"I won't."
"You've got to be a man. Come along."
He had touched the right note. Downstairs marched the Atom and into the
dining room. Not pale was she now. Two vivid spots of colour glowed in
her cheeks; her eyes shone. She sat her down on a chair and began:--
"I wished to go out all by my alone, so I put on my things and I creeped
down the stairs and out of the door--"
"Most wrong! Most naughty!" interpolated Miss Kezia, but the Atom went
on unheeding.
"Sure I'll not be tellin' you anythin' I don't wish to, so it's no use
askin' undesirable questions about--" a halt, a momentary quaver, "about
things. This London is just houses and houses and houses and streets
like--" pause for an insulting metaphor, "like twin maggots! And I got
lost." She stopped abruptly.
"It is very naughty and selfish to cause so much trouble to others while
you enjoy yourself roaming the streets!" said Miss Kezia.
A curious expression came into the Atom's small face--a bitter little
expression that made it look oddly old for a moment.
"Go on, asthore," Nell put in. "What did you do when you were lost?"
"I walked and walked. I wouldn't ask a policeman the way, because
Sarah's young man says they're a bad lot and you can't trust them. And
then," her face kindled, "I came upon a cab-stand, and there was one
poor horse with his nose-bag slipped down,--the strap had come loose,
and he couldn't get his poor nose in at all,--and I ran across and I
kissed his nose--it had a white flame--he was a bay with a hog mane--and
I tried to get his bag up, but, oh, 'tis heavy they are! I tried and
tried, and I gave him a handful of oats to go on with, and then Willie
Riley came along--" She broke off. "Oh, Nell," she said, in a
breathless little aside, "all day long I'd been hearing all these
hidjous London people's voices, all shoutin'--and Willie Riley came
along, and oh, he called out, 'Sure and what's wrong at all?' Oh, but
'twas grand! All day I hadn't heard it. 'Sure and what's wrong at
all?' just like that."
"The horse might have bitten you. It was a most foolish and foolhardy
thing to do," reprimanded Miss Kezia.
Sheila Pat stared at her in a funny little considering way, then
pursued:--
"He soon put it right, and then we had a talk. Nell, he comes from
Cork! And he was tellin' me all about his home--"
"Get on with what _you_ did!" put in Miss Kezia.
"I'm tellin' you," obstinately, "I talked with him. And then he drove
me here." With a sudden abrupt movement she slipped from the chair.
"I'll go to bed now."
There were great dark rings round her eyes; Nell saw her shiver.
"Come on, then, Atom," Denis picked her up again. "I'll carry you up."
The small arms went with sudden desperate clinging round his neck;
Sheila Pat pressed her cheek hard into his.
"She must be punished," said Miss Kezia. "She has been wandering about
alone for more than three hours."
"We'll see about that to-morrow," Denis said.
Nell went towards the kitchen.
"Where are you going, Eileen?"
"To make her some hot bread and milk."
"It is perfectly absurd the way you none seem to think she should be
punished--"
"I shall make her promise never to go out alone again."
"She shared that cabman's tea," grimly; "that is sufficient. I will not
have her coddled and fussed over as if she has done something clever."
"She must have the bread and milk. She is tired and shivering." Nell's
eyes looked dark, her head was back. For a moment Miss Kezia hesitated
whether she should enforce her words. She glanced keenly at Nell's
face.
"If it is to stave off a cold, I will say no more," she said, and turned
away.
When Nell took the bread and milk up, she found Sheila Pat on Denis's
knee, flushed, heavy-eyed, half asleep.
"I don't want it, Nell! Make her take it away, Denis!" Her tone was
peevish.
"Not I. I want you to eat it. Come, try, old girl."
But the Atom turned her head away, and buried it deeper in his chest.
"I don't want it! I don't want it!"
"But you've got to try and eat it, Sheila Pat! Come, don't be a baby."
She sat up listlessly.
"I'll feed you. We'll pretend you are a baby, shall we?"
Halfway through it her heavy lids drooped, her weary little head fell
back against his shoulder. Nell took the basin away.
"I'll get her to bed as quickly as I can," she whispered.
"Molly, run and fetch her nightie--to warm."
But the Atom clung wearily to Denis.
"I don't want to go to bed. Denis, need I go to bed?"
"Must, old lady."
"May I go in my clothes, then? I don't want to get undressed."
"You'll be so much more cosey, dear," coaxed Nell. "It won't take a
minute."
Denis put her down. She stood gazing into the fire, her sleepy eyes
closing now and then.
"Oh, Nell--why does a person have such a lot of clothes?" as her arms
were dragged out of various garments.
"Oh--leave my chimmy on--"
"Need I have my stockin's off?"
In her blue flannel nightgown she knelt in front of a chair and said her
prayers. She roused over them.
"I've got a new bit to-night," she said, and gave a curious little
shudder. "I'm goin' to pray it to Jesus as well as God."
When she had finished Nell carried her into their bedroom, wrapped in a
warmed blanket.
"Good night, Nell." Sheila Pat's arms clung tight.
Three times Nell peeped in that evening, and found her tossing
restlessly, wide-eyed.
When she came to bed, Sheila Pat was still awake. She sat up.
"Nell, I've been very inceitful!"
"You're going to tell me why you went out?"
"Yes."
Nell sat down on the bed and took her, blankets and all, into her lap.
"Now, sweetheart."
But the Atom was silent. She wriggled restlessly.
"I feel--oh, someone's playin' tunes in my head, Nell! I--won't I ever
be sleepy again? My legs hurt, Nell. Is it all those steps?"
"What steps, dear?"
"The monnyment. Are you _very_ s'prised? I went up the
monnyment--to--Nell, do you think I've got a cold comin'? My nose feels
funny."
"I'm afraid you have. Go on, pet."
"The boy told me--I asked him--he had blue eyes and red cheeks and--and
I thought he might be nice like an Irish boy, and--and--I--I felt," with
sudden passion, "I would just _die_ if I didn't see it--just one tiny
bit! And he said I could--from the top of the monnyment--he said, 'Oh,
yes, you can see Ireland right enough from there, you can see all the
world,' but--I--couldn't--"
Nell's arms tightened about her.
"He was a wicked boy! He told a lie. I mustn't say 'lie,' but I will.
I could only see--dirty--smoke--and houses--"
"How did you find your way there?"
"I don't know. It was very differcult, and I kept goin' wrong, but I
asked people. And one woman gave me an apple off her barrow. It was
very kind of her. But there was only smoke and houses--"
A sudden convulsive sob shook her from head to foot.
"I--I _ran_ up a lot of the steps--" her fingers dug into Nell's
arm--"and it was three pennies--and the man told me there are three
hundred and forty-five steps--it was a long way--and," a little
terrified shudder shook her, "there's a nasty cage--he said it's because
people used to throw theirselves over to--because they wanted to kill
theirselves, Nell! I--I didn't know people ever wanted to kill
theirselves, did you?"
The shrinking terror in her eyes hurt Nell horribly.
"Don't, Atom--don't! Dear, it's only poor people who--who are mad--who
don't know what they are doing. If they knew, they wouldn't do it."
The terror lightened a little. She lay quiet a little while in Nell's
arms.
Nell hoped she was falling asleep, but presently the whole small form
was shaken by another desperate sob.
"It was only smoke---and houses--" came a desolate little murmur of
utter weariness.
"Try to go to sleep, darling--do try."
"I'm not cryin', Nell! Only--I--you see shiverin' and a cold is rather
like cryin', isn't it?"
"Very much, but you'll be better to-morrow. You must get better
quickly, because suppose our first letters from Australia were to come
with you sick! And they may come any day now, sweet. And there mustn't
be anyone sick here! Because how can we celebrate the occasion properly
then? If the letters say that mother is quite, _quite_ strong
again--and they will, darling, I know they will!--well, what shall we do
then?"
She talked on softly, gently, and after a while the Atom slept. Nell
sat for some time with her on her lap, frightened to move lest she wake
her, but at last she laid her gently in her bed, and the Atom still
slept on.
But the next morning Nell was wakened suddenly at six o'clock. She sat
up. The Atom was striving to pour some water from the bottle to the
glass, and it was the two clinking together that had waked Nell. The
bottle shook in the Atom's hands; Nell saw that she was shaking all
over.
She slipped to the floor.
"Go back to bed, asthore, I'll give you some water."
"I--I'm so th-thirsty, Nell, and I c-can't keep still--I'm r-rather like
Mrs. J-Jelly!" with a shivery little smile.
"You're frozen. Now, drink it quickly, and let me tuck you in again."
"I'd sooner get up, Nell."
"Not yet, Sheila Pat."
"My bed's so c-cold, Nell. I don't like my bed."
"Come into mine, dear."
She snuggled into Nell, shivering and shaking.
"Will I make you very cold?"
"Oh, no, asthore. Now go to sleep."
After a while Nell dozed. She woke suddenly to find Sheila Pat lying
beside her with all the bedclothes off.
"I'm so hot, Nell! I just burn--I b'lieve I'll scorch soon."
"You've caught a bad cold, Sheila Pat. You'll have to stay in bed."
"I won't! I want to go out and get cool. I'll go and have my cold bath
now."
But very soon she was shivering again.
Miss Kezia sent for Dr. Everton. Sheila Pat was pronounced an invalid,
the fire was lit, and the restless little Atom condemned to bed.
Dr. Everton looked grave; he murmured the dread words--rheumatic
fever--but hoped it might be merely a heavy, influenza cold. He told
them to be very careful.
It seemed a long, long day. Sheila Pat, realising she was to be an
invalid, used all her sturdy powers to be a brave one. She was very hot
and feverish; her poor little head ached, and she ached all over her
body.
"Nell," she said once, "I can't be very little, after all, because
there's such a heap of room for the aches! I feel most as big as the
giant Mahon MacMahon. Nell, I wonder if he ever caught cold?"
But there was something that worried the Atom and tormented her far more
than the worst of the aches did, and that was a bewildering,
disconcerting longing to cry that had assailed her. Over and over again
the tears got as far as her eyes, and had to be hidden away in the
pillow. Once one ran down her cheek, and they caught her breath in her
throat and made it ache with a worse ache than that in her legs. She
lay tossing and turning, her brilliant eyes full of a desperation that
hurt the others to see. Every other minute she was sitting up, her
pig-tail sticking out, breathing hard.
"Mayn't I get up, just for a _minute_? May I just put my legs over the
edge, then? Nell, I--I'm just tired of bein' in bed!" The poor little
voice shook despairingly.
"Atom, _darling_!"
"I will be good, Nell." Down she lay again. "Am I a very tiresome
invalid?"
"You're a jewel, sweetheart, only you must try to lie quiet."
"Yes, Nell."
Pause.
"When will Denis come, Nell?"
"Directly he gets home from the bank."
"Will it be _very_ long now?"
"No, dear, not very."
"How long, Nell?"
"An hour and a half," unwillingly.
Sheila Pat hid weak tears in the pillow.
"Nell."
"Yes, asthore?"
"P'raps those people who throwed theirselves off the monnyment thought
they could _fly_. Do you think they did, Nell?"
"Very likely. Try not to think about them, Atom."
"I--I can't help it, Nell. Do you think God would make the ground soft
so's it wouldn't hurt _very_ much?"
"Yes, dear."
"Up again?"
"I--I'm 'fraid I'll burn all up, Nell!"
She took the hot little hands into hers. Sheila Pat rested her head
wearily against her arm.
"Is Denis comin' now, Nell?"
"In an hour, now, sweetheart."
"I'm so thirsty, Nell."
Nell fetched the toast water.
"I don't want that! I want real water. Mayn't I have just _one_
drink?"
"Try this, dear. You mustn't have any more plain water."
She drank a little.
"Have you ever been up three hundred and forty-five steps, Nell? It
does make your legs ache, but I wouldn't have minded that--if-- There
was only smoke and houses, Nell--"
She dropped back on to her pillow and buried her head in it.
"Some day you'll see it,"--Nell's voice shook a little--"see the
greenness of it--the--"
"I shouldn't wonder if I'm dead before then," the Atom told her pillow
with heartsick pessimism.
"Oh, Sheila Pat! That's not like you. You've had colds before, and
been so brave!"
"They were different colds." The pillow was dented deep as she burrowed
her head feverishly in her puzzlement. "I feel quite diffrent. I think
I've got a cold _inside_ as well as _outside_ this time, Nell."
Nell looked at the dark little head in the pillow, and her eyes filled
with tears.
Sheila Pat started kicking.
"My legs ache so, Nell! I can't keep them still."
"Let me rub them."
"Where's Molly?"
"I sent her away to keep you quiet. Do you want her?"
She shook her head.
"Isn't Denis comin' yet?"
"Very soon now, dear. Does rubbing make them a little better?"
"Yes, thank you, but I--I'm so hot, Nell! I feel as if it's never
rained for years and years! Please may I have my Pearl?"
Nell fetched him. He squeaked angrily and protestingly.
"I don't want him, thank you. S'pose I gave him my cold? Will you put
him back in his cage, please?"
Nell took him away, came back, and tucked her in afresh.
"Now try to sleep, sweetheart."
"I don't b'lieve I'll ever go to sleep again. I feel most as if they've
burnt eye-holes all round my head."
She heard him coming. She knelt upon the bed quivering and shaking with
sick eagerness.
"Well, poor little invalid!" His big arms went round her. "Wasn't it a
little goose to go and catch cold? And the people worrying over you!
Pennington sent his compliments, and Lancaster his love. Has she been a
good Atom, Nell?"
"I--I'm very worryin'. I'm not very brave," she confided to his
shoulder.
"Yes, she is, but she can't go to sleep."
"Denis, might I get up--just for one minute?"
"On to my knee. Come along. Plenty of blankets."
"I do b'lieve I'll scorch you." Eagerly she snuggled into his arms.
"When I smell burning, I'll put you back into your bed. Head ache, old
girl?"
"Yes. I s'pose it couldn't grow any bigger in one could it? It _feels_
so big and heavy."
"That's because it's full of all the sleep you ought to have had."