(_By One of Them._)
_Fools rush in where angels fear to tread._ Well, this only shows
our valiant disregard of danger, our readiness of initiative, our
championship of forlorn hopes. We are the heaven-sent leaders of all
"New" enterprises, whether literary, theatrical, or artistic. It is
we who penetrate the mysteries of Bodleyosophy, Beardsleyotechny, and
Yellow Astrology. We are the real and only Mahatmaniacs, Sexomaniacs,
Miasmaniacs. Among our ranks you will find the Women who Did, the
anticonjuGallias, the shedonKeynotes, and all their attendant
and Discordant tribe of Jack-asses. We are the elect and proper
bell-wethers of mankind. Come to us, then, for guidance.
_Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise._ Folly is therefore
the true wisdom. However, this is an Oscarian paradox, which the
Divine WILLIAMS has previously plagiarised, and enlarged on at some
length, so we will pass on.
_Fools build houses, but wise men live in them._ Exactly so; we are
the architects of this generation. The wise man depends on us for his
roof and lodging; and without us he would be homeless. We have built
"Snookson's Folly" and "Babel Mansions"--half of London, in fact. The
jerry-builders have done the rest.
_A fool and his money are soon parted._ A compliment to our
open-handed and indiscriminate generosity. It is we who swell the
subscription list for the last new gold mine or building society;
who subsidise insolvent South American Republics; who support the
mendicant tramp and the deserving blackmailer.
_There is no fool like an old fool._ That is, the quality of folly
improves with keeping, like that of wine. The seniors of our class are
thoroughly reliable old fools, and Past Grand Masters in the art of
ineptitude. We, fools as we are, know how to pay the proper respect
that is due to senility and second-childishness.
_A fool at forty is a fool indeed._ This is a corollary of the
preceding aphorism, for it is only at the age of two-score that we
attain to years of full indiscretion. We develop later than the rest
of humanity; we undergo a severe probation before our claim to the
title of complete nincompoop is recognised. Before forty there is
yet a chance that the budding ninny may desert, and degenerate into a
prig, a Philistine, or a physician. After that age he is safe, and can
be depended on for unwisdom, whereas your ordinary wiseacre cuts his
back teeth and graduates in common-sense at twenty-one.
Lastly, _Fools stand in slippery places_--where wise men tumble down;
but this needs no further illustration than that provided years ago by
C. K., in _Mr. Punch's_ pages.
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NOT FOR THEIR "BEN."--Judging from some of the evidence at the
recent trial of _Tillett_ v. "_The Morning_" (_Limited_), it probably
occurred to the unemployed dockers that they might have been well
employed in "docking" B. T.'s salary.
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[Illustration: BISMARCK'S EIGHTIETH BIRTHDAY: A TARDY TRIBUTE.
[Last week the Emperor of GERMANY presented Prince BISMARCK with a
sword sheathed in gold as a birthday present.--_Vide Daily Papers._]
A HISTORICAL PARALLEL.--"The notice you have been pleased to take of
my labours, had it been early, had been kind; but it has been delayed
till I am indifferent, and cannot enjoy it."--_Extract from Dr.
Johnson's Letter to Lord Chesterfield, February 1755._]
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[Illustration: AN INNOCENT.
_Sportsman_ (_who has been training a "Dark 'Un" of his own for the
"Grand National"_). "THERE, MY BOY, THERE'S A FIFTY TO ONE CHANCE FOR
YOU! NOW, JUST YOU TAKE MY ADVICE, AND GET ON AT ONCE!"
_Little Greensmith._ "GET ON, EH? THANKY! PREFER TO SEE THE LAD ON
HIM, THANKY!"]
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