[Illustration: _NAUTICAL STYLE._]
[Illustration: _ALWAYS BE POLITE WHEN TRAVELLING._
_Affable Young Gent_ (_who is never distant to Strangers_). "WOULD YOU
LIKE TO SEE _Bell's Life_, SIR? THERE'S AN OUT-AND-OUT STUNNING MILL
BETWEEN CONKEY JIM AND THE PORKY ONE!"]
[Illustration: _A YOUNG SPORTSMAN_.
_Lucy._ "WELL, REGINALD, AND WHEN DO YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL?"
_Reginald._ "OH! THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW!--AND AIN'T IT A BORE, JUST AS
ONE'S HUNTERS ARE IN SUCH SPLENDID CONDITION?"]
[Illustration: _QUITE A CHEAP TRIP._
DURING SOME OF THE WINTER MONTHS, WITH A NICE BRACING NORTH-EAST WIND
BLOWING, YOU MAY GO TO MANCHESTER AND BACK FOR 5_s_.--AN OPPORTUNITY
NOT TO BE LOST--OH DEAR, NO!]
[Illustration: _'ARRY AND 'ARRIET._]
[Illustration: _MALICIOUS._
_Flora._ "CAN YOU STILL SEE THE STEAMER, LUCY, DEAR?"
_Lucy._ "OH, YES, QUITE PLAINLY!"
_Flora._ "AND DEAR, DEAR WILLIAM, TOO?"
_Lucy._ "OH, YES!"
_Flora._ "DOES HE SEEM UNHAPPY, NOW HE IS AWAY FROM ME?"
_Lucy._ "EVIDENTLY, I SHOULD SAY, DEAR; FOR HE IS SMOKING A CIGAR, AND
DRINKING SOMETHING OUT OF A TUMBLER TO CHEER HIM, POOR FELLOW!"]
[Illustration: _DISGUSTING FOR AUGUSTUS._
_Augustus_ (_who was rapidly coming to the point_). "THEN, EMILY!
OH, MAY I CALL YOU EMILY?--SWEETEST!--BEST!--SAY THAT YOU WILL NOT
GO--WITHOUT----"
_Fish-woman_ (_cuts in_). "ANY FEESH TO-DAY, MARM?--ANY MACKEREEL,
SOLES, OR WHITING?"]
[Illustration: _QUITE A SEDUCTIVE SON OF MARS._
_Lady._ "AND SO, CAPTAIN--THEY SAY YOU ARE GOING TO TURN BENEDICK?"
_Adonis._ "WHY, YA-AS--AW--I DIDN'T WISH TO--BUT--AW--IN FACT, LADY
MARY'S ATTENTIONS BECAME SO MARKED--THAT--AW--THE THING AW--WAS
INEVITABLE--AW."]
[Illustration: _PLEASURES OF TRAVEL._
_Chambermaid._ "VERY SORRY, BUT YOUR LUGGAGE HAS GONE ON TO LONDON,
SIR."]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE ON THE WATER._
_Waterman._ "YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFEARD, MISS; WE'RE LICENSED TO CARRY
SIX!"]
[Illustration: _GOING TO CHURCH--SCARBOROUGH._]
[Illustration: _A DAY VERY LATE IN THE SEASON.--SAY, THE FIRST OF
APRIL._
THE O.P.Q. HOUNDS HAVE A RATTLING HOUR AND TEN MINUTES AFTER A GOOD
STOUT BUTTERFLY, OVER A SPLENDID PRIMROSE AND VIOLET COUNTRY.----
_Huntsman_ (_loq._). "SHALL I GIVE THE WINGS TO THE LADY, SIR?"]
[Illustration: _SENSIBLE RIDING COSTUME FOR WARM WEATHER._]
[Illustration: _IT MUST BE ALL RIGHT!_
_Mamma._ "I WONDER WHERE THAT CHILD, ARTHUR, IS--HE IS VERY QUIET. I
HOPE HE IS NOT IN MISCHIEF."
_Child._ "OH, NO, MAMMA, DEAR! HE'S NOT IN MISCHIEF, FOR HE IS IN THE
LIBRARY, PLAYING WITH THE PENS AND INK."]
[Illustration: _AN ASTONISHING REQUEST._
_Fast Young Lady_ (_to Old Gent_). "HAVE YOU SUCH A THING AS A LUCIFER
ABOUT YOU, FOR I'VE LEFT MY CIGAR-LIGHTS AT HOME!"]
[Illustration: _THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS._
DISMAY OF TOOTLES AT HEARING A STRANGER COMMENCE "THE STANDARD
BEARER"--A SONG WHICH HE (TOOTLES) HAS BEEN PRACTISING FOR MONTHS,
WITH THE VIEW OF CREATING A SENSATION AT MRS. BLOWER'S MUSICAL
EVENING.--UNFORTUNATELY, TOO, FOR TOOTLES, "THE STANDARD BEARER" IS HIS
ONLY SONG!]
[Illustration: _A MASTER OF THE ART._]
[Illustration: _THE LAST ALTERATION._
_Small Boy._ "OH, AIN'T IT A SHAME! THEY'RE A-GOING TO TAKE OFF THEM
POOR COVES' BOOTS AND COATS, AND PUT 'EM ON FROCKS AND TROWSERS."]
[Illustration: _BATTLE OF THE HYDE PARK._
GALLANT AND DARING ACT OF PRIVATE LOBBS (OF THE CRUSHERS), WHO, BY
HIMSELF, STORMED AN OLD TREE, AND VERY NEARLY CAPTURED THREE SMALL
BOYS.]
[Illustration: _BLIND WITH RAGE._
_Huntsman_ (_riding furiously over a fence to a Scarecrow_). "* * * *
* * * *--YOU GREAT FOOL, WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU STAND POINTING THERE
FOR?--WHY DON'T YOU HOLLER OUT WHICH WAY THE FOX BE GONE? BLOWED IF I
DON'T CUT YOU INTO BITS!"]
[Illustration: _A NOTION OF PLEASURE._
_Boy._ "OH, COME HERE, TOMMY!--HERE'S SUCH A LOT O' GRAINS BIN SHOT
DOWN HERE! LET'S TURN 'EAD OVER 'EELS IN 'EM!"]
[Illustration: _PRECOCITY._
_Youth._ "HERE'S A NUISANCE, NOW! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LEFT MY CIGAR-CASE
ON MY DRESSING-ROOM TABLE, AND THAT YOUNG BROTHER OF MINE WILL HAVE ALL
MY BEST REGALIAS!"]
[Illustration: _PRACTICAL SCIENCE._
_Grandmamma._ "WELL, CHARLEY, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN LEARNING TO-DAY?"
_Charley._ "PNEUMATICS, GRAN'MA!--AND I CAN TELL YOU SUCH A DODGE!--IF
I WAS TO PUT YOU UNDER A GLASS RECEIVER, AND EXHAUST THE AIR, ALL YOUR
WRINKLES WOULD COME OUT AS SMOOTH AS GRANDPAPA'S HEAD!"]
[Illustration: _AN INDISCRETION._
_Fascinating Gent_ (_to precocious Little Girl_). "YOU ARE A VERY NICE
LITTLE GIRL; YOU SHALL BE MY WIFEY WHEN YOU GROW UP!"----
_Little Girl._ "NO, THANK YOU; I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A HUSBAND; BUT AUNT
BESSY DOES. I HEARD HER SAY SO!"
[_Sensation on the part of Aunt Bessy._
]
[Illustration: _ADDING INSULT TO INJURY._
_Schoolboy_ (_to Farmer who has come out to protect his fields_). "NOW
THEN, OLD TURNIP-TOPS! _WARE WHEAT!_"]
[Illustration: _THE COURSE OF TRUE, &c., NEVER DID, &c._
HERE'S POOR YOUNG WIGGLES ANXIOUS TO MEET THE BEING HE ADORES, BUT
CANNOT DO SO, BECAUSE THE NEWLY-PITCHED BOAT UPON WHICH HE HAS BEEN
SITTING, HAS CAUGHT HIM ALIVE, O!]
[Illustration: _THE EXPANSE OF FASHION._
_Chair Proprietor._ "WOULD YOU PLEASE TO PAY FOR THE CHEERS, MUM?"
_Lady._ "HOW MUCH?"
_Chair Proprietor._ "WELL, MUM--HOW MANY MIGHT YOU BE A SITTIN' ON?"]
[Illustration: _IN THE WITCHING TIME OF LIFE._
SOME LIKE ONE THING, AND SOME ANOTHER--FOR EXAMPLE, JACK LIKES A BLOW
ON THE NORTH CLIFF----]
[Illustration: WHILE CHARLES PREFERS A QUIET CORNER OUT OF THE WIND.]
[Illustration: _SISTERLY LOVE._
_Papa_. "THERE, THERE! MY LITTLE POPPET! DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!--IF YOU
ARE GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES, YOU WILL SOON BE WELL AGAIN, I HOPE.
THERE, THERE!"
_Blanche_ (_sobbing violently_). "I--I--I--I'M NOT CRYING, PAPA,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES; BUT BECAUSE I--I--I--THOUGHT
I WAS GOING TO RIDE MARY'S PONY ALL THE TIME SHE WAS ILL, AND NOW I
SHAN'T!"]
[Illustration: _A DOMESTIC EXTRAVAGANZA._
_Mamma_. "WHY, GOOD GRACIOUS, NURSE! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ADOLPHUS!
HE LOOKS VERY ODD!"
_Nurse_. "AND WELL HE MAY, MUM! FOR HE THOUGHT THE COLOURED BALLS
IN MISS CHARLOTTE'S NEW GAME OF SOLITAIRE WAS BULL'S EYES, AND HE'S
SWALLOWED EVER SO MANY OF 'EM."]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO RAILWAY TRAVELLERS._
BY BREATHING ON THE GLASS--AND HOLDING A SPEAKING DOLL BY WAY OF BABY
TO THE WINDOW--YOU MAY GENERALLY KEEP YOUR COMPARTMENT SELECT.]
[Illustration: _A SEA-SIDE DIALOGUE._
"HOLLO, JIMMY!--WHERE ARE YOU A-GOING WITH YOURN?"
"HESPLANADE!--WHERE BE YOU?"
"PROSPEC PLACE!"
[_Exit Companions of the Bath._
]
[Illustration: _A QUID PRO QUO._
_Small Boy_ (_to prodigious Swell_). "I SAY, MISTER, KETCH MY DONKEY,
THAT'S A GOOD CHAP--I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU ANOTHER TIME!"]
[Illustration: _TOUCHING APPEAL._
_Testy Old Gent_ (_wearied by the importunities of the Brighton
Boatman_). "CONFOUND IT, MAN! DO I _LOOK_ AS IF I WANTED A BOAT?"]
[Illustration: _A DELICIOUS DIP._
_Bathing Attendant._ "HERE, BILL! THE GENT WANTS TO BE TOOK OUT
DEEP--TAKE 'IM _INTO THE DRAIN_!"]
[Illustration: _A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD._
OLD DIPPS DECLARES THEY MANAGE SEA-BATHING BETTER IN FRANCE, AND THAT
WHEN HE IS AT BO-LONG, HE DOES AS BO-LONG DOES--WELL! THAT'S A MATTER
OF TASTE!]
[Illustration: _MISPLACED INTELLIGENCE._
_Mamma._ "WHY, TOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT NASTY DUST-PAN AND
BROOM?"
_Tom._ "BROTHER FRED TOLD ME TO BRING IT IN AND SWEEP UP ALL THE H'S
MRS. MOPUS HAD DROPPED ABOUT!"
[_N.B. Great Expectations from Mrs. M._
]
[Illustration: _KNIGHTS OF THE BATH._]
[Illustration: _SCENE: GREENWICH._
_Senior Party._ "DOG CART! GOOD GRACIOUS! BUT _YOU_ ARE NEVER GOING TO
DRIVE?"
_Junior Party._ "NOT GOING A--DWIVE? WHY NOT GOING A--DWIVE? JUS--AIN'T
I, THO'?"
[_The last train has gone, and the Senior Party under the impression
that the vehicle was a brougham, has accepted the offer of a lift to
town._
]
[Illustration: _SHOCKING RESULT OF WEARING INDIA-RUBBER GOLOSHES._
YOUNG JACK ROBINSON SEES WHAT HE IMAGINES TO BE THE IMPRESSION OF HIS
DARLING'S FOOT--HE MENTALLY EJACULATES, "_BEETLE-CRUSHER, BY JOVE!_"
AND FLIES TO OTHER CLIMES.]
[Illustration: _A HAVEN OF REFUGE._
THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT MR. SNAFFLE AND MR. FLUKER GO TO
BOULOGNE FOR CHANGE AND AIR.]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD, BY JOVE!_
_Heavy Swell._ "DEUCED STUPID--THESE NEWSPAPERS!"
_Lady_ (_with keen perception of the ludicrous_). "YES,
CHARLES!--ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY THAT A DISMOUNTED DRAGOON IS ABOUT
AS EFFECTIVE AS A SWAN ON A TURNPIKE ROAD!"]
[Illustration: _HEARTLESS PRACTICAL JOKE._
_Charlotte._ "HERE THEY COME, BLANCHE. LET US PRETEND WE DON'T
RECOLLECT THEM."]
[Illustration: _SCENE ON BOARD H.M.S. ----_
"I SAY, WHY AM I LIKE THE QUEEN'S CHIEF COOK? DO YOU GIVE IT UP?"
"YES."
"BECAUSE I AM IN A HIGH COOL-AND-AIRY (_culinary_) POSITION."
[_Astonished Cadet nearly falls from the yard._
]
[Illustration: _A BYE-DAY AT EASTER._
_Youth_ (_quite at home for the holidays_). "NOW, LOOK HERE, OLD BOY;
IF THE FOX BREAKS AT THIS CORNER, DON'T YOU HOLLER TILL HE GETS WELL
AWAY!"--(_N.B. The old Nimrod is the_ MASTER _himself_.)]
[Illustration: _A GREAT PLAGUE IN LIFE._
PATERFAMILIAS, WHOSE PET AVERSION IS STREET MUSIC, GOES TO
THE SEA-SIDE, HOPING TO ESCAPE FROM THE NUISANCE, HE IS AT
BREAKFAST,--BEAUTIFUL VIEW, NEW-LAID EGG, &c., &c.--WHEN----]
[Illustration: _OH, HORROR!_]
[Illustration: _DREADFUL FOR YOUNG OXFORD._
_Lady._ "ARE YOU AT ETON?"
_Young Oxford._ "AW, NO!--I'M AT OXFORD!"
_Lady._ "OXFORD! RATHER A NICE PLACE, IS IT NOT?"
_Young Oxford._ "HUM!--HAW! PRETTY WELL, BUT THEN I CAN'T GET ON
WITHOUT FEMALE SOCIETY!"
_Lady._ "DEAR! DEAR! PITY YOU DON'T GO TO A GIRLS' SCHOOL, THEN!"]
[Illustration: _WONDERFUL INTELLIGENT CHILD._
---- "ROSE, WILL YOU HAVE SOME DINNER?"
_Rose._ "HAVE HAD MY DINNER."
---- "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD FOR YOUR DINNER?"
_Rose._ "SOMETHING THAT BEGINS WITH AN S!"
---- "AND WHAT BEGINS WITH AN S?"
_Rose._ "COLD BEEF!"]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF CAMP LIFE._
_Captain Holster._ "HERE! HI! SOME ONE!--STOP MY _BEDROOM_!--HI!"]
[Illustration: _MAL DE MER._