
progress in grace and knowledge, the state of the saints whom they may
know personally, the state of the church of Christ at large, and the
success of the preaching of the gospel. Especially, I affectionately
warn them against being led away by the device of Satan, to think that
these things are peculiar to me, and cannot be enjoyed by all the
children of God; for though, as has been stated before, every believer
is not called upon to establish orphan houses, charity schools, etc.,
and trust in the Lord for means, yet all believers are called upon, in
the simple confidence of faith, to cast all their burdens upon him, to
trust in him for everything, and not only to make everything a subject
of prayer, but to expect answers to their petitions which they have
asked according to his will and in the name of the Lord Jesus. Think
not, dear reader, that I have _the gift of faith_, that is, that gift of
which we read in 1 Cor. xii. 9, and which is mentioned along with "the
gifts of healing," "the working of miracles," "prophecy," and that on
that account I am able to trust in the Lord. _It is true_ that the faith
which I am enabled to exercise is altogether God's own gift; it is true
that he alone supports it, and that he alone can increase it; it is true
that moment by moment, I depend on him for it, and that if I were only
one moment left to myself my faith would utterly fail; but _it is not
true_ that my faith is that gift of faith which is spoken of in 1 Cor.
xii. 9. It is the self-same faith which is found in _every believer_,
and the growth of which I am most sensible of to myself; for by little
and little it has been increasing for the last six and twenty years.
This faith which is exercised respecting the Orphan Houses, and my own
temporal necessities shows itself in the same measure, for instance,
concerning the following points: I have never been permitted to doubt
during the last twenty-seven years that my sins are forgiven, that I am
a child of God, that I am beloved of God, and that I shall be finally
saved; because I am enabled by the grace of God to exercise faith upon
the word of God, and believe what God says in those passages which
settle these matters (1 John v. 1; Gal. iii. 26; Acts x. 43; Romans x.
9, 10; John iii. 16, etc.). Further, at the time when I thought I
should be insane, though there was not the least ground for thinking so,
I was in peace; because my soul believed the truth of that word, "We
know that all things work together for good to them that love God." Rom.
viii. 28. Further: When my brother in the flesh and my dear aged father
died, and when concerning both of them I had no _evidence_ whatever that
they were saved (though I dare not say that they are lost, for I know it
not), yet my soul was at peace, perfectly at peace, under this great
trial, this exceedingly great trial, this trial which is one of the
greatest perhaps which can befall a believer. And what was it that gave
me peace? My soul laid hold on that word, "Shall not the Judge of all
the earth do right?" This word, together with the whole character of
God, as he has revealed himself in his holy word, settled all
questionings. I believed what he has said concerning himself, and I was
at peace, and have been at peace ever since, concerning this matter.
Further: When the Lord took from me a beloved infant, my soul was at
peace, perfectly at peace; I could only weep tears of joy when I did
weep. And why? Because my soul laid hold in faith on that word, "Of such
is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew xix. 14. Further: When sometimes all
has been dark, exceedingly dark, with reference to my service among the
saints, judging from natural appearances; yea, when I should have been
overwhelmed indeed in grief and despair had I looked at things after the
outward appearance: at such times I have sought to encourage myself in
God, by laying hold in faith on his almighty power, his unchangeable
love, and his infinite wisdom, and I have said to myself, God is able
and willing to deliver me, if it be good for me; for it is written, "He
that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall
he not with him also freely give us all things?" Rom. viii. 32. This it
was which, being believed by me through grace, kept my soul in peace.
Further: When in connection with the Orphan Houses, day schools, etc.,
trials have come upon me which were far heavier than the want of means,
when lying reports were spread that the orphans had not enough to eat,
or that they were cruelly treated in other respects, and the like; or
when other trials, still greater, but which I cannot mention, have
befallen me in connection with this work, and that at a time when I was
nearly a thousand miles absent from Bristol, and had to remain absent
week after week; at such times my soul was stayed upon God; I believed
his word of promise which was applicable to such cases; I poured out my
soul before God, and arose from my knees in peace, because the trouble
that was in the soul was in believing prayer cast upon God, and thus I
was kept in peace, though I saw it to be the will of God to remain far
away from the work. Further: When I needed houses, fellow-laborers,
masters and mistresses for the orphans or for the day schools, I have
been enabled to look for all to the Lord, and trust in him for help.
Dear reader, I may seem to boast; but, by the grace of God, I do not
boast in thus speaking. From my inmost soul I do ascribe it to God alone
that he has enabled me to trust in him, and that hitherto he has not
suffered my confidence in him to fail. But I thought it needful to make
these remarks, lest any one should think that my depending upon God was
a particular gift given to me which other saints have no right to look
for; or lest it should be thought that this my depending upon him had
_only to do with the obtaining of_ MONEY _by prayer and faith_. By the
grace of God I desire that my faith in God should extend towards
EVERYTHING, the smallest of my own temporal and spiritual concerns, and
the smallest of the temporal and spiritual concerns of my family,
towards the saints among whom I labor, the church at large, everything
that has to do with the temporal and spiritual prosperity of the
Scriptural Knowledge Institution, etc. Dear reader, do not think that I
have attained in faith (and how much less in other respects!) to that
degree to which I might and ought to attain; but thank God for the faith
which he has given me, and ask him to uphold and increase it. And
lastly, once more, let not Satan deceive you in making you think that
_you_ could not have the same faith, but that it is only for persons who
are situated as I am. When I lose such a thing as a key, I ask the Lord
to direct me to it, and I look for an answer to my prayer; when a person
with whom I have made an appointment does not come, according to the
fixed time, and I begin to be inconvenienced by it, I ask the Lord to be
pleased to hasten him to me, and I look for an answer; when I do not
understand a passage of the word of God, I lift up my heart to the Lord,
that he would be pleased, by his Holy Spirit, to instruct me, and I
expect to be taught, though I do not fix the time when, and the manner
how it should be; when I am going to minister in the word, I seek help
from the Lord, and while I, in the consciousness of natural inability as
well as utter unworthiness, begin this his service, I am not cast down,
but of good cheer, because I look for his assistance, and believe that
he, for his dear Son's sake, will help me. And thus in other of my
temporal and spiritual concerns I pray to the Lord, and expect an answer
to my requests; and may not _you_ do the same, dear believing reader?
Oh! I beseech you, do not think me an extraordinary believer, having
privileges above other of God's dear children, which they cannot have;
nor look on my way of acting as something that would not do for other
believers. Make but trial! Do but stand still in the hour of trial, and
you will see the help of God, if you trust in him. But there is so often
a forsaking the ways of the Lord in the hour of trial, and thus the
_food for faith_, the means whereby our faith may be increased, is lost.
This leads me to the following important point. You ask, How may I, a
true believer, have my faith strengthened? The answer is this:--
I. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh
down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither
shadow of turning." James i. 17. As the increase of faith is a good
gift, it must come from God, and therefore he ought to be asked for this
blessing.
II. The following means, however, ought to be used: 1. _The careful
reading of the word of God, combined with meditation on it._ Through
reading of the word of God, and especially through meditation on the
word of God, the believer becomes more and more acquainted with the
nature and character of God, and thus sees more and more, besides his
holiness and justice, what a kind, loving, gracious, merciful, mighty,
wise, and faithful being he is, and, therefore, in poverty, affliction
of body, bereavement in his family, difficulty in his service, want of a
situation or employment, he will repose upon the _ability_ of God to
help him, because he has not only learned from his word that he is of
almighty power and infinite wisdom, but he has also seen instance upon
instance in the Holy Scriptures in which his almighty power and infinite
wisdom have been actually exercised in helping and delivering his
people; and he will repose upon the _willingness_ of God to help him,
because he has not only learned from the Scriptures what a kind, good,
merciful, gracious, and faithful being God is, but because he has also
seen in the word of God, how in a great variety of instances he has
proved himself to be so. And the consideration of this, if _God has
become known to us through prayer and meditation on his own word_, will
lead us, in general at least, with a measure of confidence to rely upon
him: and thus the reading of the word of God, together with meditation
on it, will be one especial means to strengthen our faith.
2. As, with reference to the growth of every grace of the Spirit, it is
of the utmost importance that we seek to maintain an upright heart and a
good conscience, and, therefore, do not knowingly and habitually indulge
in those things which are contrary to the mind of God, so it is also
particularly the case with reference to the _growth in faith_. How can I
possibly continue to act faith upon God, concerning anything, if I am
habitually grieving him, and seek to detract from the glory and honor of
him in whom I profess to trust, upon whom I profess to depend? All my
confidence towards God, all my leaning upon him in the hour of trial,
will be gone, if I have a guilty conscience, and do not seek to put away
this guilty conscience, but still continue to do things which are
contrary to the mind of God. And if, in any particular instance, I
cannot trust in God, because of the guilty conscience, then my faith is
weakened by that instance of distrust; for faith with every fresh trial
of it either increases by trusting God, and thus getting help, or it
decreases by not trusting him; and then there is less and less power of
looking simply and directly to him, and a habit of self-dependence is
begotten or encouraged. One or other of these will always be the case in
each particular instance. Either we trust in God, and in that case we
neither trust in ourselves, nor in our fellow-men, nor in circumstances,
nor in anything besides; or we DO trust in one or more of these, and in
that case do NOT trust in God.
3. If we, indeed, desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not
shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and, therefore,
through the trial, be strengthened. In our natural state we dislike
dealing with God alone. Through our natural alienation from God we
shrink from him, and from eternal realities. This cleaves to us more or
less, even after our regeneration. Hence it is that, more or less, even
as believers, we have the same shrinking from standing with God alone,
from depending upon him alone, from looking to him alone; and yet this
is the very position in which we ought to be, if we wish our faith to be
strengthened. The more I am in a position to be tried in faith with
reference to my body, my family, my service for the Lord, my business,
etc., the more shall I have opportunity of seeing God's help and
deliverance; and every fresh instance in which he helps and delivers me
will tend towards the increase of my faith. On this account, therefore,
the believer should not shrink from situations, positions,
circumstances, in which his faith may be tried, but should cheerfully
embrace them as opportunities where he may see the hand of God stretched
out on his behalf, to help and deliver him, and whereby he may thus have
his faith strengthened.
4. The last important point for the strengthening of our faith is, that
we let God work for us, when the hour of the trial of our faith comes,
and do not work a deliverance of our own. Wherever God has given faith,
it is given, among other reasons, for the very purpose of being tried.
Yea, however weak our faith may be, God will try it; only with this
restriction, that as, in every way, he leads us on gently, gradually,
patiently, so also with reference to the trial of our faith. At first,
our faith will be tried very little in comparison with what it may be
afterwards; for God never lays more upon us than he is willing to enable
us to bear. Now, when the trial of faith comes, we are naturally
inclined to distrust God, and to trust rather in ourselves, or in our
friends, or in circumstances. We will rather work a deliverance of our
own, somehow or other, than simply look to God and wait for his help.
But if we do not patiently wait for God's help, if we work a
deliverance of our own, then at the next trial of our faith it will be
thus again, we shall be again inclined to deliver ourselves; and thus,
with every fresh instance of that kind, our faith will decrease; whilst,
on the contrary, were we to stand still in order to see the salvation of
God, to see his hand stretched out on our behalf, trusting in him alone,
then our faith would be increased, and with every fresh case in which
the hand of God is stretched out on our behalf in the hour of the trial
of our faith, our faith would be increased yet more. Would the believer,
therefore, have his faith strengthened, he must, especially, _give time
to God_, who tries his faith in order to prove to his child, in the end,
how willing he is to help and deliver him, the moment it is good for
him.
I now return, dear reader, to the Narrative, giving you some further
information with reference to the seventeen months from Dec. 10, 1840,
to May 10, 1842, as it respects the Orphan Houses, and other objects of
the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home and Abroad, besides the
facts of which mention has been already made.
During this period, also, 1. Two Sunday schools were entirely supported
by the funds of the Institution. 2. There were two adult schools, one
for females, and one for males, entirely supported during these
seventeen months, in which on two evenings of the week the males, and on
two evenings the females, were instructed, quite gratuitously, in
reading and writing, and were furnished with books and writing materials
gratuitously. There were, during these seventeen months, 344 adults
taught in these two schools, and on May 10, 1842, the number under
instruction amounted to 110. 3. There were, during these seventeen
months, also six day schools entirely supported by the funds of the
Institution, three for boys and three for girls. On May 10, 1842, the
number of the children who attended these day schools was 363; and the
total number who, from the formation of the Institution, March 5, 1834,
up to May 10, 1842, had been instructed in the day schools, which are
supported by the funds of the Institution, amounts to 2,616. 4. During
these seventeen months, 798 copies of the Holy Scriptures were
circulated, and from the commencement of the Institution, up to May 10,
1842, 6,842 copies. 5. During these seventeen months was spent for
missionary purposes the sum of L126, 15s. 3d. of the funds of the
Institution, whereby assistance was rendered to the work of God in
Jamaica, in Australia, in Canada, and in the East Indies. 6. At the
commencement of these seventeen months, _i. e._ on Dec. 10, 1840, a new
object was begun, the circulation of such publications as may be
beneficial, with the blessing of God, to both unbelievers and believers.
We laid out for this object during these seventeen months the sum of
L62, 17s. 4d., for which 22,190 such little publications were purchased,
and of which number 19,609 were actually given away. 7. There were
received into the three Orphan Houses 15 orphans, who, together with
those who were in the houses on Dec. 10, 1840, make up 106 in all. Of
these, five girls were sent out to service, two boys and one girl were
apprenticed, one girl was removed by a lady who had placed her for a
time under our care, and one was sent back to his relations, as he was
injurious to the other children.
There were on May 10, 1842, 96 orphans in the three houses, _i. e._ 30
in the Girls' Orphan House, 37 in the Infant Orphan House, and 29 in the
Boys' Orphan House. Besides this, three apprentices were supported by
the funds of the Institution; so that the total number was 99. The
number of orphans who were under our care from April, 1836, to May 10,
1842, amounts to 144.
I notice further, in connection with the Orphan Houses, that, _without
any one having been asked for anything by me_, the sum of L5,276, 14s.
8d. was given to me from the beginning of the work up to May 10, 1842,
_as the result of prayer to God_.
The total of the expenditure for the various objects of the Institution,
exclusive of the Orphan Houses, during these seventeen months, amounted
to L710, 11s. 5d.; the total of the income amounted to L746, 1s. 01/2d.
The total of the expenditure for the three Orphan Houses, from Dec. 10,
1840, to May 10, 1842, amounted to L1,337, 15s. 23/4d.; the total of
the income amounted to L1,339, 13s. 7d.