Mr. WILL THORNE declares that a hotel in Petrograd charged him twelve
shillings for four small custards. After all, the war spirit of
Russia, it would seem, is not wholly dead.
* * *
According to officials of the Food Ministry, "domestic pastry" may
still be baked. The idea is that this kind of pastry tends to decrease
the total number of food consumers.
* * *
Allied control officers have discovered fifteen hundred tons of
potatoes hidden in Athens. The Salonika expedition is now felt to be
justified.
* * *
A certain Kingston resident, when out walking, wears a white band on
his hat, the with words, "Eat less bread. Do it now." Eyewitnesses
report that the immediate rush of pedestrians to the tea-rooms to eat
less bread is most gratifying.
* * *
"The British loaf," according to Mr. KENNEDY JONES, "is going to beat
the Germans." If grit can do it, we agree.
* * *
"Allotments under cultivation in Middlesex," says a weekly paper
breathlessly, "if place end to end, would reach five miles." Of course
it is not thought likely that they will be.
* * *
The father of a lad charged with embezzlement explained that since the
boy was struck on the head with a cricket ball he could not keep a
penny novel out of his hands. Speculation is now rife as to the
nature of the accidents responsible for the passion that some people
entertain for our more expensive fiction.
* * *
"It is possible," says a contemporary, "that an invention will one
day be forthcoming which will make a clean sweep of the submarine."
Meanwhile we must expect him to go on acting like the dirty sweep he
is.
* * *
To meet the paper shortage, Austrian editors have determined to
economise by reducing the daily reports of victories.
* * *
_Le Matin_ states that at a Grand Council of War sharp disagreement on
the conduct of operations arose between the KAISER and HINDENBURG. The
Marshal, we understand, insisted upon the right to organise his own
defeats without any assistance from the All-highest-but-one.
* * *
A London dairyman has been heavily fined for selling water containing
a large percentage of milk.
* * *
"To tell the honest truth," said the Hon. JOHN COLLIER, giving
evidence in the Romney case, "we artists do not think much of the art
critics." It is this dare-devil attitude which distinguishes your real
genius.
* * *
Some surprise was recently caused in Liverpool when the residents
learned from the _Cologne Gazette_ that their port had been destroyed
and all the inhabitants removed to another town. They consider that in
common fairness the _Cologne Gazette_ ought to have given them some
idea as to where they were living.
* * *
It is announced that four German War Correspondents have been
decorated with the Iron Cross of the Second Class. We have always
maintained that the War Correspondent, like his fighting brother, is
not immune from the perils of warfare.
* * *
We are not surprised to learn that the mouth-organ is the favorite
instrument among the soldiers in a certain Labour unit. The advantage
of this instrument is that when carried in the pocket it does not
spoil the figure like a cello.
* * *
Now that the shortage of starch supply will compel men to wear soft
collars it is understood that Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, who already
wears them soft, proposes to give up collars altogether, so as not to
be mistaken for an ordinary man.
* * *
City business houses, it is stated, are adopting the practice of
closing during the dinner-hour. The old fashioned custom of doing
business and dining on alternate days had much to recommend it.
* * *
There was no sugar in England when Crécy and Agincourt were fought,
as Captain BATHURST told the House of Commons recently. How the War
Office did without its afternoon tea in those barbarous days it is
impossible to conjecture.
* * *
The forthcoming Irish Convention is to be held, it is stated, behind
locked doors. Why not add a charming element of adventure to the
affair by entrusting some thoroughly absent-minded person with the
key?
* * *
Lord ESHER believes that "our home-coming is not far distant."
Meanwhile it is cheering to know that quite a number of our fellows
are getting home on the HINDENBURG line.
* * *
"Walking canes for ladies with small round heads of ivory" are
becoming increasingly popular, declared a contemporary. We ourselves
would hesitate to lash the follies of smart Society in a manner quite
so frank.
* * *
It appears that at the Bath War Hospital a hen lays an egg every day
in a soldier's locker. Only physical difficulties prevent the large
hearted bird from laying it in his egg-cup.
* * *
ZAMBI, a Zulu native, has just died at the age of a
hundred-and-twelve. It seems that war-worry hastened his end.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Proprietress_ (_as customer becomes obstreperous_),
"NOW THEN, WILLIE, OVER THE TOP!"]
* * * * *
=Professional Candour.=