UNWRITTEN LETTERS TO THE KAISER.

No. III.

(_From the EMPEROR-KING OF AUSTRIA-HUNGARY._)

MY VERY DEAR BROTHER AND BEST FRIEND,--I seize a few moments of leisure

to write and congratulate you, as I congratulate myself, on this

constant succession of almost incredible victories that have brought new

laurels to your arms. Your presence in Paris at the head of the splendid

troops whom you have conducted from triumph to triumph places the

coping-stone on your life's work. Oh, that it had been possible for your

dear old grandfather--I did not always value him as he deserved--to have

lived to see this glory. But, then, I suppose your part in the work

would have been less brilliant and prominent, so, perhaps, all is for

the best as it is.

To have captured the whole French army; to have driven the English army

into the sea and drowned them in what they call their own element (by

the way, when are you going to make your triumphal entry into London?);

to have brought the ungrateful Belgians to recognise you not merely as

their conqueror but also as their benefactor--all this is really almost

enough of honour for one man. But in addition you have made the plans

which have kept so many of the disgraceful Russians cooped up in their

own country, and you will soon, I am sure, lead your troops to Moscow

and on to Petersburg. My own brave fellows shall march shoulder to

shoulder with them. Nothing will be impossible to these armies thus

united and thus led.

What my noble soldiers have hitherto done has been tremendous and

overwhelming. You have, of course, read the bulletins issued by our War

Office. These, however, give an inadequate idea of what has taken place,

and you will, I am sure, forgive me if with the natural pride of an old

man I relate to you these matters in their true proportions. We have

made a military promenade through Montenegro and Servia and have annexed

both these troublesome countries. Only ten Servians and four

Montenegrins have been left alive, so that in future, it may be hoped,

we shall not be vexed by any of their conspiracies. In the Adriatic, we

have made mincemeat of the combined British and French fleets, and have

thus removed from the wretched Italians any temptation to join in the

war against us. It was a magnificent victory, quite equal to that in

which your grand fleet sunk the whole of the British fleet in the North

Sea. Finally, as you know, we have driven the Russians before us like

chaff before the wind. Many hundred thousand Russians, with guns,

ammunition and battle flags, have been taken prisoners and are interned

here in Vienna. All these mighty deeds have been performed by our

soldiers and sailors at an infinitesimal cost. I doubt if we have had

two hundred men killed and wounded. Surely it is a great thing to be

alive in these glorious days.

What pleases me, I may say, as much as anything else, is the wonderful

example of generosity and humanity which your army and mine have been

able to offer to the world. I shudder to think what would have happened

to Belgium, to Germany and to ourselves, had the French, the Russians

and the English been victorious. Villages would have been burnt,

civilians with their women and children would have been massacred,

churches and cathedrals would have been laid in ruins, and whole

countries would have been devastated. It is to our glory that nothing of

this sort has happened; but, after all, we need not take credit for

having acted as Christians and gentlemen. We could do no other.

I am arranging for a _Te Deum_ in St. Stephen's church to thank God for

all the blessings He has vouchsafed to our arms. I wonder if you would

consent to attend. I would arrange the date to suit you. And I hope you

will bring with you some of those fine upstanding fellows of yours who

have fought through the war. Some foolish persons consider them stiff

and hard, but, for myself, I like to see their soldierly pride. Pray

give my regards to your gracious Empress, and my love to the little

princes. But, of course, they must be quite grown up by now.

Your devoted Brother and Friend,

Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 7, 1914 · 第 8 / 48 题