HOW TO BRIGHTEN WARFARE.

The contents of a poster of an esteemed contemporary (I confess that I

got no further than the poster), which announced "Training Eagles to

Fight Airships," have led me to speculate whether something further

might not be achieved in similar directions.

Why, for instance, should not rabbits be trained to upset siege guns?

The innocent and docile character of the creatures would be a valuable

asset in work of this nature. Even if seen--and among grass or

undergrowth on a dark night a rabbit of ordinary intelligence might

reasonably hope to escape detection--their real purpose might be

cleverly masked until it was too late. Leisurely approaching the object

of attack, lulling the suspicions of a dull-witted sentinel or patrol by

stopping now to cull a leaf, now to wash a whisker, the well-trained

rabbit would have no difficulty in creeping to within striking distance.

Then suddenly rushing forward and throwing its whole weight against the

nearest wheel of the cannon it would tilt it from its foundation and

fling it headlong to irretrievable destruction, very likely pinning

several members of the gun company among its ruins.

If it is objected that the strength of an average rabbit would be

unequal to the task, are there not, I would ask, strong rabbits among

rabbits, just as there are strong men among men? None of the rabbits of

my acquaintance could, I admit, overturn a mowing-machine; but then

neither could I myself balance a coach-and-four upon my neck, yet I have

seen men upon the stage who could and did. The first object of the

efficient trainer would be, of course, to select suitable rabbits.

Surely something too might be done with white mice? By gnawing through

the tent ropes of a sleeping enemy--especially on wet and stormy

nights--they would engender a sense of strain and insecurity among our

opponents that could not be without an appreciable influence on their

temper and _moral_ throughout the campaign. The tents of commanding

officers of notoriously choleric nature should be the objects of

persistent attention in this way.

The suitability of parrots for use in warfare is obvious. Their especial

duty would be to give misleading words of command at points of critical

importance during a battle. A stealthy night attack might be converted

into a hasty "strategic retirement" by an observant parrot ingratiating

itself among the enemy's ranks and raising the cry, "Up, Guards, and at

'em!"

It is perhaps late in the season to utilise the services of trained

wasps to any extent, but the possibilities of other insect auxiliaries

should not be overlooked.

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Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 7, 1914 · 第 28 / 48 题