_The abuses of Nurses, and keepers of sick people, his Master dyeth, the
knavery of his Executor both in his trade and office: he lives with a
Locksmith, the knavery of that trade._
I was the less grieved for the death of my father, knowing, if he had
lived, he would have brought me to the Gallows, for he would have been
always in want, and urging me to supply him, which I could not do any
other wayes than by theft; but that now he was dead I resolved quite to
give over the practice of it, for fear in the end, it should bring me to
look through a hempen casement. And now I bent all my endeavours to
please my Master, knowing I had few friends to rely upon; I was up with
the first, and down with the last, and refused no work I was set unto,
and I found the benefit of my diligence at last, for it pleased God to
visit our family with the Pestilence, which in a weeks space, swept away
all the whole Houshold but my Master and I. In this weeks time I
observed the abuses and cheats of Nurses and Keepers, such who look to
people who are visited with the sickness. Two of these Jades we had in
our house, who when my mistris lay distracted with the distemper, took
away her keys, and ransackt her Trunks, from whence they took a purse
full of money, most of it gold, which she had gathered unknown to my
Master, intending to keep it for her further need, (or as we say)
against a rainy day. Thus these Jades convey’d away together with a
great deal of the best linnen in the house, which was done by the help
of the watch-man that guarded the door, who was son-in-law to one of the
Queans, and now that my Master might not discover their theft, they sent
her of an errant to her long home, by giving her drinks and other slops,
quite contrary to what the Physicians prescribed, by the same way they
dispatch’d the maid, and the Prentices, with a little Girle, the only
Child my Master had; and now was none remaining but my Master and I,
whom they intended should have followed after the rest, then they might
have plundered without controul; but I seeing how soon my fellows were
gone, and observing that they all dy’d presently after they had received
any of their slops, would have nothing to do with them, perswading my
Master to do the like, affirming it even before their faces, that they
were the persons that had kill’d my Mistriss and the rest, and would if
let alone, make a hand of us too. But these impudent Jades hearing me
begin to discover their villanies, would have perswaded my Master that I
was also infected, and that it had already taken my brain, which caused
me to talk so idly, and so began to seize upon me, intending to have
ty’d me into a bed, which if they had done I should never have come out
of it alive, but my Master interposing bid them let me alone, for he
himself was of the same mind with me. These bold Queans hearing him say
so, one of them flew at him; you old dotard said she, do you begin to
talke idely too, we must tame you yfaith, & so attempted to pull him
down, whilst the other was as busie with me: my Master and I strugling
with them what we could: but perceiving them to be too hard for us (for
they were two stout Mastiff Queans) we got to the window and cryed as
loud as we could, and thereby gathered a great many people together to
know what was the matter, to whom we related the great danger we were in
of being murdered by the two women that were with us, desiring by all
means, that we might be rid of them, they being the greatest plague we
were infected withal at the present, and whom we dreaded as much as
death it self; Amongst others that came (alarm’d by this outcry) was a
Shoomaker that lived not far off who was near of kin to my Master, and
thought himself no mean fellow, he being at that time Overseer of the
poor, this man kept a great bustle, commanding the door to be broken
open, which being done with as much imperiousness as a Countrey Justice
domineers over a hedge-breaker, he commands the two women to depart out
of the house, which they (being conscious of a self guilt) accordingly
did, to the no little joy of my Master and me, who fear’d we should have
perished under their merciless hands.
Being rid of these two Harpyes, I was more than double diligent towards
my Master, well hopeing that Death with his beesom would sweep him away
also, which I judged the rather could come to pass, because the thred of
his life was spun out to a far greater length than mine, not at all
considering, that the Pestilence makes no difference betwixt age and
youth; or if it doth, sooner seizes upon youth than age, as having more
matter to work upon. But I was so confident that my Master would die,
and that I should live, that I would rather perform all offices towards
him, than to admit of a partner to plunder the House with me when he was
dead. But three dayes being passed, and no alteration at all appearing
in him, I began then to alter my opinion, and feared he would escape and
not have it at all; and therefore I began to cast my wits about, and
consider with my self, what I had best to do; now I knew conceit would
do much with him, and therefore I first begun to tell him, that he
looked very ill all of a sudden, asking if he felt no alteration in his
body? which at first he said, no; but afterwards upon my perswasions
that he must needs be sick, he soon grew conceited that he was so
indeed, in so much, that at last I told him, that he had the perfect
symptoms of a dying man upon him; those words struck him to the very
heart, that without further delay he went to the window, called for a
Porter, and sent him for a Shoomaker I spake of before, to come to him
presently, and bring a Scrivener along with him. I asked him what he
would do with a Scrivener? but when he told me it was to make his will,
I was ready to swound, fearing he would take an inventory of his goods
also, and so hinder my pelfering when he was dead, for I was now fully
minded to theive from him what I could, notwithstanding my resolution
but a little before to leave it off, I feared to be known for stealing
the silver bowl: so hard it is for those that are principled in
wickedness, to leave off that vice they have been accustomed unto;
however I praised him for his care therein, that he would settle his
mind as to outward affairs, they might be no hindrance to his more pious
thoughts, which now should be bent altogether to Heaven-wards.
Scarce had I made an end of praising his good intentions, but that the
Shoomaker and the Scrivener were come, to whom out of the window, he
declared his mind for the disposing of his estate. First, he commended
his Soul unto Heaven, and his Body to Earth, which I wished had been
racked up in it before the Scrivener came. Next (said he) for the good
and faithful service he hath done me, I bequeath to my Boy _Gregory_
(for that is my name) the sum of twenty pounds, whereof ten pound to be
bestowed on him in Schooling,the other ten pound to buy him Cloathes,
and put him out to Apprentice to some Handy-craft Trade. I hearing my
Master to say this, could not but reflect upon my monstrous ingratitude
that I should go to kill him that was so kind to me, and had so much
care for my future livelihood; but covetousness cancels all obligations,
and therefore is well termed the Spring head of all ungodliness. Next
(said he) I bequeath to the poor of the Parish wherein I live, the sum
of five pounds, three pound thereof to be laid out on Cloaths for them,
to make them apparel, and bestowed on such as my Executor shall see most
needful; and the other forty shillings to be laid out in bread for them,
and to be distributed the next four Sundayes after my decease, each
Sunday alike till it be out. The rest of his estate he gave unto the
Shoomaker. whom he made his full and sole Executor, giving him a great
charge to be careful of me, and so having subscribed and sealed it, he
betook him to his bed, as prepared to die; and free leave he had to go
both of me and the Shoomaker also.
To hasten him on the more, I perswaded him to sweat, which he was
willing to do; so I covered him with as many Clothes as he was able to
bear, and being in a violent sweat, he called for some strong waters;
whereupon I went to the Pump and filled him a pint of such sober liquor
as that yielded, and brought it to him; which having tasted, he asked me
what I had brought him? I told him it was excellent good _white
anny-seed_, he said, it tasted like fair water; I told him, that was
only the badness of his Pallet which could not distinguish any thing;
truly (said he) it tasteth so small, that I think you may leave the word
_anny seed_ out, and call it only _white-water_. Yet notwithstanding
this he found such fault, his parching thirst caused him to drink it all
off, which gave such a sudden chill to his blood, that what with that
and some other slops that I gave him, in three days time he turned up
his heels and dyed.
No sooner was his breath out of his body, but I began to put in
execution what before I had intended; and first I examined his pockets,
wherein I found the sum of fourteen shillings and nine pence; eleven
shillings whereof I took, leaving some, that I might not be suspected to
have taken any, but this was nothing to what I thought to find in his
Trunck, which I opened with an expectation to have mine eyes blest with
the sight of store of white and yellow pieces, but the clouds dropped no
such rain, the Trunk courted not me as _Jupiter_ did _Diana_ with a
golden showre; some plate was in it, some Bonds and other writings, but
no money. This was a shrew’d cooling card to my high hopes, which
promised me Mountains, and performed not mole-hills; for as for the
plate the Executor knew of each piece in the house, and Bills and Bonds
signified no more to me, than meat to an hungry man which he might see
but not come at; wherefore seeing it would be no better, I armed my self
with patience, considering I had not lost by his death, he having given
me twenty pound for the bringing me up to some learning and putting me
out Apprentice, by which I hoped to be sufficiently able to live in the
World; and therefore having secured the eleven shillings in the Coller
of my doublet (mistrusting my pockets might be searched) I called for a
messenger, and sent the Executor word of his death, not bidding him to
have a care of frighting him in the delivery of his message, for I did
not think the sudden news of his death would make him to break his heart
with sorrow, there was less fear in that, than of a Usurer undoing a
young Heir, when he once gets him into bonds. He having received the
news, made no long tarriance before he came to me, bringing a couple of
old women along with him to search the dead corps, that an account might
be given what he dyed of, which is a thing that (you know) is usual. But
before I proceed any further (having occasion here to speak of these
searchers) give me leave to mention some abuses and cheats which I have
observed to be practised by them.
They are indeed very necessary, especially in great Cities, that an
account may be given of what diseases people die of, and that men may
not have their lives shortned by violence, which appearing after their
deaths, may be by them discovered; but these women have their _Cheats_
too, for notwithstanding they are sworn to give a true information to
the Parish Clarks, yet money can so blind their eyes, that if a man be
poysoned, they can bring it in that he died of the _French-Pox_; and
though a house be visited with the sickness, yet if the Master thereof
be unwilling to be shut up for loosing his trading, if he do but greaze
them in the fist with some money, they will make the Pestilence to be
surfeit, and the spotted feaver (which is little inferiour to the
Plague) the Swine-pox, and sometimes the Meazles; nay once I know two of
these Searchers that for money brought it in that the party who had the
spotted feaver, dyed of nothing else but the tooth-ach: Thus you see
that it is an undeniable maxime, that there is _Knavery in all trades_,
people being now grown so villanous in their practises, that they make
the very dead to be accessary to their Cheats.
But to return to my story: The Shoomaker standing in the street, whilest
the women came in, called to me, and bid me, if any of the Truncks were
open, to lock them up, and throw the keys down to him; which I
accordingly did, the fear of loosing his Mammon making him to dispence
with any danger that might accrew to him by taking the keys. That night
was my old Master buried, and a fortnight after (the Bedding and
Cloathes being aired in the mean time, and I continuing sound) I was
removed to his house, where I took special notice of his great care in
performing my Masters will, and first for the three pounds that was
given to buy the poor Cloathes, he bestowed the same on two suits for
his own Boys, proving it to be the will of the dead it should be so; for
(said he) they are poor who are in want, and his sons wanting Clothes,
therefore they were to be reckoned in the number of the poor, and policy
bids us this, always to provide for our own poor first. Then for the
bread he ordered with the Baker so, that for every ten dozen, he would
have a twelve penny loaf and yet were they made fifteen to the dozen,
which over-plus above twelve he also took to himself, so that the penny
loaves shrunk to the bigness of half penny ones, and only for the name
there was no difference. I seeing how he had dealt by the poor, thought
with my self that my Legacy would shrink also like Northern Cloath in
the wetting, and my twenty pound, come to twenty shillings; but whilst I
had cause for my self, I would not complain of his dealing by others,
and therefore expected the event with patience.
Soon after I was set to School with a fellow that went in black
Cloathes, and therefore taken for a man of learning because so habited;
this man and his Schollars were both of one mind, for he cared not how
little he taught them for their money, and they cared not how little
they learned for it; but I who had no friends to rely on for bestowing
any thing upon me afterwards, resolved not to neglect opportunity, but
to gain what learning I could, thinking it might stand me in great stead
another day, and therefore I so plyed my book, that in a short time I
could read English very perfectly, and had some skill in writing and
casting accounts.
During this time that I went to School, I plyed not my book so
altogether, but that I observed some practices of the Shoomaker, both in
his trade and in his office; and first for his trade, I saw he used two
sorts of leather, one whereof was called mens leather, which was strong,
fast, and would last well; the other he called womans leather, which was
not half tanned, and would scarce last ten miles going; this last sort
of leather (because it was cheap) he used most, especially in womens
shooes, and the inner soals of mens: and sometimes I observed that if
the inner soals were too little, he would slit them in the middle to
make them appear on both sides, and at other times with his teeth he
would stretch his leather, as for gain he would stretch his Conscience.
Then for his office, for the bread that was given to the poor at the
Church on Sundayes, he had a weekly fee from the Baker for his custom;
and for other gifts that were to be distributed (as there was some
Quarterly) that poor man that received them, must either do a dayes work
gratis for him, or else present him with some gift worth half of what he
was to receive, or else he was sure to go without it; so that in respect
of his office, these verses of _Withers_ were very applicable unto him,
_The poor’s neglector, O I pardon crave,
Collector I should say, may play the knave,
The fool I would have said, but chuse you whether
He may be both, and so he may be neither._
But before I had been at School long, my Guardian told me, the ten pound
was out for my board (for I paid a Roast-meat price for my diet,
although I fed most commonly on bread and cheese) and therefore I must
prepare to go to Prentice; I thought it was in vain to contend with him,
and therefore bid him provide me a Master as soon as he would, for I was
willing I told him to go. He quickly heard of one (for bad Masters are
as easie to be found as bad servants) one that was a true
_Bacchanalian_, a Son of _Vulcan_, by profession a Lock-smith, what the
Executor was to give with me I know not, but thither I went some few
dayes upon liking; and indeed it was but a few dayes I was there in all,
for there was found _Knavery in that Trade_ as well as others. My new
Master had belike driven an old trade with pick-pockets, house-breakers,
and such kinde of people whom he furnished with store of pick-locks, and
instruments to break open Shop-doors and windows; he also drave a great
trade with thievish Prentices, for false keys for their Masters
counting-houses and Truncks, they bringing him the print of them either
in Wax or Clay, with some of which he was sharers in their purchase. He
had also his Emissaries abroad, which would steal Iron bars from
Cellar-windows, and sometimes fetch a short jaunt into the Countrey, and
steal the Coulters and Shares from the Ploughs, as also hooks and hinges
from Gates, which he bought for a small price, and used to work them out
in the night for fear of discovery, yet all would not do, wicked actions
have bad endings; one of these Prentices who had made use of him, and
thereby much wronged his Master, spending that money riotously which he
had got naughtily, his excess brought him to a surfeit that occasioned
his end, when upon his death-bed, reflecting on his former vitious
practises, he detected my Master, who was thereupon apprehended and
carried before a Justice of the Peace, that sent him to _Newgate_; how
he sped I know not, but if he had his deserts, I am sure he could not
scape hanging.
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