As I said, we were all on the pig-sty. Of the _habitués_ I scarcely
need to speak to you, since you must know their names, even if you fail
to pronounce them. But there was a stranger amongst us, a stranger
who, it was said, had come from London. Yesterday when I went ben the
house I found him sitting with Jess; to-day, he, too, was sitting with
us on the pig-sty. There were tales told about him, that he wrote for
papers in London, and stuffed his vases and his pillows with money, but
Tammas Haggart only shook his head at what he called “such auld fowks’
yeppins,” and evidently didn’t believe a single word. Now Tammas,
you must know, was our humorist. It was not without difficulty that
Tammas had attained to this position, and he was resolved to keep
it. Possibly he scented in the stranger a rival humorist whom he would
have to crush. At any rate, his greeting was not marked with the usual
genial cordiality characteristic of Scots weavers, and many were the
anxious looks exchanged amongst us, as we watched the preparations
for the impending conflict.
[Illustration: NORTH AND SOUTH (DIFFERENCES OF DIALECT).
_The “Macwhuskey.”_ “Weel, my braw wee English laddie! Here have I
come a’ the way to London to veesit y’r guid feyther and mither, that
brought ye with ’em to see me in Thrumnitrochit last year--where ye
rode a cockhorse on my knee! D’ye _mind_ me, noo?”
_The Braw Wee English Laddie._ “Oh no--_I_ don’t mind you--not a bit.
It’s _papa and mamma_!”]
[Illustration: GOSSIPS
_First Gael (just come ashore from the Herrin’ Fushin’)_ “Hoo’s a’ wi’
you, Donal’? Hae ye ony news yonder?”
_Second Gael._ “Na, I hear naething,--oo, aye,--they were sayin’ Mac
Callum Mohr’s son’s goin’ to get marri’t!”
_First Gael._ “Ay! ay! An’ wha’s he goin’ to get marri’t on?”
_Second Gael._ “Ye ken the Queen--e-ch?”
_First Gael._ “Ay--I ken the Queen.”
_Second Gael._ “A--weel, it’s on her young dochter he’s goin’ to get
marri’t.”
_First Gael._ “E--ch! Dod! the Queen mun be the _prood woman_!!!”]
[Illustration: REAL DARING
_M‘Phusky (Scots Partner)._ “Any war news this morning, Brown?”
_Brown (English ditto)._ “Well, freights are low, money seems to be
tight, and consols have fallen two----”
_M‘Phusky._ “Na, but war news, I mean.”
_Brown (risking the operation)._ “Well, you wouldn’t wish to hear
_waur_ news than that, would you?”]
[Illustration: PRACTICAL
_Fond Father._ “I see ye’ve put my son intil graummer an’ jography.
Noo, as I neither mean him tae be a minister or a sea-captain, it’s o’
nae use. Gie him a plain bizness eddication.”]
[Illustration: SABBATH-BREAKING
_Scots Cook._ “Whisht! There’s master whustlin’ o’ the Saubath! Losh
save us! an’ ‘Maggie Lauder,’ too!”]