_To_ CONSTANTIA.
While I acknowlege myself honored by your correspondence, and happy in
an opportunity of rendering you or your sex the least service, permit
me, in compliance with your request, which shall be to me a sacred law,
to offer my sentiments with a frankness, corresponding with that which
marks the relation of your misfortunes. For altho I feel the warmest
indignation at every species of deception, and particularly at that long
continued inexplicitness which is _deliberate deception_, and which is
the cause of your wretchedness, candor and truth require that censure
should fall where it is due.
If the slightest blame can fall on you, it is that you indulged the
visits of a gentleman for _eighteen months without an explicit and
honorable declaration of his intention_. A _delicate_, _affectionate_
and _respectful_ attention to a lady, for one quarter of that period, is
sufficient to make an impression on her mind, and decide her choice: At
the same time, it might not render an attachment on her part, so strong
as to make a separation very painful; it might not giv the world an
opinion that an engagement exists, or subject the lady to the necessity
of dismissing other suitors. It is therefore prudent at least for a lady
to conduct herself in such a manner as to bring her admirer to an
explicit declaration of his designs. A man of _real honor_ and principle
would not wait for a stratagem on the part of the lady, or for a frank
demand of an explanation of his conduct. A tolerable acquaintance with
the human heart would enable him to discover when a declaration would be
_agreeable_ to the lady, and after this discovery, he would not keep her
a moment in suspense. A man of generous feelings, who has a lively
attachment, looks with anxiety for some proof that his addresses are
agreeable, and that a declaration of his intentions will be well
received. No sooner does he find this proof, than he hastens to unbosom
himself to the dear object of his wishes, and communicate the happiness
he so ardently desires to receive. When therefore a man neglects such a
declaration, after he has had convincing proofs that his offers would be
well received, it may and should be taken for granted that his
intentions are not honorable, and the lady should treat him accordingly.
If therefore, my unhappy friend, you deserve the least degree of
censure, it is because you delayed too long to take measures for
undeceiving yourself. Yet this delay is a proof of your unsuspecting
confidence and sincere attachment; and faults, proceeding from such
amiable causes, are almost changed to virtues; in your sex, they entitle
the sufferer to forgivness and to love.
You inform me, Constantia, that the man who has injured you, professed
to _adhere to the rules of honor_. Never, Constantia, trust a man who
deals largely in that hackneyed virtue, _honor_. _Honor_, in the
fashionable sense of the word, is but another name for _villany_. The
_man of honor_ would not be guilty of the least impropriety in public
company; he would not for the world neglect the least punctilio of the
customary etiquette, but he would, without hesitation or remorse, blow
out the brains of a friend, for treading on his toe, or rob an amiable
woman of her reputation and happiness to gratify his vanity.
If a man talks too much of his _honor_, he is to be avoided, like the
midnight ruffian. He that really possesses a virtue never boasts of it,
for he does not suspect the world think him destitute of it. Numerous
professions are commonly mere substitutes for what is professed.
The man, who has given you so much uneasiness, never deserved the
confidence he won; he must be destitute of principle, of virtue, and of
attachment to you. His deliberate ill usage proves him to be callous to
every tender emotion, and to deserve your contempt. Will not a generous
pride and detestation expel the least sentiment of respect for him from
your breast? Can you not forget that you have been misled, and will not
your innocence buoy you above misfortunes? That you have refused good
offers, is to be regretted; but your friends, if they know the reason,
as they ought, will not pain you by disingenuous reflections. On the
other hand, they will assist you in finding objects to amuse you and
dissipate your own melancholy reflections. Smile away the anxiety that
shuts your heart against other impressions. Base as men are, there may
be some found who despise the character of him who has given even an
hour's pain; there may be one who knows _your_ worth, and may be
disposed to reward your _constancy_.
It is a mortifying reflection to an honest mind, that _bad_ hearts are
so often suffered to giv pain to the _good_; that the _trifling_ and the
_base_ of our sex are not constrained, by necessity, to associate only
with the _trifling_ and the _base_ of yours, and that the good, the
generous and the constant should be exposed to the abuses of the fickle
and designing. But such is the constitution of society, and for the
evils of it, we have no remedy, but cautious circumspection to prevent,
or patient fortitude to support the adverse events of our conditions.
No man can entertain a more cordial detestation of the smallest
disposition to annoy the peace of mind and disturb the tranquillity of
mankind, than myself; the design of existence here is to sooth the
evils, and multiply the felicities of each other, and he must be a
villain indeed, who can deliberately attempt to poison the sources of
pleasure, by crossing and disappointing the social passions.
To your sex, Constantia, permit me to giv a word of caution; never to
make any inquiries about a man's family, fortune or accomplishments,
till you know whether he is a man of _principle_. By _principle_, I
mean, a disposition of heart to conduct with strict propriety, both as a
moral being and as a member of civil society; that is, a disposition to
increase the happiness of all around him. If he appears to wish for his
own gratification, at the expense even of a servant's happiness, he is
an unsocial being, he is not a fit associate for men, much less for
amiable women. If he is a man of _principle_, then proceed to inquire
into his standing in life. _With_ principle he may make a woman happy in
almost any circumstances; _without_ it, _birth_, _fortune_ and
_education_ serve but to render his worthlessness the more conspicuous.
With sentiments of esteem, I am your obliged friend, and humble servant,