On going over the minor orders, riders, and corrections of the
President, it will be seen that he never succumbed to conforming with
the stale and set phrases of the civil-service documents. For an
instance of his unquenchable humor read the following discharge:
Two brothers, Smiths, of Boston, had been arrested, held, and
persecuted for a long period by a military tribunal. The charge was
defrauding the government. The hue and cry about the cheating
contractors called for a victim. But the Chief Executive on perusing
the testimony concluded that the defendants were guiltless. He wrote
the subsequent release:
"Whereas, Franklin W. and J. C. Smith had transactions with the Navy
Department to the amount of one and a quarter millions of dollars; and,
whereas, they had the chance to steal a million, and were charged with
stealing twenty-two hundred dollars--and the question now is stealing a
hundred--I don't believe they stole anything at all! Therefore, the
record and findings are disapproved--declared null and void--and the
defendants are fully discharged."
* * * * *
"IT OCCURS TO ME THAT I AM COMMANDER!"
To the prairie man the climate of Washington would be almost tropical.
Nevertheless, it participates of American meteorological variability,
as "Old Probability" would admit.
One night, Lincoln, coming out of his rooms at the Executive Mansion to
make his nocturnal round, finishing with the call for the latest
despatches at garrison headquarters, noticed as the fierce gale shook
him and scourged him with sleet, that a soldier was contending with the
storm just outside the outer door.
"Young man," said he, turning sharply to him, "you have got a cold job
to-night. Step inside and guard there."
The soldier stoutly contended--for the colloquy became an argument by
Lincoln's delight in debate. He persisted that he was posted there by
orders and must not budge save by a superior countermand.
"Hold on, there!" cried Lincoln, pleased at the arguer supplying him
with a decisive weapon; "it occurs to me that I am commander-in-chief!
and so, I order you to go inside!"
* * * * *