[Illustration: _THE HUSBAND AS HE OUGHT TO BE_
_Angelina._ "WELL, LOVE, HOW DO YOU THINK I LOOK?--DO YOU LIKE THE
DRESS?"
_Edwin._ "I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY CHARMING.--I NEVER SAW YOU LOOK
BETTER!"]
_AND_
[Illustration _AND AS HE OUGHT NOT TO BE._ (_Isn't it so, my Dears?_)
_Angelina._ "WELL, E.,--YOU DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT MY DRESS?"
_Edwin._ "EM, WHAT? OH, UGH!--H'M--BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!"]
[Illustration: _AS WELL BE OUT OF THE WORLD AS OUT OF THE FASHION._
_Old Gentleman_ (_who is of course much behind his age_). "WELL, MY
LITTLE DEAR, AND PRAY WHAT NICE LITTLE GIRL ARE YOU?"
_Little Girl._ "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, I'M A PUSEYITE, AND SO'S BESSY
'ARRIS." (_To Young Lady._) "AIN'T WE, MEM?"]
[Illustration: _ASSURANCE._
_Juvenile_. "AW, HAIRDRESSER, WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED MY HAIR, JUST TAKE
OFF MY BEARD, WILL YOU?"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW THEATRE._
_Constance_ (_reads advertisement to Alice_). "'* * * _The Orchestra
Stalls will be exceedingly commodious. Each person will have a separate
Arm-Chair, occupying a space of two feet in breadth._' H'M--I DON'T SEE
THAT THAT'S SO EXCEEDINGLY COMMODIOUS--EH, DEAR?"]
[Illustration: _AN AGREEABLE PRESCRIPTION._
"THE WEATHER IS CHARMING, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT FEEL MUCH INCLINED
FOR TRANSACTIONS OF A BUSINESS NATURE. I AM DECIDEDLY BETTER. MY
DOCTOR, A MOST SENSIBLE MAN, RECOMMENDS ME TO TAKE HORSE EXERCISE,
AND GO INTO AGREEABLE SOCIETY. I ENDEAVOUR TO CARRY OUT HIS
SUGGESTIONS."--_Scarborough._]
[Illustration: _SIGHING FOR THE SUNNY SOUTH._
_Omnibus Driver._ "I DON'T LIKE BEING A HABSENTEE, JEM; BUT IF THIS
PRECIOUS EASTERLY VIND LASTS MUCH LONGER, I SHALL BE HOFF WITH MY
FAMILY TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE."]
[Illustration: _AFFECTING--RATHER._
_Alfred._ "TELL ME, MY OWN ONE, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY
BEFORE I GO?"
_Emma._ "YES, DEAREST--DO NOT--OH, DO NOT FORGET TO BRING
THE-TH-TH-BRUNSWICK SAUSAGE FROM F-F-F-FORT-NUM AND MASON'S."]
[Illustration: _A PREJUDICED OPINION._
"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL, I THINK THE POLICE ARE A BAD LOT--AND I WISH
THEY WAS DONE AWAY WITH ALTOGETHER."]
[Illustration: _A GOLDEN RULE._
"LET US SPEAK OF A MAN AS WE FIND HIM."]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE HINT._
_Brighton Boatman._ "THERE'S A WESSEL OUT THERE, SIR, A LABOURIN'
A GOOD DEAL, SIR! AH, SIR, SAILORS WORKS WERRY 'ARD--PRECIOUS 'ARD
LINES IT IS FOR THE POOR FELLERS OUT THERE!--PRECIOUS 'ARD IT IS FOR
EVERYBODY JUST NOW. I KNOW _I_ SHOULD LIKE THE PRICE OF A PINT O' BEER
AND A BIT O' BACCA!"]
[Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Railway Official_ (_waking Old Gent from a sweet sleep_). "TICKETS,
PLEASE!"]
[Illustration: _BY THE SAD SEA WAVES._
TOMKINS, DISCONSOLATE ON A ROCK, TRACES SOME CHARACTERS UPON THE SAND.
TO HIM, MRS. TOMKINS (WHOSE NAME IS MARTHA).
_Mrs. T._ "WELL, MR. TOMKINS, AND PRAY WHO MAY HENRIETTA BE?"
[TOMKINS _utters a yell of despair, and falls prostrate_.
]
[Illustration: _SCHOLASTIC._
_Mother._ "AND, PRAY, DOCTOR, WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS FOR HEDUCATING LITTLE
BOYS?"
_The Principal._ "WHY, MY DEAR MADAM, MY USUAL TERMS ARE SEVENTY
GUINEAS _PER ANNUM_ (TO USE THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANCIENT ROMANS), BUT
TO EFFECT MY OBJECT (?) QUICKLY, I WOULD TAKE A FEW FOR WHAT I COULD
GET, PROVIDED THEY BE =GENTLEMEN=, LIKE YOUR DEAR LITTLE BOY THERE; BUT
(AGAIN TO USE THE LATIN TONGUE) IT IS A _SINE QUA NON_ THAT THEY SHOULD
BE =GENTLEMEN=!!"
[Illustration: _QUEEN OF THE MAY._]
[Illustration: _A PERFECT WRETCH._
_Wife._ "WHY, DEAR ME, WILLIAM; HOW TIME FLIES! I DECLARE WE HAVE BEEN
MARRIED TEN YEARS TO-DAY!"
_Wretch._ "HAVE WE, LOVE! I AM SURE I THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN A GREAT DEAL
LONGER."]
[Illustration: _AN ENGLISH NOBLEMAN, PAINTED BY THE FRENCH._
_Milord._ "GODAM! ROSBIF! I SHALL SELL MY WIFE AT SMITHFIELD, DAM!"]
[Illustration: _A STORM IN A TEACUP._
_Head Nurse_ (_with much dignity_). "MISS MARY! YOU SHALL NOT STIR YOUR
TEA WITH THE SNUFFERS!--IT IS NOT LADY-LIKE, AND I AM QUITE SURE YOUR
PAPA WOULD NOT APPROVE OF IT!"
[MISS MARY _howls awfully, and smashes tea-cup_.
]
[Illustration: _WAITING FOR THE CARRIAGE._
_Charlie._ "THIS WILL BE A STUPID AFFAIR, GEORGY."
_Georgy._ "OH! YES--ONLY A WHITE FROCK AND BLACK MITTEN PARTY--VERY
SLOW!"
[_Old Nurse wonders what next._
]
[Illustration: _WORKING AGAINST TIME._
THE ARTIST GIVES THE FINISHING TOUCH TO HIS PICTURE. HE HAS BEEN SO
BUSY THAT HE HAS NOT EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GET HIS HAIR CUT
[Illustration: _KETCHEE! KETCHEE!_