_--There we
Solicit pleasure, hopeless of success;
Waste youth in occupations only fit
For second childhood; and devote old age
To sports which only childhood could excuse.
There they are happiest who dissemble best
Their weariness; and they the most polite,
Who squander time and treasure with a smile,
Though at their own destruction._
Cowper.
The fifth of May arrived; and never did lover, waiting the hour of
meeting, suffer more doubts and tremours than I did, lest Mrs Beetham
should disappoint me of my evening's paraphernalia. Although I had
ordered the dress to be at my bed-side as soon as I awoke, the faithless
mantua-maker detained it till after two o'clock; and the intermediate
hours were consumed in fits of anger, suspense, and despondency. At last
it came; and I hastened to ascertain its becomingness and effect. I knew
that Miss Mortimer was closeted with a medical friend; I had, therefore,
no interruption to fear from her. Yet I locked myself into my
dressing-room, because I could not, without constraint, allow even Miss
Arnold to witness those rehearsals of vanity, which I was not ashamed to
exhibit before Him who remembers that we are but dust. Others may smile
at this and many other instances of my folly. I look back upon them as
on the illusions of delirium, and shudder whilst I smile.
I was practising before a looking-glass the attitudes most favourable to
the display of my dress and figure, when my attention was drawn by the
sound of bustle in the staircase. I opened my door to discover the cause
of the noise, and perceived some of the servants bearing Miss Mortimer,
to all appearance lifeless. In horror and alarm I sprung towards her;
and in answer to some incoherent questions, I learnt, that she had had a
long private conference with Dr ----, and that he had scarcely left the
house, when she had fainted away. A servant had hastened to recall the
surgeon, but his carriage had driven off too quickly to be overtaken.
The dastardly habits of self-indulgence had so estranged me from the
very forms of sickness or of sorrow, that I now stood confounded by
their appearance; and if a menial, whose very existence I scarcely
deigned to remember, had not far excelled me in considerate presence of
mind, the world might then have lost one of its chief ornaments, and I
the glorious lesson of a Christian's life--of a Christian's death! By
means of the simple prescriptions of this poor girl, Miss Mortimer
revived. Her first words were those of thankfulness for all our cares;
her next request that she might be left alone. Recollecting my strange
attire, which alarm had driven from my mind, I felt no disinclination to
obey; but the girl, whose assistance had already been so useful, begged
for permission to remain. 'Indeed, ma'am,' said she, 'you ought not to
be left alone while you are so weak and ill.'
'Oh I am weaker than a child!' cried Miss Mortimer; 'but go, my dear: I
shall not be alone! I know where the weakest shall assuredly find
strength!'
The countenance of the person to whom she spoke gave signal of
intelligence; the rest stared with vacant wonder. All obeyed Miss
Mortimer's command; and I hastened to lay aside my Turkish drapery,
which, for some minutes, I had almost unconsciously been screening from
observation behind the magnitude of our fat housekeeper.
As soon as I had resumed my ordinary dress, I stole back to the door of
Miss Mortimer's apartment. I listened for a while,--but all was still. I
entered softly, and beheld Miss Mortimer upon her knees, her hands
clasped in supplication; the flush of hope glowing through the tears
which yet trembled on her cheek; her eyes raised with meek confidence,
as the asking infant looks up in his mother's face. I was not
unacquainted with the attitude of devotion. _That_ I might have studied
even at our theatres, where a mockery of prayer often insults both taste
and decency. I had even preserved from my childish days a habit of
uttering every morning a short 'form of sound words.' But the spirit of
prayer had never touched my heart; and when I beheld the signs of vital
warmth attend that which I had considered as altogether lifeless, it
seemed like the moving pictures in the gallery of Otranto, portentous of
something strange and terrible. 'Good heavens! my dear Miss Mortimer,'
exclaimed I, advancing towards her as she rose, and wiped the tears from
her eyes, 'surely something very distressing has happened to you.'
'Nothing new has happened,' answered she, holding out her hand kindly
towards me; 'only I have an additional proof that I am, by nature, a
poor, timid, trustless creature.'
'Ah!' cried I, 'do trust me. I can be as secret as the grave, and there
is nothing on earth I won't do to make you comfortable again.'
'I thank you, dear Ellen,' answered Miss Mortimer; 'but I have no secret
to tell; and, to make me comfortable, you must minister to both body and
mind. I have long been trifling with a dangerous disorder. I have acted
in regard to it as we are wont to do in regard to the diseases of our
souls,--deceived myself as to its existence, because I feared to
encounter the cure,--and now I must submit to an operation so tedious,
so painful!'--She stopped, shuddering. I was so much shocked, that I had
scarcely power to enquire whether there were danger in the experiment.
'Some danger there must be,' said Miss Mortimer; 'but it is not the
danger which I fear. Even such cowards as I can meet that which they are
daily accustomed to contemplate. If it had been the will of Heaven, I
would rather have died than----But it is not for me to choose. Shall I
presume to reject any means by which my life may be prolonged? Often,
often have I vowed,' continued she with strong energy of manner, 'that I
would not "live to myself." And was all false and hollow? Was this but
the vow of the hypocrite, the self-deceiver?'
'Oh no!' cried I, 'that is impossible. Before I knew you I might be
prejudiced. But now I see that you are always good,--always the same.
You cannot be a hypocrite.'
This testimony, extorted from me by uniform, consistent uprightness, was
answered only by a distrustful shake of the head; for Miss Mortimer
habitually lent a suspicious ear to the praise of her own virtues; and
was accustomed to judge of her thoughts and actions, not by the opinion
of others, but by a careful comparison with the standard of excellence.
Tears trickled down her cheeks while she upbraided herself as one who,
having pretended to give up all, kept back a part; and even those tears
she reproached as symbols of distrust and fear, rather than of
repentance. We soon grow weary of witnessing strong feeling in which we
cannot fully sympathise. I hinted to Miss Mortimer that a short rest
would compose her spirits, and recruit her strength; and, having
persuaded her to lie down, I left her.
Only a few months had passed since the fairest dream of pleasure would
have vanished from my mind at the thought that the life of the meanest
servant of our household was to hang upon the issue of a doubtful,
dangerous experiment. Only a few months had passed since the sufferings
of a friend would have banished sleep from my pillow, and joy from my
chosen delights. But intemperate pleasure is not more fatal to the
understanding than to the heart. It is not more adverse to the 'spirit
of a sound mind,' than to the 'spirit of love.' Social pleasures, call
we them! Let the name no more be prostituted to that which is poison to
every social feeling. Four months of dissipation had elapsed; and the
distress, the danger of my own friend, and my mother's friend, now made
no change in my scheme of pleasure for the evening. I was merely
perplexed how to impart that scheme to the poor invalid. Conscience,
indeed, did not fail to remind me, that to bestow this night upon
amusement was robbery of friendship and humanity; but I was unhappily
practised in the art of silencing her whispers. I assured myself that if
my presence could have been essentially useful to Miss Mortimer, I
should cheerfully have sacrificed my enjoyment to hers; but I was
certain that if I remained at home, the sight of her melancholy would
depress me so much as to make my company a mere burden. I endeavoured to
persuade myself that, after the scene of the morning, my spirits needed
a cordial; and a sudden fit of economy represented to me the impropriety
of throwing aside as useless, a dress which had cost an incredible sum.
At the recollection of this dress, my thoughts at once flew from
excusing my folly to anticipating its delights; and, in a moment, I was
already in the ball-room, surrounded with every pleasure, but those of
reason, taste, and virtue.
This heartless selfishness may well awaken resentment or contempt; but
it ought not to excite surprise. The sickly child, whose helplessness
needs continual care, whose endless cravings require endless supplies,
whose incessant complainings extort incessant consolation, acquires the
undeserved partiality of his mother. The very flower which we have
cherished in the sunshine, and sheltered from the storm, attains, in
our regard, a value not its own; and whoever confines his cares, and his
ingenuity, to his own gratification, will find, that self-love is not
less rapid, or less vigorous in its progress, than any better affection
of the soul.
All my endeavours, however, could not make me satisfied with my
determination. I therefore resorted to my convenient friend, with whose
honied words I could always qualify my self-upbraidings. I opened the
case, by saying, that I believed we should be obliged to give up the
masquerade after all; but I should have been terribly disappointed if
that opinion had passed uncontroverted. I was, however, in no danger.
Miss Arnold knew exactly when she might contradict without offence; and
did not fail to employ all her persuasion on the side where it was least
necessary. This question, therefore, was quickly settled; but another
still remained,--how were we to announce our purpose to Miss Mortimer?
With this part of the subject inclination had nothing to do; and
therefore we found this point so much more difficult to decide, that
when we were dressed, and ready to depart, the matter was still in
debate.
It was, however, suddenly brought to an issue, by the appearance of Miss
Mortimer. She had remained alone in her apartment during the early part
of the evening; and now entered the drawing-room with her wonted aspect
of serene benevolence, a little 'sicklied o'er by the pale cast of
thought.' I involuntarily retreated behind Miss Arnold, who herself
could not help shrinking back. Miss Mortimer advanced towards her with
the most unconscious air of kindness. 'You are quite equipped for
conquest, Miss Arnold,' said she. 'I never saw any thing so gracefully
fantastic.' She had now obtained a view of my figure, and the truth
seemed to flash upon her at once; for she started, and changed colour.
A dead silence followed, for indeed I did not dare to look up, much less
speak. Miss Arnold first recovered herself. 'Mr Percy,' said she,
endeavouring to speak carelessly, 'has given Ellen and me permission to
go out for an hour.'
'Yes,' rejoined I hesitatingly, 'papa has given us leave, and we shall
only stay a very little while.'--Miss Mortimer made no answer. I stole a
glance at her, and saw that she was pale as death. I ventured a step
nearer to her. 'You are not very angry with us,' said I.
'No, Miss Percy,' said she, in a low constrained voice; 'I never claimed
a right to dictate where you should or should not go. There was,
therefore, on this occasion, the less necessity for having recourse
to----'
She left the sentence unfinished; but my conscience filled up the pause.
'Indeed, my dear Miss Mortimer,' said I, for at that moment I was
thoroughly humbled, 'I never meant to go without your knowledge. Miss
Arnold will tell you that we have been all day contriving how we should
mention it to you.'
'Your word did not use to need confirmation,' said Miss Mortimer,
sighing heavily. 'I did hope,' continued she, 'that you would have
spared to me a part of this evening; for I have many things to say, and
this is the last----'
Miss Mortimer stopped, cleared her throat, bit her quivering lip, and
began industriously to arrange the drapery upon my shoulder; but all
would not do,--she burst into tears. I could not withstand Miss
Mortimer's emotion, and, throwing my arms round her neck,--'My dear,
dear friend,' I cried, 'be angry with me, scold me as much as you will,
only do not grieve yourself. If I could once have guessed that you were
to be ill to-night, I should never have thought of this vile ball; and I
am sure, if it will please you, I will send away the carriage, and stay
at home still.'
This proposal was perfectly sincere, but not very intelligible; for the
thought of such a sacrifice overpowered me so completely, that the last
words were choked with sobs. Miss Mortimer seemed at first to hesitate
whether she should not accept of my offer; but, after a few moments'
reflection, 'No, Ellen,' said she, 'I will not cause you so cruel a
disappointment; for surely--surely this masquerade has seized upon a
most disproportionate share of your wishes. You must soon be left to
your own discretion; and why should I impose an unavailing hardship? Go
then, my love, and be as happy as you can.'
My heart leapt light at this concession. 'Dear, good, kind Miss
Mortimer,' cried I, kissing her cheek, 'do not be afraid of me. I assure
you, I shall be more discreet and prudent this evening than ever I was
in my life.'
Miss Mortimer gave me an April smile. 'This is not much like the garb of
discretion,' said she, looking at my dress, which indeed approached the
utmost limit of fashionable allurement. 'It seems time that I should
cease to advise, else I should beg of you to make some little addition
to your dress. You may meet with people, even at a masquerade, who think
that no charm can atone for any defect of modesty; and I should imagine,
that your spirit would scarcely brook the remarks they might make.'
'I am sure,' said I, with a blush which owed its birth as much to pique
as to shame, 'I never thought of being immodest, nor of any thing else,
except to look as well as I could; but if it will please you, I shall
get a tucker, and let you cover me as much as you will.'
Miss Mortimer good-naturedly accepted this little office; saying, while
she performed it, 'it is a good principle in dress, that the chief use
of clothing is concealment. I am persuaded, that you would never offend
in this point, were you to remember, that if ever an exposed figure
pleases, it must be in some way in which no modest woman would wish to
please.'
Meanwhile Miss Arnold, who was even more impatient than myself to be
gone, had ordered the carriage to the door. Miss Mortimer took leave of
me with a seriousness of manner approaching to solemnity; and we
departed. The moment we were alone, Juliet proposed to undo Miss
Mortimer's labours, declaring that 'they had quite made a fright of me.'
Fortunately for such a world as this, the most questionable principle
may produce insulated acts of propriety. My pride for once espoused the
right side. 'Forbear, Juliet!' cried I indignantly. 'Would you have
people to look at me as they do at the very outcasts of womankind,--some
with pity, some with scorn?'
Miss Arnold's 'hour' had elapsed long before the concourse of carriages
would allow us to alight at Lady St Edmunds' door. On my first entrance,
I was so bewildered by the confusion of the scene, and the grotesque
figures of the masks, that I could scarcely recognise the mistress of
the revels, although we had previously concerted the dress which she was
to wear. She presently, however, relieved this dilemma, by addressing me
in character; though she was, or pretended to be, unable to penetrate my
disguise. The tinge of seriousness which Miss Mortimer had left upon my
spirits being aided by the alarm created by so many unsightly shapes, I
determined not to quit Lady St Edmunds' side during the evening; and was
just going to tell her my name in a whisper, when I was accosted by a
Grand Signior, whom, in spite of his disguise, I thought I discovered to
be Lord Frederick de Burgh. I was somewhat surprised at this coincidence
in our characters, as I had kept that in which I intended to appear a
profound secret from all but Miss Arnold, who protested that she had
never breathed it to any human being. Lord Frederick, however, for I was
convinced that it was he, addressed me as a stranger; and, partly from
the vanity of pleasing in a new character, I answered in the same
strain. We were speedily engaged in a conversation, in the course of
which a conviction of our previous acquaintance placed me so much at
ease with my Turk, that I felt little disturbance, when, on looking
round, I perceived that our matron had mingled with the crowd, leaving
Miss Arnold and me to his protection. I supposed, however, to my friend,
that we should go in search of Lady St Edmunds; and, still attended by
our Grand Signior, we began our round.
And here let me honestly confess, that my pastime very poorly
compensated the concealment, anxiety, and remorse which it had already
cost me. Even novelty, that idol of spoilt children, could scarcely
defend me from weariness and disgust. In the more intellectual part of
my anticipated amusement I was completely disappointed; for the attempts
made to support character were few and feeble. The whole entertainment,
for the sake of which I had broken my promise, implied, if not
expressed,--for the sake of which I had given the finishing stroke to
the unkindness, ingratitude, and contumacy of my behaviour towards my
mother's friend,--amounted to nothing more than looking at a multitude
of motley habits, for the most part mean, tawdry, and unbecoming; and
listening to disjointed dialogues, consisting of dull questions and
unmeaning answers, thinly bestrown with constrained witticisms, and puns
half a century old. The easy flow of conversation, which makes even
trifles pass agreeably, was destroyed by the supposed necessity of being
smart; and the eloquence of the human eye, of the human smile, was
wanting to add interest to what was vapid, and kindliness to what was
witty. Lord Frederick, indeed, did what he could to enliven the scene.
He pointed out the persons whom he knew through their disguises; and
desired me to observe how generally each affected the character which he
found the least attainable in common life. 'That,' said he, 'is
Glendower in the dress of a conjurer. That virgin of the sun is Lady
B----, whose divorce-bill is to be before the House to-morrow. That
Minerva is Lady Maria de Burgh; and that figure next to her is Miss
Sarah Winterfield, who has stuck a flaxen wig upon her grizzled pate
that she may for once pass for a Venus.'
'If I am to judge by your rule,' said I, 'you must be content to be
taken for some Christian slave, snatching a transitory greatness.'
'You guess well, fair Fatima; I am indeed a slave; and these royal robes
are meant to conceal my chains from all but my lovely mistress.'
'Why then do you confess them so freely to me?'
'Because I am persuaded that this envious mask conceals the face of my
sultana.'
'No, no; by your rule I must be some stern old gouvernante, who have
locked up your sultana, and come to seize the pleasures which I deny to
her.'
'Oh! here my rule is useless; for, from what I see, I can guess very
correctly what is concealed. For instance, there is first a pair of
saucy hazel eyes, sparkling through their long fringes. Cheeks of
roses----'
'Pshaw! commonplace----'
'Nay, not common vulgar country roses--but living and speaking, like the
roses in a poet's fancy.'
'Well, that's better, go on.'
'A sly, mischievous, dimple, that, Parthian-like, kills and is fled.'
'You can guess flatteringly, I see.'
'Yes; and truly too. Nature would never mould a form like this, and
leave her work imperfect; therefore there is but one face that can
belong to it; and that face is--Miss Percy's.'
'And I think nature would never have bestowed such talents for flattery
without giving a corresponding dauntlessness of countenance; and that I
am persuaded belongs only to Lord Frederick de Burgh.'
My attention was diverted from the Sultan's reply by a deep low voice,
which, seemingly close to my ear, pronounced the words, 'Use caution;
you have need of it.' I started, and turned to see who had spoken; but a
crowd of masks were round us, and I could not distinguish the speaker, I
applied to Miss Arnold and the Turk, but neither of them had observed
the circumstance. I was rather inclined to ascribe it to chance, not
conceiving that any one present could be interested in advising me; yet
the solemn tone in which the words were uttered, uniting with the
impression which, almost unknown to myself, Miss Mortimer's averseness
to my present situation had left upon my mind, I again grew anxious to
find protection with Lady St Edmunds.
Being now a little more in earnest in my search, I soon discovered the
object of it, and I immediately made myself known to her. Lady St
Edmunds appeared to receive the intelligence with delighted surprise,
and reproached me kindly with having concealed myself so long; then
suddenly transferred her reproaches to herself for having, even for a
moment, overlooked my identity, 'since, however disguised, my figure
remained as unique as that of the Medicean Venus.' I can smile now at
the simplicity with which I swallowed this and a hundred other
absurdities of the same kind. A superior may always apply his flattery
with very little caution, secure that it will be gratefully received;
and the young are peculiarly liable to its influence, because their
estimate of themselves being as yet but imperfectly formed, they are
glad of any testimony on the pleasing side.
I kept my station for some time between Lady St Edmunds and Lord
Frederick, drinking large draughts of vanity and pleasure, till Miss
Mortimer and my unknown adviser were alike forgotten. A group of
Spaniards having finished a fandango, the Countess proposed that Lord
Frederick and I should succeed them in a Turkish dance. A faint
recollection crossed my mind of the disgust with which I had read a
description of this Mahometan exhibition, so well suited to those whose
prospective sensuality extends even beyond the grave. I refused,
therefore, alleging ignorance as my excuse; but, as I had an absolute
passion for dancing, I offered to join in any more common kind of my
favourite exercise. Lady St Edmunds, however, insisted that, unless in
character, it would be awkward to dance at all; and that I might easily
copy the Turkish dances which I had seen performed upon the stage. These
had, so far as I could see, no resemblance to the licentious spectacles
of which I had read, excepting what consisted in the shameless attire of
the performers, in which I sincerely believe that the _Christian_
dancing-women have pre-eminence. Blessed be the providential
arrangements which make the majority of womankind bow to the restraints
of public opinion! Hardened depravity may despise them, piety may
sacrifice them to a sense of duty: but, in the intermediate classes,
they hold the place of wisdom and of virtue. They direct many a judgment
which ought not to rely on itself; they aid faltering rectitude with the
strength of numbers; for, degenerate as we are, numbers are still upon
the side of feminine decorum. Had I been unmasked, no earthly inducement
would have made me consent to this blamable act of levity; but, in the
intoxication of spirits which was caused by the adulation of my
companions, the consciousness that I was unknown to all but my tempters
induced me to yield, and I suffered Lord Frederick to lead me out. Yet,
concealed, as I fancied myself, I performed with a degree of
embarrassment which must have precluded all grace; though this
embarrassment only served to enhance the praises which were lavished on
me by Lord Frederick.
When the dance was ended, and I was going eagerly to rejoin Lady St
Edmunds, I looked round for her in vain; but Miss Arnold, with an
acquaintance who had joined her, waited for me, and once more we set out
in search of our erratic hostess. In the course of our progress, we
passed a buffet spread with wines, ices, and sherbets. Exhausted with
the heat occasioned by the crowd, my mask, and the exercise I had just
taken, I was going to swallow an ice; when Lord Frederick, vehemently
dissuading me from so dangerous a refreshment, poured out a large glass
of champagne, and insisted upon my drinking it. I had raised it to my
lips, when I again heard the same low solemn voice which had before
addressed me. 'Drink sparingly,' it said, 'the cup is poisoned.' Looking
hastily round, I thought I discovered that the warning came from a
person in a black domino; but in his air and figure I could trace
nothing which was familiar to my recollection. My thoughts, I know not
why, glanced towards Mr Maitland; but there was no affinity whatever
between his tall athletic figure, and the spare, bending diminutive form
of the black domino.
No metaphorical meaning occurring to my mind, the caution of the mask
appeared so manifestly absurd, that I concluded it to be given in jest;
and, with a careless smile, drank the liquor off. Through my previous
fatigue, it produced an immediate effect upon my spirits, which rose to
an almost extravagant height. I rattled, laughed; and, but for the
crowd, would have skipped along the chalked floors, as I again passed
from room to room in quest of Lady St Edmunds. Our search, however was
vain. In none of the crowded apartments was Lady St Edmunds to be found.
In traversing one of the lobbies, we observed a closed door; Lord
Frederick threw it open, and we entered, still followed by Miss Arnold
and her companion. The room to which it led was splendidly furnished.
Like the rest of those we had seen, it was lighted up, and supplied with
elegant refreshments. But it was entirely unoccupied, and the fresh
coolness of the air formed a delightful contrast to the loaded
atmosphere which we had just quitted. Having shut out the crowd, Lord
Frederick, throwing himself on the sofa by my side, advised me to lay
aside my mask; and the relief was too agreeable to be rejected. He
himself unmasked also, and, handsome as he always undoubtedly was, I
think never saw him appear to such advantage. While Miss Arnold and her
companion busied themselves in examining the drawings which hung round
the room, Lord Frederick whispered in my ear a hundred flatteries,
seasoned with that degree of passion, which, according to the humour of
the hour, destroys all their power to please, or makes them doubly
pleasing. If I know myself, I never felt the slightest spark of real
affection for Lord Frederick; yet, whether it was that pleased vanity
can sometimes take the form of inclination, or whether, to say all in
Miss Mortimer's words, 'having ventured upon the tempter's own ground,
better spirits had forsaken me,' I listened to my admirer with a favour
different from any which I had ever before shown him.
I even carried this folly so far as to suffer him to detain me after
Miss Arnold and her companion had quitted the room, although I began to
suspect that I could already discern the effects of the wine, which,
from time to time, he swallowed freely. Not that it appeared to affect
his intellects; on the contrary, it seemed to inspire him with
eloquence; for he pleaded his passion with increasing ardour, and
pursued every advantage in my sportive opposition, with a subtlety which
I had never suspected him of possessing. He came at length to the point
of proposing an expedition to Scotland, urging it with a warmth and
dexterity which I was puzzled how to evade. In this hour of folly, I
mentally disposed of his request among the subjects which might deserve
to be reconsidered. Meantime, I opposed the proposal with a playful
resistance, which I intended should leave my sentence in suspense, but
which I have since learnt to know that lovers prefer to more direct
victory. Lord Frederick at first affected the raptures of a successful
petitioner; and though I contrived to set him right in this particular,
his extravagance increased, till I began to wish for some less elevated
companion. He was even in the act of attempting to snatch a kiss,--for a
lord in the inspiration of champagne is not many degrees more gentle or
respectful than a clown,--when the door flew open, and admitted Lady
Maria de Burgh, Mrs Sarah Winterfield, and my black domino.
Our indiscretions never flash more strongly upon our view than when
reflected from the eye of an enemy. All the impropriety of my situation
bursting upon me at once, the blood rushed in boiling torrents to my
face and neck; while Mrs Sarah, with a giggle, in which envy mingled
with triumphant detection, exclaimed, 'Bless my heart! we have
interrupted a flirtation!'--'A flirtation!' repeated Lady Maria, with a
toss expressive of ineffable disdain; while I, for the first time,
shrinking from her eye, stood burning with shame and anger. Lord
Frederick's spirits were less fugitive:--'Damn it!' cried he
impatiently, 'if either of you had a thousandth part of this lady's
charms, you might expect a man sometimes to forget himself; but I'll
answer for it, neither of you is in any danger. Forgive me, I beseech
you, dear Miss Percy,' continued he, turning to me: 'if you would not
make me the most unhappy fellow in England, you must forgive me.' But I
was in no humour to be conciliated by a compliment, even at the expense
of Lady Maria. 'Oh! certainly, my Lord,' returned I, glancing from him
to his sister; 'I can consider impertinence and presumption only as
diseases which run in the family.' I tried to laugh as I uttered this
sally; but the effort failed, and I burst into tears.
Lord Frederick, now really disconcerted, endeavoured to soothe me by
every means in his power; while the two goddesses stood viewing us with
shrugs and sneers, and the black domino appeared to contemplate the
scene with calm curiosity. More mortified than ever by my own
imbecility, I turned from them all, uttering some impatient reflection
on the inattention of my hostess. 'She will not be so difficult of
discovery _now_,' said the black domino sarcastically; 'you will find
her with your convenient friend in the great drawing-room.' I followed
the direction of my mysterious inspector, and found Lady St Edmunds, as
he had said, in company with Miss Arnold.
Angrily reproaching my friend with her unseasonable desertion, and even
betraying some displeasure against the charming Countess, I announced my
intention of returning home immediately. Lady St Edmunds endeavoured to
dissuade me, but I was inflexible; and at last Lord Frederick, who still
obsequiously attended me, offered to go and enquire for my carriage. 'I
commit my sultana to you,' said he, with an odd kind of emphasis to his
aunt. She seemed fully inclined to accept the trust; for she assailed my
ill-humour with such courteous submissions, such winning blandishments,
such novel remark, and such amusing repartee, that, in spite of myself,
I recovered both temper and spirits.
Such was the fascination which she could exercise at pleasure, that I
scarcely observed the extraordinary length of time which Lord Frederick
took to execute his mission. I was beginning, however, to wonder that he
did not return, when I was once more accosted by the black domino.
'Infatuated girl!' said he, in the low impressive whisper, to which I
now began to listen with alarm, 'whither are you going?'
'Home,' returned I, 'where I wish I had been an hour ago.'
'Are you false as well as weak?' rejoined the mask. 'You are not
destined to see home this night.'
'Not see home!' repeated I, with amazement. 'What is it you mean,--or
have you any meaning beyond a teasing jest?'
'I know,' replied the mask, 'that the carriage waits which conveys you
to Scotland.'
I started at the odd coincidence between the stranger's intelligence and
my previous conversation with Lord Frederick. Yet a moment's
consideration convinced me, that his behaviour either proceeded from
waggery or mistake. 'Get better information,' said I, 'before you
commence fortune-teller. It is my father's carriage and servants that
wait for me.'
The mask shook his head, and retreated without answering. I enquired of
Lady St Edmunds whether she knew him, but she was unacquainted with his
appearance. I was just going to relate to her the strange conversation
which he had carried on with me in an under-voice, when Lord Frederick
returned to tell me, that the carriage was at the door; adding, that he
feared he must hasten me, lest it should be obliged to drive off.
Hastily taking leave of Lady St Edmunds, Miss Arnold and I took each an
arm of Lord Frederick, and hurried down stairs.
My foot was already on the step of the carriage, when I suddenly
recoiled:--
'This is not our carriage?' cried I.
'It is mine, which is the same thing,' said Lord Frederick.
'No, no! it is not the same,' said I, with quickness; the warning of the
black domino flashing on my recollection. 'I should greatly prefer going
in my own.'
'I fear,' returned Lord Frederick, 'that it will be impossible for yours
to come up in less than an hour or two.'
I own, I felt some pleasure on hearing him interrupted by the voice of
my strange adviser. 'If Miss Percy will trust to me,' said he, 'I shall
engage to place her in her carriage, in one tenth part of that time.'
'Trust you!' cried Lord Frederick very angrily.--'And who are you?'
'Miss Percy's guard for the present,' answered the mask dryly.
'Her guard!' exclaimed Lord Frederick. 'From whom?'
'From you, my Lord, if you make it necessary,' retorted the stranger.
'Oh mercy,' interrupted Miss Arnold, 'here will be a quarrel:--do, for
heaven's sake, Ellen, let us be gone.'
'Do not alarm yourself, young lady,' said the stranger, in a sarcastic
tone; 'the dispute will end very innocently. Miss Percy, let me lead you
to your carriage; or, if you prefer remaining here while I go in search
of it, for once show yourself firm, and resist every attempt to entice
you from this spot.'
I embraced the latter alternative, and the stranger left us. The moment
he was gone, Miss Arnold began to wonder who the impudent officious
fellow could be, and to enquire whether we were to wait his pleasure in
the lobby for the rest of the night. She protested her belief, that I
had been infected by that precise old maid Miss Mortimer; and could by
no means imagine what was my objection to Lord Frederick's carriage. I
coldly persisted in preferring my own, though my suspicions were
staggered by the readiness with which Lord Frederick appeared to
acquiesce in my decision. Notwithstanding his impatience at the
stranger's first interference, he now treated the matter so carelessly,
that my doubts were fast giving ground, when the black domino returned,
followed by one of my servants, who informed me that my carriage was now
easily accessible.
Leaving Lord Frederick to Miss Arnold, I gave my hand to my mysterious
guardian; and, curiosity mingling with a desire to show some little
return of civility, I enquired, whether he would allow me to set him
down. The stranger declined; but, offering to escort me home, took his
place by my side; giving orders to a servant in a plain but handsome
livery, that his chariot should follow him to Mr Percy's.
During our drive, I was occupied in endeavouring to discover the name of
my unknown attendant, and the means by which he had gained his
intelligence. Upon the first point he was utterly impracticable. Upon
the second, he frankly declared, that having no business at the
masquerade, except to watch me and those with whom I appeared connected
for the evening, he had, without difficulty, traced all our motions; but
why he had chosen such an office he refused to discover. When he again
mentioned the intended expedition to Scotland, Miss Arnold averred that
she was lost in astonishment, and asserted her utter incredulity. I too
expressed my doubts; alleging, that Lord Frederick could not believe me
weak enough to acquiesce in such an outrage. 'As I have not the honour
of Miss Percy's acquaintance,' returned the stranger dryly, 'I cannot
determine, whether a specious flatterer had reason to despair of
reconciling her to a breach of propriety.' The glow of offended pride
rose to my cheek; but the carriage stopped, and I had no time to reply;
for the stranger instantly took his leave.
As soon as he was gone, Miss Arnold grew more fervent in her expressions
of wonder at his strange conduct, and his more strange discovery, of
which she repeated her entire disbelief. I had no defined suspicion of
my friend, nor even any conviction of Lord Frederick's intended
treachery; but I perceived that there was something in the events of the
night which I could not unravel; and, weary and bewildered, I listened
to her without reply.
We were about to separate for the night, when a servant brought me a
note which, he said, he had found in the bottom of the carriage. It was
not mine; it belonged to the stranger. 'Oh now!' cried Miss Arnold,
eagerly advancing to look at it, 'we shall discover the mystery.' But I
was not in a communicative humour; so, putting the note in my pocket, I
bade her good night more coldly than I had ever done before, and retired
to my chamber.
The note was addressed to a person known to me only by character; but
one whose name commands the respect of the wise, and the love of the
virtuous. The hand-writing, I thought, was that of Mr Maitland. This
circumstance strongly excited my curiosity. But, could I take a base
advantage of the accident which empowered me to examine a paper never
meant for my inspection? The thing was not to be thought of; and I
turned my reflections to the events of the evening.
Nothing agreeable attended the retrospect. Conscience, an after-wise
counsellor, upbraided me with the futility of that pleasure which I had
purchased at the price of offending my own friend, and my mother's
friend. The temptation, which in its approach had allured me with the
forms of life and joy, had passed by; and to the backward glance, seemed
all lifeless and loathsome. Unknown and concealed, I had failed to
attract the attention which was now becoming customary to me. Lady St
Edmunds, whose society had been my chief attraction to this ill-fated
masquerade, had appeared rather to shun than to seek me. Above all, the
indecorous situation in which I had been surprised by Lady Maria, and
the aspect which her malice might give to my indiscretion, haunted me,
like an evil genius, meeting my 'mind's eye' at every turn.
I was glad to revert from these tormenting thoughts, to my speculations
concerning the black domino. I was unable to divine the motive which
could induce a stranger to interest himself in my conduct. I fancied,
indeed, that I recognised Mr Maitland's hand-writing; and thought for a
moment that he might have instigated my mysterious protector. But what
concern had Mr Maitland in my behaviour? What interest could I possibly
have excited in the composed, stately, impracticable Mr Maitland?
Besides, I was neither sure that he really was the writer of the note,
nor that its contents had any reference to me. I again carefully
examined the address, but still I remained in doubt. There could be no
_great_ harm, I thought, in looking merely at the signature. I threw the
cautious glance of guilt round the room, and then ventured to convince
myself. Before I could restore the note to its folds, I had undesignedly
read a few words which roused my eager curiosity. Almost unconscious of
what I was doing, I finished the sentence which contained them.
Those who are accustomed to watch the progress of temptation, will be at
no loss to guess the issue of this ominous first step. Had I been
earnest in my resolution to pursue the right path, I ought to have put
it out of my own power to choose the wrong. As it was, I first
wished--then doubted--hesitated--ventured--and ventured farther--till
there was nothing left for curiosity to desire, or honour to forego. The
note was as follows:--
'My dear sir,--Our worthy friend, Miss Mortimer, has just now sent
to beg that I will follow her young charge to Lady St E's masked
ball, whither she has been decoyed by that unprincipled woman. I
fear there is some sinister purpose against this poor thoughtless
girl. But it is impossible for me to go. The great cause which I am
engaged to plead to-morrow must not be postponed to any personal
consideration. Will you then undertake the office which I must
refuse? Will you watch over the safety of this strange being, who
needs an excuse every moment, and finds one in every heart? She
must not, and shall not, be entrapped by that heartless Lord F. He
cannot love her. He may covet her fortune--perhaps her person too,
as he would covet any other fashionable gewgaw; but he is safe from
the witchery of her _naif_ sensibility, her lovely singleness of
mind. I enclose the description which has been sent me of her
dress. Should another wear one similar, you will distinguish Miss
Percy by a peculiar elegance of air and motion. She is certainly
the most graceful of women. Or you may know her by the inimitable
beauty of her arm. I once saw it thrown round her father's neck. My
dear friend, if you are not most particularly engaged, lose not a
moment. She is already among these designing people. I have told
you that I am interested in her, for the sake of Miss Mortimer; but
I did not express half the interest I feel.
'Yours faithfully,
'H. MAITLAND.'
In spite of the checks of conscience, I read this billet with
exultation. I skipped before my looking-glass; and, tossing back the
long tresses which I had let fall on my shoulders, surveyed with no
small complacency the charms which were acknowledged by the stoical Mr
Maitland. Then I again glanced over some of his expressions, wondering
what kind of interest it was that he had 'left half told.' Was it love?
thought I. But when I recollected his general manner towards me, I was,
in spite of vanity and the billet, obliged to doubt. I resolved,
however, to ascertain the point; 'and if he be readily caught,' thought
I, 'what glorious revenge will I take for all his little sly sarcasms.'
To play off a fool was nothing; that I could do every day. But the
grave, wise Mr Maitland would be so divertingly miserable, that I was in
raptures at the prospect of my future amusement.
Along with this inundation of vanity, however, came its faithful
attendant, vexation of spirit. I could not doubt, that the domino would
report to his employer the events of the evening. I knew that Mr
Maitland's notions of feminine decorum were particularly strict; and I
felt almost as much chagrined by the thought of his being made
acquainted with the real extent of my indiscretion, as by the prospect
of the form which it might take in the world's eye under the colouring
of Lady Maria's malice. Harassed with fatigue, my mind tossed between
self-accusings, disappointment, curiosity, and mortification, I passed a
restless night; nor was it till late in the morning that I fell into a
feverish unquiet slumber.