_Of the disagreeable adventure poor Guzman met with, while begging in
the City of Rome during the heat of the day._
In addition to these laws, this famous doctor in the art communicated to
me others which he told me had been established by the most celebrated
beggars of Italy, and particularly by the renowned Albert, surnamed
_Messer Morcon_--in other words, Mr. Big-guts--who was looked upon as
Generalissimo of the Beggars at Rome. In truth, he well deserved that
title, and even that of Prince of the Beggars, or rather the Archbeggar,
of Christendom.
He was worthy to be Emperor of the Idlers, as well on account of his
appearance as of his manners and understanding. He would devour at a
single meal the whole of the tripe and trotters of two good sheep, a
cow’s udder, and ten pounds of bread, not to mention the scraps that he
collected, which he generally applied solely to his own use. He would
drink in proportion. It is true that he alone would scrape up as much in
begging as ten of the most deformed and crippled of our Society; but
then he had occasion for all this, as I before told you; for although he
consumed every scrap that was given him, and spent all his money in
drink, he was frequently obliged to have recourse to the larders of
other beggars, who, considering themselves his vassals, were always well
pleased to contribute to his subsistence. He never seemed satisfied
either with wine or victuals. He always went, both summer and winter,
open breasted, and never wore either shirt or stockings. His head was
always bare, his chin always well shaved, and his skin was as white and
shining as if it had been rubbed with lard.
Among other rules made by this famous _Messer Morcon_ during his reign,
there is one which is well worth repeating: he ordained that every
beggar should sleep on the ground, without either mattress or pillow,
and that they should leave off begging every day as soon as they had
gained sufficient for the day’s necessities; for, said he, a true beggar
ought to depend entirely upon Providence, and think not of the morrow.
I got all the laws of begging by heart, but was content to observe the
most essential only. Nevertheless, as I was ambitious to distinguish
myself in every profession I embraced, I was frequently tempted to run
risks which turned out neither to my honor nor profit. An unlucky
adventure of this description occurred to me one day in the month of
September. The day was oppressively hot; I happened to go out between
one and two o’clock, to beg from door to door in the streets of Rome,
imagining that every one who saw me begging at such a time would be sure
to think I must be half starved, and that I should not fail to have
either victuals or money given me on that account. In vain, however, did
I range the principal quarter of the city, making the air resound with
my lamentations; I met with nothing but repulses and reproaches.
I repaired to another quarter, hoping to find hearts more sensible to my
cries. I knocked at a door with my stick, but as I obtained no answer,
I repeated my strokes very loudly three or four times; but just as I had
made up my mind not to budge until I had made myself heard, a
kitchen-boy appeared at one of the upper windows, who seemed to be
washing dishes, and, as a reward for my obstinacy, poured down a
cauldron of boiling water on my head, and immediately _afterwards_ cried
out, _Scaldings! look to yourself below there!_
As soon as I felt myself baptized in this hot manner, I set up so
frightful a yell, and made such grimaces, that I gathered a great crowd
round me in a moment. Some few blamed the kitchen-boy; but all the rest
told me that I was much in the wrong to presume thus to disturb
gentlefolks who were asleep, and that if I did not feel inclined for
sleep myself, I ought not at least to wake others. Some among them
pitied me, and, to console me for my unlucky accident, put a few sous
in my hand, with which I withdrew, intending to go home and dry myself.
“Admirable!” thought I, in my own way home. “Wilt thou never be content
with what is needful for thee? what demon tempted thee to do what others
of thy calling never venture to attempt?”
I was already very near my own lodgings, when a neighbour, who was one
of the oldest of our fraternity, called me into a cellar where he
resided, and, seating me on a three-legged stool, asked me where the
devil I had come from, what bath I had just left, and who had made me in
such a pickle? When I related my adventure he laughed most heartily.
This old man was a native of Cordova, born, trained up, and destined to
die in the profession of begging. “My poor Guzman,” said he, “I fear
much you will be a simpleton all your life; the blood is too hot in your
veins; you seem to wish to be master before you have served your
apprenticeship. Do you not see your folly in violating our customs? But,
as we are both from the same country, and your extreme youth is some
sort of excuse for you, I will endeavour to point out your duty to you
more clearly. In the first place, my friend, know that nobody ever gives
alms at Rome in the afternoon. The citizens as well as the people of
quality always take a nap at that time of the day; and you are sure only
to displease by waking them or disturbing their slumbers. When a beggar
has howled twice, in a supplicating tone, at the door of a house,
without seeing any one, it is a sign that the people of the house do not
chuse to be seen, and, consequently, the best way is to be gone without
further loss of time. Be not so imprudent as to open a door that you
find shut, still less to enter the house; ask whatever you want from the
street, for fear of the dogs of the house, who can easily distinguish us
from other men, and who, considering us their rivals, have a natural
antipathy towards us.
“One of the best pieces of advice that I can give you,” continued he,
“is by reminding you that you are a Spaniard. This supposes in you a
disposition always ready to treat with rudeness all such as withhold
their charity; thus, when you address yourself to one of these
ill-disposed rich ones, who not only make it a rule never to assist us,
but will also reproach us most bitterly for our idleness, recollect that
you should always answer their hard-hearted treatment with words full of
softness and humility. Another piece of good advice: should you by
chance, which has happened to me at least a hundred times in my life,
approach a cavalier who, just as you implore his charity, takes off his
glove and puts his hand in his pocket, I do not forbid you to feel
rejoiced at such an action; but if you afterwards discover that it was
only with the intention of drawing out his handkerchief, do not venture
to testify chagrin at your disappointment, nor growl at him, for there
may chance to be another gentleman near him who might have intended to
relieve you, had not your grumbling prevented his design.”
After the old Cordovan had given me these political precepts, he taught
me how I might raise a pretended leprosy and ulcers; how a leg might be
swelled; how I might make an arm appear dislocated, and render my face
paler than death itself. In short, he possessed a thousand curious
secrets, which he was so kind as to communicate to me, not more out of
friendship for me, as he told me, than from the fear that he might leave
this world for the other without having bequeathed them to any one. In
fact, he died a few days after this conversation.