LOVE VERSUS DUTY
O loving hearts with anguish rent;
No sacrifice was e’er too great;
Deny thyself till life is spent,
Be purified through kindly fate.
The shadows deepened, and were fast chasing away the brightness which had
streamed down from above, in the luxurious court of the palace of
Gamaliel. The interview between the Rabban and his disciple was at an end,
and their long‐standing relation fully and finally severed. Neither
evinced any disposition to reconsider the decision, or question its
wisdom.
“O most worthy Rabban! I have had much honor, and thank thee for thy
manifold goodness in the days which are past. Though I go out from thy
presence, my respect will abide. Peace be with thee and thine!”
Serenus had arisen from his seat to take leave of his esteemed teacher and
master. The young man’s bearing, while calm and dignified, betokened a
warmth of affection which was deep and sincere. Strong ties were being
severed; but, in the nature of the case, there was no alternative. But the
perfect serenity and uncomplaining spirit shown by the young man at their
parting touched a tender chord in the heart of Gamaliel. His official
sternness melted away; and the warm, native gentleness of his nature burst
the barriers of his reserve.
“Stay for a little time, Serenus, I pray thee! I cannot let thee depart
without some farther assurance of my good‐will. Forgive me for the stern
decision which pertaineth to my office, for it grieveth me to make an end
to the acceptable service which thou hast rendered. My duty is heavy upon
my heart, for I have much affection for thee. I will not farther persuade
thee to forego thine earnest convictions, for I can but honor thy
consistency and unselfishness. To thee, duty demands sacrifice, and thou
dost cheerfully render it. Behold, thy friendship hath suffered no loss.”
“Thou dost honor me too much, O venerable Rabban! but I thank thee that,
even though I lay down my service in the Assembly of the Wise, I have thy
warm favor and esteem.”
Serenus again moved to take his departure, but the Rabban seemed unwilling
to let him go.
“Behold the hour is at hand for the evening repast! Stay thou and break
bread with us.”
Gamaliel led the way to the apartment where the simple evening meal was
served; and Serenus was greeted by Amabel and her mother, with whom he was
on friendly and familiar terms. Mutual esteem and previous visits had
inspired such confidence as might have been bestowed upon one of the
family. Serenus and Amabel were warm friends, but up to the present time
no word beyond the boundary of simple friendship had ever passed between
them.
After the meal was ended, Gamaliel withdrew briefly, being called to the
library by a scribe. As the evening was sultry, the others repaired to the
house‐top, where the Rabban would erelong rejoin them. But soon the mother
was also summoned away; and kind, or unkind, fate, through fortuitous
combination, left Serenus and Amabel by themselves. An easy seat,
sheltered by a light canopy, which was close by the parapet on the side
overlooking the city, invited their occupancy.
The sun long before had hid himself behind the Mount Ephraim Range in the
west; and darkness crept up from the valleys, and was fast blotting out
the tinting and burnishing that had softly rested upon battlements and
towers, and the neighboring slopes of Olivet. One by one the city lamps,
like fire‐flies, twinkled in the growing gloom, and the starry heaven
above solemnly marshalled its host, while the cheeks of the young pair
were fanned by the balmy evening breeze.
Amabel had great respect for the courage and sincerity of Serenus; but far
more than that, his image was deeply engraven upon her heart. But still,
after this long time, she felt unready to make the confession, even to
herself. As for Serenus, he long had lived among visions, and alternated
between hopes and fears. There had steadily gleamed in his soul love for
Amabel, and at times ecstasy beyond limit. Of her warm friendship he had
no doubt, but of more he was not sure. Who shall interpret human hearts to
each other?
But Serenus had long indulged the delightful dream which was constantly
before him. The beauty and purity of Amabel made her seem almost like a
divinity, worthy of any sacrifice and devotion, if not actual homage. But
now, knowing her devoted loyalty to her church and race, what hope could
remain for him? Deprived of his position by his own irrevocable choice,
and soon to be misunderstood and counted as disloyal to the interests of
the Chosen People, he had virtually dashed the cup of bliss from his own
lips. Was he not mad in his devotion to a principle, which would not only
cost place and reputation, but also wreck his long‐nourished hopes
regarding Amabel? Such were a few of the thoughts that rushed in a quick
procession through his mind, as he was thrown for a brief period into the
charmed presence. On her part there was an unwonted reserve. She seemed to
feel the approach of a crisis in her life. The deepening shadows veiled
her beautiful features, but the large lustrous eyes almost shone through
the blackness in soulful radiation.
“The darkness which from without falls upon us is a fitting symbol of that
which steals about my heart,” said Serenus.
“Why art thou so cast down, O Serenus?”
“I would fain answer thy question and open my soul to thee, fair one; but
a great trial is laid upon me.”
“Peradventure I might help thee to bear it.”
The gloom hid the expression of intense interest which played upon her
face as she had spoken. Serenus was also like a bow bent to the breaking‐
point.
“Sweet Amabel! long have I loved thee! From the time when at the Lyceum
thy speaking eyes thrilled me, thy charming soul hath been most dear. Thou
art the purest and fairest blossom of Israel in all the Holy City!”
Again the friendly shades of evening veiled the rich flush which mantled
the cheeks of the Jewish maiden. She was stirred to the depths of her
being, but waited to hear more. Serenus continued,—
“Thou wouldst inquire concerning the trial? Can anything pertaining to
love be a trial? I silence my beating heart to tell thee! Dear Amabel, do
not think me mad! _I accept as true the message of the prophet of
Nazareth, whom our own Chosen People counted as a blasphemer, and have
crucified!_ He was innocent, just, and holy! His life was pure, and his
love went out to all—even his persecutors. He lived the full divine
pattern for both Jew and Gentile. His kingdom is an unseen kingdom, and
cometh not with observation. He came not as an earthly conqueror, to throw
off the Roman yoke by force, but to show men how to unloose the heavier
yoke of spiritual bondage, carnality, and dead works. There is a light
which is in every man, but only the Man _Jesus_ hath perfected it in seen
demonstration and expression. Through the power of the Father, to which he
opened himself, he healed the sick, cleansed the leper, raised the fallen,
and saved the sinful, and proclaimed that all these works are possible to
all who are filled with the same spirit. He hath departed bodily; but the
fulness of life which he showed forth is ever in the world, waiting for
manifestation. The outer tumult of our lives may be so hushed that we can
hear the voice of Truth in the stillness within. True religion is
comprehended in oneness with the Father, and not in ceremonies and
ordinances.”
Serenus poured out these thoughts as though they had been burning within
him for utterance. After a moment’s pause he continued,—
“This is a new faith, howbeit it hath long had some growth within me. Yea,
before the advent of the Nazarene I felt somewhat of its spirit moving in
my heart. I have made all these things known to thy worthy father. My
reputation and honor among our people is gone, and my work in the Assembly
of the Wise ended! When these things that I have spoken unto thee reach
the ears of the scribes and elders, I shall be a reproach; yea,
persecution may be meted out to me.”
The soul of Amabel was wrung with agony as he continued,—
“Behold my trial! O fair daughter of Gamaliel, I am persuaded of thy
loving and pure loyalty to thy father, thy religion, and thy people! I
know my burden, and must bear it, even though it crush me! I go out from
thy father’s house, and will see thee no more.”
“O Serenus, I know well thy noble spirit! Must these things be?”
Serenus sat with bowed head, and made no answer.
Amabel was a loving and dutiful daughter of a tender father. But with all
his kindness, she well knew his firmness, and had no thought of putting it
to the test, or raising any question. Her whole training and life had been
devoted and consecrated to the religion of her people. While not bigoted
or exclusive, she was thoroughly sincere in every service. She also fully
divined both the firmness and sincerity of Serenus. She knew that his
impassioned utterances about the new religion welled up from the depths of
his soul, and saw how dearly they cost him. A great rock had suddenly been
rolled across her pathway, and there was no way around it. Silently
holding herself, and shrouded by the prevailing obscurity, the great hot
tears fell thick and fast.
Fate’s shuttle weaves the web of life with pain;
But in the struggle, see that thou art brave:
When finished, loss may e’en be turned to gain,
And love, perchance, enriched with all it gave.
The moments flew swiftly by. Amabel must be loyal, and she would be brave.
She must hide her love, even because of it. If Serenus knew of it, would
it not double the bitterness of his own cup? Can love suppress itself in
behalf of its own object? Yea, it will suffer all things.
“O Serenus! think no more of me! Thou art a noble spirit, but pray let thy
dreams of our future come to an end. There is a great gulf between us,
which love, even if it possessed me, could not span. It will be for thy
peace if our paths come no more together.”
There was another silence of several moments, during which the heart‐
throbs of each were almost audible, but no other word could be added. The
very palace beneath them was no more immovable than the fate which destiny
decreed, both by and for them.
Serenus found the great question echoing through the recesses of his
heart, as to the real feeling of Amabel toward him; but there was no
solution, and he even recognized that it were better so. What mattered it,
so long as the gulf that yawned between them was impassable!
The silence was soon broken by the return of the Rabban, who resumed the
conversation that had been interrupted. But he little dreamed what a
tension was upon the two young souls.
Serenus soon took his leave, passed out of the palace, and started down
the northerly descent of Mount Zion in the direction of his quiet home,
which was some distance to the north‐west, beyond Hezekiah’s Pool. But
before he had come to the end of the sloping palace gardens, he saw some
deserted seats among the scattered shrubbery upon one of the terraces, and
attracted by the balminess of the evening, sat down. The opportunity for
silent meditation and composure after the trying ordeal through which he
had passed was very welcome. He would take his bearings anew, and sound
the subtle recesses of his sorrows and experiences, and confirm and re‐
interpret his hopes and aspirations. At length he looked up into the
starry canopy above, and entered into communion with the Universal, and
his fevered pulse grew calm. He relaxed the soul‐tension which had been
upon him, and consciously opened his being to the eternal and all‐
prevailing Love and Goodness, and peace, like a river, flowed in. He was
conscious of an universal reconciliation with all things, past, present,
and future. The unbounded benediction which overwhelmed him submerged all
that had been local, temporary, and disquieting. His soul expanded, and he
was conscious of an at‐one‐ment with the whole order of Nature. It was all
in, of, and for him. What, after all, was the sweetness of the purest and
most beautiful personal affection but a rudimentary lesson, a detached
gleam, from the wide radiance of the unbounded sunlight! His love for
Amabel was like a little purling rill, finding its way to the ocean, not
to be destroyed, but enfolded in an infinitely Greater. It must become
multiplied, until Amabel is in all people, Jew and Gentile, Greek and
barbarian. If her form be no more beheld, she shall be an universal
interpreter. She is everywhere, even though unseen. Pierce through the
rough outer coverings of all souls, and the divine germ of Love is there,
only waiting for the light and moisture of consciousness so that it may
swell and spring forth. Amabel is in the whispering of the breeze, the
glow of the sunlight, the shimmer of the wave, the sighing of the forest,
and the patter of the rain‐drop. Divine Love at first can be interpreted
only through its personified sample, which kindles the beginning of a
flame in the human soul.
Serenus lingered long enough to make the world over for himself through
the choice of an ideal standpoint. He had learned the secret of spiritual
alchemy, so that the Universal was mirrored within him. His spirit
enlarged to make room for a mighty influx of love, peace, and power which
were borne in upon him. With soul calmed and filled with spiritual might
he arose, and with light heart and elastic step started toward his
destination. Passing through a long, narrow street just to the north of
the tall cenotaph of Mariamne, and leaving the square of the Sheepmarket a
little to the east, he continued towards home. It was midnight, and the
streets and lanes were lonely and nearly deserted. But as he came near a
small secluded open court by the side of a wine‐shop, he heard a confusion
of voices. He hurried his pace, and coming nearer discerned a prostrate
form surrounded by four or five turbulent fellows, who were searching the
garments of their victim for valuables. He sprang into their midst; and
the onslaught was so sudden that the men, thinking that one of the Roman
guard was at hand, scattered and ran in different directions. They already
had secured all the booty they could find, and had no disposition to
return.
Serenus gently moved the body to a more secure spot not far away, and
removing his own tunic, folded it, and placed it under the head of the
wounded man. Espying a legionary guard in the distance, who carried a
torch, he called to him, and reported the robbery. They carefully examined
the man, but found no wound. He was a Jew of small stature, delicate and
deathly pale, and, except a hurried gasping for breath, entirely
motionless. Everything indicated that he had fainted in the street, and
that the young barbarians, finding him in that helpless condition, had
taken occasion to rob him. His eyes were closed, but soon there was a
little more evidence of animation. At length he began to mutter
incoherently, as if dreaming. Serenus loosened his neck‐cloth, chafed his
limbs, and stroked back his dishevelled locks, and behold, the face had a
familiar look. The muttering continued, and became more audible.
“O Cassia! _Cassia!_ O CASSIA! Oh! Oh!”
Serenus knew nothing of “Cassia;” but a quick vision of the past flashed
before him, and he beheld a face to which the colorless features bore a
striking resemblance.
“Saulus! Yea, it is Saulus! My old comrade of the Assembly and the
Lyceum!”
It was known to Serenus that Saulus had lodged aforetime at the inn of the
Sheepmarket; and as it was not far away, he and the legionary tenderly
bore him thither. They knocked at the outer portal; but as it was far into
the night, all were sleeping. But continuing, Almon at length made his
appearance, and after explanation admitted them. Saulus had become more
quiet, but was still unconscious. When he had been carefully placed upon a
soft couch, the Roman departed.
“O my dear friend Saulus!” said Almon sorrowfully; “thou hast nearly
perished! O Saulus! Saulus!”
He started to arouse his wife and Cassia; but Serenus advised that they be
not disturbed, but that he himself be permitted to minister to the
unconscious Saulus for a little time before taking his departure.
There was something so reassuring and commanding in the mien of Serenus
that the innkeeper consented without a question.
“With the rising of the sun, behold thou shalt see him entirely whole!”
exclaimed Serenus.
Almon was then beckoned to stillness; and he seated himself at a little
distance, and looked on with astonishment. Serenus gently took the hands
of Saulus in his own, and seating himself, rested his calm gaze upon the
pale face before him.
The room was filled with a mysterious stillness, and there was a feeling
as of a _Presence_. To Almon there seemed to be an added surrounding
brightness, and he was filled with a holy awe which he could not
understand. Then he thought he heard the stranger whisper a benediction.
Soon Saulus wearily opened his eyes and looked about him, but failed to
recognize his surroundings. There was another profound silence, and
another benediction in soft but now audible tones.
Then the sick man gaped twice, turned upon his side, and sank into a
sweet, natural slumber. Soon his deep, regular breathing indicated sound
and refreshing sleep. Almon marvelled. Serenus arose to take his
departure, only saying,—
“He is well.”
“What a wonderful work! Who art thou, kind stranger?”
He only replied, “A friend of Saulus,” and softly passing through the
portal went out into the darkness.