And then, strange! hardly had he gone a few steps from the terrace,
when again his feet stopped, as if utterly refusing to carry him away.
And he stood, burning with shame, and anger, and yet unable to move.
And he thought no longer, as at first, of her beauty, but simply of
herself: and he was absolutely miserable, feeling that somehow or other
she had mastered him; and his soul was filled to the very brim with
nothing but her, and as it were kept on repeating obstinately, she,
she, she, as if her personality had filled it to the exclusion of his
own. Alas! by reason of his youth and inexperience he was all unaware,
that the poison of Love was in his heart, and beginning to work. And
she danced as it were before his eyes, and whirled all round him, and
sat in his soul, and seized upon it and its faculties and senses, and
it was as though the world had vanished, leaving in its place nothing
but a void, composed of a blue that was the very substance of herself.
And so he stood, still, like one torn by strong chains in opposite
directions, determined to go away, and yet never moving, and ashamed to
go back, and yet drawn by an irresistible spell, that whispered as it
were in his ear: Return: return. And so he stood a long while, as
utterly unconscious of everything around him, as if he had become a
tree, fanned by the wind.
And at last, he turned, and went back, very slowly, with sad and heavy
feet, that moved, as if they were carrying a guilty criminal to his own
execution. And when he reached the arbour door, again he stopped, and
stood irresolutely near it, looking out over the valley, like one
paralysed by his own indecision. And then at length, unable to endure
the separation from her any longer, he said to himself with a sigh: Now
everything is quiet: and doubtless, she has utterly forgotten all about
me, thinking me gone, not again to return. And now no doubt she will
be working with her flowers, just as she was at first, and with her
back towards me. Therefore, if I stoop down, very carefully, making no
noise, I shall be able to watch her, unobserved. And he stooped,
stealthily, and peeped round the edge of the door.
And lo! when he looked, she also was standing, stooping, almost exactly
like himself, on the other side, close to the door, and leaning forward
eagerly, with a great bunch of flowers in one hand, and the other
stretched, like a creeper, bowing in the wind of excitement, a little
way before her, watching, as if with eager desire, to see him return.
And when, all at once, their eyes met, she stood a little while looking
at him exactly like a child in the extremity of delight. And all at
once, she began to laugh, with low, long, joyous and unrestrainable
laughter, that went on and on, sounding in his ears like the murmur of
a waterfall, and seeming as though it would never stop. And the King,
reduced as he was to the very lowest depth of utter shame, and
blushing, till the very hair seemed to stand up upon his head, found as
it were a refuge in his very desperation. And he said to himself: I
care not, for now I am at the very bottom of the abyss of shame: and
let her laugh, if she will, at me, or anything in the three worlds: so
only that I listen to her, and am here, to look at her again.
And at last, she said, with her laughter still hanging as it were in
the music of her voice: O King Chand, if thou art really he, come in,
since as it appears, thou absolutely must, for I have a question to put
to thee. And the King entered, like a culprit, and stood looking at
her like one ready to submit to any punishment she chose. And she came
towards him and stood, with her two little bare feet exactly together,
side by side, and her two hands clasped behind her back, and her head
thrown right back upon her shoulders to look up at him, so that her two
small breasts jutted out like round bosses on the edge of the delicious
terrace of her throat. And she said: Maháráj, wilt thou, to whom all
women are equally contemptible, only tell me, for I am curious to know,
why thou art so utterly unable to go away from this arbour of mine? Is
it these flowers that attract thee? For here there is absolutely
nothing other than these flowers, and myself.
And as she spoke, her small mouth, that resembled the incarnate
fragrance and colour of a flower, with its two intoxicating lips parted
in the curl of a smile, just over the leaf-like point of her small soft
chin, bewildered him so, that he could hardly listen to the meaning of
her words. And he stammered, and hesitated, and said: I came, because
I had nowhere else to go. Then she said: And why, then, didst thou go
away at all? And suddenly he said: I went, in order to escape, alas!
from thee. And she said, shaking her head slowly from side to side:
Nay, not from me, but it may be, from thyself. Art thou sure that it
is not thy own self, from which thou art vainly endeavouring to escape?
Dost thou know thyself so well, as to be certain what it is, that thou
art shunning or desiring? Stand, now, there a little while, and
examine for thyself thy condition, while I finish my work.