The following incident took place during the journey among the
mountains of Lebanon. One day they were resting under an old
weather-beaten cedar. The rain trickled through the bristling bush of
needles from one branch to another on to the hats under the broad brims
of which the men cowered, their legs drawn up under them, their arms
crossed over their chests. Tired and somewhat out of humour, they
looked out into the damp mist against which the near summits and masses
of rock stood out. The hair and beards of the older men had turned
grey, and even the faces of the younger seemed to have aged. For their
hardships had been great. But the glow in their eyes was not quenched.
They had laid aside their long staffs; the sacks which some carried on
their backs were wrinkled and empty. A little way off was a
tree-trunk, so big that three men could hardly have encompassed it; the
bark was white and rough, so that it seemed as if spirits had carved
mysterious signs thereon in pure silver. Jesus, a little apart from
His disciples, was resting under this tree. He was, as usual, without
a hat, and His abundant nut-brown hair fell over His shoulders. His
indescribably beautiful face was paler than formerly. He leaned
against the trunk of the tree and closed His eyes.
The disciples thought He slept, and in order not to wake Him they
looked at one another and spoke in whispers. Their hearts were full of
the impressions of their late experiences. They thought of the
persecution in their native land, the attractiveness of the big world,
and their ignorance of the future. Many of them during this gloomy
rest-time thought of their former lives. Who is managing my boat? Who
tends my fruit-trees? Who works in my workshop? Who sits in the
profitable toll-house? Who is providing for my wife, my children?
There had been a triumphant progress through the land and then a
flight. Men had not recognised the Master. If He would only say
distinctly and clearly who He was! Meanwhile the outlook was
desperate. As if they had run after a demagogue, a traitor, an
anti-Jew! How could an anti-Jew be King of the Jews? If He would only
say who He was!
Snow lay on the mountains. The ice-wastes stretched down from the
heights of Hermon. If our travellers looked up to their summits they
saw the wild ruggedness of their covering; if they looked downwards
they saw abysses in which the water thundered. An eagle flew through
the solitude and vultures screamed in the storm-beaten cedars. The men
from the fertile plains of the Galilean Lake had never seen such wild
nature. Simon was so enchanted that he wanted to build huts there for
himself, his comrades, and the Prophet. The other disciples shuddered,
and would gladly have persuaded the Master to return. He pointed to
the high mountains, and said: "What frightens you, My children? When
the races of men are becoming satiated and stupid, such wildness will
refresh them."
Simon and John nodded in agreement, but the others, as often was the
case, did not understand what He--who spoke for all time--said.
They wrapped themselves more closely in their cloaks, climbed up to
where there was no path, and still went on their way. The Master
walked in front and they followed Him through briars, and over stones;
it never came into their heads that He could miss the way. At length,
amid the bare rocks standing high above the cedar tops, they had to
rest again. Some of them, especially the young John, were almost
exhausted. Matthew dipped into his sack and drew forth a small crust
of bread, showed it to his companions, and said softly, so that the
Master, who was sitting on a stone higher up, might not hear: "That is
all; if we do not soon light upon some human dwelling we must perish."
Then Simon said: "I rely on Him Who has so often fed His people in the
desert."
"Words won't cure our hunger to-day," remarked Andrew, and was
frightened at his own temerity. Then Bartholomew put his hand on
Matthew's arm and said: "Brother, give that bread to the Master."
"Do you think I'm knave enough to eat it myself?" blazed up Matthew.
He got up, went to the Master, and gave Him the bread.
"Have you already eaten?" He asked.
"Master, we are all satisfied."
Jesus looked at him searchingly, and took the bread.
Just at that moment a cry of delight broke from the men. The mist had
suddenly lifted; they could see far out into the sunny world. And
beneath them lay the blue, still plains, stretching away until they cut
the sky. Far off in the sky were clouds shining like the golden
pinnacles of temples. Along the shore lay a chain of villages, and
then the sea, studded with sails. The view was so extensive and so
bright that they could not but rejoice.
"From over there beyond the water came the heathens," said Matthew.
"And over there will the Christians go," added Simon.
"Who are the Christians?" asked Bartholomew.
"The adherents of the Anointed."
"They will go forth and destroy the Romans," said James.
"Ssh!" they whispered, and laid their fingers on their lips. "He does
not like such talk."
He did not seem to have heard them. He had risen and was looking out
in silence. Then He turned to one and another to read in their faces
how their spirits stood, whether they had lost heart or whether their
courage was strengthened by the sight of the splendours of God by which
they saw themselves surrounded. Simon had become very thoughtful. He
pondered on the Master's words and on the miracle they had wrought in
him. Of all the wisdom that he had ever heard, none was so lofty and
clear as this divine teaching. It created a heaven which had not
existed formerly. And yet! why was one still so weak? He had turned
sidewards and thoughtfully nodded his head.
"What trouble one has with his own people!" he murmured. James laughed
and said: "With your own people? Who are they? I see only one of your
own people, and that is you yourself."
"That's just the one who troubles me," said Simon. "For, you know, the
rascal is timid. I can't forget that. The suddenness overwhelms him.
'Twas so for weeks down in Capernaum whenever the soldiers came near
us, and in Sidon when that weaver suddenly appeared. Oh, my friend and
brother! If it is a question of always sharing want and disgrace with
Him, I am ready, I have courage for that. But when I've to stand in
absolute danger, my heart fails me. Can such a one be fit to go with
the Master?"
"We are fishermen, not heroes," assented James. "I do not know which
needs more courage, a life of hardship or a swift death."
"I must confess one thing to you, brothers," interposed Andrew. "I am
not clever--but I'm not satisfied. Can anyone tell me what will become
of us?"
Simon's attention was diverted. Brother Philip came up and plucked him
by the sleeve. He gave him a piece of bread. Simon took it in order
to give it to Matthew.
"What is this?" he asked.
"Philip gave it me, but I'm not wanting it."
"But," said Matthew, "it is the piece of bread I just gave the Master."
The piece of bread went round the circle, from Matthew to the Master,
from Him to John, then on from one to the other until it returned to
Matthew, When they were amazed to find that no one needed the bread,
the Master smiled and said: "Now, you like to see miracles. Here is
one. Twelve men fed with one piece of bread."
"The bread did not do that, Lord. The word did that."
"No, friends; love did it."
Single drops fell from the trees, others hung like long needles and
sparkled. Just as the sea lay spread out below, so the summits of the
mountains were now revealed, the snow-peaks, and the pinnacles of rock,
while the ice-fields were visible until near midnight. The deep
stillness and the softness in the air made the men dreamy. Some were
inclined to sleep. Others thought of what the future might have in
store for them, and thinking thereon suffered themselves to sink,
untroubling, into the will of God.
All at once Jesus raised His head a little, and said softly so that
those nearest Him heard it: "You hear people talk about Me although
they are silent in My presence. What do they say?"
The disciples were alarmed at the sudden question, and said: "People
say all kinds of things."
"What do they say about Me? Whom do they say I am?"
Then one answered: "They all take you for some one different. They
prefer to believe in the most unlikely things."
But as he continued to look questioningly at them, they became
communicative and told: "One says that you are the prophet Jeremiah;
another that you are Elijah of whom they know that he was taken up to
heaven in a fiery chariot. Or they say you are John the Baptist whom
Herod caused to be murdered."
Then Jesus lifted His head still higher and said: "People say that, do
they? But you, now? Who do you think I am?"
That came like a thunderbolt. They were all silent. Surely He could
see that they had followed Him, and knew why. Could He not see into
their thoughts? Had He suddenly begun to doubt their faith in Him? Or
had He lost faith in Himself? It is all so mysterious and terrifying.
As they were silent He went on to say:
"You attached yourselves to Me in innocent trustfulness, like men who
spread their cloaks at My feet, and paid Me the honours of the Messiah.
When I announced the Kingdom of God you were with Me. And when some
left Me because My way became dangerous, and My person contemned, you
stayed with Me, and when My words were not fulfilled as you expected,
leading not to worldly power but to humiliation, you still stayed with
Me, followed Me into exile among the heathen, and into the desert
hills. Who am I, then, that you remain faithful to Me?"
They were so moved that no one was able to utter a word. Jesus
continued:
"I shall go down again to Galilee, but I shall find there no stone on
which to rest My head in peace. All who are with Me will be persecuted
for My sake. I shall go along the Jordan to Judaea, and up to
Jerusalem, where My most powerful enemies are. I shall confront them
and pronounce judgment on them. My words will pierce them, but My
flesh will be in their power. I shall suffer shame and disgrace and a
contemptible death. That will happen in a short time. Will you still
stay with Me? Whence is your trust derived? Who do you think I am?"
Simon jumped up from the ground, and exclaimed loudly and clearly:
"_You are Jesus the Christ! You are the Son of the living God!_"
* * * * * *
Solemnly it sounded forth to all eternity: Jesus Christ, the Son of God!
He stood up straight. Was there not a light round His head? Did not
the sky grow bright? The men's eyes were dazzled so that they were
obliged to shade them with their hands in order not to be blinded. A
sound came out of the light, a voice was heard: "He is My Son! He is
My beloved Son!" They were beside themselves; their bodies were
lifeless, for their souls were in the heights. Then Jesus came down to
them out of the light. His countenance had a strange look; something
extraordinary had passed over Him. With outstretched arms He came
slowly towards the disciples: "Simon! Did you say that of yourself?
It was surely an inspiration from above. Such a faith is the
foundation of the Kingdom of God; henceforth, then, you shall be named
Peter, the rock. I will found My community upon you, and what you do
on earth in My name will hold good in heaven above."
Simon looked round him. "What?" he thought in the secret recesses of
his heart, "am I raised above the others? Are none of the brothers
equal to me? That is because I am humble." Jesus turned to them all,
and said: "Prepare yourselves, be strong; evil times are approaching.
They will kill Me."
As He said that, Simon Peter grasped His arm with both his hands, and
exclaimed passionately: "In the name of God, Master, that shall not
happen."
Upon which Jesus said quickly and severely: "Get behind me, Satan!"
They looked round them. What a sudden change! For whom were the hard
words meant? Simon knew; he went down and hid himself behind the young
cedars. There he wept and shook with grief.
"John, He hates me!" muttered the disciple, and hid his face in his
young companion's gown, for John had gone to comfort him. "John! It
was my pride. He sees our thoughts. He hates me!"
"No, Simon, He does not hate you; He loves you. Think of what He said
to you just before. That about the rock. You know what Jesus is. You
know how He has to pour cold water so that the fire of love may not
consume Him. And you must have touched on something that He Himself
finds difficult. I'm sure of it. I believe that He is suffering
something that we know nothing about. It is as though He saw it was
the Father's will that He should suffer and die. He is young, He feels
dismayed, and then you come and make the struggle harder for Him.
Stand up, brother; we must be strong and cheerful and a support to Him."
And when they gathered together, prepared for further journeying, Jesus
looked round the circle of His faithful adherents, and said, with
solemn seriousness: "In a short time you will see Me no more. I go to
the Father. I build my Kingdom upon your faith, firm as rock, and give
you all the keys of heaven. With God, heaven and earth are one, and
everything you do on earth is also done in heaven."
That is what happened on one of the heights of Lebanon when Jesus
rested there with His disciples.
And then He went again to His native place, not to stay there, but to
see it once more. After days of hardships which they scarcely felt,
and of want which they never perceived, they came down into the fertile
plains, and the soft air was filled with scent of roses and of almond
blossoms. They found themselves once again in their native land, where
they were treated with such contempt that they had to avoid the high
roads and take the side paths. When they were passing through a ravine
near Nazareth, they stopped under the scanty shade of some olive trees.
They were tired, and lay down under the trees. Jesus went on a little
farther, where He could obtain a view of the place. He sat down on a
stone, leaned His head on His hand, and looked thoughtfully out over
the country. Something strange and hostile seemed to pervade it. But
He had not come in anger. Something else remained to be done. It was
clear to Him that He Himself must be the pledge of the truth of His
good tidings.
A woman came toiling over the stones. It was His mother. She had
heard how He had come down from the mountains with His disciples, and
thought she would go through the ravine. Now she stood before Him.
Her face, grown thin with grief, was in the shade, since to protect
herself from the sun she had thrown her long upper garment over her
head. A tress of her dark hair fell over one cheek; she pushed it back
with one finger, but it always fell down again. She looked shyly at
her son, who was resting on a stone. She hesitated to speak to Him.
She advanced a step nearer, and as if nothing had ever separated them,
said; "Your house is quite near, my child. Why rest here in such
discomfort?"
He looked at her calmly. Then he answered: "Woman, I would be alone."
She gently answered: "I am quite alone now in the house."
"Where are our relations?"
"They wished to fetch you home, and have been away for weeks in search
of you."
Jesus pointed with a motion of His hand to His sleeping disciples:
"They did not seek Me for weeks, they found Me the first day."
As if she wished to prevent Him complaining again that His kinsmen did
not understand Him, His mother said: "People have long been annoyed
that work was no longer done in our workshop, and so they go to a new
one which has been set up in our street."
"Where is Aaron, the apprentice?"
She replied: "It is not surprising that no one will stay if the
children of the house depart."
He spoke excitedly: "I tell you, woman, spare Me your reproaches and
domestic cares. I have something else to do."
Then she turned to the rocky wall to hide her sobs. After a while she
said softly: "How can you be so cruel to your mother! It's not for
myself I complain; you may well believe. All is over for me in this
world. But you! You bring misfortune on the whole family, and will
yourself destroy everything. By your departed father, by your unhappy
mother, I implore you to let the faith of your fathers alone. I know
you mean well, but others do not understand that, and nothing you do
will avail. Let people be happy in their own way. If formerly they
went to Abraham, they will continue to find their way to him without
your help. Don't interfere with the Rabbis; that never pays. Think of
John the Baptist! Every one is saying that they are lying in wait for
you. Oh, my beloved child, they will disgrace you, and kill you!" She
clutched the rock convulsively with her fingers, and could say no more
for bitter weeping.
Jesus turned His head to her, and looked at her. And when her whole
body shook with sobs, He rose and went to her. He took her head in
both His hands and drew it towards Him.
"Mother! mother!--mother!" His voice was dull and broken: "You think I
do not love you. I am sometimes obliged to be thus harsh, for
everything is against Me, even My own kith and kin. But I must fulfil
the will of the Heavenly Father. Dry your tears; see, I love you, more
than any human heart can understand. Because the mother suffers double
what the child suffers, so is your pain greater than that of Him who
must sacrifice Himself for many. Mother! Sit down on this stone so
that I may once again lay My head in your lap. It is My last rest."
So He laid His head on her knees, and she stroked His long hair
tenderly. She was so happy, in the midst of her grief, so absolutely
happy, that He should lie on her breast as He did when a child.
But He went on, speaking gently and softly; "I have preached to the
people in vain about faith in Me. I need not preach to you, for a
mother believes in her child. They will all testify against Me.
Mother, do not believe them. Believe your child. And when the hour
comes for Me to appear with outstretched arms, not on earth and not in
heaven, believe then in your child. Be sure then that your carpenter
has built the Kingdom of God. No, mother, do not weep; look up with
bright eyes. Your day will be everlasting. The poor, those forsaken
by every heaven, will pour out their woes to you, the blessed, the rich
in grace! All the races of the earth will _praise_ you!" He kissed
her hair, He kissed her eyes, and sobbed Himself. "And now go, mother.
My friends are waking. They must not see Me cast down."
He arose from this sweet rest. The disciples raised their heads one
after another.
"Did you get some rest, Master?" asked Simon.
He answered: "Better rest than you had."
A messenger who had been sent out returned with a basket, and they paid
him with a little gold ring, the last to be found on the fingers of the
wanderers. They ate, and rejoiced over God's beautiful world and its
gifts, and then prepared for further wanderings, Whither? Towards the
metropolis.
Mary stood behind the rocks and gazed after Him as long as He was
visible in the haze of the Galilean sun.