Avocatori, [BONARIO, CELIA, CORBACCIO, CORVINO, Commandadori, Saffi,]
_etc._, [_as before_.]
_1 Avoc._ These things can ne’er be reconcil’d. He here
[_showing the papers_]
Professeth that the gentleman was wrong’d,
And that the gentlewoman was brought thither,
Forc’d by her husband, and there left.
_Volt._ Most true.
_Cel._ How ready is heaven to those that pray!
_1 Avoc._ But that 5
Volpone would have ravish’d her, he holds
Utterly false, knowing his impotence.
_Corv._ Grave fathers, he’s possest; again, I say,
Possest: nay, if there be possession, and
Obsession, he has both.
_3 Avoc._ Here comes our officer. 10
[_Enter_ VOLPONE.]
_Volp._ The parasite will straight be here, grave fathers.
_4 Avoc._ You might invent some other name, sir varlet.
_3 Avoc._ Did not the notary meet him?
_Volp._ Not that I know.
_4 Avoc._ His coming will clear all.
_2 Avoc._ Yet it is misty.
_Volt._ May’t please your fatherhoods——
_Volp._ (_whispers_ VOLT.) Sir, the parasite 15
Will’d me to tell you that his master lives;
That you are still the man; your hopes the same;
And this was only a jest——
_Volt._ How?
_Volp._ Sir, to try
If you were firm, and how you stood affected.
_Volt._ Art sure he lives?
_Volp._ Do I live, sir?
_Volt._ O me!
I was too violent.
_Volp._ Sir, you may redeem it. 21
They said you were possest; fall down, and seem so:
I’ll help to make it good. (VOLTORE _falls_.) God bless the man!——
Stop your wind hard, and swell—See, see, see, see!
He vomits crooked pins! His eyes are set, 25
Like a dead hare’s hung in a poulter’s shop!
His mouth’s running away! Do you see, signior?
Now it is in his belly.
_Corv._ Ay, the devil!
_Volp._ Now in his throat.
_Corv._ Ay, I perceive it plain.
_Volp._ ’T will out, ’t will out! stand clear.
See where it flies, 30
In shape of a blue toad, with a bat’s wings!
Do you not see it, sir?
_Corb._ What? I think I do.
_Corv._ ’T is too manifest.
_Volp._ Look! he comes t’ himself!
_Volt._ Where am I?
_Volp._ Take good heart, the worst is past, sir.
You’re dispossest.
_1 Avoc._ What accident is this! 35
_2 Avoc._ Sudden and full of wonder!
_3 Avoc._ If he were
Possest, as it appears, all this is nothing.
_Corv._ He has been often subject to these fits.
_1 Avoc._ Show him that writing:—do you know it, sir?
_Volp._ (_whispers_ VOLT.) Deny it, sir, forswear it: know it not. 40
_Volt._ Yes, I do know it well, it is my hand;
But all that it contains is false.
_Bon._ O practice![1744]
_2 Avoc._ What maze is this!
_1 Avoc._ Is he not guilty then,
Whom you there name the parsite?
_Volt._ Grave fathers,
No more than his good patron, old Volpone. 45
_4 Avoc._ Why, he is dead.
_Volt._ O no, my honour’d fathers,
He lives——
_1 Avoc._ How! lives?
_Volt._ Lives.
_2 Avoc._ This is subtler yet!
_3 Avoc._ You said he was dead.
_Volt._ Never.
_3 Avoc._ You said so.
_Corv._ I heard so.
_4 Avoc._ Here comes the gentleman; make him way.
[_Enter_ MOSCA.]
_3 Avoc._ A stool.
_4 Avoc._ [_Aside._] A proper man; and were Volpone dead, 50
A fit match for my daughter.
_3 Avoc._ Give him way.
_Volp._ [_Aside to_ MOS.] Mosca, I was a’most lost; the advocate
Had betray’d all; but now it is recover’d;
All’s on the hinge again——Say I am living.
_Mos._ What busy knave is this!—Most reverend fathers, 55
I sooner had attended your grave pleasures,
But that my order for the funeral
Of my dear patron did require me——
_Volp._ [_Aside._] Mosca!
_Mos._ Whom I intend to bury like a gentleman.
_Volp._ [_Aside._] Ay, quick, and cozen me of all.
_2 Avoc._ Still stranger! 60
More intricate!
_1 Avoc._ And come about again!
_4 Avoc._ [_Aside._] It is a match, my daughter is bestow’d.
_Mos._ [_Aside to_ VOLP.] Will you gi’ me half?
_Volp._ First I’ll be hang’d.
_Mos._ I know
Your voice is good, cry not so loud.
_1 Avoc._ Demand
The advocate.—Sir, did you not affirm 65
Volpone was alive?
_Volp._ Yes, and he is;
This gent’man told me so.—[_Aside to_ MOS.] Thou shalt have half.
_Mos._ Whose drunkard is this same? Speak, some that know him:
I never saw his face.—[_Aside to_ VOLP.] I cannot now
Afford it you so cheap.
_Volp._ No!
_1 Avoc._ What say you? 70
_Volt._ The officer told me.
_Volp._ I did, grave fathers,
And will maintain he lives, with mine own life,
And that this creature [_points to_ MOS.] told me.
[_Aside._]—I was born
With all good stars my enemies.
_Mos._ Most grave fathers,
If such an insolence as this must pass 75
Upon me, I am silent: ’t was not this
For which you sent, I hope.
_2 Avoc._ Take him away.
_Volp._ Mosca!
_3 Avoc._ Let him be whipt.
_Volp._ Wilt thou betray me?
Cozen me?
_3 Avoc._ And taught to bear himself
Toward a person of his rank.
_4 Avoc._ Away. 80
[_The_ Officers _seize_ VOLPONE.]
_Mos._ I humbly thank your fatherhoods.
_Volp._ Soft, soft: [_Aside._] Whipt!
And lose all that I have! If I confess,
It cannot be much more.
_4 Avoc._ Sir, are you married?
_Volp._ They’ll be alli’d anon; I must be resolute; 84
The Fox shall here uncase.
_Puts off his disguise._
_Mos._ Patron!
_Volp._ Nay, now
My ruin shall not come alone; your match
I’ll hinder sure: my substance shall not glue you,
Nor screw you into a family.
_Mos._ Why, patron!
_Volp._ I am Volpone, and this is my knave;
[_Pointing to_ MOSCA.]
This [_to_ VOLT.], his own knave; this [_to_ CORB.], avarice’s fool; 90
This [_to_ CORV.], a chimera of wittol, fool, and knave:
And, reverend fathers, since we all can hope
Nought but a sentence, let’s not now despair it.
You hear me brief.
_Corv._ May it please your fatherhoods——
_Com._ Silence. 94
_1 Avoc._ The knot is now undone by miracle.
_2 Avoc._ Nothing can be more clear.
_3 Avoc._ Or can more prove
These innocent.
_1 Avoc._ Give ’em their liberty.
_Bon._ Heaven could not long let such gross crimes be hid.
_2 Avoc._ If this be held the highway to get riches, 99
May I be poor!
_3 Avoc._ This’s not the gain, but torment.
_1 Avoc._ These possess wealth, as sick men possess fevers,
Which trulier may be said to possess them.
_2 Avoc._ Disrobe that parasite.
_Corv. Mos._ Most honour’d fathers——
_1 Avoc._ Can you plead aught to stay the course of justice? 104
If you can, speak.
_Corv. Volt._ We beg favour.
_Cel._ And mercy.
_1 Avoc._ You hurt your innocence, suing for the guilty.
Stand forth; and first the parasite. You appear
T’ have been the chiefest minister, if not plotter,
In all these lewd impostures, and now, lastly,
Have with your impudence abus’d[1745] the court,
And habit of a gentleman of Venice, 111
Being a fellow of no birth or blood:
For which our sentence is, first, thou be whipt;
Then live perpetual prisoner in our galleys. 114
_Volp._ I thank you for him.
_Mos._ Bane to thy-wolfish nature!
_1 Avoc._ Deliver him to the saffi.[1746] [MOSCA _is carried out_.]
Thou, Volpone,
By blood and rank a gentleman, canst not fall
Under like censure; but our judgment on thee
Is, that thy substance all be straight confiscate
To the hospital of the Incurabili: 120
And since the most was gotten by imposture,
By feigning lame, gout, palsy, and such diseases,
Thou art to lie in prison, cramp’d with irons,
Till thou be’st sick and lame indeed. Remove him.
[_He is taken from the Bar._]
_Volp._ This is called mortifying of a Fox. 125
_1 Avoc._ Thou, Voltore, to take away the scandal
Thou hast giv’n all worthy men of thy profession,
Art banish’d from their fellowship, and our state.
Corbaccio!—bring him near. We here possess
Thy son of all thy state, and confine thee 130
To the monastery of San Spirito;
Where, since thou knew’st not how to live well here,
Thou shalt be learn’d to die well.
_Corb._ Ha! what said he?
_Com._ You shall know anon, sir.
_1 Avoc._ Thou, Corvino, shalt
Be straight embark’d from thine own house, and row’d 135
Round about Venice, through the Grand Canal,
Wearing a cap, with fair long ass’s ears,
Instead of horns! and so to mount, a paper
Pinn’d on thy breast, to the Berlina.[1747]
_Corv._ Yes, 139
And have mine eyes beat out with stinking fish,
Bruis’d fruit, and rotten eggs—’t is well. I ’m glad
I shall not see my shame yet.
_1 Avoc._ And to expiate
Thy wrongs done to thy wife, thou art to send her
Home to her father, with her dowry trebled:
And these are all your judgments.
_All._ Honour’d fathers—— 145
_1 Avoc._ Which may not be revok’d. Now you begin,
When crimes are done and past, and to be punish’d,
To think what your crimes are. Away with them!
Let all that see these vices thus rewarded,
Take heart, and love to study ’em. Mischiefs feed 150
Like beasts, till they be fat, and then they bleed.
[_Exeunt._]
VOLPONE [_comes forward_].
“The seasoning of a play is the applause.
Now, though the Fox be punish’d by the laws,
He yet doth hope, there is no suff’ring due, 155
For any fact[1748] which he hath done ’gainst you;
If there be, censure him; here he doubtful stands:
If not, fare jovially, and clap your hands.”
[_Exit._]
THE ALCHEMIST
BY BEN JONSON
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
SUBTLE, the ALCHEMIST.
FACE, the House-keeper.
DOL COMMON, their colleague.
DAPPER, a [Lawyer’s] clerk.
DRUGGER, a Tobacco-man.
LOVEWIT, Master of the House.
[Sir] EPICURE MAMMON, a Knight.
[PERTINAX] SURLY, a Gamester.
TRIBULATION [WHOLESOME], a Pastor of Amsterdam.
ANANIAS, a Deacon there.
KASTRILL, the angry boy.
DAME PLIANT, his sister, a Widow.
Neighbours.
Officers, Mutes.
SCENE.—_London._
[TO THE READER[1749]
If thou beest more, thou art an understander, and then I trust thee.
If thou art one that tak’st up, and but a pretender, beware at what
hands thou receiv’st thy commodity; for thou wert never more fair in
the way to be coz’ned than in this age in poetry, especially in plays,
wherein now the concupiscence of jigs and dances[1750] so reigneth,
as to run away from nature and be afraid of her is the only point of
art that tickles the spectators. But how out of purpose and place do
I name art, when the professors are grown so obstinate contemners of
it, and presumers on their own naturals,[1751] as they are deriders
of all diligence that way, and, by simple mocking at the terms when
they understand not the things, think to get off wittily with their
ignorance! Nay, they are esteem’d the more learned and sufficient for
this by the multitude,[1752] through their excellent vice[1753] of
judgment. For they commend writers as they do fencers or wrastlers;
who, if they come in robustiously and put for it with a great deal of
violence, are receiv’d for the braver fellows; when many times their
own rudeness is the cause of their disgrace, and a little touch of
their adversary gives all that boisterous force the foil.[1754] I deny
not but that these men who always seek to do more than enough may some
time happen on some thing that is good and great; but very seldom:
and when it comes, it doth not recompence the rest of their ill. It
sticks out, perhaps, and is more eminent, because all is sordid and
vile about it; as lights are more discern’d in a thick darkness than
a faint shadow. I speak not this out of a hope to do good on any man
against his will; for I know, if it were put to the question of theirs
and mine, the worse would find more suffrages, because the most favour
common errors. But I give thee this warning, that there is a great
difference between those that (to gain the opinion of copie[1755])
utter[1756] all they can, however unfitly, and those that use election
and a mean. For it is only the disease of the unskillful to think rude
things greater than polish’d, or scatter’d more numerous than compos’d.]
ARGUMENT
T he sickness hot,[1757] a master quit, for fear,
H is house in town, and left one servant there.
E ase him corrupted, and gave means to know
A Cheater and his punk;[1758] who now brought low,
L eaving their narrow practice, were become
C oz’ners[1759] at large; and only wanting some
H ouse to set up, and with him they here contract,
E ach for a share, and all begin to set.
M uch company they draw, and much abuse,[1760]
I n casting figures,[1761] telling fortunes, news,
S elling of flies,[1762] flat bawdry, with the stone,[1763]
T ill it, and they, and all in fume[1764] are gone.
PROLOGUE
Fortune, that favours fools, these two short hours
We wish away, both for your sakes and ours,
Judging spectators; and desire in place,
To th’ author justice, to ourselves but grace.
Our scene is London, ’cause we would make known, 5
No country’s mirth is better than our own.
No clime breeds better matter for your whore,
Bawd, squire, impostor, many persons more,
Whose manners, now call’d humours, feed the stage;
And which have still been subject for the rage 10
Or spleen of comic writers. Though this pen
Did never aim to grieve, but better men;
Howe’er the age he lives in doth endure
The vices that she breeds, above their cure.
But when the wholesome remedies are sweet, 15
And, in their working gain and profit meet,
He hopes to find no spirit so much diseas’d,
But will with such fair correctives be pleas’d.
For here he doth not fear who can apply.
If there be any that will sit so nigh 20
Unto the stream, to look what it doth run,
They shall find things, they ’d think, or wish, were done;
They are so natural follies, but so shown,
As even the doers may see, and yet not own.
ACT I
SCENE I.[1765]
[_Enter_] FACE, [_in a captain’s uniform, with his sword drawn, and_]
SUBTLE [_with a vial, quarrelling, and followed by_] DOL COMMON.
_Face._ Believe ’t, I will.
_Sub._ Thy worst. I fart at thee.
_Dol._ Ha’ you your wits? Why, gentlemen! for love——
_Face._ Sirrah, I ’ll strip you——
_Sub._ What to do? Lick figs[1766]
Out at my——
_Face._ Rogue, rogue!—out of all your sleights.[1767]
_Dol._ Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you madmen? 5
_Sub._ O, let the wild sheep loose. I ’ll gum your silks
With good strong water, an you come.
_Dol._ Will you have
The neighbours hear you? Will you betray all?
Hark! I hear somebody.
_Face._ Sirrah——
_Sub._ I shall mar
All that the tailor has made, if you approach. 10
_Face._ You most notorious whelp, you insolent slave,
Dare you do this?
_Sub._ Yes, faith; yes, faith.
_Face._ Why, who
Am I, my mongrel, who am I?
_Sub._ I ’ll tell you,
Since you know not yourself.
_Face._ Speak lower, rogue.
_Sub._ Yes. You were once (time ’s not long past) the good, 15
Honest, plain, livery-three-pound-thrum,[1768] that kept
Your master’s worship’s house here in the Friars,[1769]
For the vacations——
_Face._ Will you be so loud?
_Sub._ Since, by my means, translated suburb-captain.
_Face._ By your means, doctor dog!
_Sub._ Within man ’s memory, 20
All this I speak of.
_Face._ Why, I pray you, have I
Been countenanc’d by you, or you by me?
Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.
_Sub._ I do not hear well.
_Face._ Not of this, I think it,
But I shall put you in mind, sir;—at Pie-corner, 25
Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks’ stalls,
Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk
Piteously costive, with your pinch’d-horn-nose,
And your complexion of the Roman wash,[1770]
Stuck full of black and melancholic worms. 30
Like powder-corns[1771] shot at the artillery-yard.
_Sub._ I wish you could advance your voice a little.
_Face._ When you went pinn’d up in the several rags
You had rak’d and pick’d from dunghills, before day;
Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;[1772]
A felt of rug,[1773] and a thin threaden cloak, 36
That scarce would cover your no-buttocks——
_Sub._ So, sir!
_Face._ When all your alchemy, and your algebra,
Your minerals, vegetals, and animals,
Your conjuring, coz’ning;[1774] and your dozen of trades, 40
Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen
Would make you tinder, but to see a fire;
I ga’ you count’nance, credit for your coals,
Your stills, your glasses, your materials;
Built you a furnace, drew you customers, 45
Advanc’d all your black arts; lent you, beside,
A house to practise in——
_Sub._ Your master’s house!
_Face._ Where you have studied the more thriving skill
Of bawdry, since.
_Sub._ Yes, in your master’s house.
You and the rats here kept possession. 50
Make it not strange.[1775] I know you were one could keep
The buttery-hatch still lock’d, and save the chippings,
Sell the dole beer to aqua-vitae men,[1776]
The which, together with your Christmas vails[1777]
At post-and-pair,[1778] your letting out of counters,[1779] 55
Made you a pretty stock, some twenty marks,
And gave you credit to converse with cobwebs,
Here, since your mistress’ death hath broke up house.
_Face._ You might talk softlier, rascal.
_Sub._ No, you scarab,
I’ll thunder you in pieces. I will teach you 60
How to beware to tempt a Fury again
That carries tempest in his hand and voice.
_Face._ The place has made you valiant.
_Sub._ No, your clothes.
Thou vermin, have I ta’en thee out of dung,
So poor, so wretched, when no living thing 65
Would keep thee company, but a spider or worse?
Rais’d thee from brooms, and dust, and wat’ring-pots,
Sublim’d thee, and exalted thee, and fix’d thee
In the third region,[1780] call’d our state of grace?
Wrought thee to spirit, to quintessence, with pains 70
Would twice have won me the philosopher’s work?
Put thee in words and fashion? made thee fit
For more than ordinary fellowships?
Giv’n thee thy oaths, thy quarrelling dimensions?
Thy rules to cheat at horse-race, cock-pit, cards,
Dice, or whatever gallant tincture[1781] else? 76
Made thee a second in mine own great art?
And have I this for thanks! Do you rebel?
Do you fly out i’ the projection?[1782]
Would you be gone now?
_Dol._ Gentlemen, what mean you? 80
Will you mar all?
_Sub._ Slave, thou hadst had no name——
_Dol._ Will you undo yourselves with civil war?
_Sub._ Never been known, past _equi clibanum_,
The heat of horse-dung, under ground, in cellars,
Or an ale-house darker than deaf John’s; been lost 85
To all mankind, but laundresses and tapsters,
Had not I been.
_Dol._ Do you know who hears you, sovereign?
_Face._ Sirrah——
_Dol._ Nay, general, I thought you were civil.
_Face._ I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud.
_Sub._ And hang thyself, I care not.
_Face._ Hang thee, collier,
And all thy pots and pans, in picture I will, 91
Since thou hast mov’d me——
_Dol._ [_Aside_] O, this ’ll o’erthrow all.
_Face._ Write thee up bawd in Paul’s; have all thy tricks
Of coz’ning with a hollow coal, dust, scrapings,
Searching for things lost, with a sieve and shears, 95
Erecting figures in your rows of houses,[1783]
And taking in of shadows with a glass,
Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee,
Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey’s.[1784]
_Dol._ Are you sound?
Ha’ you your senses, masters?
_Face._ I will have 100
A book, but rarely reckoning thy impostures,
Shall prove a true philosopher’s stone to printers.
_Sub._ Away, you trencher-rascal!
_Face._ Out, you dog-leech!
The vomit of all prisons——
_Dol._ Will you be
Your own destructions, gentlemen?
_Face._ Still spew’d out 105
For lying too heavy o’ the basket.[1785]
_Sub._ Cheater!
_Face._ Bawd!
_Sub._ Cow-herd!
_Face._ Conjurer!
_Sub._ Cutpurse!
_Face._ Witch!
_Dol._ O me!
We are ruin’d, lost! Ha’ you no more regard
To your reputations? Where ’s your judgment? ’Slight, 109
Have yet some care of me, o’ your republic——
_Face._ Away, this brach![1786] I ’ll bring thee, rogue, within
The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio
Of Harry the Eighth:[1787] ay, and perhaps thy neck
Within a noose, for laund’ring gold and barbing it.[1788]
_Dol._ You’ll bring your head within a cockscomb, will you?[1789] 115
_She catcheth out_ FACE _his sword, and breaks_ SUBTLE’S _glass_.
And you, sir, with your menstrue![1790]—Gather it up.
’Sdeath, you abominable pair of stinkards,
Leave off your barking, and grow one again,
Or, by the light that shines, I’ll cut your throats.
I’ll not be made a prey unto the marshal 120
For ne’er a snarling dog-bolt[1791] o’ you both.
Ha’ you together cozen’d all this while,
And all the world, and shall it now be said,
You’ve made most courteous shift to cozen yourselves?
[_To_ FACE.] You will accuse him! You will “bring him in
Within the statute!” Who shall take your word? 126
A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain,
Whom not a Puritan in Blackfriars will trust
So much as for a feather: and you, too, [_to_ SUBTLE]
Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult,
And claim a primacy in the divisions! 131
You must be chief! As if you, only, had
The powder to project[1792] with, and the work
Were not begun out of equality! 134
The venture tripartite! All things in common!
Without priority! ’Sdeath! you perpetual curs,
Fall to your couples again, and cozen kindly,
And heartily, and lovingly, as you should,
And lose not the beginning of a term,
Or, by this hand, I shall grow factions too, 140
And take my part, and quit you.
_Face._ ’T is his fault;
He ever murmurs, and objects his pains,
And says, the weight of all lies upon him.
_Sub._ Why, so it does.
_Dol._ How does it? Do not we
Sustain our parts?
_Sub._ Yes, but they are not equal. 145
_Dol._ Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope
Ours may to-morrow match it.
_Sub._ Ay, they _may_.
_Dol._ May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do. Death on me!
Help me to throttle him.
[_Seizes_ SUB. _by the throat_.]
_Sub._ Dorothy! Mistress Dorothy!
’Ods precious, I’ll do anything. What do you mean? 150
_Dol._ Because o’ your fermentation and cibation?[1793]
_Sub._ Not I, by heaven——
_Dol._ Your Sol and Luna——help me.
[_To_ FACE.]
_Sub._ Would I were hang’d then! I ’ll conform myself.
_Dol._ Will you, sir? Do so then, and quickly: swear.
_Sub._ What should I swear?
_Dol._ To leave your faction,[1794] sir,
And labour kindly in the common work. 156
_Sub._ Let me not breathe if I meant aught beside.
I only us’d those speeches as a spur
To him.
_Dol._ I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we?
_Face._ ’Slid, prove to-day who shall shark best.
_Sub._ Agreed. 160
_Dol._ Yes, and work close and friendly.
_Sub._ ’Slight, the knot
Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me.
[_They shake hands._]
_Dol._ Why, so, my good baboons! Shall we go make
A sort[1795] of sober, scurvy, precise neighbours,
That scarce have smil’d twice sin’ the king came in.[1796] 165
A feast of laughter at our follies? Rascals,
Would run themselves from breath, to see me ride,
Or you t’ have but a hole to thrust your heads in,[1797]
For which you should pay ear-rent?[1798] No, agree.
And may Don Provost ride a feasting long, 170
In his old velvet jerkin and stain’d scarfs,
My noble sovereign, and worthy general,
Ere we contribute a new crewel[1799] garter
To his most worsted worship.
_Sub._ Royal Dol!
Spoken like Claridiana,[1800] and thyself. 175
_Face._ For which at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph,
And not be styl’d Dol Common, but Dol Proper,
Dol Singular: the longest cut at night,
Shall draw thee for his Dol Particular.
[_Bell rings without._]
_Sub._ Who’s that? One rings. To the window. Dol: [_Exit_ DOL.]—Pray
heav’n, 180
The master do not trouble us this quarter.
_Face._ O, fear not him. While there dies one a week
O’ the plague, he’s safe from thinking toward London.
Beside, he ’s busy at his hop-yards now;
I had a letter from him. If he do, 185
He’ll send such word, for airing o’ the house,
As you shall have sufficient time to quit it:
Though we break up a fortnight, ’t is no matter.
_Re-enter_ DOL.
_Sub._ Who is it, Dol?
_Dol._ A fine young quodling.[1801]
_Face._ O,
My lawyer’s clerk, I lighted on last night, 190
In Holborn, at the Dagger. He would have
(I told you of him) a familiar,
To rifle with at horses, and win cups.
_Dol._ O, let him in.
_Sub._ Stay. Who shall do’t?
_Face._ Get you 195
Your robes on; I will meet him, as going out.
_Dol._ And what shall I do?
_Face._ Not be seen; away! [_Exit_ DOL.]
Seem you very reserv’d.
_Sub._ Enough. [_Exit._]
_Face._ [_aloud and retiring._] God be wi’ you, sir,
I pray you let him know that I was here:
His name is Dapper. I would gladly have staid, but——
SCENE II.[1802]
FACE.
_Dap._ [_within._] Captain, I am here.
_Face._ Who’s that?—He’s come, I think, doctor.
[_Enter_ DAPPER.]
Good faith, sir, I was going away.
_Dap._ In truth,
I am very sorry, captain.
_Face._ But I thought
Sure I should meet you.
_Dap._ Ay, I am very glad,
I had a scurvy writ or two to make, 5
And I had lent my watch last night to one
That dines to-day at the sheriff’s, and so was robb’d
Of my pass-time.[1803]
[_Re-enter_ SUBTLE _in his velvet cap and gown_.]
Is this the cunning-man?
_Face._ This is his worship.
_Dap._ Is he a doctor?
_Face._ Yes.
_Dap._ And ha’ you broke[1804] with him, captain?
_Face._ Ay.
_Dap._ And how? 10
_Face._ Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty,[1805]
I know not what to say.
_Dap._ Not so, good captain.
_Face._ Would I were fairly rid on ’t, believe me.
_Dap._ Nay, now you grieve me, sir. Why should you wish so?
I dare assure you, I’ll not be ungrateful. 15
_Face._ I cannot think you will, sir. But the law
Is such a thing——and then he says, Read’s[1806] matter
Falling so lately——
_Dap._ Read! he was an ass,
And dealt, sir, with a fool.
_Face._ It was a clerk, sir. 19
_Dap._ A clerk!
_Face._ Nay, hear me, sir. You know the law
Better, I think——
_Dap._ I should, sir, and the danger:
You know, I show’d the statute to you.
_Face._ You did so.
_Dap._ And will I tell then! By this hand of flesh,
Would it might never write good courthand more,
If I discover.[1807] What do you think of me, 25
That I am a chiaus?[1808]
_Face._ What’s that?
_Dap._ The Turk was here.
As one would say, do you think I am a Turk?
_Face._ I’ll tell the doctor so.
_Dap._ Do, good sweet captain.
_Face._ Come, noble doctor, pray thee let’s prevail;
This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus. 30
_Sub._ Captain, I have return’d you all my answer.
I would do much, sir, for your love——But this
I neither may, nor can.
_Face._ Tut, do not say so.
You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor,
One that will thank you richly; and he’s no chiaus: 35
Let that, sir, move you.
_Sub._ Pray you, forbear——
_Face._ He has
Four angels here.
_Sub._ You do me wrong, good sir.
_Face._ Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits?
_Sub._ To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril.
’Fore heav’n, I scarce can think you are my friend, 40
That so would draw me to apparent danger.
_Face._ I draw you! A horse draw you, and a halter,
You, and your flies[1809] together——
_Dap._ Nay, good captain.
_Face._ That know no difference of men.
_Sub._ Good words, sir.
_Face._ Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs’-meat. ’Slight, I bring you 45
No cheating Clim o’ the Cloughs[1810] or Claribels,[1811]
That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;[1812]
And spit out secrets like hot custard——
_Dap._ Captain!
_Face._ Nor any melancholic underscribe,
Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle, 50
That is the heir to forty marks a year,
Consorts with the small poets of the time,
Is the sole hope of his old grandmother;
That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands,
Is a fine clerk, and has his ciph’ring perfect, 56
Will take his oath o’ the Greek Xenophon,[1813]
If need be, in his pocket; and can court
His mistress out of Ovid.
_Dap._ Nay, dear captain——
_Face._ Did you not tell me so?
_Dap._ Yes; but I ’d ha’ you
Use master doctor with some more respect. 60
_Face._ Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head!—
But for your sake, I ’d choke ere I would change
An article of breath with such a puck-fist![1814]
Come, let ’s be gone. [_Going._]
_Sub._ Pray you le’ me speak with you.
_Dap._ His worship calls you, captain.
_Face._ I am sorry
I e’er embark’d myself in such a business. 66
_Dap._ Nay, good sir; he did call you.
_Face._ Will he take then?
_Sub._ First, hear me——
_Face._ Not a syllable, ’less you take.
_Sub._ Pray ye, sir——
_Face._ Upon no terms but an _assumpsit_.[1815]
_Sub._ Your humour must be law.
_He takes the money._
_Face._ Why now, sir, talk. 70
Now I dare hear you with mine honour. Speak.
So may this gentleman too.
_Sub._ Why, sir——
[_Offering to whisper_ FACE.]
_Face._ No whisp’ring.
_Sub._ ’Fore heav’n, you do not apprehend the loss
You do yourself in this.
_Face._ Wherein? for what?
_Sub._ Marry, to be so importunate for one 75
That, when he has it, will undo you all:
He ’ll win up all the money i’ the town.
_Face._ How?
_Sub._ Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester,
As they do crackers in a puppet-play.
If I do give him a familiar, 80
Give you him all you play for; never set[1816] him:
For he will have it.
_Face._ You ’re mistaken, doctor.
Why, he does ask one but for cups and horses,
A rifling[1817] fly; none o’ your great familiars.
_Dap._ Yes, captain, I would have it for all games. 85
_Sub._ I told you so.
_Face._ [_taking_ DAP. _aside_.] ’Slight, that is a new business!
I understood you, a tame bird, to fly
Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights,
When you had left the office; for a nag
Of forty or fifty shillings.
_Dap._ Ay, ’t is true, sir; 90
But I do think, now, I shall leave the law,
And therefore——
_Face._ Why, this changes quite the case.
Do you think that I dare move him?
_Dap._ If you please, sir;
All ’s one to him, I see.
_Face._ What! for that money? 94
I cannot with my conscience; nor should you
Make the request, methinks.
_Dap._ No, sir, I mean
To add consideration.
_Face._ Why, then, sir,
I ’ll try. [_Goes to_ SUBTLE.] Say that it were for all games, doctor?
_Sub._ I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him
At any ordinary,[1818] but o’ the score,[1819] 100
That is a gaming mouth, conceive me.
_Face._ Indeed!
_Sub._ He ’ll draw you all the treasure of the realm,
If it be set him.
_Face._ Speak you this from art?
_Sub._ Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art.
He is o’ the only best complexion, 105
The queen of Fairy loves.
_Face._ What! Is he?
_Sub._ Peace.
He ’ll overhear you. Sir, should she but see him——
_Face._ What?
_Sub._ Do not you tell him.
_Face._ Will he win at cards too?
_Sub._ The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac,[1820] 110
You ’d swear, were in him; such a vigorous luck
As cannot be resisted. ’Slight, he ’ll put
Six o’ your gallants to a cloak,[1821] indeed.
_Face._ A strange success, that some man shall be born to!
_Sub._ He hears you, man——
_Dap._ Sir, I ’ll not be ingrateful.
_Face._ Faith, I have a confidence in his good nature: 115
You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful.
_Sub._ Why, as you please; my venture follows yours.
_Face._ Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him.
He may make us both happy in an hour;
Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on ’t. 120
_Dap._ Believe it, and I will, sir.
_Face._ And you shall, sir.
You have heard all? FACE _takes him aside_.
_Dap._ No, what was ’t? Nothing, I, sir.
_Face._ Nothing?
_Dap._ A little, sir.
_Face._ Well, a rare star
Reign’d at your birth.
_Dap._ At mine, sir! No.
_Face._ The doctor
Swears that you are——
_Sub._ Nay, captain, you ’ll tell all now. 125
_Face._ Allied to the queen of Fairy.
_Dap._ Who! That I am?
Believe it, no such matter——
_Face._ Yes, and that
You were born with a caul o’ your head.
_Dap._ Who says so?
_Face._ Come
You know it well enough, though you dissemble it. 129
_Dap._ I’ fac,[1822] I do not; you are mistaken.
_Face._ How!
Swear by your fac, and in a thing so known
Unto the doctor? How shall we, sir, trust you
I’ the other matter? Can we ever think,
When you have won five or six thousand pound,
You ’ll send us shares in ’t, by this rate?
_Dap._ By Jove, sir, 135
I ’ll win ten thousand pound, and send you half.
I’ fac’s no oath.
_Sub._ No, no, he did but jest.
_Face._ Go to. Go thank the doctor. He ’s your friend,
To take it so.
_Dap._ I thank his worship.
_Face._ So!
Another angel.
_Dap._ Must I?
_Face._ Must you! ’Slight, 140
What else is thanks? Will you be trivial?—Doctor,
[DAPPER _gives him the money._]
When must he come for his familiar?
_Dap._ Shall I not ha’ it with me?
_Sub._ O, good sir!
There must a world of ceremonies pass;
You must be bath’d and fumigated first: 145
Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise
Till it be noon.
_Face._ Not if she danc’d to-night.
_Sub._ And she must bless it.
_Face._ Did you never see
Her royal grace yet?
_Dap._ Whom?
_Face._ Your aunt of Fairy?
_Sub._ Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain; 150
I can resolve you that.
_Face._ Well, see her grace,
Whate’er it cost you, for a thing that I know.
It will be somewhat hard to compass; but
However, see her. You are made, believe it, 154
If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman,
And very rich; and if she take a fancy,
She will do strange things. See her, at any hand.
’Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has!
It is the doctor’s fear.
_Dap._ How will ’t be done, then?
_Face._ Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you 160
But say to me, “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.”
_Dap._ “Captain, I ’ll see her grace.”
_Face._ Enough. _One knocks without._
_Sub._ Who ’s there?
Anon.—[_Aside to_ FACE.] Conduct him forth by the back way.
Sir, against one o’clock prepare yourself;
Till when you must be fasting; only take 165
Three drops of vinegar in at your nose,
Two at your mouth, and one at either ear;
Then bathe your fingers’ ends and wash your eyes,
To sharpen your five senses, and cry _hum_ 169
Thrice, and then _buz_ as often; and then come. [_Exit._]
_Face._ Can you remember this?
_Dap._ I warrant you.
_Face._ Well then, away. It is but your bestowing
Some twenty nobles ’mong her grace’s servants,
And put on a clean shirt. You do not know 174
What grace her grace may do you in clean linen.
[_Exeunt_ FACE _and_ DAPPER.]
SCENE III.[1823]
_Sub._ [_within._] Come in! Good wives, I pray you forbear me now;
Troth, I can do you no good till afternoon.—
[_Enter_ SUBTLE, _followed by_ DRUGGER.]
_Sub._ What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger?
_Drug._ Yes, sir.
_Sub._ A seller of tobacco?
_Drug._ Yes, sir.
_Sub._ Umph!
Free of the grocers?[1824]
_Drug._ Ay, an ’t please you.
_Sub._ Well—— 5
Your business, Abel?
_Drug._ This, an ’t please your worship;
I am a young beginner, and am building
Of a new shop, an ’t like your worship, just
At corner of a street:—Here is the plot[1825] on ’t—— 9
And I would know by art, sir, of your worship,
Which way I should make my door, by necromancy,
And where my shelves; and which should be for boxes,
And which for pots. I would be glad to thrive, sir:
And I was wish’d[1826] to your worship by a gentleman,
One Captain Face, that says you know men’s planets, 15
And their good angels, and their bad.
_Sub._ I do,
If I do see ’em——
[_Enter_ FACE.]
_Face._ What! my honest Abel?
Thou art well met here.
_Drug._ Troth, sir, I was speaking,
Just as your worship came here, of your worship.
I pray you speak for me to master doctor. 20
_Face._ He shall do anything. Doctor, do you hear?
This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow;
He lets me have good tobacco, and he does not
Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil,
Nor washes it in muscadel and grains, 25
Nor buries it in gravel, under ground,
Wrapp’d up in greasy leather, or piss’d clouts:
But keeps it in fine lily pots, that, open’d,
Smell like conserve of roses, or French beans.
He has his maple block,[1827] his silver tongs, 30
Winchester pipes, and fire of juniper:[1828]
A neat, spruce, honest fellow, and no goldsmith.[1829]
_Sub._ He ’s a fortunate fellow, that I am sure on.
_Face._ Already, sir, ha’ you found it? Lo thee, Abel!
_Sub._ And in right way toward riches——
_Face._ Sir!
_Sub._ This summer, 35
He will be of the clothing of his company,[1830]
And next spring call’d to the scarlet;[1831] spend what he can.
_Face._ What, and so little beard?
_Sub._ Sir, you must think,
He may have a receipt to make hair come:
But he ’ll be wise, preserve his youth, and fine for ’t; 40
His fortune looks for him another way.
_Face._ ’Slid, doctor, how canst thou know this so soon?
I am amus’d[1832] at that.
_Sub._ By a rule, captain,
In metoposcopy,[1833] which I do work by; 44
A certain star i’ the forehead, which you see not.
Your chestnut or your olive-colour’d face
Does never fail: and your long ear doth promise.
I knew ’t, by certain spots, too, in his teeth,
And on the nail of his mercurial finger.
_Face._ Which finger ’s that?
_Sub._ His little finger. Look. 50
You were born upon a Wednesday?
_Drug._ Yes, indeed, sir.
_Sub._ The thumb, in chiromancy, we give Venus;
The forefinger to Jove; the midst to Saturn;
The ring to Sol; the least to Mercury,
Who was the lord, sir, of his horoscope, 55
His house of life being Libra; which forshow’d
He should be a merchant, and should trade with balance.
_Face._ Why, this is strange! Is it not, honest Nab?
_Sub._ There is a ship now coming from Ormus,
That shall yield him such a commodity 60
Of drugs——This is the west, and this the south?
[_Pointing to the plan._]
_Drug._ Yes, sir.
_Sub._ And those are your two sides?
_Drug._ Ay, sir.
_Sub._ Make me your door then, south; your broad side, west:
And on the east side of your shop, aloft,
Write Mathlai, Tarmiel, and Baraborat; 65
Upon the north part, Rael, Velel, Thiel.
They are the names of those Mercurial spirits
That do fright flies from boxes.
_Drug._ Yes, sir.
_Sub._ And
Beneath your threshold, bury me a loadstone 69
To draw in gallants that wear spurs: the rest,
They ’ll seem[1834] to follow.
_Face._ That ’s a secret, Nab!
_Sub._ And, on your stall, a puppet, with a vice
And a court-fucus,[1835] to call city-dames:
You shall deal much with minerals.
_Drug._ Sir, I have.
At home, already——
_Sub._ Ay, I know, you ’ve arsenic, 75
Vitriol, sal-tartar, argaile,[1836] alkali,
Cinoper:[1837] I know all.—This fellow, captain,
Will come, in time, to be a great distiller,
And give a say[1838]—I will not say directly,
But very fair—at the philosopher’s stone. 80
_Face._ Why, how now, Abel! is this true?
_Drug._ [_Aside to_ FACE.] Good captain,
What must I give?
_Face._ Nay, I ’ll not counsel thee.
Thou hear’st what wealth (he says, spend what thou canst),
Thou ’rt like to come to.
_Drug._ I would gi’ him a crown.
_Face._ A crown! and toward such a fortune? Heart, 84
Thou shalt rather gi’ him thy shop. No gold about thee?
_Drug._ Yes, I have a portague,[1839] I ha’ kept this half-year.
_Face._ Out on thee, Nab! ’Slight, there was such an offer—
Shalt keep ’t no longer, I ’ll gi’ it him for thee. Doctor,
Nab prays your worship to drink this, and swears 89
He will appear more grateful, as your skill
Does raise him in the world.
_Drug._ I would entreat
Another favour of his worship.
_Face._ What is ’t, Nab?
_Drug._ But to look over, sir, my almanac,
And cross out my ill-days.[1840] that I may neither
Bargain, nor trust upon them.
_Face._ That he shall. Nab: 95
Leave it, it shall be done, ’gainst afternoon.
_Sub._ And a direction for his shelves.
_Face._ Now, Nab,
Art thou well pleas’d, Nab?
_Drug._ ’Thank, sir, both your worships. 99
_Face._ Away. [_Exit_ DRUGGER.]
Why, now, you smoaky persecutor of nature!
Now do you see, that something ’s to be done,
Beside your beech-coal, and your cor’sive[1841] waters,
Your crosslets,[1842] crucibles, and cucurbites?[1843]
You must have stuff brought home to you, to work on: 105
And yet you think. I am at no expense
In searching out these veins, then following ’em,
Then trying ’em out. ’Fore God, my intelligence
Costs me more money than my share oft comes to,
In these rare works.
_Sub._ You ’re pleasant, sir.—How now! 110
SCENE IV.[1844]
FACE, SUBTLE. [_Enter_] DOL.
_Sub._ What says my dainty Dolkin?
_Dol._ Yonder fish-wife
Will not away. And there ’s your giantess,
The bawd of Lambeth.
_Sub._ Heart, I cannot speak with ’em.
_Dol._ Not afore night, I have told ’em in a voice,
Thorough the trunk, like one of your familiars.
But I have spied Sir Epicure Mammon——
_Sub._ Where? 5
_Dol._ Coming along, at far end of the lane,
Slow of his feet, but earnest of his tongue
To one that’s with him.
_Sub._ Face, go you and shift.
Dol, you must presently make ready too. 10
[_Exit_ FACE.]
_Dol._ Why, what’s the matter?
_Sub._ O, I did look for him
With the sun’s rising: marvel he could sleep!
This is the day I am to perfect for him
The magisterium, our great work, the stone;
And yield it, made, into his hands; of which 15
He has, this month, talk’d as he were possess’d.
And now he’s dealing pieces on’t away.
Methinks I see him ent’ring ordinaries,
Dispensing for the pox, and plaguy houses,
Reaching his dose, walking Moorfields for lepers, 20
And off’ring citizens’ wives pomander[1845] bracelets,
As his preservative, made of the elixir;
Searching the ’spital, to make old bawds young;
And the highways, for beggars to make rich.
I see no end of his labours. He will make 25
Nature asham’d of her long sleep; when art,
Who’s but a step-dame, shall do more than she,
In her best love to mankind, ever could.
If his dream last, he’ll turn the age to gold. [_Exeunt._]
ACT II
SCENE I.[1846]
[_Enter_] SIR EPICURE MAMMON _and_ SURLY.
_Mam._ Come on, sir. Now you set your foot on shore
In _Novo Orbe_;[1847] here’s the rich Peru:
And there within, sir, are the golden mines,
Great Solomon’s Ophir! He was sailing to ’t
Three years, but we have reach’d it in ten months. 5
This is the day wherein, to all my friends,
I will pronounce the happy word, BE RICH;
THIS DAY YOU SHALL BE SPECTATISSIMI.[1848]
You shall no more deal with the hollow die, 10
Or the frail card; no more be at charge of keeping
The livery-punk[1849] for the young heir, that must
Seal, at all hours, in his shirt: no more,
If he deny, ha’ him beaten to ’t, as he is
That brings him the commodity; no more
Shall thirst of satin, or the covetous hunger 15
Of velvet entrails[1850] for a rude-spun cloak,
To be display’d at Madam Augusta’s, make
The sons of Sword and Hazard fall before
The golden calf, and on their knees, whole nights,
Commit idolatry with wine and trumpets: 20
Or go a feasting after drum and ensign.
No more of this. You shall start up young viceroys,
And have your punks and punkettees, my Surly.
And unto thee I speak it first, BE RICH.
Where is my Subtle there? Within, ho!
[FACE,_ within_.] Sir, 25
He’ll come to you by and by.
_Mam._ That is his fire-drake,[1851]
His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that pulls his coals,
Till he firk[1852] nature up, in her own centre.
You are not faithful,[1853] sir. This night I’ll change
All that is metal in my house to gold: 30
And, early in the morning, will I send
To all the plumbers and the pewterers,
And buy their tin and lead up; and to Lothbury
For all the copper.
_Sur._ What, and turn that, too?
_Mam._ Yes, and I’ll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall, 35
And make them perfect Indies! You admire now?
_Sur._ No, faith.
_Mam._ But when you see th’ effects of the Great Med’cine,
Of which one part projected on a hundred
Of Mercury, or Venus, or the Moon, 40
Shall turn it to as many of the Sun;[1854]
Nay, to a thousand, so _ad infinitum_;
You will believe me.
_Sur._ Yes, when I see ’t, I will.
But if my eyes do cozen me so, and I
Giving ’em no occasion, sure I’ll have 45
A whore, shall piss ’em out next day.
_Mam._ Ha! why?
Do you think I fable with you? I assure you,
He that has once the flower of the sun,
The perfect ruby, which we call elixir,
Not only can do that, but by its virtue, 50
Can confer honour, love, respect, long life;
Give safety, valour, yea, and victory,
To whom he will. In eight and twenty days,
I’ll make an old man of fourscore, a child.
_Sur._ No doubt; he’s that already.
_Mam._ Nay, I mean, 55
Restore his years, renew him, like an eagle,
To the fifth age; make him get sons and daughters,
Young giants; as our philosophers have done,
The ancient patriarchs, afore the flood,
But taking, once a week, on a knife’s point, 60
The quantity of a grain of mustard of it;
Become stout Marses, and beget young Cupids.
_Sur._ The decay’d vestals of Pickt-hatch[1855] would thank you,
That keep the fire alive there.
_Mam._ ’T is the secret
Of nature naturiz’d ’gainst all infections, 65
Cures all diseases coming of all causes;
A month’s grief in a day, a year’s in twelve;
And, of what age soever, in a month.
Past all the doses of your drugging doctors,
I ’ll undertake, withal, to fright the plague 70
Out o’ the kingdom in three months.
_Sur._ And I ’ll
Be bound, the players shall sing your praises then,
Without their poets.[1856]
_Mam._ Sir, I ’ll do ’t. Meantime,
I ’ll give away so much unto my man,
Shall serve th’ whole city with preservative 75
Weekly; each house his dose, and at the rate——
_Sur._ As he that built the Water-work does with water?
_Mam._ You are incredulous.
_Sur._ Faith, I have a humour,
I would not willingly be gull’d.[1857] Your stone
Cannot transmute me.
_Mam._ Pertinax Surly, 80
Will you believe antiquity? Records?
I ’ll show you a book where Moses, and his sister,
And Solomon have written of the art;
Ay, and a treatise penn’d by Adam——
_Sur._ How!
_Mam._ Of the philosopher’s stone, and in High Dutch. 85
_Sur._ Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch?
_Mam._ He did;
Which proves it was the primitive tongue.
_Sur._ What paper?
_Mam._ On cedar board.
_Sur._ O that, indeed, they say,
Will last ’gainst worms.
_Mam._ ’T is like your Irish wood
’Gainst cobwebs. I have a piece of Jason’s fleece too, 90
Which was no other than a book of alchemy,
Writ in large sheepskin, a good fat ram-vellum.
Such was Pythagoras’ thigh, Pandora’s tub,
And all that fable of Medea’s charms, 94
The manner of our work; the bulls, our furnace,
Still breathing fire; our argent-vive,[1858] the dragon:
The dragon’s teeth, mercury sublimate,
That keeps the whiteness, hardness, and the biting;
And they are gather’d into Jason’s helm, 99
Th’ alembic, and then sow’d in Mars his field,
And thence sublim’d so often, till they’re fix’d.
Both this, th’ Hesperian garden, Cadmus’ story,
Jove’s shower, the boon of Midas, Argus’ eyes,
Boccace his Demogorgon,[1859] thousands more, 104
All abstract riddles of our stone.—How now!
SCENE II.[1860]
MAMMON, SURLY. [_Enter_] FACE, [_as a Servant._]
_Mam._ Do we succeed? Is our day come? And holds it?
_Face._ The evening will set red upon you, sir;
You have colour for it, crimson: the red ferment
Has done his office; three hours hence prepare you
To see projection.
_Mam._ Pertinax, my Surly. 5
Again I say to thee, aloud, BE RICH.
This day thou shalt have ingots; and to-morrow
Give lords th’ affront.—Is it, my Zephyrus, right?
Blushes the bolt’s-head?[1861]
_Face._ Like a wench with child, sir,
That were but now discover’d to her master. 10
_Mam._ Excellent witty Lungs!—My only care is
Where to get stuff enough now, to project on;[1862]
This town will not half serve me.
_Face._ No, sir? Buy
The covering off o’ churches.
_Mam._ That ’s true.
_Face._ Yes.
Let ’em stand bare, as do their auditory;[1863] 15
Or cap ’em new with shingles.
_Mam._ No, good thatch:
Thatch will lie light upo’ the rafters, Lungs.
Lungs, I will manumit thee from the furnace;
I will restore thee thy complexion, Puff,
Lost in the embers; and repair this brain, 20
Hurt wi’ the fume o’ the metals.
_Face._ I have blown, sir,
Hard, for your worship; thrown by many a coal,
When ’t was not beech; weigh’d those I put in, just
To keep your heat still even. These blear’d eyes
Have wak’d to read your several colours, sir, 25
Of the pale citron, the green lion, the crow,
The peacock’s tail, the plumed swan.
_Mam._ And lastly,
Thou hast descried the flower, the _sanguis agni_?
_Face._ Yes, sir.
_Mam._ Where ’s master?
_Face._ At ’s prayers, sir, be;
Good man, he ’s doing his devotions 30
For the success.
_Mam._ Lungs, I will set a period
To all thy labours; thou shalt be the master
Of my seraglio.
_Face._ Good, sir.
_Mam._ But do you hear?
I ’ll geld you, Lungs.
_Face._ Yes, sir.
_Mam._ For I do mean
To have a list of wives and concubines 35
Equal with Solomon, who had the stone
Alike with me; and I will make me a back
With the elixir, that shall be as tough
As Hercules, to encounter fifty a night.—
Thou ’rt sure thou saw ’st it blood?
_Face._ Both blood and spirit, sir. 40
_Mam._ I will have all my beds blown up, not stuft;
Down is too hard: and then, mine oval room
Fill ’d with such pictures as Tiberius took
From Elephantis, and dull Aretine
But coldly imitated. Then, my glasses 45
Cut in more subtle angles, to disperse
And multiply the figures, as I walk
Naked between my succubae.[1864] My mists
I ’ll have of perfume, vapour’d ’bout the room,
To lose our selves in; and my baths, like pits 50
To fall into; from whence we will come forth,
And roll us dry in gossamer and roses.—
Is it arrived at ruby?——Where I spy
A wealthy citizen, or [a] rich lawyer,
Have a sublim’d pure wife, unto that fellow 55
I ’ll send a thousand pound to be my cuckold.
_Face._ And I shall carry it?
_Mam._ No. I ’ll ha’ no bawds
But fathers and mothers: they will do it best,
Best of all others. And my flatterers
Shall be the pure and gravest of divines, 60
That I can get for money. My mere fools,
Eloquent burgesses, and then my poets
The same that writ so subtly of the fart,
Whom I will entertain still for that subject.
The few that would give out themselves to be 65
Court and town-stallions, and, each-where, bely
Ladies who are known most innocent, for them,—
Those will I beg, to make me eunuchs of:
And they shall fan me with ten estrich tails
A-piece, made in a plume to gather wind. 70
We will be brave, Puff, now we ha’ the med’cine.
My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells,
Dishes of agate set in gold, and studded
With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies.
The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels’ heels, 75
Boil’d i’ the spirit of sol, and dissolv’d pearl
(Apicius’ diet, ’gainst the epilepsy):
And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber,
Headed with diamond and carbuncle.
My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver’d salmons,[1865] 80
Knots,[1866] godwits, lampreys: I myself will have
The beards of barbel[1867] serv’d, instead of salads;
Oil’d mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps
Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off,
Drest with an exquisite and poignant sauce; 85
For which, I ’ll say unto my cook, _There ’s gold_;
_Go forth, and be a knight._
_Face._ Sir, I ’ll go look
A little, how it heightens. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ Do.—My shirts
I ’ll have of taffeta-sarsnet,[1868] soft and light
As cobwebs; and for all my other raiment, 90
It shall be such as might provoke the Persian,
Were he to teach the world riot anew.
My gloves of fishes and birds’ skins, perfum’d
With gums of paradise, and Eastern air——
_Sur._ And do you think to have the stone with this? 95
_Mam._ No, I do think t’ have all this with the stone.
_Sur._ Why, I have heard he must be _homo frugi_,[1869]
A pious, holy, and religious man,
One free from mortal sin, a very virgin.
_Mam._ That makes it, sir; he is so. But I buy it; 100
My venture brings it me. He, honest wretch,
A notable, superstitious, good soul,
Has worn his knees bare, and his slippers bald,
With prayer and fasting for it: and, sir, let him
Do it alone, for me, still. Here he comes. 105
Not a profane word afore him; ’t is poison.—
SCENE III.[1870]
MAMMON, SURLY. [_Enter_] SUBTLE.
_Mam._ Good morrow, father.
_Sub._ Gentle son, good morrow,
And to your friend there. What is he is with you?
_Mam._ An heretic, that I did bring along,
In hope, sir, to convert him.
_Sub._ Son, I doubt
You ’re covetous, that thus you meet your time
I’ the just[1871] point, prevent[1872] your day at morning. 6
This argues something worthy of a fear
Of importune and carnal appetite.
Take heed you do not cause the blessing leave you,
With your ungovern’d haste. I should be sorry
To see my labours, now e’en at perfection, 11
Got by long watching and large patience,
Not prosper where my love and zeal hath plac’d ’em.
Which (heaven I call to witness, with your self,
To whom I have pour’d my thoughts) in all my ends, 15
Have look’d no way, but unto public good,
To pious uses, and dear charity,
Now grown a prodigy with men. Wherein
If you, my son, should now prevaricate,
And to your own particular lusts employ 20
So great and catholic a bliss, be sure
A curse will follow, yea, and overtake
Your subtle and most secret ways.
_Mam._ I know, sir;
You shall not need to fear me; I but come
To ha’ you confute this gentleman.
_Sur._ Who is, 25
Indeed, sir, somewhat costive of belief
Toward your stone; would not be gull’d.
_Sub._ Well, son,
All that I can convince him in, is this,
The work is done, bright Sol is in his robe.
We have a med’cine of the triple soul, 30
The glorified spirit. Thanks be to heaven,
And make us worthy of it!—=Ulen Spiegel!=[1873]
_Face._ [_within._] Anon, sir.
_Sub._ Look well to the register.
And let your heat still lessen by degrees,
To the aludels.[1874] 35
_Face._ [_within._] Yes, sir.
_Sub._ Did you look
O’ the bolt’s head yet?
_Face._ [_within._] Which? On D, sir?
_Sub._ Ay;
What’s the complexion?
_Face._ [_within._] Whitish.
_Sub._ Infuse vinegar, 40
To draw his volatile substance and his tincture:
And let the water in glass E be filt’red,
And put into the gripe’s egg.[1875] Lute[1876] him well;
And leave him clos’d _in balneo_.[1877]
_Face._ [_within._] I will, sir.
_Sur._ What a brave language here is! next to canting.[1878] 45
_Sub._ I have another work you never saw, son,
That three days since past the philosopher’s wheel,
In the lent heat of Athanor;[1879] and ’s become
Sulphur o’ Nature.
_Mam._ But ’tis for me?
_Sub._ What need you?
You have enough, in that is, perfect.
_Mam._ O, but—— 50
_Sub._ Why, this is covetise!
_Mam._ No, I assure you,
I shall employ it all in pious uses,
Founding of colleges and grammar schools,
Marrying young virgins, building hospitals,
And, now and then, a church.
[_Re-enter_ FACE.]
_Sub._ How now!
_Face._ Sir, please you, 55
Shall I not change the filter?
_Sub._ Marry, yes;
And bring me the complexion of glass B. [_Exit_ FACE.]
_Mam._ Ha’ you another?
_Sub._ Yes, son; were I assur’d
Your piety were firm, we would not want
The means to glorify it: but I hope the best. 60
I mean to tinct C in sand-heat to-morrow,
And give him imbibition.[1880]
_Mam._ Of white oil?
_Sub._ No, sir, of red. F is come over the helm too,
I thank my maker, in S. Mary’s bath.
And shows _lac virginis_. Blessed be heaven! 65
I sent you of his faeces there calcin’d:
Out of that calx, I ha’ won the salt of mercury.
_Mam._ By pouring on your rectified water?
_Sub._ Yes, and reverberating in Athanor.
[_Re-enter_ FACE.]
How now! what colour says it?
_Face._ The ground black, sir. 70
_Mam._ That’s your crow’s head?
_Sur._ Your cock’s comb’s, is it not?
_Sub._ No, ’t is not perfect. Would it were the crow!
That work wants something.
_Sur._ [_Aside._] O, I look’d for this,
The hay’s[1881] a pitching.
_Sub._ Are you sure you loos’d ’em
In their own menstrue?[1882]
_Face._ Yes, sir, and then married ’em, 75
And put ’em in a bolt’s-head nipp’d to digestion,
According as you bade me, when I set
The liquor of Mars to circulation
In the same heat.
_Sub._ The process then was right. 79
_Face._ Yes, by the token, sir, the retort brake,
And what was sav’d was put into the pellican,
And sign’d with Hermes’ seal.
_Sub._ I think ’t was so.
We should have a new amalgama.
_Sur._ [_Aside._] O, this ferret
Is rank as any polecat.
_Sub._ But I care not;
Let him e’en die; we have enough beside, 85
In embrion. H has his white shirt on?
_Face._ Yes, sir,
He’s ripe for inceration, he stands warm,
In his ash-fire. I would not you should let
Any die now, if I might counsel, sir,
For luck’s sake to the rest: it is not good. 90
_Mam._ He says right.
_Sur._ (_Aside._) Ay, are you bolted?
_Face._ Nay, I know ’t, sir,
I ’ve seen th’ ill fortune. What is some three ounces
Of fresh materials?
_Mam._ Is ’t no more?
_Face._ No more, sir,
Of gold, t’ amalgam with some six of mercury.
_Mam._ Away, here’s money. What will serve?
_Face._ Ask him, sir. 94
_Mam._ How much?
_Sub._ Give him nine pound: you may gi’ him ten.
_Sur._ Yes, twenty, and be cozen’d, do.
_Mam._ There ’t is. [_Gives_ FACE _the money_.]
_Sub._ This needs not; but that you will have it so,
To see conclusions of all: for two
Of our inferior works are at fixation, 100
A third is in ascension. Go your ways.
Ha’ you set the oil of Luna in kemia?
_Face._ Yes, sir.
_Sub._ And the philosopher’s vinegar?
_Face._ Ay. [_Exit._]
_Sur._ We shall have a salad!
_Mam._ When do you make projection?
_Sub._ Son, be not hasty, I exalt our med’cine,
By hanging him _in balneo vaporoso_, 105
And giving him solution; then congeal him;
And then dissolve him; then again congeal him;
For look, how oft I iterate the work,
So many times I add unto his virtue. 110
As, if at first one ounce convert a hundred,
After his second loose, he ’ll turn a thousand;
His third solution, ten; his fourth, a hundred;
After his fifth, a thousand thousand ounces
Of any imperfect metal, into pure 115
Silver or gold, in all examinations,
As good as any of the natural mine.
Get you your stuff here against afternoon,
Your brass, your pewter, and your andirons.
_Mam._ Not those of iron?
_Sub._ Yes, you may bring them too; 120
We ’ll change all metals.
_Sur._ I believe you in that.
_Mam._ Then I may send my spits?
_Sub._ Yes, and your racks.
_Sur._ And dripping-pans, and pot-hangers, and hooks?
Shall he not?
_Sub._ If he please.
_Sur._ —To be an ass. 124
_Sub._ How, sir!
_Mam._ This gent’man you must bear withal.
I told you he had no faith.
_Sur._ And little hope, sir;
But much less charity, should I gull myself.
_Sub._ Why, what have you observ’d, sir, in our art,
Seems so impossible?
_Sur._ But your whole work, no more.
That you should hatch gold in a furnace, sir,
As they do eggs in Egypt!
_Sub._ Sir, do you 131
Believe that eggs are hatch’d so?
_Sur._ If I should?
_Sub._ Why, I think that the greater miracle.
No egg but differs from a chicken more
Than metals in themselves.
_Sur._ That cannot be. 135
The egg’s ordain’d by nature to that end,
And is a chicken _in potentia_.
_Sub._ The same we say of lead and other metals,
Which would be gold if they had time.
_Mam._ And that
Our art doth further.
_Sub._ Ay, for ’t were absurd 140
To think that nature in the earth bred gold
Perfect i’ the instant: something went before.
There must be remote matter.
_Sur._ Ay, what is that?
_Sub._ Marry, we say——
_Mam._ Ay, now it heats: stand, father,
Pound him to dust.
_Sub._ It is, of the one part, 145
A humid exhalation, which we call
_Materia liquida_, or the unctuous water;
On th’ other part, a certain crass and viscous
Portion of earth; both which, concorporate,
Do make the elementary matter of gold; 150
Which is not yet _proprio materia_,
But common to all metals and all stones;
For, where it is forsaken of that moisture,
And hath more dryness, it becomes a stone:
Where it retains more of the humid fatness, 155
It turns to sulphur, or to quicksilver,
Who are the parents of all other metals.
Nor can this remote matter suddenly
Progress so from extreme unto extreme, 159
As to grow gold, and leap o’er all the means.
Nature doth first beget th’ imperfect, then
Proceeds she to the perfect. Of that airy
And oily water, mercury is engend’red;
Sulphur o’ the fat and earthy part; the one, 164
Which is the last, supplying the place of male,
The other of the female, in all metals.
Some do believe hermaphrodeity,
That both do act and suffer. But these two
Make the rest ductile, malleable, extensive.
And even in gold they are; for we do find 170
Seeds of them by our fire, and gold in them;
And can produce the species of each metal
More perfect thence, than nature doth in earth.
Beside, who doth not see in daily practice
Art can beget bees, hornets, beetles, wasps, 175
Out of the carcases and dung of creatures;
Yea, scorpions of an herb, being rightly plac’d?
And these are living creatures, far more perfect
And excellent than metals.
_Mam._ Well said, father!
Nay, if he take you in hand, sir, with an argument, 180
He ’ll bray you in a mortar.
_Sur._ Pray you, sir, stay.
Rather than I ’ll be bray’d, sir, I ’ll believe
That Alchemy is a pretty kind of game,
Somewhat like tricks o’ the cards, to cheat a man
With charming.
_Sub._ Sir?
_Sur._ What else are all your terms, 185
Whereon no one o’ your writers ’grees with other?
Of your elixir, your _lac virginis_,
Your stone, your med’cine, and your chrysosperm,
Your sal, your sulphur, and your mercury, 189
Your oil of height, your tree of life, your blood,
Your marchesite, your tutie, your magnesia,
Your toad, your crow, your dragon, and your panther;
Your sun, your moon, your firmament, your adrop,
Your lato, azoch, zernich, chibrit, heautarit, 194
And then your red man, and your white woman,
With all your broths, your menstrues, and materials
Of piss and egg-shells, women’s terms, man’s blood,
Hair o’ the head, burnt clouts, chalk, merds, and clay,
Powder of bones, scalings of iron, glass,
And worlds of other strange ingredients, 200
Would burst a man to name?
_Sub._ And all these, nam’d,
Intending but one thing; which art our writers
Us’d to obscure their art.
_Mam._ Sir, so I told him—
Because[1883] the simple idiot should not learn it,
And make it vulgar.
_Sub._ Was not all the knowledge 205
Of the Aegyptians writ in mystic symbols?
Speak not the scriptures oft in parables?
Are not the choicest fables of the poets,
That were the fountains and first springs of wisdom,
Wrapt in perplexed allegories?
_Mam._ I urg’d that, 210
And clear’d to him, that Sisyphus was damn’d
To roll the ceaseless stone, only because
He would have made ours common.
(DOL _is seen_) [_at the door._]—Who is this?
_Sub._ God’s precious!—What do you mean?
Go in, good lady.
Let me entreat you. [DOL _retires_.]—Where ’s this varlet?
[_Re-enter_ FACE.]
_Face._ Sir. 215
_Sub._ You very knave! do you use me thus?
_Face._ Wherein, sir?
_Sub._ Go in and see, you traitor. Go! [_Exit_ FACE.]
_Mam._ Who is it, sir?
_Sub._ Nothing, sir; nothing.
_Mam._ What ’s the matter, good sir?
I have not seen you thus distemp’red: who is ’t?
_Sub._ All arts have still had, sir, their adversaries; 220
But ours the most ignorant.—
FACE _returns_.
What now?
_Face._ ’T was not my fault, sir; she would speak with you.
_Sub._ Would she, sir! Follow me. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ [_stopping him._] Stay, Lungs.
_Face._ I dare not, sir.
_Mam._ How! pray thee, stay.
_Face._ She ’s mad, sir, and sent hither— 225
_Mam._ Stay, man; what is she?
_Face._ A lord’s sister, sir.
He ’ll be mad too.—
_Mam._ I warrant thee.—Why sent hither?
_Face._ Sir, to be cur’d.
_Sub._ [_within._] Why, rascal!
_Face._ Lo you!—Here, sir! _Exit._
_Mam._ ’Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave piece.
_Sur._ Heart, this is a bawdy-house! I ’ll be burnt else. 230
_Mam._ O, by this light, no: do not wrong him. He ’s
Too scrupulous that way: it is his vice.
No, he ’s a rare physician, do him right,
An excellent Paracelsian, and has done
Strange cures with mineral physic. He deals all
With spirits, he; he will not hear a word 236
Of Galen; or his tedious recipes.—
FACE _again_.
How now, Lungs!
_Face._ Softly, sir; speak softly. I meant
To ha’ told your worship all. This must not hear.
_Mam._ No, he will not be gull’d; let him alone.
_Face._ You ’re very right, sir; she is a most rare scholar, 241
And is gone mad with studying Broughton’s[1884] works.
If you but name a word touching the Hebrew,
She falls into her fit, and will discourse
So learnedly of genealogies, 245
As you would run mad too, to hear her, sir.
_Mam._ How might one do t’ have conference with her. Lungs?
_Face._ O, divers have run mad upon the conference.
I do not know, sir: I am sent in haste
To fetch a vial.
_Sur._ Be not gull’d. Sir Mammon. 250
_Mam._ Wherein? Pray ye, be patient.
_Sur._ Yes, as you are,
And trust confederate knaves and bawds and whores.
_Mam._ You are too foul, believe it.—Come here, =Ulen=,
One word.
_Face._ I dare not, in good faith. [_Going._]
_Mam._ Stay, knave.
_Face._ He ’s extreme angry that you saw her, sir. 255
_Mam._ Drink that. [_Gives him money._] What is she when she ’s out
of her fit?
_Face._ O, the most affablest creature, sir! so merry!
So pleasant! She ’ll mount you up, like quicksilver,
Over the helm; and circulate like oil,
A very vegetal: discourse of state, 260
Of mathematics, bawdry, anything——
_Mam._ Is she no way accessible? no means,
No trick to give a man a taste of her——wit——
Or so?
[_Sub. within._] =Ulen!=
_Face._ I ’ll come to you again, sir. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ Surly, I did not think one o’ your breeding 266
Would traduce personages of worth.
_Sur._ Sir Epicure,
Your friend to use; yet still loth to be gull’d:
I do not like your philosophical bawds.
Their stone is lechery enough to pay for, 270
Without this bait.
_Mam._ Heart, you abuse yourself.
I know the lady, and her friends, and means,
The original of this disaster. Her brother
Has told me all.
_Sur._ And yet you ne’er saw her
Till now! 275
_Mam._ O yes, but I forgot. I have, believe it,
One o’ the treacherous’st memories, I do think,
Of all mankind.
_Sur._ What call you her brother?
_Mam._ My lord——
He wi’ not have his name known, now I think on ’t.
_Sur._ A very treacherous memory!
_Mam._ O’ my faith—— 280
_Sur._ Tut, if you ha’ it not about you, pass it
Till we meet next.
_Mam._ Nay, by this hand, ’t is true.
He ’s one I honour, and my noble friend;
And I respect his house.
_Sur._ Heart! can it be
That a grave sir, a rich, that has no need, 285
A wise sir, too, at other times, should thus,
With his own oaths, and arguments, make hard means
To gull himself? An this be your elixir,
Your _lapis mineralis_, and your lunary,
Give me your honest trick yet at primero, 290
Or gleek,[1885] and take your _lutum sapientis_,
Your _menstruum simplex_! I ’ll have gold before you,
And with less danger of the quicksilver,
Or the hot sulphur.
[_Re-enter_ FACE.]
_Face._ Here ’s one from Captain Face, sir. (_To_ SURLY.) 295
Desires you meet him i’ the Temple-church,
Some half-hour hence, and upon earnest business.
Sir, (_whispers_ MAMMON) if you please to quit us now, and come
Again within two hours, you shall have
My master busy examining o’ the works; 300
And I will steal you in unto the party,
That you may see her converse.—Sir, shall I say
You ’ll meet the captain’s worship?
_Sur._ Sir, I will.— [_Walks aside._]
But, by attorney, and to a second purpose.
Now, I am sure it is a bawdy-house; 305
I ’ll swear it, were the marshal here to thank me:
The naming this commander doth confirm it.
Don Face! why, he ’s the most authentic dealer
I’ these commodities, the superintendent
To all the quainter traffickers in town! 310
He is the visitor, and does appoint
Who lies with whom, and at what hour; what price;
Which gown, and in what smock; what fall;[1886] what tire.[1887]
Him will I prove, by a third person, to find
The subtleties of this dark labyrinth: 315
Which if I do discover, dear Sir Mammon,
You ’ll give your poor friend leave, though no philosopher,
To laugh; for you that are, ’t is thought, shall weep.
_Face._ Sir, he does pray you ’ll not forget.
_Sur._ I will not, sir.
Sir Epicure, I shall leave you. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ I follow you straight, 320
_Face._ But do so, good sir, to avoid suspicion.
This gent’man has a parlous head.
_Mam._ But wilt thou, =Ulen=,
Be constant to thy promise?
_Face._ As my life, sir.
_Mam._ And wilt thou insinuate what I am, and praise me,
And say I am a noble fellow?
_Face._ O, what else, sir? 325
And that you ’ll make her royal with the stone,
An empress; and yourself King of Bantam.
_Mam._ Wilt thou do this?
_Face._ Will I, sir!
_Mam._ Lungs, my Lungs!
I love thee.
_Face._ Send your stuff, sir, that my master
May busy himself about projection. 330
_Mam._ Thou ’st witch’d me, rogue: take, go. [_Gives him money._]
_Face._ Your jack, and all, sir.
_Mam._ Thou art a villain—I will send my jack,
And the weights too. Slave, I could bite thine ear.
Away, thou dost not care for me.
_Face._ Not I, sir!
_Mam._ Come, I was born to make thee, my good weasel, 325
Set thee on a bench, and ha’ thee twirl a chain
With the best lord’s vermin of ’em all.
_Face._ Away, sir.
_Mam._ A count, nay, a count palatine——
_Face._ Good sir, go.
_Mam._ Shall not advance thee better: no, nor faster. [_Exit._]
SCENE IV.[1888]
FACE. [_Re-enter_] SUBTLE _and_ DOL.
_Sub._ Has he bit? has he bit?
_Face._ And swallow’d, too, my Subtle.
I ha’ given him line, and now he plays, i’ faith.
_Sub._ And shall we twitch him?
_Face._ Thorough both the gills.
A wench is a rare bait, with which a man
No sooner ’s taken, but he straight firks mad.[1889] 5
_Sub._ Dol, my Lord What’s-hum’s sister, you must now
Bear yourself _statelich_.
_Dol._ O, let me alone,
I ’ll not forget my race, I warrant you.
I ’ll keep my distance, laugh and talk aloud;
Have all the tricks of a proud scurvy lady, 10
And be as rude ’s her woman.
_Face._ Well said, sanguine![1890]
_Sub._ But will he send his andirons?
_Face._ His jack too,
And ’s iron shoeing-horn; I ha’ spoke to him. Well,
I must not lose my wary gamester yonder.
_Sub._ O, Monsieur Caution, that will not be gull’d? 15
_Face._ Ay,
If I can strike a fine hook into him, now!—
The Temple-church, there I have cast mine angle.
Well, pray for me. I ’ll about it.
(_One knocks._)
_Sub._ What, more gudgeons![1891] 20
Dol, scout, scout! [DOL _goes to the window_.] Stay, Face, you must
go to the door;
’Pray God it be my anabaptist—Who is ’t, Dol?
_Dol._ I know him not: he looks like a gold-end-man.[1892]
_Sub._ Gods so! ’t is he, he said he would send—what call you him?
The sanctified elder, that should deal 25
For Mammon’s jack and andirons. Let him in.
Stay, help me off, first, with my gown. [_Exit_ FACE _with the
gown_.] Away,
Madam, to your withdrawing chamber. Now, [_Exit_ DOL.]
In a new tune, new gesture, but old language.—
This fellow is sent from one negotiates with me
About the stone too, for the holy brethren 31
Of Amsterdam, the exil’d saints, that hope
To raise their discipline[1893] by it. I must use him
In some strange fashion now, to make him admire me.
SCENE V.[1894]
SUBTLE. [_Enter_] ANANIAS.
Where is my drudge? [_Aloud._]
[_Enter_] FACE.
_Face._ Sir!
_Sub._ Take away the recipient,
And rectify your menstrue from the phlegma.
Then pour it on the Sol, in the cucurbite,
And let ’em macerate together.
_Face._ Yes, sir.
And save the ground?
_Sub._ No: _terra damnata_ 5
Must not have entrance in the work.—Who are you?
_Ana._ A faithful brother,[1895] if it please you.
_Sub._ What ’s that?
A Lullianist? a Ripley?[1896] _Filius artis?_
Can you sublime and dulcify? Calcine?
Know you the sapor pontic? Sapor stiptic? 10
Or what is homogene, or heterogene?
_Ana._ I understand no heathen language, truly.
_Sub._ Heathen! You Knipperdoling?[1897] Is Ars sacra,
Or chrysopoeia, or spagyrica,
Or the pamphysic, or panarchic knowledge, 15
A heathen language?
_Ana._ Heathen Greek, I take it.
_Sub._ How! Heathen Greek?
_Ana._ All ’s heathen but the Hebrew.
_Sub._ Sirrah my varlet, stand you forth and speak to him
Like a philosopher: answer i’ the language.
Name the vexations, and the martyrizations 20
Of metals in the work.
_Face._ Sir, putrefaction,
Solution, ablution, sublimation,
Cohobation, calcination, ceration, and
Fixation.
_Sub._ This is heathen Greek, to you, now!—
And when comes vivification?
_Face._ After mortification. 25
_Sub._ What ’s cohobation?
_Face._ ’T is the pouring on
Your _aqua regis_, and then drawing him off,
To the trine circle of the seven spheres.
_Sub._ What ’s the proper passion of metals?
_Face._ Malleation.
_Sub._ What ’s your _ultimum supplicium auri_?
_Face._ Antimonium. 30
_Sub._ This ’s heathen Greek to you!—And what ’s your mercury?
_Face._ A very fugitive, he will be gone, sir.
_Sub._ How know you him?
_Face._ By his viscosity,
His oleosity, and his suscitability.
_Sub._ How do you sublime him?
_Face._ With the calce of egg-shells, 35
White marble, talc.
_Sub._ Your magisterium now,
What ’s that?
_Face._ Shifting, sir, your elements,
Dry into cold, cold into moist, moist into hot,
Hot into dry.
_Sub._ This is heathen Greek to you still!
Your _lapis philosophicus_?
_Face._ ’T is a stone, 40
And not a stone; a spirit, a soul, and a body:
Which if you do dissolve, it is dissolv’d;
If you coagulate, it is coagulated;
If you make it to fly, it flieth.
_Sub._ Enough. [_Exit_ FACE.]
This ’s heathen Greek to you! What are you, sir? 45
_Ana._ Please you, a servant of the exil’d brethren,
That deal with widows’ and with orphans’ goods,
And make a just account unto the saints:
A deacon.
_Sub._ O, you are sent from Master Wholesome,
Your teacher?
_Ana._ From Tribulation Wholesome, 51
Our very zealous pastor.
_Sub._ Good! I have
Some orphans’ goods to come here.
_Ana._ Of what kind, sir?
_Sub._ Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchen-ware.
Metals, that we must use our med’cine on: 55
Wherein the brethren may have a penn’orth
For ready money.
_Ana._ Were the orphans’ parents
Sincere professors?
_Sub._ Why do you ask?
_Ana._ Because
We then are to deal justly, and give, in truth,
Their utmost value.
_Sub._ ’Slid, you ’d cozen else, 60
An if their parents were not of the faithful!—
I will not trust you, now I think on it,
Till I ha’ talk’d with your pastor. Ha’ you brought money
To buy more coals?
_Ana._ No, surely.
_Sub._ No? How so?
_Ana._ The brethren bid me say unto you, sir,
Surely, they will not venture any more 66
Till they may see projection.
_Sub._ How!
_Ana._ You ’ve had
For the instruments, as bricks, and lome, and glasses,
Already thirty pound; and for materials,
They say, some ninety more: and they have heard since, 70
That one, at Heidelberg, made it of an egg,
And a small paper of pin-dust.
_Sub._ What’s your name?
_Ana._ My name is Ananias.
_Sub._ Out, the varlet
That cozen’d the apostles! Hence, away!
Flee, mischief! had your holy consistory 75
No name to send me, of another sound
Than wicked Ananias? Send your elders
Hither, to make atonement for you, quickly,
And gi’ me satisfaction; or out goes
The fire; and down th’ alembics, and the furnace, 80
_Piger Henricus_, or what not. Thou wretch!
Both _sericon_ and _bufo_ shall be lost.
Tell ’em. All hope of rooting out the bishops,
Or th’ anti-Christian hierarchy shall perish,
If they stay threescore minutes: the aqueity,
Terreity, and sulphureity 86
Shall run together again, and all be annull’d.
Thou wicked Ananias! [_Exit_ ANANIAS.] This will fetch ’em,
And make ’em haste towards their gulling more.
A man must deal like a rough nurse, and fright
Those that are froward, to an appetite. 91
SCENE VI.[1898]
SUBTLE. [_Enter_] FACE [_in his uniform, followed by_] DRUGGER.
_Face._ He ’s busy with his spirits, but we’ll upon him.
_Sub._ How now! What mates, what Bayards[1899] ha’ we here?
_Face._ I told you he would be furious.—Sir, here ’s Nab
Has brought you another piece of gold to look on;
—We must appeass him. Give it me,—and prays you, 5
You would devise—what is it, Nab?
_Drug._ A sign, sir.
_Face._ Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, doctor.
_Sub._ I was devising now.
_Face._ [_Aside to_ SUBTLE.] ’Slight, do not say so,
He will repent he ga’ you any more.—
What say you to his constellation, doctor, 10
The Balance?
_Sub._ No, that way is stale and common.
A townsman born in Taurus, gives the bull,
Or the bull’s head: in Aries, the ram,—
A poor-device! No, I will have his name 14
Form’d in some mystic character; whose _radii_,
Striking the senses of the passers-by,
Shall, by a virtual[1900] influence, breed affections,
That may result upon the party owns it:
As thus—— 19
_Face._ Nab!
_Sub._ He first shall have a _bell_, that’s _Abel_;
And by it standing one whose name is _Dee_,[1901]
In a _rug_[1902] gown, there’s _D_, and _Rug_, that ’s _drug_
And right anenst him a dog snarling _er_;
There’s Drugger, Abel Drugger. That ’s his sign.
And here ’s now mystery and hieroglyphic! 25
_Face._ Abel, thou art made.
_Drug._ Sir, I do thank his worship.
_Face._ Six o’ thy legs[1903] more will not do it, Nab.
He has brought you a pipe of tobacco, doctor.
_Drug._ Yes, sir;
I have another thing I would impart—— 29
_Face._ Out with it, Nab.
_Drug._ Sir, there is lodg’d, hard by me,
A rich young widow——
_Face._ Good! a bona roba?[1904]
_Drug._ But nineteen at the most.
_Face._ Very good, Abel.
_Drug._ Marry, she’s not in fashion yet; she wears
A hood, but ’t stands a cop.[1905]
_Face._ No matter, Abel.
_Drug._ And I do now and then give her a fucus[1906]—— 35
_Face._ What! dost thou deal, Nab?
_Sub._ I did tell you, captain.
_Drug._ And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me
With all her mind. She’s come up here of purpose
To learn the fashion.
_Face._ Good (his match too!)—On, Nab.
_Drug._ And she does strangely long to know her fortune. 40
_Face._ God’s lid, Nab, send her to the doctor, hither.
_Drug._ Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already;
But she ’s afraid it will be blown abroad,
And hurt her a marriage.
_Face._ Hurt it! ’t is the way
To heal it, if ’t were hurt; to make it more 45
Follow’d and sought. Nab, thou shalt tell her this.
She ’ll be more known, more talk’d of; and your widows
Are ne’er of any price till they be famous;
Their honour is their multitude of suitors. 49
Send her, it may be thy good fortune. What!
Thou dost not know?
_Drug._ No, sir, she ’ll never marry
Under a knight: her brother has made a vow.
_Face._ What! and dost thou despair, my little Nab,
Knowing what the doctor has set down for thee,
And seeing so many o’ the city dubb’d? 55
One glass o’ thy water, with a madam I know,
Will have it done, Nab. What ’s her brother? a knight?
_Drug._ No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in ’s land, sir,
Scarce cold in his one and twenty, that does govern
His sister here; and is a man himself 60
Of some three thousand a year, and is come up
To learn to quarrel, and to live by his wits,
And will go down again, and die i’ the country.
_Face._ How! to quarrel?
_Drug._ Yes, sir, to carry quarrels,
As gallants do; to manage ’em by line. 65
_Face._ ’Slid, Nab, the doctor is the only man
In Christendom for him. He has made a table,
With mathematical demonstrations,
Touching the art of quarrels: he will give him
An instrument to quarrel by. Go, bring ’em both, 70
Him and his sister. And, for thee, with her
The doctor happ’ly may persuade. Go to:
’Shalt give his worship a new damask suit
Upon the premises.
_Sub._ O, good captain!
_Face._ He shall;
He is the honestest fellow, doctor. Stay not, 75
No offers; bring the damask, and the parties.
_Drug._ I ’ll try my power, sir.
_Face._ And thy will too, Nab.
_Sub._ ’T is good tobacco, this! What is ’t an ounce?
_Face._ He ’ll send you a pound, doctor.
_Sub._ O no.
_Face._ He will do ’t.
It is the goodest soul!—Abel, about it. 80
Thou shalt know more anon. Away, be gone. [_Exit_ ABEL.]
A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese,
And has the worms. That was the cause, indeed,
Why he came now: he dealth with me in private, 84
To get a med’cine for ’em.
_Sub._ And shall, sir. This works.
_Face._ A wife, a wife for one on ’s, my dear Subtle!
We ’ll e’en draw lots, and he that fails, shall have
The more in goods, the other has in tail.
_Sub._ Rather the less; for she may be so light
She may want grains.
_Face._ Ay; or be such a burden, 90
A man would scarce endure her for the whole.
_Sub._ Faith, best let ’s see her first, and then determine.
_Face._ Content: but Dol must ha’ no breath on ’t.
_Sub._ Mum.
Away you, to your Surly yonder, catch him.
_Face._ Pray God I ha’ not staid too long. 95
_Sub._ I fear it. [_Exeunt._]
ACT III
SCENE I.[1907]
[_Enter_] TRIBULATION [WHOLESOME] _and_ ANANIAS.
_Tri._ These chastisements are common to the saints,
And such rebukes we of the separation
Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials
Sent forth to tempt our frailties.
_Ana._ In pure zeal,
I do not like the man; he is a heathen, 5
And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.
_Tri._ I think him a profane person indeed.
_Ana._ He bears
The visible mark of the beast in his forehead.
And for his stone, it is a work of darkness,
And with philosophy blinds the eyes of man. 10
_Tri._ Good brother, we must bend unto all means
That may give furtherance to the holy cause.
_Ana._ Which his cannot: the sanctified cause
Should have a sanctified course.
_Tri._ Not always necessary:
The children of perdition are oft times 15
Made instruments even of the greatest works.
Beside, we should give somewhat to man’s nature,
The place he lives in, still about the fire,
And fume of metals, that intoxicate
The brain of man, and make him prone to passion. 20
Where have you greater atheists than your cooks?
Or more profane, or choleric, than your glass-men?
More anti-Christian than your bell-founders?
What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you,
Sathan, our common enemy, but his being 25
Perpetually about the fire, and boiling
Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say,
Unto the motives, and the stirrers up
Of humours in the blood. It may be so,
When as the work is done, the stone is made, 30
This heat of his may turn into a zeal,
And stand up for the beauteous discipline
Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome.
We must await his calling, and the coming
Of the good spirit. You did fault, t’ upbraid him 35
With the brethren’s blessing of Heidelberg, weighing
What need we have to hasten on the work,
For the restoring of the silenc’d saints,[1908]
Which ne’er will be but by the philosopher’s stone.
And so a learned elder, one of Scotland, 40
Assur’d me; _aurum potabile_ being
The only med’cine for the civil magistrate,
T’ incline him to a feeling of the cause;
And must be daily us’d in the disease.
_Ana._ I have not edified more, truly, by man;
Not since the beautiful light first shone on me: 46
And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.
_Tri._ Let us call on him then.
_Ana._ The motion ’s good,
And of the spirit; I will knock first. [_Knocks._] Peace be within!
[_The door is opened, and they enter._]
SCENE II.[1909]
[_Enter_] SUBTLE, [_followed by_] TRIBULATION _and_ ANANIAS.
_Sub._ O, are you come? ’T was time. Your threescore minutes
Were at last thread, you see; and down had gone
_Furnus acediae, turris circulatorius:_
Limbec, bolt’s-head, retort, and pelican
Had all been cinders. Wicked Ananias! 5
Art thou return’d? Nay, then it goes down yet.
_Tri._ Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble
Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience,
If too much zeal hath carried him aside
From the due path.
_Sub._ Why, this doth qualify! 10
_Tri._ The brethren had no purpose, verily,
To give you the least grievance; but are ready
To lend their willing hands to any project
The spirit and you direct.
_Sub._ This qualifies more!
_Tri._ And for the orphans’ goods, let them be valu’d, 15
Or what is needful else to the holy work,
It shall be numb’red; here, by me, the saints
Throw down their purse before you.
_Sub._ This qualifies most!
Why, thus it should be, now you understand.
Have I discours’d so unto you of our stone, 20
And of the good that it shall bring your cause?
Show’d you (beside the main of hiring forces
Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends,
From th’ Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet)
That even the med’cinal use shall make you a faction 25
And party in the realm? As, put the case,
That some great man in state, he have the gout,
Why, you but send three drops of your elixir,
You help him straight: there you have made a friend.
Another has the palsy or the dropsy, 30
He takes of your incombustible stuff,
He ’s young again: there you have made a friend.
A lady that is past the feat of body,
Though not of mind, and hath her face decay’d
Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore 35
With the oil of talc: there you have made a friend;
And all her friends. A lord that is a leper,
A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire
That hath both these, you make ’em smooth and sound
With a bare fricace[1910] of your med’cine; still 40
You increase your friends.
_Tri._ Ay, ’t is very pregnant.
_Sub._ And then the turning of this lawyer’s pewter
To plate at Christmas——
_Ana._ Christ-tide, I pray you.
_Sub._ Yet, Ananias!
_Ana._ I have done.
_Sub._ Or changing
His parcel[1911] gilt to massy gold. You cannot 45
But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power
To pay an army in the field, to buy
The King of France out of his realms, or Spain
Out of his Indies. What can you not do
Against lords spiritual or temporal, 50
That shall oppone[1912] you?
_Tri._ Verily, ’t is true.
We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.
_Sub._ You may be anything, and leave off to make
Long-winded exercises; or suck up
Your _ha!_ and _hum!_ in a tune. I not deny, 55
But such as are not graced in a state,
May, for their ends, be adverse in religion,
And get a tune to call the flock together:
For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women
And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell. 60
_Ana._ Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.
_Sub._ No warning with you? Then farewell my patience.
Slight, it shall down; I will not be thus tortur’d.
_Tri._ I pray you, sir.
_Sub._ All shall perish. I have spoke it.
_Tri._ Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man, 65
He stands corrected; neither did his zeal,
But as your self, allow a tune somewhere,
Which now, being tow’rd[1913] the stone, we shall not need.
_Sub._ No, nor your holy vizard,[1914] to win widows
To give you legacies; or make zealous wives 70
To rob their husbands for the common cause;
Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day,
And say they were forfeited by providence.
Nor shall you need o’er night to eat huge meals,
To celebrate your next day’s fast the better; 75
The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled,
Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast
Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;[1915]
As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt,
Or whether matrons of the holy assembly 80
May lay their hair out, or wear doublets,
Or have that idol, starch, about their linen.
_Ana._ It is indeed an idol.
_Tri._ Mind him not, sir.
I do command thee, spirit (of zeal, but trouble),
To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on. 85
_Sub._ Nor shall you need to libel ’gainst the prelates,
And shorten so your ears[1916] against the hearing
Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity
Rail against plays, to please the alderman
Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie 90
With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one
Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves
By names of Tribulation, Persecution,
Restraint, Long-patience, and such like, affected
By the whole family or wood[1917] of you, 95
Only for glory, and to catch the ear
Of the disciple.
_Tri._ Truly, sir, they are
Ways that the godly brethren have invented,
For propagation of the glorious cause,
As very notable means, and whereby also 100
Themselves grow soon, and profitably, famous.
_Sub._ O, but the stone, all ’s idle to ’t! Nothing!
The art of angels, nature’s miracle,
The divine secret that doth fly in clouds
From east to west: and whose tradition 105
Is not from men, but spirits.
_Ana._ I hate traditions;
I do not trust them——
_Tri._ Peace!
_Ana._ They are popish all.
I will not peace: I will not——
_Tri._ Ananias!
_Ana._ Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not.
_Sub._ Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome. 110
_Tri._ It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir:
But truly else a very faithful brother,
A botcher,[1918] and a man by revelation
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.
_Sub._ Has he a competent sum there i’ the bag 115
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,
And must, for charity and conscience’ sake,
Now see the most be made for my poor orphan;
Though I desire the brethren, too, good gainers:
There they are within. When you have view’d and bought ’em, 120
And ta’en the inventory of what they are,
They are ready for projection; there ’s no more
To do: cast on the med’cine, so much silver
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,
I ’ll gi’ it you in by weight.
_Tri._ But how long time, 125
Sir, must the saints expect yet?
_Sub._ Let me see,
How ’s the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence,
He will be silver potate: then three days
Before he citronise.[1919] Some fifteen days,
The magisterium[1920] will be perfected. 130
_Ana._ About the second day of the third week,
In the ninth month?
_Sub._ Yes, my good Ananias.
_Tri._ What will the orphans’ goods arise to, think you?
_Sub._ Some hundred marks, as much as fill’d three cars,
Unladed now: you ’ll make six millions of ’em—— 135
But I must ha’ more coals laid in.
_Tri._ How?
_Sub._ Another load,
And then we ha’ finish’d. We must now increase
Our fire to _ignis ardens_;[1921] we are past
_Fimus equinus_, _balnei_, _cineris_,[1922]
And all those lenter[1923] heats. If the holy purse
Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints 141
Do need a present sum, I have a trick
To melt the pewter, you shall buy now instantly,
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars
As any are in Holland.
_Tri._ Can you so? 145
_Sub._ Ay, and shall bide the third examination.
_Ana._ It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.
_Sub._ But you must carry it secret.
_Tri._ Ay; but stay,
This act of coining, is it lawful?
_Ana._ Lawful!
We know no magistrate: or, if we did, 150
This ’s foreign coin.
_Sub._ It is no coining, sir.
It is but casting.
_Tri._ Ha! you distinguish well:
Casting of money may be lawful.
_Ana._ ’T is, sir.
_Tri._ Truly, I take it so.
_Sub._ There is no scruple,
Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias; 155
This case of conscience he is studied in.
_Tri._ I ’ll make a question of it to the brethren.
_Ana._ The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.
Where shall ’t be done?
_Sub._ For that we ’ll talk anon. _Knock without._
There ’s some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you, 160
And view the parcels. That ’s the inventory.
I ’ll come to you straight. [_Exeunt_ TRIB. _and_ ANA.] Who is
it?—Face! appear.
SCENE III.[1924]
SUBTLE. [_Enter_] FACE [_in his uniform_].
_Sub._ How now! good prize?
_Face._ Good pox! Yond’ costive cheater
Never came on.
_Sub._ How then?
_Face._ I ha’ walk’d the round
Till now, and no such thing.
_Sub._ And ha’ you quit him?
_Face._ Quit him! An hell would quit him too, he were happy.
’Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade, 5
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?
I know him of old.
_Sub._ O, but to ha’ gull’d him,
Had been a mastery.
_Face._ Let him go, black boy!
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.
A noble count, a don of Spain (my dear 10
Delicious compeer, and my party[1925]-bawd),
Who is come hither private for his conscience
And brought munition with him, six great slops,[1926]
Bigger than three Dutch hoys,[1927] beside round trunks,[1928] 14
Furnish’d with pistolets,[1929] and pieces of eight,[1930]
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,
(That is the colour,[1931]) and to make his batt’ry
Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinqueport,
Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she?
She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen, 20
The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit,
Where is the doxy?
_Sub._ I’ll send her to thee:
And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens[1932]
And come again myself.
_Face._ Are they within then?
_Sub._ Numb’ring the sum.
_Face._ How much?
_Sub._ A hundred marks, boy. [_Exit._]
_Face._ Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon! 26
Three o’ my clerk! A portague o’ my grocer!
This o’ the brethren! Beside reversions
And states to come, i’ the widow, and my count!
My share to-day will not be bought for forty——-
[_Enter_ DOL].
_Dol._ What? 30
_Face._ Pounds, dainty Dorothy! Art thou so near?
_Dol._ Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp?
_Face._ As with the few that had entrench’d themselves
Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol,
And laugh’d within those trenches, and grew fat 35
With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in
Daily by their small parties. This dear hour,
A doughty don is taken with my Dol;
And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt.
My Dousabel;[1933] he shall be brought here, fetter’d 40
With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown
In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon;
Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum;
Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame
As the poor blackbirds were i’ the great frost,
Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him 46
I’ the swan-skin coverlid and cambric sheets,
Till he work honey and wax, my little God’s-gift.[1934]
_Dol._ What is he, general?
_Face._ An adalantado,[1935] 49
A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?
_Dol._ No.
_Face._ Nor my Drugger?
_Dol._ Neither.
_Face._ A pox on ’em,
They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards
Would not be seen upon these festival days.—
[_Re-enter_ SUBTLE.]
How now! ha’ you done?
_Sub._ Done. They are gone: the sum
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew 55
Another chapman who would buy ’em outright.
_Face._ ’Slid, Nab shall do’t against he ha’ the widow,
To furnish household.
_Sub._ Excellent, well thought on:
Pray God he come.
_Face._ I pray he keep away
Till our new business be o’erpast.
_Sub._ But, Face, 60
How camst thou by this secret don?
_Face._ A spirit
Brought me th’ intelligence in a paper here,
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle
For Surly; I ha’ my flies[1936] abroad. Your bath
Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol, 65
You must go tune your virginal, no losing
O’ the least time. And—do you hear?—good action!
Firk like a flounder; kiss like a scallop, close;
And tickle him with thy mother-tongue. His great
Verdugoship[1937] has not a jot of language; 70
So much the easier to be cozen’d, my Dolly.
He will come here in a hir’d coach, obscure,
And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide,
No creature else. (_One knocks._) Who’s that?
[_Exit_ DOL.]
_Sub._ It is not he?
_Face._ O no, not yet this hour.
[_Re-enter_ DOL.]
_Sub._ Who is’t?
_Dol._ Dapper, 75
Your clerk.
_Face._ God’s will then, Queen of Fairy,
On with your tire; [_Exit_ DOL.] and, doctor, with your robes.
Let’s despatch him for God’s sake.
_Sub._ ’T will be long.
_Face._ I warrant you, take but the cues I give you,
It shall be brief enough. [_Goes to the window._] ’Slight, here are
more! 80
Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir,
That fain would quarrel.
_Sub._ And the widow?
_Face._ No,
Not that I see. Away! [_Exit_ SUB.]
SCENE IV.[1938]
FACE. [_Enter_] DAPPER.
_Face._ O, sir, you are welcome.
The doctor is within a moving for you;
I have had the most ado to win him to it!—
He swears you ’ll be the darling o’ the dice:
He never heard her highness dote till now.[1939] 5
Your aunt has giv’n you the most gracious words
That can be thought on.
_Dap._ Shall I see her grace?
_Face._ See her, and kiss her too.—
[_Enter_ ABEL, _followed by_ KASTRIL.]
What, honest Nab!
Hast brought the damask?
_Nab._ No, sir; here ’s tobacco.
_Face._ ’T is well done, Nab; thou’lt bring the damask too? 10
_Drug._ Yes. Here ’s the gentleman, captain, Master Kastril,
I have brought to see the doctor.
_Face._ Where’s the widow?
_Drug._ Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.
_Face._ O, is it so? Good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?
_Kas._ Ay, and the best o’ the Kastrils, I ’d be sorry else, 15
By fifteen hundred a year.[1940] Where is this doctor?
My mad tobacco-boy here tells me of one
That can do things. Has he any skill?
_Face._ Wherein, sir?
_Kas._ To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly,
Upon fit terms.
_Face._ It seems, sir, you ’re but young 20
About the town, that can make that a question.
_Kas._ Sir, not so young but I have heard some speech
Of the angry boys,[1941] and seen ’em take tobacco;
And in his shop; and I can take it too.
And I would fain be one of ’em, and go down
And practise i’ the country.
_Face._ Sir, for the duello, 26
The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you,
To the least shadow of a hair; and show you
An instrument he has of his own making,
Wherewith, no sooner shall you make report 30
Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on ’t
Most instantly, and tell in what degree
Of safety it lies in, or mortality.
And how it may be borne, whether in a right line,
Or a half circle; or may else be cast 35
Into an angle blunt, if not acute;
And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules
To give and take the lie by.
_Kas._ How! to take it?
_Face._ Yes, in oblique he ’ll show you, or in circle;[1942]
But ne’er in diameter.[1943] The whole town 40
Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily
At the eating academies.
_Kas._ But does he teach
Living by the wits too?
_Face._ Anything whatever.
You cannot think that subtlety but he reads it.
He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp, 45
Just o’ your standing, ’fore I met with him;
It ’s not two months since. I ’ll tell you his method:
First, he will enter you at some ordinary.
_Kas._ No, I ’ll not come there: you shall pardon me.
_Face._ For why, sir?
_Kas._ There ’s gaming there, and tricks.
_Face._ Why, would you be 50
A gallant, and not game?
_Kas._ Ay, ’t will spend a man.
_Face._ Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent.
How do they live by their wits there, that have vented
Six times your fortunes?
_Kas._ What, three thousand a year!
_Face._ Ay, forty thousand.
_Kas._ Are there such?
_Face._ Ay, sir, 55
And gallants yet. Here ’s a young gentleman
Is born to nothing,—[_Points to_ DAPPER.] forty marks a year
Which I count nothing:—he ’s to be initiated,
And have a fly o’ the doctor. He will win you
By unresistible luck, within this fortnight, 60
Enough to buy a barony. They will set him
Upmost, at the groom porter’s,[1944] all the Christmas:
And for the whole year through at every place
Where there is play, present him with the chair, 64
The best attendance, the best drink, sometimes
Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing;
The purest linen and the sharpest knife,
The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere
The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty.
You shall ha’ your ordinaries bid for him, 70
As playhouses for a poet; and the master
Pray him aloud to name what dish be affects,
Which must be butter’d shrimps: and those that drink
To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being
The goodly president mouth of all the board. 75
_Kas._ Do you not gull one?
_Face._ ’Ods my life! Do you think it?
You shall have a cast commander, (can but get
In credit with a glover, or a spurrier,
For some two pair of either’s ware aforehand,)
Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him, 80
Arrive at competent means to keep himself,
His punk, and naked boy, in excellent fashion,
And be admir’d for ’t.
_Kas._ Will the doctor teach this?
_Face._ He will do more, sir: when your land is gone,
(As men of spirit hate to keep earth long), 85
In a vacation,[1945] when small money is stirring,
And ordinaries suspended till the term,
He’ll show a perspective,[1946] where on one side
You shall behold the faces and the persons
Of all sufficient young heirs in town, 90
Whose bonds are current for commodity;[1947]
On th’other side, the merchants’ forms, and others,
That without help of any second broker,
Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels:
In the third square, the very street and sign 95
Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait
To be deliver’d, be it pepper, soap,
Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad,[1948] or cheeses.
All which you may so handle, to enjoy
To your own use, and never stand oblig’d. 100
_Kas._ I’ faith! is he such a fellow?
_Face._ Why, Nab here knows him.
And then for making matches for rich widows,
Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat’st man!
He’s sent to, far and near, all over England, 104
To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.
_Kas._ God ’s will, my sister shall see him.
_Face._ I ’ll tell you, sir,
What he did tell me of Nab. It ’s a strange thing—
(By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy,
And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it:— 109
He told me, honest Nab here was ne’er at tavern
But once in’s life.
_Drug._ Truth, and no more I was not.
_Face._ And then he was so sick——
_Drug._ Could he tell you that too?
_Face._ How should I know it?
_Drug._ In troth, we had been a shooting,
And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper,
That lay so heavy o’ my stomach——
_Face._ And he has no head 115
To bear any wine; for what with the noise o’ the fiddlers,
And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants——
_Drug._ My head did so ache——
_Face._ As he was fain to be brought home.
The doctor told me: and then a good old woman——
_Drug._ Yes, faith, she dwells in Seacoal-lane,—did cure me, 120
With sodden ale, and pellitory[1949] o’ the wall;
Cost me but twopence. I had another sickness
Was worse than that.
_Face._ Ay, that was with the grief
Thou took’st for being cess’d[1950] at eighteen-pence,
For the waterwork.
_Drug._ In truth, and it was like 125
T’ have cost me almost my life.
_Face._ Thy hair went off?
_Drug._ Yes, sir; ’t was done for spite.
_Face._ Nay, so says the doctor.
_Kas._ Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster;
I’ll see this learned boy before I go;
And so shall she.
_Face._ Sir, he is busy now: 130
But if you have a sister to fetch hither,
Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner;
And he by that time will be free.
_Kas._ I go. [_Exit._]
_Face._ Drugger, she’s thine: the damask!—[_Exit_ ABEL.] Subtle and I
Must wrastle for her. [_Aside._] Come on, Master Dapper, 135
You see how I turn clients here away,
To give your cause dispatch; ha’ you perform’d
The ceremonies were enjoin’d you?
_Dap._ Yes, o’ the vinegar.
And the clean shirt.
_Face._ ’T is well: that shirt may do you
More worship than you think. Your aunt’s a-fire, 140
But that she will not show it, t’ have a sight of you.
Ha’ you provided for her grace’s servants?
_Dap._ Yes, here are six score Edward shillings.
_Face._ Good!
_Dap._ And an old Harry’s sovereign.
_Face._ Very good!
_Dap._ And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat, 145
Just twenty nobles.[1951]
_Face._ O, you are too just.
I would you had had the other noble in Maries.
_Dap._ I have some Philip and Maries.
_Face._ Ay, those same
Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.
SCENE V.[1952]
FACE, DAPPER. [_Enter_] SUBTLE, _disguised like a priest of Fairy_
[_with a strip of cloth_].
_Sub._ [_in a feigned voice_.] Is yet her grace’s cousin come?
_Face._ He is come.
_Sub._ And is he fasting?
_Face._ Yes.
_Sub._ And hath cried “hum”?
_Face._ Thrice, you must answer.
_Dap._ Thrice.
_Sub._ And as oft “buz”?
_Face._ If you have, say.
_Dap._ I have.
_Sub._ Then, to her cuz,
Hoping that he hath vinegar’d his senses, 5
As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses,
By me, this robe, the petticoat of Fortune;
Which that he straight put on, she doth importune.
And though to Fortune near be her petticoat, 9
Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note:
And therefore, even of that a piece she hath sent,
Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent;
And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it,
With as much love as then her grace did tear it,
About his eyes, (_They blind him with the rag._) to show he is
fortunate. 15
And, trusting unto her to make his state,
He’ll throw away all worldly pelf about him;
Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him.
_Face._ She need not doubt him, sir. Alas, he has nothing
But what he will part withal as willingly, 20
Upon her grace’s word—throw away your purse—
As she would ask it:—handkerchiefs and all—
She cannot bid that thing but he’ll obey.—
If you have a ring about you, cast it off,
Or a silver seal at your wrist; her grace will send (_He throws away,
as they bid him._) 25
Her fairies here to search you, therefore deal
Directly[1953] with her highness: if they find
That you conceal a mite, you are undone.
_Dap._ Truly, there’s all.
_Face._ All what?
_Dap._ My money; truly.
_Face._ Keep nothing that is transitory about you. 30
[Aside to SUBTLE.] Bid Dol play music.—Look, the elves are come
DOL. _enters with a cittern_.
To pinch you, if you tell not the truth. Advise you.
_They pinch him._
_Dap._ O! I have a paper with a spur-ryal[1954] in’t.
_Face._ _Ti, ti._
They knew’t, they say.
_Sub._ _Ti, ti, ti, ti._ He has more yet.
_Face. Ti, ti-ti-ti._ I’ the other pocket?
_Sub._ _Titi, titi, titi, titi. titi._ 35
They must pinch him or he will never confess, they say.
[_They pinch him again._]
_Dap._ O, O!
_Face._ Nay, pray you, hold: he is her grace’s nephew
_Ti, ti, ti?_ What care you? Good faith, you shall care.— 39
Deal plainly, sir, and shame the fairies. Show
You are innocent.
_Dap._ By this good light, I ha’ nothing.
_Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti, to, ta._ He does equivocate she says:
_Ti, ti do ti, ti ti do, ti da_; and swears
by the light when he is blinded.
_Dap._ By this good dark, I ha’ nothing but a half-crown 44
Of gold about my wrist, that my love gave me;
And a leaden heart I wore sin’ she forsook me.
_Face._ I thought ’t was something. And would you incur
Your aunt’s displeasure for these trifles? Come,
I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns. [_Takes it off._]
You may wear your leaden heart still.—How now! 50
_Sub._ What news, Dol?
_Dol._ Yonder’s your knight, Sir Mammon.
_Face._ God’s lid, we never thought of him till now!
Where is he?
_Dol._ Here hard by. He’s at the door.
_Sub._ And you are not ready now! Dol, get his suit. [_Exit_ DOL.]
He must not be sent back.
_Face._ O, by no means, 55
What shall we do with this same puffin[1955] here,
Now he’s o’ the spit?
_Sub._ Why, lay him back awhile,
With some device.
[_Re-enter_ DOL _with_ FACE’S _clothes_.]
—_Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti._ Would her grace speak with me?
I come.—Help, Dol! _Knocking without._
_Face._ (_speaks through the keyhole._)—Who ’s there? Sir Epicure,
My master’s i’ the way. Please you to walk 60
Three or four turns, but till his back be turn’d,
And I am for you.—Quickly, Dol!
_Sub._ Her grace
Commends her kindly to you, Master Dapper.
_Dap._ I long to see her grace.
_Sub._ She now is set
At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you 65
From her own private trencher, a dead mouse,
And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal,
And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting:
Yet if you could hold out till she saw you, she says,
It would be better for you.
_Face._ Sir, he shall 70
Hold out, an’t were this two hours, for her highness;
I can assure you that. We will not lose
All we ha’ done.——
_Sub._ He must not see, nor speak
To anybody, till then.
_Face._ For that we’ll put, sir,
A stay in’s mouth.
_Sub._ Of what?
_Face._ Of gingerbread. 75
Make you it fit. He that hath pleas’d her grace
Thus far, shall not now crinkle[1956] for a little.——
Gape, sir, and let him fit you.
[_They thrust a gag of gingerbread into his mouth._]
_Sub._ ——Where shall we now
Bestow him?
_Dol._ I’ the privy.——
_Sub._ Come along, sir, 80
I must now show you Fortune’s privy lodgings.
_Face._ Are they perfum’d, and his bath ready?
_Sub._ All:
Only the fumigation ’s somewhat strong.
_Face._ [_speaking through the keyhole._] Sir Epicure, I am yours,
sir, by and by.
[_Exeunt with_ DAPPER.]
ACT IV
SCENE I.[1957]
[_Enter_] FACE _and_ MAMMON.
_Face._ O, sir, you ’re come i’ the only finest time.——
_Mam._ Where ’s master?
_Face._ Now preparing for projection, sir.
Your stuff will be all chang’d shortly.
_Mam._ Into gold?
_Face._ To gold and silver, sir.
_Mam._ Silver I care not for.
_Face._ Yes, sir, a little to give beggars.
_Mam._ Where ’s the lady? 5
_Face._ At hand here. I ha’ told her such brave things o’ you,
Touching your bounty and your noble spirit——
_Mam._ Hast thou?
_Face._ As she is almost in her fit to see you.
But, good sir, no divinity i’ your conference,
For fear of putting her in rage.——
_Mam._ I warrant thee. 10
_Face._ Six men [sir] will not hold her down.
And then,
If the old man should hear or see you——
_Mam._ Fear not.
_Face._ The very house, sir, would run mad. You know it,
How scrupulous he is, and violent,
’Gainst the least act of sin. Physic or mathematics, 15
Poetry, state,[1958] or bawdry, as I told you,
She will endure, and never startle; but
No word of controversy.
_Mam._ I am school’d, good =Ulen=.
_Face._ And you must praise her house, remember that,
And her nobility.
_Mam._ Let me alone: 20
No herald, no, nor antiquary, Lungs,
Shall do it better. Go.
_Face._ [_Aside._] Why, this is yet
A kind of modern happiness,[1959] to have
Dol Common for a great lady. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ Now, Epicure,
Heighten thyself, talk to her all in gold; 25
Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops
Unto his Danaë; show the god a miser,
Compar’d with Mammon. What! the stone will do ’t.
She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold;
Nay, we will _concumbere_ gold: I will be puissant,
And mighty in my talk to her.—
[_Re-enter_ FACE _with_ DOL. _richly dressed_.]
Here she comes, 31
_Face._ To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight
I told your ladyship——
_Mam._ Madam, with your pardon,
I kiss your vesture.
_Dol._ Sir, I were uncivil
If I would suffer that; my lip to you, sir. 35
_Mam._ I hope my lord your brother be in health, lady.
_Dol._ My lord my brother is, though I no lady, sir.
_Face._ [_Aside._] Well said, my Guinea bird.
_Mam._ Right noble madam——
_Face._ [_Aside._] O, we shall have most fierce idolatry.
_Mam._ ’T is your prerogative.
_Dol._ Rather your courtesy. 40
_Mam._ Were there nought else t’ enlarge your virtues to me,
These answers speak your breeding and your blood.
_Dol._ Blood we boast none, sir; a poor baron’s daughter.
_Mam._ Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father
Slept all the happy remnant of his life 45
After that act, lien but there still, and panted,
He ’d done enough to make himself, his issue.
And his posterity noble.
_Dol._ Sir, although
We may be said to want the gilt and trappings,
The dress of honour, yet we strive to keep 50
The seeds and the materials.
_Mam._ I do see
The old ingredient, virtue, was not lost,
Nor the drug money us’d to make your compound.
There is a strange nobility i’ your eye,
This lip, that chin! Methinks you do resemble
One o’ the Austriac princes.
_Face._ [_Aside._] Very like! 56
Her father was an Irish costermonger.
_Mam._ The house of Valois just had such a nose,
And such a forehead yet the Medici
Of Florence boast.
_Dol._ Troth, and I have been lik’ned 60
To all these princes.
_Face._ [_Aside._] I’ll be sworn, I heard it.
_Mam._ I know not how! it is not any one,
But e’en the very choice of all their features.
_Face._ [_Aside._] I ’ll in, and laugh. [_Exit._]
_Mam._ A certain touch, or air,
That sparkles a divinity beyond 65
An earthly beauty!
_Dol._ O, you play the courtier.
_Mam._ Good lady, gi’ me leave——
_Dol._ In faith, I may not,
To mock me, sir.
_Mam._ To burn i’ this sweet flame;
The phoenix never knew a nobler death.
_Dol._ Nay, now you court the courtier, and destroy 70
What you would build. This art, sir, i’ your words,
Calls your whole faith in question.
_Mam._ By my soul——
_Dol._ Nay, oaths are made o’ the same air, sir.
_Mam._ Nature
Never bestow’d upon mortality
A more unblam’d, a more harmonious feature;
She play’d the step-dame in all faces else: 76
Sweet madam, le’ me be particular——
_Dol._ Particular, sir! I pray you, know your distance.
_Mam._ In no ill sense, sweet lady: but to ask
How your fair graces pass the hours? I see 80
You’re lodg’d here, i’ the house of a rare man,
An excellent artist, but what ’s that to you?
_Dol._ Yes, sir; I study here the mathematics.
And distillation.
_Mam._ O, I cry your pardon.
He ’s a divine instructor! can extract 85
The souls of all things by his art; call all
The virtues, and the miracles of the sun,
Into a temperate furnace; teach dull nature
What her own forces are. A man, the emp’ror
Has courted above Kelly;[1960] sent his medals 90
And chains, t’ invite him.
_Dol._ Ay, and for his physic, sir——
_Mam._ Above the art of Aesculapius,
That drew the envy of the thunderer!
I know all this, and more.
_Dol._ Troth, I am taken, sir,
Whole with these studies that contemplate nature. 95
_Mam._ It is a noble humour; but this form
Was not intended to so dark a use.
Had you been crooked, foul, of some coarse mould,
A cloister had done well; but such a feature,
That might stand up the glory of a kingdom,
To live recluse is a mere solecism, 101
Though in a nunnery. It must not be.
I muse, my lord your brother will permit it:
You should spend half my land first, were I he.
Does not this diamond better on my finger 105
Than i’ the quarry?
_Dol._ Yes.
_Mam._ Why, you are like it.
You were created, lady, for the light.
Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge
Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me.
_Dol._ In chains of adamant?
_Mam._ Yes, the strongest bands. 110
And take a secret too.—Here, by your side.
Doth stand this hour the happiest man in Europe.
_Dol._ You are contented, sir?
_Mam._ Nay, in true being,
The envy of princes and the fear of states.
_Dol._ Say you so, Sir Epicure?
_Mam._ Yes, and thou shalt prove it, 115
Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye
Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty
Above all styles.
_Dol._ You mean no treason, sir?