[Illustration: _UNABASHED._
_Emily._ "WHY, MY GOODNESS, FRANK! WHAT A DREADFUL BLACK EYE YOU
HAVE! YOU ARE QUITE DISFIGURED!" _Frank._ "H'M, HAH! THAT'S VERY
DISAGREEABLE, NOW; I WAS IN HOPES NO ONE WOULD HAVE PERCEIVED IT!"
[Frank _has been so unfortunate as to catch a cold in his eye from sitting in
a draught at Exeter Hall--so he SAYS._
]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF TRAVEL._
AS THE TRAIN STOPS, MR. P. ENDEAVOURS TO GET SOME STOUT FOR HIS WIFE,
WHO FROM CIRCUMSTANCES, IS OBLIGED TO DRINK THAT REFRESHING BEVERAGE
FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A-DAY. UNFORTUNATELY MR. P. CANNOT FIND HIS
CARRIAGE, AND, AS THE TRAIN IS RATHER BEHIND TIME, THE OFFICIALS ARE IN
SOME HURRY AND CONFUSION.]
[Illustration: _LET US HAVE JAPANESE MANNERS AND CUSTOMS HERE._
"THE TRAVELLER, WEARIED WITH THE NOONDAY HEAT, NEED NEVER BE AT A LOSS
TO FIND REST AND REFRESHMENT; STRETCHED UPON THE SOFTEST AND CLEANEST
OF MATTING, IMBIBING THE MOST DELICATELY FLAVOURED TEA, INHALING THE
FRAGRANT TOBACCO OF JAPAN, HE RESIGNS HIMSELF TO THE MINISTRATIONS OF A
BEVY OF FAIR DAMSELS, WHO GLIDE RAPIDLY AND NOISELESSLY ABOUT, THE MOST
ZEALOUS AND SKILFUL OF ATTENDANTS."--_TIMES._]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE CREATURE._
_Youthful Swell._ "NOW CHARLEY--YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST, HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE?"
_Languid Swell_ (_probably in a Government Office_). "THANKS! NO! I
ASSURE YAH--MY DE-AR FELLAH! IF I WAS TO TAKE A CUP OF COFFEE IN THE
MORNING, IT WOULD KEEP ME AWAKE ALL DAY!"]
[Illustration: _RECREATIONS IN NATURAL HISTORY._
_First Naturalist._ "WHAT! THE S-S-HE-SHER-PENT A-AN (HIC)
ICH-(HIC-)THYOSAURUS? NONSHE-ENSE!"
_Second Naturalist._ "WHO SAID ICH-(HIC) ICHTHY-O-SAURUS? I SAID A
(HIC) PLESI-O-(HIC)-SAURUS PLAINENUFF."]
[Illustration: _VERY CONSIDERATE._
_Steward._ "WILL EITHER OF YOU, GENTLEMEN, DINE ON BOARD? THERE'S A
CAPITAL HOT DINNER AT THREE O'CLOCK."]
[Illustration: _PERFECTLY DWEADFUL!_
_Guard._ "NOW, SIR! IF YOU'RE GOING ON BY THE EXPRESS, HERE'S JUST ROOM
FOR ONE!"
_Tourist._ "WHA-T! GET IN WITH HAWWID OLD WOMEN, AND SQUEEMING
CHILDREN! BY JOVE! YOU KNOW! I SAY! IT'S IMPAWSIBLE, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE--A CLUB._
_Swell._ "HAW! IS THERE ANYTHING WEADY FOR DINNAW?"
_Waiter._ "SHOULDER OF MUTTON JUST READY, SIR!"
_Swell._ "HAW--SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!--AW--WHAT A VEWY ODD THING FOR
DINNAW!--THOUGHT THEY ONLY MADE _GLUE_ OF SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!"]
[Illustration: _FLATTERING._
_Boy_ (_in allusion to_ BROWN, _who thinks he is well got up_). "OH!
LOOK HERE, BILLY. THEY'VE GOT A DINNER PARTY AT THIS 'OUSE--AND IF 'ERE
AIN'T THE COVE WHAT'S A-GOING TO WAIT."]
[Illustration: _BENEFIT OF CLERGY._
_Binks, Minor_ (_loq._). "AH! YOU CAN'T THINK HOW A FELLA SAVES, WHEN
HE GOES INTO THE CHURCH. I USED TO GIVE SNOBBINS THREE GUINEAS FOR MY
BOOTS, AND _NOW_ I GET THEM MADE FOR TWO POUND TWELVE."
_Binks, Major._ "BY JOVE!"]
[Illustration: _A BARE ASSERTION._
_Fred._ "HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ALTERATION, BLANCHE?"
_Blanche._ "WHAT ALTERATION, DEAR?"
_Fred._ "WHY, HANG IT!--HAVEN'T I CUT OFF MY BEARD AND MOUSTACHES?"]
[Illustration: _MR. PUNCH AT HOME._]
[Illustration: _THE FRUGAL MARRIAGE QUESTION._
_Jones_ (_of the Dandelion Club_). "DOOCED JOLLY, I SHOULD SAY, TO
MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR! THINK A SEE MYSELF WOCKING A CWADLE, AND FETCHING
HOME THE MUTTON FROM THE BAKER!"
[_Orders Glass of Dry Curaçoa_.
]
[Illustration: _FAINT ATTEMPT TO CARRY OUT JONES'S IDEA._]
[Illustration: _THOSE HORRID BOYS!_
_Precise Female_ (_in answer to a rude inquiry_). "YOU ARE A VERY
IMPERTINENT BOY!--YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT IT IS A MATTER OF NO
MOMENT TO YOU WHO MY HATTER IS!"]
[Illustration: _VAGARIES OF FASHION._
_Charles._ "FIGURE, INDEED! WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO? A MAN MUST WEAR
SOMETHING. HATS AND COATS ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION--THEY ARE REALLY SO
VERY EFFEMINATE."]
[Illustration: _NOT A QUESTION OF WEATHER._
WHEN IT IS VERY FOGGY IN LONDON, IT IS DELIGHTFUL AT BRIGHTON--AT LEAST
SO CHARLES AND GEORGINA THINK.]
[Illustration: _IS SMOKING INJURIOUS?_
_Youthful Swell._ "HAW! LOOK HERE! IS THAT CHEST OF CIGARS YOU
IMPORTED FOR ME RIPE YET?"
_Cigar Dealer._ "WELL, SIR--I FEAR NOT--THAT IS, NOT RIPE FOR YOUR
TASTE, SIR, FOR AT LEAST THREE WEEKS; BUT WE CAN SPARE YOU A COUPLE
OF THOUSAND OF THESE GIANT REGALIAS TO GO ON WITH TILL THE WEATHER IS
MILDER, WHEN YOUR CIGARS WILL MELLOW RAPIDLY!"
[_Youth accepts the generous offer, and lounges out with a Giant
Regalia as big as his leg in his mouth._
]
[Illustration: _THE SHUTTLE-COCK NUISANCE._
_Little Girl._ "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON SIR!--IT WAS THE WIND AS DONE
IT!"]
[Illustration: _PRUDENT RESOLVE._
_Little Party._ "GO AND WALK IN HYDE PARK? OH, AH!--I DESSAY! AND GET
PELTED FOR A HARISTOCRAT?--NO THANK 'E--NOT IF I KNOW IT."]
[Illustration: _A PLEASING BELIEF._
_Whipper._ "WELL, I WEAR MINE BECAUSE IT SAVES TROUBLE, AND IS SO VERY
'EALTHY."
_Snapper._ "HAH, WELL THERE AIN'T NO HUMBUG ABOUT ME; I WEAR MINE
BECAUSE THEY LOOKS 'ANSOM, AND GOES DOWN WITH THE GALS."]
[Illustration: _RAILWAY COLLUSION--A HINT TO STATION-MASTERS._
_Porter._ "NOW, THEN, BILL! ARE YOU OFF?"
_Cab Ruffian._ "NO; WHAT SORT OF FARE IS IT?"
_Porter._ "SINGLE GENT, WITH SMALL BAG."
_Ruffian._ "OH, _HE_ WON'T DO! CAN'T YER FIND US A OLD LADY AND TWO
LITTLE GALS WITH LOTS O' BOXES? I'M GOOD FOR A PINT!"]
[Illustration: _DISAGREEABLE TRUTH._
_Soldier._ "NOW, THEN! YOU MUST MOVE AWAY FROM HERE."
_Rude Boy._ "AH, BUT _YOU_ MUSN'T, OLD FELLER!"]
[Illustration: _OLD BROOM.--RETIRING FROM BUSINESS._
_New Broom._ "POOR JACK, YER HONOR?"
_Old Broom._ "LEAVE THEM COVES ALONE, TIM; THEY'RE TWO SWELLS WHAT
ALWAYS CROSSES IN A 'ANSOM--'CAUSE O' THEIR BOOTS!"]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER RAILWAY MISERY._
NOW, WE DO HOPE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN IS NOT GOING TO BE ASKED TO SHOW HIS
TICKET; BECAUSE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN HAS JUST PACKED HIMSELF UP QUITE
COMFORTABLY, AND HIS TICKET IS IN THE VERY INNERMOST RECESS OF HIS
WAISTCOAT POCKET; AND BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST THE SORT OF OLD
GENTLEMAN WHO IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH IRRITATED BY SUCH A REQUEST AT SUCH
A TIME.]
[Illustration: _INCIDENT IN A FRENCH REVOLUTION._
_Omnibus Driver._ "THIS IS ORRIBLE VURK IN PARIS, SIR. VY, THEY TELL ME
THEY'VE BIN AND BURNT ALL THE BUSSES!"]
[Illustration: _DWEADFUL ACCIDENT IN HIGH LIFE._
THE HONOURABLE SPENCER DAWDLE (WHOSE TOTAL ABSENCE OF MIND IS SO WELL
KNOWN) HAVING MADE A MORNING CALL IN BELGRAVIA, WALKS OFF WITH A HAT
AND STICK WHICH DO NOT BELONG TO HIM!]
[Illustration: _THE NEW REGULATION._
_Lieutenant Blazer_ (_of the Plungers_). "GOOD GWACIOUS! HERE'S A
HORWIBLE GO! INFANTWY'S GOING TO GWOW A MOUSTACHE!"
_Cornet Fluffey._ "YAW DON'T MEAN THAT! WELL! THERE'S ONLY ONE
ALTERNATIVE FOR US. =WE= MUST SHAVE!"]
[Illustration: _A PICTURE OF ALIMENTIVENESS._