A Persian proverb tells us: "A stone that is fit for the wall is not
left in the way." Strong artistic aspirations will plough through arid
sands, leap across bottomless chasms, toil over bristling obstacles,
climb bald, freezing crags to reach that shining plateau, where "beauty
pitches her tents", and the Ideal beckons. Favorable environment is the
steaming atmosphere that fosters, forces and develops germs which might
not survive the struggle against adverse influences, in uncongenial
habitat; but nature moulds some types that attain perfection through
perpetual elementary warfare which hardens the fibre, and strengthens
the hold; as in those invincible algx towering in the stormy straits of
Tierra del Fuego, swept from Antartic homes toward the
equator,--defying the fierce flail of surf that pulverizes rock, "Breed
is stronger than pasture; and no matter how savage a stepmother the
circumstances of life may prove, the inherited psychological strain
will sometimes dominate, and triumph." According to the Talmud: "A
myrtle, even in a desert, remains a myrtle".
From her tenth year, Beryl had begun to build her castle in the Spain
of Art; daubed its walls with wonderful frescoes, filled its echoing
corridors with heroic men and lovely women of the classic ages; and
through its mullioned windows looked into an enchanted land, clothed
with that witching "light that never was on sea or land". When all else
on earth was sombre and dun-hued, sunlight and moonlight still gilded
those magical towers. In darkest nights, through hissing rain and
hurtling hail, she caught the glitter of its starry vanes smiling
through murkiness, and above the wail and sob of the storms that had
swept over the waste places of her youth, she heard the divine melodies
which the immortal harper, Hope, played always in the marvellous palace
of the Muses.
In early girlhood she had followed her father into the solemn mysteries
of Greek Tragedy; and in that vast white temple dedicated to the
inexorable Fates, where predestined victims moved like marble images to
their immolation, her own plastic nature had been moulded in unison
with the classic cult. Among the throng of Attic types, an immortal
statue of filial devotion and sisterly love had attracted her
irresistibly, and to Antigone she rendered the homage of a boundless
admiration, an unwavering fealty.
Intellectually, humanity cleaves to idolatry; and each of us worships
in the Pantheon, where our favorite divinities in literature crowd the
niches. To become a skilful artist, and paint the portrait of Antigone,
vas the ambition that had shaped and colored Beryl's young dreams, long
ere she suspected that a mournful parallelism in fate would consign her
to a living tomb more intolerable than that devised by Theban Creon.
Our grandest pictures, statues, poems, are not the canvas, the marble,
the bronze, and the gilded vellum, that the world handles, criticises,
weighs, buys and sells, accepts with praise, or rejects with anathema.
Invisible and inviolate, imagination, keeps our best, our ideals,
locked in the cerebrum cells of "gray matter", which we are pleased to
call our workshop.
What art gallery, what library can rival the sublime and beautiful
images that crowd the creased and folded labyrinth of the human brain;
as far beyond the ken and analysis of the biologist's microscope, as
some remote nebulae shining in blue gulfs of interstellar space, that
no telescopic Jense can ever discover, even as a faint blur of silvery
mist upon the black velvet vault that suns and planets spangle?
In some degree, Beryl's artistic dream had been realized; and the study
of years slowly flowered into a large painting, which represented
Antigone standing beside the heap of dust, strewn reverently to
sepulchre the form dimly outlined at her feet. The sullen red sunset of
a tempestuous day flared from the horizon, across a desolate plain;
showed the city walls in the background, the hungry vultures poised
high above the dead, the marauding dogs crouched in the wind-swept
sand, watching their banquet, decreed by the king. The dust had been
scattered from a black vase that bore on its front, in a circular
medallion, the lurid head of grinning Hecate; and the last rite to
appease the unquiet manes was performed by the uplifted right arm that
poured libations from a burnished brass urn, held aloft over the pall
of earth that denned the figure beneath. The left hand was stretched,
not heavenward, but shieldingly over the mound, and in the beautiful,
stern face bent a little downward in invocation of the infernal gods,
one read sublime self-surrender, grief for Oedipus, regret for Hasmon,
farewell to life,--mingled with exultant consciousness that a
successful sacrifice had been accomplished for Polynices, and that the
spirit of the brother rested in peace.
The soul of the artist seemed to look triumphantly through the solemn,
purplish blue eyes of the young martyr, and Beryl knew that her own
heart beat under the pamted folds of the diploidion; that she had
epitomized in a symbolic picture, the history of her own joyless youth.
The canvas had been framed and hung at the art exhibition of the new
"Museum", opened in September; and only the "U" traced in one corner
beneath an anchor, indicated that it was the work of the Umilta
Sisters' "Anchorage".
The public peered, puzzled, shook its sapient head, shrugged its
authoritative shoulders, and sundry criticisms crept into the journals;
but the prophet was judged in "his own country"; and home work,
according to universal canons, rarely finds favor among home awarding
committees, whose dulness its uncomprehended excellence affronts.
One censured vehemently the masonry of the city wall; another deplored
pathetically the "defective foreshortening of a dog's shoulders"; the
picture "lacked depth of tone"; the "coloring was too bizarre", the
"tints too neutral".
Like chemicals tested in a laboratory, or like Pharaoh's lean kine,
each objection devoured the preceding one; and unanimity of blame
assaulted only one salient point on the entire canvas: the red sandals
of the Greek girl--upon which outraged good taste fell with pitiless
fury.
Undismayed, Beryl withdrew her picture, erased the ciphers in the
corner, and shipped it to New York to Doctor Grantlin, who had recently
returned from Europe; requesting him to place it at a picture dealer's
on Broadway, and to withhold the name of its birth-place.
Two weeks later, a popular journal published an elaborate description
of "A painting supposed to have been obtained abroad by a New York
collector, who merited congratulation upon possession of a masterpiece,
which recalled the marvellous technique of Gerome, the atmosphere of
Jules Breton, the rich, mellow coloring, and especially the scrupulous
fidelity of archaic detail, which characterized Alma Tadema; and was
conspicuously manifest in the red shoes so distinctively typical of
Theban women".
Mr. Kendall caused this article to be copied into the leading newspaper
of his own city; and the first mail, thereafter, carried to New York an
offer of eight hundred dollars for the painting, from the President of
the "Museum" Directors, who had been so shocked by the unknown
significance of the "red shoes". After a few days, it was generally
known, but mentioned with bated breath, that the "Antigone" had been
bought by a wealthy Philadelphian, who paid for it two thousand
dollars, and hung it in his gallery, where Fortunys, Madrazos, and
Diazs ornamented the walls.
Why should journeying abroad to render "Caesar's things" to foreign
Caesars, demand such total bankruptcy that we must needs repudiate the
just debts of home creditors, whose chimneys smoke just beyond the
fence that divides us? De mortuis nil nisi bonum is a traditional and
sacred duty to departed workers; but does it exhaust human charity, or
require contemptuous crusade against equally honest, living toilers?
Are antiquity and foreign birthplace imperatively essential factors in
the award of praise for even faithful and noble work? We lament the
caustic moroseness of embittered Schopenhauer, brooding savagely over
his failure to secure contemporaneous recognition; yet after all, did
he malign his race, or his age, when, in answer to the inquiry where he
desired to be buried, he scornfully exclaimed: "No matter where;
posterity will find me."
It was on the 26th of October, a week subsequent to the receipt of the
letter which contained the check sent in payment for the picture, that
Beryl sat down on the stone sill of her oriel window, to rest in the
seclusion of her room, after the labors of the day.
It was the anniversary of her ill-starred visit to X----, and
melancholy memories had greeted her at dawn, clung to her skirts,
chanted their dismal refrain, and renewed the pain which time had in
some degree dulled. Four years ago she had felt her mother's feverish
lips on hers, in a parting kiss, and four years ago to-day the sun of
her girlhood had passed suddenly into total eclipse. Since then, moving
in a semi-twilight, suffering had prematurely aged her, and she had
schooled herself to expect no star, save that of duty, to burn along
her lonely path. To-day, she thought of the pride her picture would
have aroused in her devoted father; of the comforts the money would
have purchased for her invalid mother; of the pleasure, success as an
artist would have brought to her own ambitious soul, if only it had not
come so many years too late. What crown could fame bring to one,
dwelling always in the chill shadow of a terrible shame? The glory of
noble renown could never gild a name that had answered at the convicts'
roll call; a name which, at any moment, Bertie's arrest might drag back
to the disgrace of established felony.
Of all mocking fiends, the arch torturer is that hand which draws aside
the black curtain of grim actuality, and shows us the wonderful realm
of "might have been", where lost hopes blossom eternally, and the
witchery of hallowed illusions is never dispelled.
Wearily Beryl closed her eyes, as though the white lids availed to shut
out visions, tantalizing as the dream of bubbling springs, and
palm-fringed isles of dewy verdure, to the delirious traveller dying of
thirst, in the furnace blasts of mid-desert.
If she had defied her mother's wishes, and refused to go to X--? How
different the world would seem to her; but, what was a world worth,
that had never known Mr. Dunbar?
Over burning ploughshares she had walked to meet one destined to stir
to its depths the slumbering sea of her tenderest love; and to forego
the pain, would she relinquish the recompense?
During the months that elapsed after Leo's visit to the "Anchorage",
Beryl had surrendered her heart to the great happiness of dwelling,
unrebuked by conscience, upon the precious assurance that the love of
the man whom she had so persistently defied and shunned, was
irrevocably hers. The sharpest pain that can horrow womanhood, springs
from the contemplation of the superior right of another to the object
of her affection; and though honor coerces submission to the just
claims of a rival, renunciation of the beloved entails pangs that no
anaesthetic has power to quiet.
After the long struggle to aid Miss Gordon's accepted lover in keeping
his vows of loyalty, the discovery of his freedom, and the belief that
Bishop Douglass had supplanted him in the affection of her generous
benefactress, had brought to Beryl an exquisite release; sweet as the
spicy breath of the tropics wafted suddenly to some stranded, frozen
Arctic voyager. Heroic and patient, keeping her numb face steadfastly
turned to the pole star of duty, where the compass of conscience
pointed--was the floe ice on which she had been wrecked, drifting
slowly, imperceptibly, yet surely down to the purple warmth of the Gulf
Stream, dotted with swelling sails of rescue? Like oceanic streams
meeting, running side by side, freighted with cold for the equatorial
caldrons, with heat for the poles, are not the divinely appointed
currents of mercy and of affliction, God's agents of compensation, to
equalize the destinies of humanity?
We rail at Fate as triple monsters; but sometimes it happens, that the
veil of inscrutability floats aside, for an instant, and we catch a
glimpse of the radiant smile of an infinite love.
Hope had set in Beryl's sky, but a tender afterglow held off the coming
night, when she thought of the face that had bent so yearningly above
her, of the passionate voice and the thrilling touch that were now her
most precious memories. The pearl which Miss Gordon had cast away as
worthless, the discarded convict might surely, without sin, claim as
her own for ever. To-day an intense longing to see him once more, to
hear from his lips praise of her "Antigone", disturbed the tranquillity
that was spreading its robes of minever over a stony path; but she put
aside the temptation.
To the Sisterhood of the "Anchorage" she had given one-half the
proceeds of the picture sale; and the remainder would enable her at
last to renew the search for her unhappy brother. So vague were the
topographical lines furnished by the English tourist, that prosecuting
her quest in the remote wilderness of mountains, which wore their crown
of snow, seemed a reckless waste of hope, time and money; nevertheless,
she must make the attempt. She knew that a gigantic railway system was
crawling like an anaconda under rocky ranges, over foaming rivers,
stretching its sinuous steel trail from Bay of Chaleur to Georgia Gulf;
with termini that saw the sun rise from the Atlantic Ocean, and watched
its setting in the red glory of the far Pacific; and perhaps steam
shovels, and iron tight-ropes might furnish her facilities on her long
journey.
Winter would soon overtake her, and in the inhospitable region where
her brother had been surprised at his prayers, how could a lonely woman
travel without protection? Doubt, apprehension flitted as ill-boding
birds of night, flapping dusky wings to hide the signal beacon, which
love and duty swung to and fro; yet the yearning to see her brother's
face again, dwarfed all barriers, and she trusted God's guidance.
On a chair near her, lay, on this afternoon, a map which for many days
she had been studying; and opening it once more, she ran a finger along
the dotted lines, mentally debating whether it would be best to go by
rail to Ottawa, by water to Sault St. Marie, whence the new railway
could be easily reached, or whether the most direct route would be via
St. Paul to Winnepeg. When she left the "Anchorage", her destination
must remain a secret; hence she could ask no counsel. In view of
approaching cold weather, economy of time seemed imperative; and she
resolved to buy a railway ticket to Fargo, where she could elude
suspicion, should the threatened invisible detective "shadow" her; and
whence another Pacific highway offered egress to western wilds. With
this definite conclusion she closed the map, and a moment later, some
one knocked at her door.
"Come in."
She went forward, and met Sister Katrina, a robust dame of forty years,
blond as Gerda; with the "light of the glowworm's tails" in her
golden-lashed violet eyes, and the "ruby spots of the cowslip's leaves"
on her full, frank lips.
"Will you sit a while with me? There is still a half hour, before your
evening work begins in the carving shop. Come in."
"I am sorry I have not time now, to indulge myself in such luxury as a
chat with you always proves. I came to beg the loan of your India ink
copy of the marble screens at Agra; which I have an idea would be very
effective done in cherry, for the panels under the new bookcases we are
designing for the library."
"The copy is up stairs in the studio; but I shall be glad to get it for
you."
"No; with your permission I can help myself, and I am going up there
now, for some red chalk. I know exactly where to find the picture,
because I was examining it two days ago. What think you of my idea?"
"I am afraid you will find cherry too dark. A lighter wood, I think,
would be better adapted to the exceeding delicacy of the design."
"Wait till I cut out a sample scroll, and we will talk it over. Sister
Ruth asked me to hand to you this paper, which contains a very
complimentary notice of your lovely picture. I read it as I came up,
and congratulate you on all the fine things said. You scarcely know how
proud we feel of our Sister's work. Thanks for the use of the drawing."
She smiled, nodded and closed the door; and when her bright cheery
countenance vanished, it seemed as though a film of cloud had drifted
across the sun.
Beryl went back to a low chair in front of the window, and opened the
paper, which chanced to be the New York "Herald." Unfolding it to hunt
the designated article, her glance fell accidentally upon the personal
column. Her heart leaped, then almost ceased beating, as she read:
"Important. Bertie will meet Gigina in the Museum at Niagara Falls,
Canada side, any day during the last week in October."
Two years and a half had almost gone by since she inserted the
advertisement, to which this was evidently a reply. Long ago she had
ceased to expect any tidings through this channel; but the seed sown in
faith, watered by tears, and guarded by continual prayer had stirred to
life; blossomed in the sunshine of God's pitying smile, and after weary
waiting, the ripe fruit fell at her feet. How fair and smooth, rosy and
fragrant it appeared to her famishing heart? How opportune the guiding
hand that pointed her way, when cross roads baffled her. Two days
later, she would have been journeying away from the coveted goal. Now
the tide of battle was turning. Had the stars rolled back on their
courses to rescue Sisera?
How long the happy woman sat there, exulting in the mellowness of the
perfect fruit of patience, she never knew.
Day died slowly; the vivid crimson and dazzling gold that fired the
West were reflected in the tranquil bosom of the lake, faded into the
tender pale rose of the sacred lotus, into the exquisite tints that
gild the outer petals of a daffodil, the heart of buttercups; and
then, robed in faintest violet powdered with silvery dust, the vast
pinions of Crepuscule spread over sky and water, fanning into full
flame the glittering sparks of planets and constellations that lighted
the chariot course of the coming moon.
Across the sleeping lake hurried a north wind, on its long journey to
blow open the snowy camellias folded close in the heart of the South,
and under his winged sandals the waters crimped, rippled, swelled into
wavelets that played their minor adagio in nature's nocturn, as their
foam fingers fell on the pebbles that fringed the beach. From the deck
of a schooner anchored off shore, floated the deep voice of a man
singing Schubert's "Ave Maria"; and far, far away over the weird waste
of waters, where a buoy marked a sunken wreck, its red beacon burned
like the eye of Polyphemus, crouching in darkness, watching to
surprise Galatea.
The penetrating chill of the night air aroused Beryl from her profound
trance; and lighting the gas over her dressing table, she re-read the
magical words that had transformed her narrow world. This was Monday
the 26th, and next Saturday was the limit of the proposed interview.
One day must suffice for necessary preparation, and starting by early
morning express on Wednesday, she would arrive in time to keep the
tryst that involved so much. She cut out the notice that was merely a
sentence in the page of social hieroglyphics, where no key fitted more
than one paragraph, and forgetting the criticism on her picture, she
went swiftly down stairs.
The members of the Sisterhood were at supper, and she waited at the
refectory door for an opportunity to meet the matron.
On the platform raised in the centre of the long room, sat the reader
for the day, Sister Agatha; a plump, florid young woman, with bright
black eyes, and a voice sweet and strong as the flute stop of an organ.
The selection that evening had been from "Agate Windows" and "Ice
Morsels", and the closing words were:
"Alpine flowers are warmed by snow; the summer beauty of our hills, and
the autumn fertility of our valleys, have been caused by the cold
embrace of the glacier; and so, by the chill of trial and sorrow, are
the outlines of Christian character moulded and beautified. And we, who
recognize the loving kindness as well as the power of God in what may
seem the harsher and more forbidding agencies of nature, ought not to
be weary and faint in our minds, if over our own warm human life, the
same kind pitying Hand should sometimes cause His snow of
disappointment to fall like wool, and cast forth His ice of adversity
like morsels; knowing that even by these unlikely means, shall
ultimately be given to us also, as to nature, the beauty of Sharon, and
the peace of Carmel!"
Somewhere in the apartment, a bell tapped. All rose, and each head in
the gray ranks bowed, while "thanks" were offered; then amid a subdued
murmur of conversation, the Sisterhood filed out, gathered in groups,
separated for various duties.
"Sister Ruth, may I see you alone?" asked Beryl, touching her arm in
the hall.
"This is the night for the examination of accounts, of last week's
expenses, and I shall be busy with Sister Elena, our book-keeper;
moreover, I promised to look over the linen closet of the Infirmary,
with Sister Consuelo, whose demands are like those of the daughter of
the horse-leech. Is your business urgent?"
"Yes; but I will not detain you more than ten minutes."
"Very well, come to my cabinet."
The place designated was a pigeon box in size, and adjoined the
reception room on the first floor. Two desks packed with papers, three
chairs and a picture of Elijah and the ravens, constituted the
furniture. The matron brightened the light, seated herself and looked
at her companion.
"Well. What can I do for you? Why, Sister? Something has happened; your
face is all aglow, your eyes are great stars."
"Yes; a heavy burden I have long borne is slipping from my heart, and
after the pressure it rebounds. I have told you that my stay here was
contingent on events which I could not control; that at any moment I
might consider it incumbent upon me to go away into the world;
therefore, I could bind myself by no compact to remain permanently in
the 'Anchorage'. The time has come; the drum taps, I must march away."
"And you are so glad to leave us?" said the matron, gazing in wonder at
the radiant face, usually so impassive and cold with its locked lips,
and grave, sad, downcast eyes.
"No, glad only in the occasion that calls me; regretting that duty
separates me temporarily from the Sisterhood, who so mercifully opened
their arms, when I had no spot in all the wide world where I could lay
my head, but the sod on my mother's grave. This blessed haven is for
those whose first duty in life summons them nowhere beyond its walls.
If conscience bade you leave these peaceful and hallowed halls, for
work far more difficult, would you hesitate to obey? It is safer and
less arduous to keep step with the main army; but some must perish on
picket duty, and is the choice ours, when an order details us?"
"Who signed your order?"
Sister Ruth took off her spectacles, and bent closer, with a keenness
of scrutiny, that was unflatteringly suspicious.
"My dear mother."
"I understood that you had been an orphan for years?"
"Yes, for four wretched, lonely and terrible years; but no tomb is deep
enough to shut in the voice that uttered our mother's last wishes; and
all time cannot hush the sound of the command, cannot hide the beloved
hand that pointed to the path she asked us to follow. When my mother
kissed me good-bye, she blessed me, because of a promise I gave her;
and Heaven means to me the place where I can look into her sainted
face, and tell her 'Hold me close to your tender heart, for oh! I have
indeed kept my word. Your little girl obeyed your last command.'" Her
voice trembled, and she passed one hand over her eyes for an instant.
"Sister Ruth, the opportunity has arrived, and I go to execute the last
clause of a sacred order. When I shall have finished my mission, I
shall want to come back home. Oh! you see? I call it home. For where
else can I ever have a home, till I join my father and mother? If I
should come back and ask you to take me for the remainder of my life,
as a sister worker, will you let me die with the 'anchor' on my breast?
I shall be as worthy of your confidence then, as I am now."
"Where are you going?"
"I hoped that you would not ask me, because I cannot tell you now. Will
you not trust me?"
"Your extremely cautious reticence makes it difficult; and I have
always known that some distressing mystery brought you here."
"Confidence that defies suspicious appearances is precious indeed; but
confidence that crumbles like Jericho's walls at the blast of Joshua's
trumpets, is as worthless a sham as a cable whose strands part at the
first taut strain. Sister Ruth, there are reasons why I go away alone,
to an unknown destination; and I am about to tax your trust yet more
severely, when I tell you that I need the disguise of the 'Umilta'
uniform. I ask your permission to wear it during my absence."
The matron shook her head.
"Surely, Sister Ruth, you cannot think it possible that I should bring
discredit upon this dear gray flannel, which I hold as sacred as
priestly vestments?"
She laid her cheek against her own shoulder, with a caressing motion,
and passed her fingers softly across her sleeve.
"My young sister, to some extent I am responsible for those who wear
the 'Umilta' gray. If I allowed you to carry our badge under such
peculiar circumstances beyond the limits of my supervision, I should
hazard too much; should deserve the severity of the censure I most
certainly should receive, if any disaster brought reproach upon our
spotless record as an institution. It was not designed as a disguise in
which to masquerade for unknown purposes."
Beryl put up both hands, pressing her pretty white cap close to her
ears; and her lips trembled, as was their wont, when she was wounded.
"Do not discrown me. My father's Beryl will never sully your pure
record; and it would be as impossible for me to disgrace your uniform,
as defile my mother's shroud. Grant me the protection of this
consecrated garb."
"No. The 'Anchorage' must remain as heretofore, like Caesar's wife."
"Although I have lived here so long, how little you know me."
"Very true, my Sister; therefore, as custodian of the interests of our
little community, I must not put them in jeopardy. When do you expect
to take your departure?"
"Wednesday, at 6 A.M., on the express for New York."
"Have you received letters?"
"No, Sister. Doctor Grantlin is the only person who writes to me, and
as his letters are always addressed to your care, I receive them from
your hands."
"How long do you propose to stay in New York?"
"I am not going to New York, and I know not how long I may be detained;
but I desire to return without needless delay."
"Then you want your money."
"Give me to-morrow five hundred dollars, and keep the remainder until I
come, or until you hear from me. Please say that I have gone on a
journey to fulfil a pledge made years ago; and try not to show the
Sisters that you have no confidence in me. That--would rob my
home-coming of half its pleasure. If any unforeseen accident should
keep me away, should cut short a life which has overflowed with great
sorrow, then retain the money and the pictures I leave behind; and
believe that I died, as I have lived, not unworthy of all thy kindness
and true charity this dear sacred 'Anchorage' has shown to me. Sister
Elena is impatient; I hear her walking up and down the floor. While I
am absent, Sister Katrina, and especially Sister Anice, can take my
place in the Art School; and all my orders were finished last week,
except the mirror for Mrs. St. Clair. She wished it framed in scarlet
bignonias, and as the painting is more than half done, Sister Anice can
easily complete it. I will not detain you longer. Good-night, Sister
Ruth."
No sleep visited Beryl, and as she lay at two o'clock, watching the
shimmer of the moonlight reflected from the tossing waves upon the
panes of her wide window, where the tangled mesh of quivering rays
coiled, uncoiled, glided hither and yon like golden serpents, she heard
the click of the key, and the turning of the knob in a door, which
opened from the alcove into an adjoining room. That apartment was
reserved as a guest chamber; had been unoccupied for months; and
puzzled by the sound, Beryl sat up in her bed and listened. The blue
folds of the drapery hanging over the alcove arch, were drawn aside,
and Sister Ruth, wrapped in a trailing dressing-gown, held up a small
lamp and peered cautiously around.
"What is the matter, Sister?"
"Did I frighten you? I came this way rather than knock at the other
door, because Sister Frances is on watch to-night; and though she is a
dear good soul, she is afflicted with an undue share of the feminine
frailty, curiosity, and I prefer that no one should canvass my
unseasonable visit to you. Do not get up."
She put the brass lamp on a chair, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Our conversation has disquieted me, and I cannot sleep. Long ago, for
my own sake, I made a rule by which to govern my judgment of my fellow
beings; and it amounts to this: where I cannot be sure of evil in
others, I give them the benefit of the doubt, and sincerely endeavor to
think the best. I have watched you very closely. There is much that I
cannot understand; much that it appears strange you should hesitate to
explain; yet in these years I have had no cause to question your
truthfulness, and that is the basis of all human worth. We profess to
live here as one family, as sisters, holding each other in love,
charity and trust; yet in searching myself to-night, I fear I have gone
astray. I have pondered and prayed over this matter, and my heart
yearns toward you. I feel as I fancy a mother might, who had too
hastily slapped the face of her child; and, my sister, I have come to
say, forgive me, if I too harshly refused your request, if I wounded
you."
She held out her hand, but Beryl did not see it; she had covered her
face, and unable to speak she leaned forward and laid her head on the
matron's lap. Gently the thin fingers stroked the shining hair, until
they were drawn down and pressed to the girl's lips.
"Again, I asked myself, whether my decision had not been inspired by an
overweening pride in the public estimation of our home; rather than by
an unselfish regard for the welfare and peace of mind of one of its
members? What will the world think of us, must be subordinated to, what
is the best for my young sister, whose cross it is my duty to lighten?
I cannot bear to give you up; and I shall, I will trust you. Wear the
'gray' armor, and remember, if any blot stain it, you will bring
disgrace upon a holy cause; you will be the first to stain the Umilta
uniform; and I shall be blamed, for reposing confidence in one who
betrayed us to public scorn. My Sister Beryl, I give you 'the gray'.
God grant it may shelter you from harm, and bring you home to fill my
place with honor, when I have passed into the eternal Anchorage."