I suppose no man ever tried harder to be deeply, earnestly, sincerely
in love than I tried to be with Miss Farington; and I suppose no man
ever failed more completely. I believe now that to any other woman I
have ever met, being a man by no means without affectionate impulses,
and being also in a most propitious mood for sentiment, I should have
been by the end of the week a submissive if not adoring slave. I
wanted to be a slave; I was even anxious to become, for the time at
least, the mere chattel of somebody else, a gracious and kindly
somebody, be it well understood, who would give me the wages of
affection in return for my best efforts in her service.
But Miss Farington's heart and mind were far too well regulated for
her to tolerate, much less seek, such an empire over the man who was
to be her lord and master. She despised sentiment, and meant to begin
as she intended to keep on, neither giving nor accepting an
unreasonable amount of affection. Respect and esteem, and above all,
compatibility of aim, she used to say, not harshly, but with an
implied reproach to my own more vulgar and sensual views, were the
only sure foundation of happy married life; and I felt that so long as
there was an unrepaired pig-stye within a mile of Larkhall, I was an
object of comparatively small importance in my _fiancee's_ eyes. And
the worst of it was I couldn't contradict her. Reserving all her
philanthropic projects, she was on other matters the incarnation of
common sense; and I soon found that it was the vague reputation for
intellect which any man gets in the country who likes his books better
than his neighbours, which had attracted her attention to my unworthy
self. She was disappointed with her bargain already; I was sure of
that: but having made it, she was not the woman to go back from her
word. She even had the good taste, on finding that her 'plans' palled
upon me, to drop them out of her conversation to a great extent, but I
had a shrewd suspicion that they would be let loose upon me again with
full force as soon as she should be installed as mistress of Larkhall.
I was secretly resolved however, since my lady-love declined to rule
me in the right woman's way--through her heart--to assert my supremacy
of the head in a startling and unexpected manner so soon as I should
be legally the master.
In the meantime we jogged on with our engagement, and I found in my
daily walks with Lucy, and in luncheons and teas at her father's, no
charm strong enough to make me for a moment forget the fact that in a
few days Babiole would be under my own roof.
For I had decided that not honour enough could be done to my guests at
the cottage; and, Ferguson and old Janet joining in the work with a
heartiness which made me love them, we turned out the whole house from
garret to basement, and for a week there was such a sweeping and
garnishing as never was known. We had only just got it in order when
Fabian's telegram came announcing that they were off, and for the next
forty-eight hours nobody could stop to take breath. The stable-boy had
insisted on erecting at the entrance a lop-sided triumphal arch which,
after having required constant renewing of its branches for a day and
a half, having been put up much too soon, had to be taken down at the
last moment, as it was found that a carriage could not drive under it
without either the arch carrying away the coachman, or the coachman
carrying away the arch. They were to break the journey by spending one
night at Edinburgh, and I had proposed to meet them at Aberdeen on the
following day. But Miss Farington's uncle having come to Ballater on
purpose to annoy me--I mean on purpose to meet me--I was forced to
attend a most dull luncheon at Oak Lodge where I, in absence of mind,
made myself very objectionable by expressing a doubt whether any
lawyers would be found in heaven.
They made me stay to tea, though I'm sure nobody wanted me, and I was
dying to get away. It was nearly six before I could leave, and I
rushed to the little station just as the passengers were streaming out
of the train. I knew that Babiole was among them, and I came upon her
suddenly as I got through the door on to the platform. She was
leaning on her mother, pale, thin, wasted so that for pity and terror
I could not speak, but just held out my arm and supported her to the
carriage which, by my orders, was waiting outside. As we drove off she
leaned against her mother and held out her hand to me.
'Again--after four years, to be back with you under old
Craigendarroch,' she said, almost in a whisper, with moist eyes.
'Yes, yes, we'll set you up again as none of your London doctors could
do,' I said huskily.
She smiled at me, still keeping my hand.
'Will you, Mr. Maude?' she asked half doubtingly, like a child.
'See what marriage has done for her!' broke in Mrs. Ellmer half
mournfully, half tartly. 'She wouldn't be satisfied till she'd tried
it, and look at the result.'
At that moment a yelping and barking behind us attracted our
attention, and the next moment poor old Ta-ta, released from the van
in which she had been travelling, overtook the carriage, and tried to
leap up from the road to lick my face.
'Ta-ta, old girl, why, we're going to have the old times back again,'
I cried, much moved; and after a drive in which only Mrs. Ellmer
talked much, we all reached Larkhall in a more or less maudlin
condition, overcome by old recollections.
All the men and boys about the place had assembled in two rows at the
entrance, and gave us a hearty cheer as we drove past. Ferguson was
standing at the door, and I vow his hard old eyes were moist as he
insisted on helping the little lady out himself. Janet, in a cap which
rendered the wearer insignificant, made a respectful curtsey to Mrs.
Scott as she came up the steps, but threw her arms around her as soon
as she was fairly inside the hall.
Mrs. Ellmer and I were rather afraid of the effects of fatigue and
excitement on a frame scarcely convalescent, but the pleasure of being
back among the hills was such a powerful stimulant that within half an
hour of going upstairs to the big south bedroom, which had been aired
and cleaned and done up expressly for her, she flitted down again with
quick steps, and with a faint stain of pink colour showing under the
transparent skin of her thin cheeks.
I was just outside the front door, where I had been hovering about
with an unlighted cigar between my lips, when I caught a glimpse of
soft white drapery in the heavy shadows of the old staircase. I went
back into the hall and looked up at her, as she stopped with one hand
on the bannisters, smiling down at me but saying nothing. She wore a
transparent white dress that looked like muslin only that it was
silky, with a long train that remained stretched on the stairs above
her as she stopped.
'I thought it was an angel flying over my staircase,' I said gently.
'And all the while it was only a silly moth that had singed its wings
in the big bright candle you had warned it to keep away from,' she
answered gravely, after a pause.
'The wings will grow again, and when it goes back to the light----'
'We won't talk about going back yet,' she broke in with a little
shiver. 'I want to forget all about London for a little while, and try
to feel just as I used to do here. I wouldn't bring Davis with me.
Poor mamma is going to be my nurse, and you to be my doctor, and I am
going to take Craigendarroch after every meal.'
'You must be ready for one now, one meal, I mean, not one mountain.
Where is poor mamma?'
'Oh, she's gone to talk to Janet. She thinks I am still waiting for
her to do my hair. But she shall see that I am not an invalid any
longer.'
But as she spoke, the light died out of her eyes, and I saw the
fragile white hand, the blue-veined delicacy of which had alarmed me,
suddenly clutch the bannister-rail tightly.
'You mustn't boast too soon,' said I, as I ran up the stairs and
supported her.
She recovered herself in a few moments, being only very weak and
tired, and she suddenly lifted her face to mine quite merrily.
'Shall we take Froude to-morrow, Mr. Maude? Or shall I prepare a
chapter of Schiller's _Thirty Years' War_?' she asked, just in the old
manner. 'Or a couple of pages of _Ancient History_?'
'I think,' I answered slowly, while my heart leapt up as a salmon does
at a fly, and I honestly tried not to feel so disloyally, unmistakably
happy, 'that we'll do a little modern poetry, and that we'll begin
with "The Return of the Wanderer."'
I was leading her slowly downstairs, when Mrs. Ellmer's high piercing
voice, coming towards us as the door of the housekeeper's room was
opened, suddenly broke upon our ears.
'Well, I must go and congratulate him. I'm sure I always said that a
nice wife was just the one thing he wanted.'
'Who's that?' asked Babiole quite sharply.
'Why, don't you know your own mother's voice?'
'Yes, yes, but who is she talking about? Who is it wants a nice wife?'
'I suppose most of us do, only we are not all so lucky as a certain
young actor I know,' I said brightly; but my heart beat violently,
and I felt Babiole's fingers trembling on my arm.
She asked me no more questions, and I took her into the dining-room to
admire the roses with which we had loaded the table. But when her
mother joined us a moment later, brimming over with excitement about
my engagement, Babiole nodded and said, 'Yes, mother, I've heard all
about it,' and offered no congratulations.
As for me, the remembrance of my _fiancee_ this evening threw me into
a reckless mood. 'Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we--marry Miss
Farington' was the kind of thought that lay at the bottom of my
deliberate abandonment of myself to the enthralling pleasure the mere
presence of this little white human thing had power to give me. Mrs.
Ellmer and I were very lively both at dinner and afterwards in the
study, where we all went merely to look at To-to, but where Babiole
insisted on our staying. She did not talk much; but on the other hand,
her face never for a moment fell into that listless sadness which had
pained and shocked me so much in London. When at last she was so
evidently tired out that we had reluctantly to admit that she must go
to bed, she let her mother see that she wanted to speak to me, and
remained behind to say--
'I want to see this lady you are going to marry. For I'm not going to
congratulate you till I see whether she is sweet, and beautiful, and
noble, and worthy to--worship you, Mr. Maude,' she ended earnestly.
'She is a very nice girl,' said I, playing with To-to with unconscious
roughness, which the monkey resented.
'A nice girl for _you_!' she said scornfully. 'She must be more than
that, or I will forbid the banns. I was afraid you would think it
strange that I didn't say something about it,' she went on, after a
moment's pause, rather nervously; 'but when I heard it--just now--I
prayed about it--I did indeed--just as I used to for myself and
Fabian.'
A fear evidently struck her here that the reminiscence was ill-omened,
for she hastened to add, 'But then I didn't deserve to be happy--and
you do. Good-night,' she concluded abruptly, and drawing her hot hand
with nervous haste out of mine she left me.
The next day came a reaction from the excitement of her arrival, and
Babiole was not able to leave her room until late in the afternoon. I
had paid my duty-call at Oak Lodge in the morning, and had been
disconcerted to find that common sense and philanthropy had grown less
attractive than ever. Lucy expressed her intention of calling upon
Mrs. Scott that very afternoon, and when I explained that she was
tired and not likely to make her appearance before dinnertime, my
philanthropist said she would drive round to Larkhall in the evening.
From this pertinacity I concluded that Miss Farington was perhaps not
so entirely free from human curiosity and perhaps feminine jealousy as
she would have liked me to suppose. At any rate she kept me with her
all day, an unquiet conscience having made me exceedingly docile; and
it was six o'clock before I got home.
I went straight into the drawing-room, where Babiole, lying on a sofa
before one of the windows, was enjoying the warm light of the
declining sun.
'Better?' said I simply, coming up to the sofa and looking down. All
the energy and animation of the evening before were gone now; but to
me Babiole never lost one charm without gaining a greater; she had
been fascinating in a lively mood, she was irresistible in a quiet
one. She gave me her hand and answered in a weak voice--
'Yes, I'm better, thank you.'
'What have you been thinking about so quietly all by yourself? I don't
fancy you ought to be allowed to think at all.'
'I've been thinking about poor papa. Have you heard anything more
about him?'
'Yes, he's all right, I believe, settled down in Aberdeen. I don't
think you'd better try to see him though. It might set him worrying
again on the old subject, which perhaps he has forgotten.'
She shook her head. 'You don't know papa as mamma and I do. He wastes
his life so that people despise him, and believe that he cares for
nothing but the day's enjoyment. But they are wrong. He is fierce and
sullen, and he never forgets. He came up here to see _you_, and to do
you harm; and he will never rest until at least he's tried to.'
'Well, he and I were very good friends, and there is nothing I should
like better than to meet him and make him listen to reason--as I'm
sure he would do.'
'He--he might not give you the chance.'
I was pleased by her solicitude for me, but I showed her how very
far-fetched her fears were, and assured her, moreover, that if Mr.
Ellmer, with the brutal ferocity which had been ascribed to him,
should ever go so far as to attack me personally, he would probably
find his match in a man who lived so hardily as I.