The wide door of the barn creaked open and admitted a swirl of sleety
snow, a gust of bitter cold wind, and the Bombardier. A little group of
men round a guttering candle-lamp looked up.
'Hello, Father Christmas,' said the Centre Driver. 'You're a bit late
for your proper day, but we'll let you off that if you fill our stockin's
up proper.'
'Wipe yer feet careful on the mat,' said the Lead Driver, 'an' put yer
umbrella in the 'all stand.'
''Ere, don't go shakin' that snow all over the straw,' said the Wheel
Driver indignantly. 'I'm goin' to sleep there presently an' the straw's
damp enough as it is.'
'Glad you're so sure about sleepin' there,' the Bombardier said,
divesting himself of his bandolier and struggling out of his snow-covered
coat. 'By the look o' things, it's quite on the cards you get turned out
presently an' have to take up some pills to the guns.'
'Pretty busy to-night, ain't they?' said the Centre Driver. 'We heard
'em bumpin' away good-oh.'
'You don't 'ear the 'alf of it back 'ere,' said the Bombardier. 'Wind's
blowin' most o' the row away. They're goin' it hot an' strong. Now
where's my mess-tin got to? 'Aven't 'ad no tea yet, an' it's near eight
o'clock. I'm just about froze through too.'
'Here y'are,' said the Centre Driver, throwing a mess-tin over. 'An' the
cook kep' tea hot for you an' the rest that was out.'
'Pull that door shut be'ind you,' said the Wheel Driver. 'This barn's
cold as a ice-'ouse already, an' the roof leaks like a broke sieve.
Billet! Strewth, it ain't 'arf a billet!'
The Bombardier returned presently with a mess-tin of 'raw' (milkless and
sugarless) tea and proceeded to make a meal off that, some stone-hard
biscuits and the scrapings of a pot of jam.
'What sort o' trip did you 'ave?' asked the Centre Driver. 'Anyways
peaceful, or was you dodgin' the Coal-Boxes this time?'
'Not a Coal-Box, or any other box,' said the Bombardier, hammering a
biscuit to fragments with a rifle-butt. 'An' I 'aven't 'ad a shell drop
near me for a week.'
'If we keeps on like this,' said the Centre Driver, 'we'll get fancyin'
we're back on Long Valley man-oovers.'
'Wot you grousin' about anyway?' remarked the Wheel Driver. 'This is a
Ammunition Column, ain't it? Or d'you s'pose it's an Am. Col.'s bizness
to go chasin' after bombardments an' shell-fire. If you ain't satisfied
you'd better try'n get transferred to the trenches.'
'Or if that's too peaceful for you,' put in the Lead Driver, 'you might
apply to be sent to England where the war's ragin' an' the Zeppelins is
killin' wimmin an' window-panes.'
'Talkin' o' transferring to the trenches,' said the Bombardier putting
down his empty mess-tin and producing his pipe. 'Reminds me o' a
Left'nant we 'ad join us a month or two back. It was the time you chaps
was away attached to that other Division, so you didn't know 'im. 'E'd
bin with a Battery right through, but 'e got a leave an' when 'e come
back from England 'e was sent to us. 'Is batman[1] tole me 'e was a bit
upset at first about bein' cut adrift from 'is pals in the Battery but 'e
perked up an' reckoned 'e was goin' to 'ave things nice an' cushy for a
bit. An' 'e as much as says so himself to me the first time 'e was
takin' ammunition up an' I was along with 'im. I'd been doin' orderly at
the Battery an' brought down the requisition for so many rounds, an' it
bein' the Left'nant's first trip up, an' not knowin' the road 'e 'as me
up in front with 'im to show the way. It was an unusual fine mornin' I
remember, 'avin' stopped rainin' for almost an hour, an' just as we
started somethin' that might 'ave been a sun tried 'is 'ardest to shine.
Soon as we was on the road the Left'nant gives the word to march at ease,
an' lights up a cig'rette 'imself.
'"Great mornin' ain't it, Bombardier?" 'e sez. "Not more'n a foot or two
o' mud on the roads, an' the temperature almost above freezin'-point.
I'm just about beginnin' to like this job on the Am. Col. 'Ave you bin
with a Battery out 'ere?"
'I tole 'im yes an' came to the Column after bein' slightly wounded.
'"Well," 'e sez, "you knows 'ow much better off you are 'ere. You don't
'ave no standin' to the gun 'arf the night in the rain, an' live all the
rest o' the nights an' all the days in a dirty, muddy, stuffy funk-'ole.
That's the one thing I'm most glad to be out of," 'e sez. "Livin' under
the ground, like a rabbit in a burrow with every chance of 'avin' 'is
'ead blowed off if 'e looks up over the edge. I've 'ad enough o'
dug-outs an' observin' from the trenches, an' Coal-Box dodgin' to last me
a bit, an' it's a pleasant change to be ridin' a decent 'orse on a most
indecent apology for a road, an' not a Jack Johnson in sight, even if
they are in 'earing."
''E made several more remarks like that durin' the mornin', an' of course
I agreed with 'im. I mostly does agree with an officer an' most especial
a young 'un. If you don't, 'e always thinks 'e's right an' you're just
that much big a fool not to know it. An' the younger 'e is, the more
right 'e is, an' the bigger fool you or anyone else is.
'Well, the Left'nant's enthoosy-ism cools off a bit when it begins to
rain again like as if some one had turned on the tap o' a waterfall, but
he tried to cheer himself remarkin' that most likely 'is Battery was
bein' flooded out of their dug-outs. But I could see he was beginnin' to
doubt whether the Am. Col.'s job was as cushy as he'd reckoned when the
off-lead o' Number One wagon tries a cross-Channel-swim act in one of
them four-foot deep ditches. The wagons 'ad to pull aside to let some
transport motor-lorries past an' One's off-lead that was a new 'orse just
come to the Column from Base Remounts an' had some objections to
motor-lorries hootin' in his ear an' scrapin' past a eighth of an inch
from his nose--'e side-slipped into the ditch. 'E stood there wi' the
water up to 'is shoulder an' the lead driver lookin' down on 'im an'
repeatin' rapid-fire prayers over 'im. I may say it took the best bit o'
half an hour to get that blighter on to the road again an' the Left'nant
prancin' round an' sayin' things a parrot would blush to repeat. But 'e
did more than say things, an' I'm willin' to admit it. 'E got down off
his horse an' did 'is best to coax the off-lead out wi' kind words an' a
ridin' cane. An' when they missed fire an' we got a drag-rope round the
silly brute the Left'nant laid 'old an' muddied himself up wi' the rest.
We 'ad to dig down the bank a bit at last an' hook a team on the
drag-rope, an' we pulled that 'orse out o' the mud like pullin' a cork
from a bottle. It was rainin' in tons all this time an' I fancy the
Left'nant's opinion o' the Am. Col.'s job had reined back another pace or
two, especially as he'd slipped an' come down full length in the mud when
haulin' on the drag-rope, an' had also slid one leg in the ditch well
over the boot-top in reachin' out for a good swipe wi' the cane.
'We plods off again at last, an' presently we begins to get abreast o'
some position where one o' our big siege guns was beltin' away. A bit
further on, the road took a turn an' the siege gun's shells were roarin'
along over our heads like an express train goin' through a tunnel; an'
the Left'nant kept cockin' a worried eye round every time she banged an'
presently 'e sez sharp-like to the drivers to walk out their teams and
get clear of the line of fire.
'"If a German battery starts trying to out that feller," he sez to me,
"we just about stand a healthy chance of meetin' an odd shell or two
that's tryin' for the range."
'We had to pass through a bit of a town called Palloo,[2] an' just before
we comes to it we met some teams from one of the Column's other sections
comin' back. Their officer was in front an' as we passed he called to
the Left'nant that Palloo had been shelled that mornin' an' the
Headquarter Staff near blotted out.
'I could just see the Left'nant chewin' this over as we went on, an'
presently he asks me if it's anyways a frequent thing for us to come
under fire takin' ammunition up. I told 'im about a few o' the times I'd
seen it happen myself, an' also about how we had the airmen an' the
German guns makin' a dead set at the Column durin' the Retreat an'
shellin' us out o' one place after the other.
'Before I finished it we hears the whoop o' a big shell an' a crash in
the town, an' the drivers begins to look round at each other. Bang-bang
another couple o' shells drops in poor old Palloo, an' the drivers begins
to look at the Left'nant an' to finger their reins. He kep' on, an' of
course I follows 'im an' the teams follows us.
'"I see there's a church tower in the town, Bombardier," he sez. "Does
our road run near it?"
'I told him we 'ad to go through the square where the church stood.
'"Then we come pretty near walkin' through the bull's-eye o' their
target," he sez; "for I'll bet they're reckonin' on an observation post
bein' in the tower, an' they're tyin' to out it."
'We got into Palloo an' it was like goin' through it at midnight, only
wi' daylight instead of lamp-light. There wasn't an inhabitant to be
seen, except one man peepin' up from a cellar gratin', an' one woman
runnin' after a toddlin' kid that 'ad strayed out. She was shriekin'
quick-fire French at it an' when she grabbed it up an' started back the
kid opened 'is lungs an' near yelled the roof off. The woman ran into a
house an' the door slammed an' shut off the shriekin' like liftin' the
needle off a gramaphone disc. An' it left the main street most awful
empty an' still wi' the jingle o' the teams' harness an' clatter o' the
wagon wheels the only sounds. Another few shells came in an' one hit a
house down the street in front of us. We saw the slates an' the chimney
pots fair jump in the air an' the 'ole 'ouse sort of collapsed in a heap
an' a billowin' cloud o' white smoke an' dust. There was some of our
troops hookin' a few wounded civilians out as we passed and the road was
cluttered up wi' bricks an' half a door an' broken bits o' chairs an'
tables an' crockery. Fair blew the inside out o' the house, that shell
did.
'When we come clear o' the town there was a long stretch o' clear road to
cover, an' we was ploddin' down this when we hears the hum o' an
airyplane. The Left'nant squints up an' "It's a Tawb," he sez.
'"Beggin' your pardon sir," I told 'im, "but it's a German. No mistakin'
them bird-shaped wings an' tail. He's a German, sure enough."
'"That's what I just said, Bombardier," he sez, which it wasn't but I
knew it was no use sayin' so.
'The airyplane swoops round an' comes flyin' straight to us an' passed
about our heads an' circles round to have a good look at us. The
Left'nant was fair riled.
'"Dash 'is impidence," he sez. "If he'd only come a bit lower we might
fetch him a smack"; an' he tells the gunners to get their rifles out.
But the German knew too much to come close down though he flew right over
us once or twice.
'"Why in thunder don't some of our guns have a whale at 'im,'" the
Left'nant says angry-like, "'or our airmen get up an' shoot some holes in
'im. He'll be droppin' a clothes-basketful o' bombs on my wagons
presently, like as not. An' I can't even loose off a rifle at the
bounder. Good Lord, that ever I should live to walk along a road like a
tame sheep an' let a mouldy German chuck parcels o' bombs at me without
me being able to do more'n shake my fist at 'im. . . ." 'An he swore
most vicious. The airyplane flew off at last but even then the Left'nant
wasn't satisfied. "He'll be off back 'ome to report this Ammunition
Column on this particular spot on the road," he sez, "if he's not tickin'
off the glad tidings on a wireless to 'is batteries now. An' presently I
suppose they'll start starring this road wi' high-explosive shell. Did
ever you know a wagon full to the brim wi' lyddite being hit by a
high-explosive, Bombardier, or hear how 'twould affect the Column's
health?"
'"I knew of a German column that one of our airyplanes dropped a bomb on,
at the Aisne, sir," I sez. "I passed the place on the road myself soon
after."
'"An' what happened?" he asks, an' I told 'im it seemed the bomb exploded
the wagon it hit an' the wagons exploded each other. "That Ammunition
Column," I sez, "went off like a packet o' crackers, one wagon after the
other. An' when we came up, all that was left o' that column was a reek
o' sulphur an' a hole in the road."
'"That's cheerful," sez the Left'nant. "With us loaded down to the
gunn'l wi' lyddite, an' the prospect o' being a target for every German
gun within range o' this road." He fidgeted in his saddle a bit, an'
then, "I suppose," he sez, "they'll calculate our pace an' the distance
we've moved since this airman saw us, an' they'll shell the section o'
road just ahead of us now to glory. I'd halt for a bit just to cheat
'em, for they'll shoot by the map without seein' us. But that
requisition for lyddite was urgent, wasn't it?"
'I told him it was so, an' the Battery captain had told me to get it in
quick to the column.
'"Then we'll just have to push on an' chance it," sez the Left'nant,
"though I must own I do hate being made a helpless runnin'-deer target to
every German gunner that likes to coco-nut shy at me. . . . Like a
packet o' crackers. . . . Good Lord!"
'We plodded on, the Left'nant spurrin' his horse on and reinin' him back,
an' cockin' his ear for the first shell bumpin' on the road. Nothin'
happened for quite a bit after that, an' I was just about beginnin' to
feel satisfied that the Germ bird 'ad run into a streak o' air that our
anti-aircraft guns kept strickly preserved an' that they'd served a
Trespassers-will-be-Spiflicated notice on 'im an' had punctured him an'
his wings. But just as we rounded a curve an' came into a long straight
piece o' the road, I hears a high-risin' swoosh an' before it finished
an' before the bang o' the burst reached us, spout goes a cloud o' black
smoke 'way far down the road.'
'"This," says the Left'nant, "is goin' to be highly interestin', not to
say excitin', presently. I figure that's either a four-point-two or a
five-point-nine-inch high-explosive Hun. An' there's another o' the dose
from the same bottle, an' about a hundred yards this way along the road.
I dunno how their high-explosive will mix wi' ours, but if they get one
direct hit on a wagon we'll know all about it pretty quick. A Brock's
Crystal Palace firework show won't be in it wi' the ensooin' performance.
An' that remark o' yours, bombardier, about a packet o' crackers recurs
to my min' wi' most disquietin' persistency. 'An' still they come,' as
the poet remarks."
'They was comin' too, an' no fatal error. No hurry about 'em, but a most
alarmin' regularity. They was all pitchin' plumb on that road, an' each
one about fifty to a hundred yards nearer our procession, an' us walkin'
straight into the shower too. The swoosh-bang o' each one kep' gettin'
louder an' louder, an' not a single one was missin' the road. I tell
you, I could feel the flesh creepin' on my bones an' a feelin' in the pit
o' my stomach like I'd swallowed a tuppenny ice-cream whole. There was
no way o' dodgin', remember. We'd a ditch lippin' full o' water along
both sides o' the road an' we knew without lookin'--though the Left'nant
did 'ave one squint--that they was the usual brand o' ditch hereabouts,
anythin' down to six foot deep an' sides cut down as straight as a cellar
wall. It was no use trottin' 'cos we might just be hurryin' up to be in
time to arrive on the right spot to meet one. An' it was no use haltin'
for exactly the same reason. The Left'nant reins back beside the leadin'
team, an' believe me there wasn't one pair o' eyes in all that outfit
that wasn't glued on 'im nor a pair o' ears that wasn't waitin' anxious
for some order to come, an' I'm includin' my own eyes an' ears in the
catalogue. There was nothin' to be done an' nothin' to be said, an' we
all knew it, but at the same time we was ready to jump to any order the
Left'nant passed out. The shells was droppin' at about ten to fifteen
seconds' interval, an' we could see it was goin' to be a matter o' blind
luck whether one pitched short or over or fair a-top o' us. They were
closer spaced, too, as they come nearer, an' I reckon there wasn't more'n
fifty or sixty yards atween the last two or three bursts. An' we was
still walkin' on, every man wi' his reins short an' feelin' 'is 'orse's
mouth, an' his knees grippin' the saddle hard.
'"Bang!" one hits the road about one-fifty to two hundred yards short an'
we heard chips o' it whizz an' hum past us. The Left'nant looks, round.
"When I say 'trot' you'll trot," he shouts, "an' no man is to stop or
slow up to pick up anyone hit."
'Next second, "Crash!" comes another about a hundred yards off, an'
before the lumps of it sung past, "Ter-r-rot!" yells the Left'nant. Now
some people might call the en-sooin' movement a trot, an' some might call
it a warm canter an' first cousin to a gallop. We sees the game in a
wink--to get past the spot the next crump was due to arrive on afore it
did arrive. We did it too--handsome an' wi' some to spare, though when I
heard the roarin' swoosh of it comin' down I thought we was for it an' a
direck hit was due. But it went well over an' none of the splinters
touched.
'"Steady there, steady," shouts the Left'nant "but keep goin'. They'll
repeat the series if they've any sense." We could hear the blighters
crumpin' away back down the road behind us, an' believe me we kep' goin'
all right. But the Boshe didn't repeat the series; he went on a new game
an' just afore we came to the end o' the straight stretch four crumps
pitched down astride the road ahead of us about two hundred yards. One
hit the edge o' the road an' the others in the fields on both sides an'
one of these was a dud an' didn't burst. But we knew that the fellers
that did go off would make a highly unhealthy circle around an' the
prospect o' being there or thereabouts when the next boo-kay landed
wasn't none too allurin'. The Left'nant yells to come on, an' we came,
oh, take it from me, we came a-humpin'. There was some fancy driving
past them crump holes in the road, but we might have been at Olympia the
way them drivers shaved past at the canter. We was just past the last
spot the four landed when I heard the whistle o' another bunch comin' an'
my hair near lifted my cap off. Them wagons o' ours isn't built for any
speed records but I fancy they covered more ground in the next few
seconds than ever they've done before. But goin' our best, there was no
hope o' clearin' the blast o' the explosions if they explosioned on the
same target, an' we all made ourselves as small as we could on our
horses' backs an' felt we was as big as a barn all the time the rush was
gettin' louder an' louder. Then thud-thud-thud an' crash! three of 'em
dropped blind an' only the one exploded; an' it bein' in the ditch didn't
do any harm beyond sendin' up a spout o' water about a mile high. Three
duds out o' four--if that wasn't a miracle I want to know. But we wasn't
countin' too much on it bein' miracle day an' we kept the wheels goin'
round with the whistle over-'ead an' the crashes behind to discourage any
loiterin' to gather flowers by the way.
'An' when we was well past an' slowed down again I heard the Left'nant
draw a deep breath an' say soft-like ". . . a packet o' Chinese crackers."
'But 'e said something stronger that same night. He'd just crawled back
to the Column wi' his empty wagons leavin' me as orderly at the Battery,
an' me havin' a pressin' message to take back for more shells I trotted
out an' got back soon after he did. I took my message to the old farm
where the officers was billeted an' the mess-man takes my note in. I got
a glimpse o' the Left'nant wi' his jacket an' boots off an' his breeches
followin' suit. "I'd a rotten day," he was sayin', "but one good point
about this Am. Col. job--an' the only one I see--is that you get the
night in bed wi' your breeches off."
'But if you'd only 'eard 'im when he found he was for the road again at
once an' would spend 'is night in the rain an' dark instead of in
bed--well, I couldn't repeat 'is language, not 'aving the talent to 'is
extent.
''E was transferred to a battery soon after an' I 'eard that when he got
the orders all 'e 'ad to say was, "Thank 'Eaven. I'll mebbe get shelled
oftener in a battery, but at least I'll 'ave the satisfaction o' shellin'
back--an' _I may_ 'ave a funk-hole handy to duck in when it's extry hot,
instead o' ridin' on the road an' expectin' to go off like a packet 'o
crackers."
'Mebbe he was right,' concluded the Bombardier reflectively. 'But I
s'pose it's entirely a matter o' taste, an' how a man likes bein' killed
off.'
[1] Servant.
[2] The identity of the town is very effectually placed beyond
recognition by the Bombardier's pronunciation.