"You're upset."
"Maybe I am."
"I'm sorry, Al. I can't help myself. It's ... it's the way I am. I have
to be in pain or I can't enjoy it. I don't know why. But I need the
paddling. Otherwise it's no good for me." There was a pathetic quavery
note in her voice. I looked at her--twenty-two and already loused up
with some creepy kind of perversion--and I felt deep pity, and a bit of
disgust too.
"How long have you been this way?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. It was sort of an accident." She sprawled
out facing the wall. I saw the angry redness of her buttocks and felt
guilt for having contributed to her strange lust. In a low voice she
said, "I was eighteen the first time I slept with a boy. It was the
usual story--too much to drink, and a fellow with a fast line. Well,
at least it didn't hurt any. I didn't feel a thing. Not a thing. He
took my panties down and did it to me, and then when he was through
he zipped up his trousers and that was it. I was disappointed. I went
out with him a few more times and I let him do it again, and each time
it was the same thing. I didn't feel a thing. He told me I was just
nervous, that pretty soon I'd start enjoying it."
I puffed on my cigarette. I couldn't take my eyes off her reddened
buttocks.
She went on, "I guess I slept around a lot in the next couple of
years. Almost the same story. Frigid, that's what I was. And then I
met this guy. He was maybe thirty, and he had a lot of money, and he
took me to fancy places. He wanted to make love, and I figured it was
the least I could give him in return for all the money he was spending
on me. It didn't mean anything to me, you see, and if it made _him_
happy--well, we went to his place, and we got undressed, and we made
it. Nothing. Cold as a fish, like always. I broke down and spilled out
my whole long sad story. He listened to the whole thing and then all
of a sudden he slapped me, out of nowhere, right across my breasts. I
thought he was out of his mind. Then he turned me over his knee and
started spanking me. I kicked and screamed and tried to get loose, but
he held me tight, and then I felt something happening inside me. My
heart started racing and I felt hot all over and he took me in his arms
and we did it again and this time I felt it. So that's how it was. He
got through to me."
"And you're only satisfied when you get hurt?" I asked, fascinated and
appalled at the same time.
She nodded miserably. "Yes. He--stopped seeing me after a while. He
married someone else. I went with other fellows, and when I slept with
them nothing happened unless I could get them to smack me. Today--when
you hit me with the racquet--you came practically near blowing all my
fuses. I wanted you, Al. Right there on the tennis court. Only they
would have thrown us both out of here if we did anything like that."