[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. I.
FOR EXAMPLE:--BY GETTING UP AT DAY-BREAK, CLEANING OUT YOUR STABLE, AND
TAKING THE HORSES OUT FOR EXERCISE, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR OBJECT.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. II.
AND----ENABLE THE GROOMS TO GET THEIR BREAKFAST COMFORTABLY, AND SO
KEEP THEM IN GOOD HUMOUR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. III.
HAVING THOROUGHLY DRESSED AND FED THE HORSES, YOU HAD BETTER SET TO
WORK UPON THE BOOTS OF THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE KNIVES, AS YOU HAVE A
MACHINE, YOU MAY AS WELL DO. AND, WHILE YOUR HANDS ARE SOILED, YOU HAD
BETTER HELP ALPHONSO TO CARRY UP SOME COALS.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. IV.
THERE CAN BE NO REASON WHY THE GIRLS SHOULDN'T DRESS THEMSELVES, THAT
PARKER THE MAID MAY GO TO HER DANCING.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. V.
AS FOR JOHN THOMAS, THE BEST PLAN, OF COURSE, IS TO WAIT UPON _HIM_,
AND THEN, PERHAPS (ALTHOUGH IT BY NO MEANS FOLLOWS), HE MAY BE
SATISFIED!
[_As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better
engage one of an evening for their amusement._
]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. VI.
IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER TO MIND THE BROUGHAM YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY IN
FOGGY WEATHER, AS, IN CONSEQUENCE OF ROBERT'S UNFORTUNATE PROPENSITY,
YOUR FAMILY ARE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS IN DANGER WHEN RETURNING FROM
THE THEATRE. ]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT
YOURSELF._"--No. VII.
NEVER DISTURB THE MAIDS IN THE MORNING, BUT JUMP OUT OF BED THE MOMENT
YOU HEAR THE SWEEP, AND LET HIM IN; IT ISN'T MUCH TROUBLE, AND SAVES A
WORLD OF GRUMBLING.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC DOCTORING._
FOR A COLD IN THE HEAD THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A STEAM BATH, AND THIS CAN
BE HAD IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM WITH THE GREATEST EASE--YOU HAVE ONLY TO----]
[Illustration: TAKE CARE THAT YOU MANAGE THE APPARATUS PROPERLY.]
[Illustration: "_WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE!_"
(_New Version._)
"I SAY, JIM, VOT'S A PANIC?"
"BLOW'D IF I KNOW; BUT THERE'S VON TO BE SEEN IN THE CITY."]
[Illustration: _A PRETTY KETTLE OF FISH._
_Puseyite Parson._ "WHAT! WANT TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION! WHY, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!"
_Cook._ "WELL, SIR, THE FACT IS, I AIN'T EQUAL TO THEM FAST DAYS;
FOR WHAT WITH A HEGG HERE, AND A HEGG THERE, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH
FOR BREAKFASTES, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR DINNERS, AND THE SWEET
OMELICKS, AND THE FRIED AND THE STEWED HOYSTERS, AND THE BASHAWED
LOBSTERSES, AND ONE THINK AND THE HOTHER, THERE'S SO MUCH COOKING, THAT
I AIN'T EVEN TIME TO MAKE UP A CAP!"]
[Illustration: _CATCHING A TARTAR._
_Irritable Old Gentleman_ (_giving Conductor a tremendous poke in the
ribs_). "HOLLO, THERE! STOP! WHAT THE D * * * * CONFOUND YOU, DIDN'T I
TELL YOU TO STOP AT ACACIA VILLA?"
_Extremely Civil Conductor._ "DEAR ME, SO YOU DID, SIR--BEG YOUR
PARDON, I'M SURE, SIR, BUT I REALLY QUITE FORGOT IT."
_Irritable Old Gentleman._ "D-D-DON'T BEG MY PARDON, YOU IMPUDENT
SCOUNDREL!--IF YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR BAD LANGUAGE, I'LL HAVE YOU UP
AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."]
[Illustration: _TOUCHING._
_Groom_ (_to Old Coachman_). "WHY, GUV'NR, WHAT HEVER'S THE MATTER?"
_Old Coachman_ (_sobbing_). "AH, WILLIAM! MOST AFFECTIN' SIGHT! I'VE
JUST SEEN THE FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB GOING DOWN TO GREENWICH! TEN ON 'EM!
BEAUTIFUL TEAMS! AND DRIVEN BY REG'LAR TIP-TOP SWELLS! IT'S BIN A'MOST
TOO MUCH FOR ME!"
[_Is relieved by tears._
]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._
_John Thomas._ "YES, I MUST LEAVE. YOU SEE, MARY, MY DEAR--THERE'S TOO
MUCH RED IN THE LIVERY, AND THAT DON'T SUIT MY COMPLEXION--NEVER DID!"]
[Illustration: _MEASURE FOR MEASURE._
"THIS IS ABOUT THE MARK, I THINK."]
[Illustration: _IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY._
_Sarah Jane To Betsy Ann._ "OH, YES! IF IT COMES TO THAT, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE CAN STICK OUT AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE--I ALWAYS WEARS ONE O'
MOTHER'S OLD CLOTHES-BASKETS."]
[Illustration: _MALAPROPOS._
_Swell_ (_loq._). "IN FACT, I'M QUITE USED UP--AND IF I DON'T VERY SOON
GET TO SOME WATERING PLACE, I SHALL BE A--A--"
[_Cartman pulls string--Grand display of the whole system of Fountains._
]
[Illustration: "_AN ART THAT DOTH DISFIGURE NATURE._"
MR. BELVILLE DE COURCY WALKS ON THE ESPLANADE, UNDER THE IDEA THAT HE
IS CREATING NO END OF SENSATION IN A CERTAIN DRAWING-ROOM.
ALAS! HE LITTLE KNOWS, THAT OWING TO THE VERY INFERIOR QUALITY OF THE
GLASS IN THAT DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW, HIS SPLENDID FIGURE IS DISTORTED AS
ABOVE.]
[Illustration: _ON THE JETTY._
YES, MY DEARS; I KNOW THE SEA-BREEZE AFTER BATHING IS BENEFICIAL TO THE
BACK HAIR;--BUT CONSIDER THE HEART OF YOUR TOO SUSCEPTIBLE PUNCH!]
[Illustration: _A WATER ABSTAINER._
_Disgusting Boy._ "I SAY, CLARA!--I'M SO JOLLY GLAD, I AM. DO YOU KNOW,
ALL THE PIPES ARE FROZE, AND WE SHAN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY OF THAT
HORRID WASHING THESE COLD MORNINGS!--AIN'T IT PRIME!"
[_Sensation._
]
[Illustration: _A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY._
_Arthur._ "DO YOU KNOW, FREDDY, THAT WE ARE ONLY MADE OF DUST!"
_Freddy._ "ARE WE? THEN I'M SURE WE OUGHT TO BE VERY CAREFUL HOW WE
PITCH INTO EACH OTHER SO, FOR FEAR WE MIGHT CRUMBLE EACH OTHER ALL TO
PIECES!"]
[Illustration: _THE DISAPPOINTED ONE._
_Lover._ "WHAT A BORE, JUST AS I WAS GOING TO POP THE QUESTION TO JENNY
JONES, HERE'S MY NURSE COME FOR ME!"]
[Illustration: _BROTHERS IN ARMS._]
[Illustration: _ADDING INSULT TO INJURY._
NOBBS HAVING COME WITH HIS FAMILY TO THE SEA-SIDE FOR A LITTLE CHANGE
OF SCENE, COMPLAINS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY BITTEN BY--(BUT NO, WE
WILL NOT MENTION THE HORRID CREATURES)--AND IS ADDRESSED THUS BY THE
LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER: "THEN HALL I CAN SAY, SIR, HIS--THAT IF YOU'VE
BEEN HILL-CONWENIENCED BY 'EM, YOU MUST 'A BROUGHT 'EM DOWN WITH YOU IN
YOUR PORTMANTEL!"]
[Illustration: _A BIT OF A BREEZE._
MR. WIGGINS HAS A FINE OPPORTUNITY OF DISPLAYING HIS POLITENESS AND
ACTIVITY]
[Illustration: _HORRIBLE QUESTION AFTER A GREENWICH DINNER._
_Foot-Boy._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, COOK TOLD ME TO ASK YOU WHAT FISH
YOU'D LIKE TO-DAY?"]
[Illustration: _AWKWARD PREDICAMENT._
_Young Sparrow._ "OH, I'M SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU, UNCLE--BUT COULD
YOU LEND ME A RAZOR? MY CONFOUNDED FELLOW HASN'T PACKED UP MY
DRESSING-CASE!"]
[Illustration: _ALARMING PROPOSITION._
_Oyster-Man_ (_to Hairy Gents_). "OYSTERS, SIR! YES, SIR! SHALL I TAKE
YER BEARDS OFF?"
[_Gents have an uncomfortable idea that they are being chaffed._
]
[Illustration: _EPIGRAMMATIC._
_Gentleman._ "LETS HAVE A BOILED MACKEREL."
_Waiter._ "BILED, SIR! BETTER HAVE 'EM BRILED, SIR. IF THEY'RE BILED,
THEY'RE SPILED, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION._
_Respectable Citizen_ (_reads Placard_). "'_The Public are cautioned
against Card-Sharpers, Gamblers, and Pickpockets._' * * * WHY, I
THOUGHT SUCH PEOPLE WAS ALL DONE AWAY WITH. DIDN'T YOU, MO?"]
[Illustration: _HI ART._
_Parent._ "I SHOULD LIKE YOU TO BE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS HAIR."
_Photographic Artist (!)._ "OH, MUM, THE 'AIR IS HEASY ENOUGH! IT'S THE
HI'S WHERE WE FIND THE DIFFICULTY."]
[Illustration: _OUR LAZY CONTRIBUTOR._
"THE VERY IDEA OF WORK THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IS REPUGNANT TO MY
FEELINGS."
[_Extract from our Young Friend * * *'s Letter._
]
[Illustration: _GOING OUT OF TOWN._
_Mary._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MISSUS SAY YOU MUST FIND ROOM FOR THIS IN
YOUR PORTMANTEL."]
[Illustration: _THE ROAD._
_Gent_ (_with much pride_). "THERE'S ONE THING, 'ARRY, AS ALWAYS
STRIKES ME A GOING DOWN TO THE DARBY, AND THAT IS HOW THE NUMBER OF
SPLENDID EQUIPAGES MUST ASTONISH THE FOREIGNER!"]
[Illustration: _SERIOUS THING FOR BROWN_,
WHO RATHER PRIDES HIMSELF UPON THE ELEGANT MANNER IN WHICH HE TAKES OFF
HIS HAT. THIS TIME, HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH THE HAT IS REMOVED, THE LINING
STICKS.]
[Illustration: _BEAUTY IN DISTRESS._
_Gallant Swell_ (_who of course comes to the rescue_). "HAW! CAN I BE
OF ANY SERVICE?"
_Beauty._ "OH, YES! IF YOU WOULD SIT UPON THE HORSE'S HEAD, I SHOULD BE
_SO_ MUCH OBLIGED."]
[Illustration: _COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEA-SIDE--GENERALLY FOUND UPON
THE ROCKS AT LOW WATER._]
[Illustration: _THE ARTISTIC (!) STUDIO._
_A Stereoscopic Scene from Fashionable Life._
"_Love, Pride, Revenge._"--THE GROUP REPRESENTS A YOUNG MINSTREL OF
HUMBLE ORIGIN, DECLARING HIS PASSION TO A LADY OF NOBLE PARENTAGE. HER
HAUGHTY BROTHER, AS MAY BE SEEN FROM HIS MENACING ATTITUDE, IS ABOUT TO
AVENGE THE INSULT OFFERED TO HIS FAMILY!]
[Illustration: _A TRYING THING FOR TOOTLES_,
WHO SEES THE OBJECT OF HIS ADMIRATION FLY OVER A HOG-BACKED STILE, HE
HAVING THE GREATEST AVERSION TO TIMBER.]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE FOR EVER!--NO BATHING-MACHINE REQUIRED._