"TEETH EXTRACTED WITH THE GREATEST PAINS"
* * * * *
"Wanted.--Good cook-general, for very small Naval officer's
family."
_Isle of Wight Mercury_.
Intending applicants should exercise caution. A very small Naval
officer may have a very large family.
* * * * *
"£5 REWARD--Lost from Ruislip (July, 1214), half-persian dark
tabby tom cat."
_Harrow Observer_.
And they tell us that a cat has only nine lives!
* * * * *
=THE PROPHETIC PRESENT.=
"There is no Hindenburg line."
_Inspired German Press_.
By nature they abhor the light,
But here in this their latest tract
Your parrot Press by oversight
Has deviated into fact;
If not (at present) strictly true,
It shows a sound anticipation
Born of the fear that's father to
The allegation.
For, though the boasted "line" of which
No trace occurs on German maps
Retains the semblance of a ditch,
It has some nasty yawning gaps;
It bulges here, it wobbles there,
It crumples up with broken hinges,
Keeping no sort of pattern where
Our Push impinges.
When the triumphant word went round
How that your god, disguised as man,
At victory's height was giving ground
According to a well-laid plan,
Here he arranged to draw the line
(As _Siegfried's_ you were told to hymn it)
And plant _Nil ultra_ for a sign--
Meaning the limit.
And now "There's no such thing," they say;
Well, that implies prophetic sense;
And, if a British prophet may
Adopt their graphic present tense,
I would remark--and so forestall
A truth they'll never dare to trench on:--
_There is no HINDENBURG at all,
Or none worth mention_.