SIDE LINES AND SCHEMES OF VARIOUS KINDS—THE GLASS PEN—PIE SCHEME CHOKED
OFF—SELLING NOTIONS FROM WAGON—FIGHTING THE RAILROAD BONDS—FORCED TO
LEAVE TOWN—LEGISLATED OUT OF BUSINESS—A WARNING AND THE ESCAPE—THE
ACCIDENT—THE PENNY RAFFLING SCHEME.
The doctor was not by any means a lazy man, yet he believed, so long as
business was prosperous, in taking his rest and ease for a fair share of
the day. If he came in at night, after a good lot of sales on the
street, he was ready for bed, unless he fell in with some congenial
spirits, with whom he might spend an hour or two, “swapping lies.”
With me, it was different. I was on the hustle all the time, from the
very moment I got together a little capital to invest in side lines. I
was a younger man, you see, and had my fortune all to make, while, from
some remarks he occasionally let fall, I was convinced that somewhere
the doctor carried a very comfortable bank account and owned a home.
I have already spoken of a silver-plating blind. I was in the habit of
working this for all it was worth, and I found my principal patrons at
the hotels where I stopped. I never overlooked a chance at a hotel, and
I believe that, taking into account only the places where we made
temporary stops, my profits at such places sometimes overran our bills.
Everybody on the premises was fair game. To the waitresses, cooks and
chambermaids I sold fancy-box paper, jewelry and different little
trinkets which I knew were worth the offering, as they would catch their
fancy. At night I would take the key to my room and plate it with the
silver fluid, doing also the brass check attached to the key.
Bringing it down in the morning I would hand it to the clerk, without
saying a word, and he would hang it on the key rack, or put it in the
box.
The landlord, coming along in a few moments, perhaps, would notice the
contrast and naturally mention it.
I would then speak up and say that I had silver-plated the key just for
fun, and asked how he would like to have the balance of them fixed up in
the same way. I would generally wind up by making a contract to plate
all the keys, and sell him a large bottle of the fluid in addition.
Sometimes, at night, I dropped into the saloons and worked the gamblers
there, improving an opportunity to sell them fake goods peculiar to
their trade.
I carried in my pocket fountain pens, pencil sharpeners and other little
novelties, and, when there was time, cornered any poor mortal I happened
to meet and forced him to listen to an oration on their merits. I
carried, also, tissue paper, which, when pasted on a pane of glass, gave
it the appearance of being stained.
At another time I had a lot of little bird whistles and other noisy
instruments. Without much trouble I became very expert in their use, and
after that found them good sellers. Whenever I could strike a crowd and
had leisure I sprung such things on them, and nearly always to my
profit.
Glass pens were pretty good articles to handle. In fact, they were among
the neatest and prettiest novelties I carried. The pen point and holder
were made entirely of glass in different tints, the effect being very
fine. The point was ridged all around—all sides were alike and the same
size, the ridges narrowing at the end so as to form the writing
point—and the “pen” would hold a good amount of ink. I claimed one
hundred words could easily be written with a single dip of the pen, and
perhaps I was not so far wrong. This was one of the best sellers I had,
and yielded enormous profits.
Late and early I pushed my side lines; but as I was always on hand to do
my work with the doctor he made no objections, though he must have
sometimes suspected that my profits were outweighing his. I am sure he
gave me full credit for being an all-round hustler from Hustlerville.
Eventually he filled his wagon with notions and sold them on the
streets. The authorities in a sudden spasm of virtue had most everywhere
shut down on the “pie” scheme, and every householder in the United
States appeared to be provided with a bottle of the Pain Balm.
I had less opportunity for my side lines, but as I was a limited partner
in the concern I did not complain. The profits of any one particular
evening might not be as large as in the medicine trade, but the general
average was about as good, and the methods of drawing and holding a
crowd were about the same.
It was while we were engaged in this venture that I struck almost, if
not altogether, the most exciting period of my life. The doctor and I
fought the two thousand inhabitants of Logwater to a finish—and won.
The war came about in this way.
We drove into the town prepared to sell goods from the wagon, and had
every reason to expect a prosperous week or more. The merchants,
however, got wind of our coming, and at once were rebellious. In
anticipation they already saw themselves knocked out by the traveling
fakirs, and got their heads together to devise measures for putting a
stop to the performance.
As they had much political influence, and several of them were members
of the body, a meeting of the city council was called double quick and
an ordinance passed, raising the license for street selling from three
dollars, as it had been, to one hundred dollars a day.
As it was not likely our profits could reach such a sum, we decided we
could not stand the tax, and therefore rented a store-room. We then took
out a license, hired the local cryer to assist, and proceeded to sell
goods at auction, doing a rattling good business the first night.
This made the merchants madder than ever. Again the council was called
together and a special ordinance was passed, in which our business was
called that of a traveling auction store, and it was also made subject
to a license of one hundred dollars a day.
This time they had us surely. We could not stand an expense of that
kind, on top of our other outlays, and had to close up. But I told them,
when the marshal called to announce the action of the council, that they
were not done with us, but that sooner or later we would get even. And I
guess we did, and in a way they will never forget.
At that time the town had no railroad, but in anticipation of getting
one quite a little boom was being worked up. They had a proposition from
the U. & L. R. R., which offered, in consideration of a bonus of four
thousand dollars per mile, to lay its rails to Logwater, and fifteen
miles beyond, to a railroad town, on the other side.
To extend such aid would require $104,000.00, and it was proposed to
raise this sum by issuing county bonds. A petition was circulated,
asking for an election, at which the voters should decide whether or not
such bonds should be issued. In a very short time sufficient signatures
were procured to justify the call for an election, and it was almost a
foregone conclusion that the bonds would be voted. The proposition of
the company looked fair enough, the railroad would without doubt prove
of great benefit to the county, and there had so far been very little
opposition. Everyone in town seemed confident and jubilant.
The proclamation calling for the election was issued the very day our
store was closed.
“Very well,” thought we, “you’ve had your innings; now we will try and
have ours.” We immediately started in to defeat the bonds.
Did we succeed in doing it? Well, let the sequel tell.
During the week we traveled through the country—and didn’t we speak to
every man we met? We drummed up audiences for evening meetings in the
most convenient school house, where we showed up Logwater, its
authorities and citizens in the clearest light.
On Saturdays we were in Logwater, and talking all day to the farmers who
gathered around.
Curbstone oratory? Well, I should smile. We told them the railroad had
offered to build to Logwater in consideration of city bonds alone (which
was a fact), but that the citizens of that cut-throat place wanted to
saddle the whole thing on the poor farmers, saving expense to
themselves, though, in fact, the townspeople were the only ones who
would be really benefitted.
To make a long story short, we exposed the whole thing from beginning to
end, making it out as one of the most rotten and bare-faced efforts at
robbery that had ever been conceived of or perpetrated on an intelligent
community. We convinced the people of the rural districts that the
scheme was not only a disgrace to the county, but a burning insult to
each and every one of them, which could only be resented by voting on
election day against the bonds.
As a side issue, we rang in how the merchants were robbing them, and as
a convincing argument reminded them of our own experience. Because we
were willing to give the people good goods at living prices, and for so
much less than the monopolists at Logwater were in the habit of
charging, they had forced us out of town by special license laws which
were simply prohibitive.
We worked like troopers, day and night, until election day came. Then we
had our revenge to its fullest extent. The bonds were defeated by a
small majority.
The campaign cost us over a hundred dollars, but the satisfaction of
getting even with those fellows was worth five times as much. Other
companies have their lines running through the county, but Logwater has
no railroad to this day.
We were in the city when the election returns came in. While the result
was still in doubt the citizens did not seem at all cordial, but we were
not in actual peril of our lives. When, however, it became certain
beyond a doubt that the bonds were defeated, we were called upon by a
deputation, who announced that if we were seen on the streets after two
hours had elapsed there would be two dead fakirs.
We skipped.
There was no mistake about the people being in earnest, and the danger
was that as we went some vicious fellows of the baser sort might follow
with the idea of doing us some bodily damage, even before the given time
had elapsed. Out in the country we knew we could find plenty of friends,
but there was nothing to keep us in that vicinity, and the night being
fairly bright we drove along quite merrily for perhaps a dozen miles.
Then, just at the entrance of a small town, one of the horses broke
through a rotten plank on a culvert, and there was a sudden halt. The
doctor remained in the wagon, but I took a sprawling leap forward, which
landed me on top of the struggling horses.
Fortunately, I was uninjured, though the team was not as lucky. The
horse that went into the culvert sprained a leg, while the other got a
cut in the hock from a splintered single-tree.
There was a little tavern right in the center of the town, and we made
our way there as best we could. The landlord was aroused from a sound
sleep by a most vigorous pounding on the door, and the porter—for there
was one even in this heaven-forsaken hole—did not show himself at all
until it was time for breakfast, some hours later. We got the horses
into the barn, and by the light of a lantern took stock of damages.
We saw that the team would not be fit to proceed for some days, and I
myself began to feel as though I had been a trifle shaken up.
Consequently, we resigned ourselves to the inevitable and went to bed.
It was in this little town that we worked a scheme which seems to have a
peculiar fascination and seldom fails to win out. During the first day
and evening we made a few sales from the wagon, but the population did
not justify a more extended effort. Though there were a good many people
visiting the tavern during the day, there were not enough in the town to
furnish a working audience. We got up a lottery at the hotel, however,
which was managed after this fashion:
Among our other assets was a fine looking “gold watch” worth any price
you may choose to put on it, though it actually stood us at about
fifteen dollars.
One hundred tickets were numbered and placed in small envelopes. The
first number sold for one cent, the second number for two, the third for
three, and so on up, the last number selling for one dollar.
The penny part of the business was what caught the people. By the time
the horses were ready to proceed, which was in about two days more, the
whole neighborhood had been worked up over the brilliant scheme, our
eloquence had not been wasted, the last ticket had been sold, the watch
had gone into the hands of the lucky winner, and we had raked in our
fifty dollars and fifty cents, so that our stay in that town had not
been altogether fruitless. We not only cleared all expenses, but went
away with a little profit.
Afterward I worked the scheme with diamond rings, custom-made clothing,
or any other thing for which there might be a desire or a demand; and
until the novelty wore off, or the location was exhausted, it proved
very successful.
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