No difficulty was made about enrolling the Chevalier d’Aubepine as a
volunteer in the regiment of Conde, and as the lettre de cachet, as my
brother De Solivet said, the Cardinal understood his game too well to
send one to bring back a youth who had rushed to place himself beneath
the banners of his country in the hands of a prince of the blood.
Indeed, we soon learned that there was no one to pursue him. His
grandfather had a stroke of apoplexy in his rage on hearing of the
arrest, and did not survive it a week, so that he had become Count
of Aubepine. The same courier brought to my husband a letter from
his sister, which I thought very stiff and formal, all except the
conclusion: ‘Oh, my brother, I implore you on my knees to watch over him
and bring him back to me!’
Yet, as far as we knew and believed, the young man had never written at
all to his poor little wife. My husband had insisted on his producing
a letter to his grandfather; but as to his wife, he shrugged his
shoulders, said that she could see that he was safe, and that was enough
for her.
He was, in fact, like one intoxicated with the delights of liberty and
companionship. He enjoyed a certain eclat from the manner of his coming,
and was soon a universal favourite among the officers. Unfortunately,
the influence and example there were not such as to lead him to think
more of his wife. The Duke of Enghien had been married against his will
to a poor little childish creature, niece to Cardinal de Richelieu, and
he made it the fashion to parade, not only neglect, but contempt, of
one’s wife. He was the especial hero of our young Count’s adoration, and
therefore it was the less wonder that, when in the course of the winter,
the chaplain wrote that the young Madame le Comtesse was in the most
imminent danger, after having given birth to the long desired son and
heir, he treated the news with supreme carelessness. We should never
have known whether she lived or died, had not the courier, by whom M. de
Bellaise wrote to her as well as to his uncle, brought back one of her
formal little letters, ill-spelt and unmeaning, thanking Monsieur son
frere and Madame sa femme for their goodness, and saying she was nearly
recovered.
‘It cuts me to the heart to receive such letters,’ said my husband,
‘and to feel how little I can be to her. Some day I hope I may know her
better, and make her feel what a brother means.’
All this happened while we were in garrison for the winter at Nancy.
Again we offered M. d’Aubepine a room in our house; but though he was,
in his way, fond of my husband, and was polite to me, he thought a
residence with us would interfere with his liberty, and, alas! his
liberty consisted in plunging deeper and deeper into dissipation,
gambling, and all those other sports which those about him made him
think the privileges of manhood. We could do nothing; he laughed at M.
de Bellaise, and so indeed did these chosen friends of his. I believe
plenty of wit was expended on us and our happy domestic life; but what
was that to us? The courage of M. de Bellaise was well known, and he had
so much good-temper and kindness that no one durst insult him.
He was doubly tender to me that winter and spring because the accounts
from England were so sad. My dear brother Berenger had been killed
at the battle of Alresford, and affairs looked very ill for the royal
cause. I wept for my brother; but, ah! those tears were as nothing
compared with what I was soon to shed.
The Duke of Enghien arrived. He was not to take the command of the army
of the Low Countries, but of that of Germany. He came on the very day
we had heard of the loss of Freiburg in Brisgau, and all was at once
activity. I saw the inspection of the army just outside the city, and a
glorious sight it was; bodies of infantry moving like one great machine,
squadrons of cavalry looking invincible, all glittering with gold, and
their plumes waving, the blue and gold banners above their heads; and
the dear regiment of Conde, whence salutes from eye and hand came to me
and my little Gaspard as they rode past.
I did not tremble as in the last campaign. Ah! perhaps I did not pray
so much. I heard of the crossing of the Rhine at Brisach, and then came
rumours of a tremendous battle at Freiburg. The bells had only just
begun to ring, when Pierre, our groom, galloped into the town, and sent
up at once his packet. His master, he said, was wounded, but not badly,
and had covered himself with glory. I tore open the packet. There were a
few lines by his own dear hand;--
‘My heart--I shall be with thee soon to rest in thy care--D.G. Kiss your
son. Thy B.’
The rest of the packet was from my half-brother De Solivet, and told
how, in the frightful attack on the vineyard at Freiburg, seven times
renewed, my dear, dear Philippe had received a shot in the knee, just as
he was grasping a Bavarian standard, which he carried off with him. He
would have returned to the charge, but faintness overpowered him, and
he was supported on horseback from the field to the tent. The wound had
been dressed, and the surgeon saw no occasion for alarm. M. de Solivet,
who had a slight wound himself, and M. d’Aubepine, who was quite
uninjured, though he had done prodigies of valour, would tend him with
all their hearts. I had better send the carriage and horses at once to
bring him back, as the number of wounded was frightful, and means of
transport were wanting. Then followed a message of express command from
my husband that I was not to think of coming with the carriage. He would
not have me at Freiburg on any account.
I submitted; indeed I saw no cause for fear, and even rejoiced that for
a long time I should have my husband to myself. I made all ready for
him, and taught my little Gaspard now he would say: ‘Soyez le bienvenu,
mon papa.’
So passed a week. Then one day there was a clanking of spurs on the
stairs; I flew to the door and there stood M. d’Aubepine.
‘Is he near?’ I cried, and then I saw he was white and trembling.
‘Ah! no,’ he cried; ‘he is at Brisach! We could bring him no farther.
Can you come with me, Madame? He asked incessantly for you, and it
might--it might be that your coming may revive him.’
And then this wild headstrong youth actually sank into a chair, hid his
face on the table, and sobbed as if his heart would break.
I had no time for weeping then. I sent for the first physician in Nancy,
and offered him any sum in the world to accompany me; I had to make
almost wild efforts to procure a horse, and at last had to force one
from the governor by my importunities. I collected wine and cordials,
and whatever could be of service, and after his first outburst my young
brother-in-law helped me in a way I can never forget. No doubt the
pestiferous air caused by the horrible carnage of Freiburg had poisoned
the wound. As soon as possible my husband was removed; but the mischief
had been already done; the wound was in a bad state, fever had set in,
and though he struggled on stage after stage, declaring that he should
be well when he saw me, the agony had been such on the last day that
they barely got him to Brisach, and he there became delirious, so that
M. de Solivet decided on remaining with him, while the Count came on to
fetch me. He had ridden ever since four o’clock in the morning, and yet
was ready to set out again as soon as my preparations were complete. Oh,
I can never overlook what he was to me on that journey!
Hope kept us up through that dismal country--the path of war, where
instead of harvest on the August day we saw down-trodden, half-burned
wheat fields, where a few wretched creatures were trying to glean a few
ears of wheat. Each village we passed showed only blackened walls,
save where at intervals a farmhouse had been repaired to serve as an
estafette for couriers from the French army. The desolation of the scene
seemed to impress itself on my soul, and destroy the hopes with which
I had set forth; but on and on we went, till the walls of Brisach rose
before us.
He was in the governor’s quarters, and only at the door, I perceived
the M. d’Aubepine had much doubted whether we should find him alive.
However, that one consolation was mine. He knew me; he smiled again on
me; he called me by all his fondest names; he said that now he could
rest. For twenty-four hours we really thought that joy was working
a cure. Alas! then he grew worse again, and when the pain left him,
mortification had set in, and we could only send for a priest to
administer the last Sacraments.
I am an old woman now, and what was then the cruelest anguish touches
me with pleasure when I think how he called me his guardian angel, and
thanked me for having been his shield from temptation, placing his
son in my sole charge, and commending his sister and his old uncle to
me--his poor little sister whose lot seemed to grieve him so much. He
talked to the Count, who wept, tore his hair, and made promises, which
he really then intended to execute, and which at least comforted my
Philippe.
The good priest who attended him said, he had never seen anything more
edifying or beautiful, and that he had never heard the confession of a
military man showing a purer heart, more full of holy love, trust, and
penitence. There was a great peace upon us all, as his life ebbed away,
and even the Count stood silent and awestruck. They took me away at
last. I remember nothing but the priest telling me that my husband was
in Paradise.
I felt as if it were all a dream, and when presently my brother came
and took my hand, I cried out: ‘Oh, wake me! Wake me!’ And when he burst
into tears I asked what he meant.
Looking back now I can see how very kind he was to me, though I made
little return, being altogether bewildered by the sudden strangeness of
my first grief. Poor M. de Solivet! he must have had a heavy charge for
Armand d’Aubepine was altogether frantic with grief, and did nothing to
help him, while I could not weep, and sat like a statue, hardly knowing
what they said to me. Nay, when the tidings came that my father had been
killed in the battle of Marston Moor three weeks before, I was too dull
and dead to grieve. Eustace had written to my husband in order that
he might prepare me; I opened the letter, and all that I can remember
feeling was that I had no one to shield me.
I had but one wish and sense of duty at that moment, namely, to carry
home those dear remains to the resting-place of his father in Anjou,
where I hope myself to rest. It was of no use to tell me that all places
would be alike to my Philippe when we should awake on the Resurrection
day. I was past reason, and was possessed with a feeling that I would be
sacrilege to leave him among the countless unnamed graves of the wounded
who, like him, had struggled as far as Brisach to die. I fancied I
should not be able to find him, and, besides, it was an enemy’s country!
I believe opposition made me talk wildly and terrify my brother; at
any rate, he swore to me that the thing should be done, if only I would
return to Nancy and to my child. I fancied, most unjustly, that this
was meant to deceive me, and get me out of the way while they buried him
whom I loved so much, and I refused to stir without the coffin.
How my brother contrived it, I do not know, but the thing was done,
and though I was but a cart that carried the coffin to Nancy, I was
pacified.
At Nancy he arranged matters more suitably. Here M. d’Aubepine, in
floods of tears, took leave of me to return to the army, and M. de
Solivet, whose wound disabled him from active service, undertook to
escort me and my precious to Anjou.
It was a long tedious journey, and my heart beats with gratitude to him
when I think what he undertook for me, and how dreary it must have been
for him, while I was too dead and dull to thank him, though I hope my
love and confidence evinced my gratitude in after life.
My dearest went first in a hearse drawn by mules, as was also my large
carriage,--that which we had so joyously bought together, saying it
would be like a kind of tent on our travels. I traveled in it with my
child and my women, and M. de Solivet rode with our men-servants. Our
pace was too slow for the fatigue to be too much for him, and he always
preceded me to every place where we halted to eat, or where we lodged
for the night, and had everything ready without a thought or a word
being needful from me. He always stood ready to give me his arm to take
me to hear mass before we set out each day. The perfect calm, and the
quiet moving on, began to do me good. I felt as if the journey had
always been going on, and only wished it were endless, for when it
was over I should feel my desolation, and have no more to do for
my Philippe. But I began to respond to my poor boy’s caresses and
playfulness a little more; I was not so short and maussade with my women
or with my good brother, and I tried to pray at mass. My brother has
since told me that he never felt more relieved in his life than once
when he made little Gaspard bring me some blue corn-flowers and wheat,
which reminded me of my English home, so that I began to weep so
profusely, that he carried away the poor frightened child, and left me
to Tryphena.
One afternoon at a little village there was a look of festival; the
bells were ringing, everybody was hurrying to the church, and when we
stopped at the door of the inn my brother came to the carriage-window
and said he was afraid that we should not find it easy to proceed at
once, for a mission priest was holding a station, and no one seemed able
to attend to anything else.
‘He is a true saint! he is just about to preach,’ said the landlady, who
had come out with her gayest apron, her whitest cap, and all her gold
chains. ‘Ah! the poor lady, it would do her heart good to hear him
preach; and by that time the roast would be ready--an admirable piece of
venison, sent for the occasion. There he is, the blessed man!’
And as I had just alighted from the carriage, for our mules had made a
double stage and could not go farther, I saw coming from the prebytere
three or four priests, with the sexton and the serving boys. One of
them, a spare thin man, with a little bronze crucifix in his hand,
paused as he saw the hearse drawn up, clasped his hands in prayer, and
then lifted them in benediction of him who lay within. I saw his face,
and there was in it an indescribable heavenly sweetness and pity which
made me say to my brother: ‘I must go and hear him.’
My brother was so glad to hear me express any wish, that I believe, if
I had asked to go and dance on the village green, he would almost have
permitted it; and leaving my little one to play in the garden under
Tryphena’s care, he gave me his arm, and we went into the church,
crowded--crowded so that we could hardly find room; but my deep mourning
made the good people respectfully make place for us and give us chairs.
Ah! that sermon! I cannot tell you it in detail; I only know that it
gave the strongest sense of healing balm to my sore heart, and seemed in
a wonderful way to lift me up into the atmosphere where my Philippe
was gone, making me feel that what kept me so far--far from him was not
death, nor his coffin, but my own thick husk of sin and worldliness.
Much more there was, which seems now to have grown into my very soul;
and by the time it was over I was weeping tears no longer bitter, and
feeling nothing so much as the need to speak to that priest.
M. de Solivet promised that I should, but we had long to wait, for the
saintly Abbe de Paul would not postpone the poor to the rich; nor could
my grief claim the precedence, for I was not the only broken-hearted
young widow in France, nor even in that little village.
I cannot be grateful enough to my brother that he put up with all the
inconveniences of sleeping at this little village, that I might carry
out what he though a mere woman’s enthusiastic fancy: but in truth it
was everything to me. After vespers the holy man was able to give me
an hour in the church, and verily it was the opening of new life to
me. Since my light had been taken from me, all had been utter desolate
darkness before me. He put a fresh light before me, which now, after
fifty years, I know to have been the dawn of better sunshine than even
that which had brightened my youth--and I thank my good God, who has
never let me entirely lose sight of it.
Very faint, almost disappointing, it seemed to me then. I came away from
my interview feeling as if it had been vain to think there could be any
balm for a crushed heart, and yet when I awoke the next morning, and
dressed myself to hear mass before resuming my journey, it was with the
sense that there I should meet a friend and comforter. And when I looked
at my little son, it was not only with dreary passionate pity for the
unconscious orphan, but with a growing purpose to bring him up as his
father’s special charge,--nay, as that from even a greater and nearer
than my Philippe.
While, as we journeyed on, I gradually dwelt less on how piteous my
arrival would be for myself, and thought more and more of its sadness
for the poor old Marquis who had loved his nephew so much, till, instead
of merely fearing to reach Nid de Merle, I began to look forward to it,
and consider how to comfort the poor old man; for had not my husband
begged me to be the staff of his old age, and to fill a daughter’s place
to him?