CATASTROPHE
The incident at the horse show was simply the beginning. I couldn't go
anywhere--to a tea, to the Country Club, or even down town for a
morning's shopping--and feel sure of escaping a fresh cut or insult of
some kind. Mrs. Sewall went out of her way to make occasion to meet
and ignore me. It was necessary for her to go out of her way, for we
didn't meet often by chance. I was omitted from the many dinners and
dances which all the hostesses in Hilton began to give in Miss
Oliphant's honor. I was omitted from the more intimate afternoon tea
and sewing parties. Gale attended them now, and of course it would
have been awkward.
I didn't blame my girl friends for leaving me out. I might have done the
same to one of them. It isn't contrary to the rules. In fact the few
times I did encounter the old associates it was far from pleasant. There
was a feeling of constraint. There was nothing to talk about, either.
Even my manicurist and hairdresser, usually so conversational about all
the social events of the community, felt embarrassed and ill at ease,
with the parties at Grassmere, the costumes for the masquerade, Miss
Oliphant, and the Vars scandal barred from the conversation.
I was glad that Alec was away on a western trip. He, at least, was
spared the unbeautifying effect of the ordeal upon his wife and sister.
Alec hardly ever finds fault or criticizes, but underneath his silence
and his kindness I often wonder if there are not hidden, wounded
illusions and bleeding ideals. Edith and I were both in the same boat,
and we weren't pleasant traveling companions. I had never sailed with
Edith under such baffling winds as we now encountered. Squalls, calms,
and occasional storms we had experienced, but she had always kept a firm
hand on the rudder. Now she seemed to lose her nerve and forget all the
rules of successful navigation that she ever had learned. She threw the
charts to the winds, and burst into uncontrolled passions of
disappointment and rage.
I couldn't believe that Edith was the same woman who but six months ago
had nursed her only little daughter, whom she loves passionately,
through an alarming sickness. There had been trained nurses, but every
night Edith had taken her place in the low chair by the little girl's
crib, there to remain hour after hour, waiting, watching, noting with
complete control the changes for better or for worse; sleeping scarcely
at all; and always smiling quiet encouragement to Alec or to me when we
would steal in upon her. Every one said she was marvelous--even the
nurses and the doctor. It was as if she actually willed her daughter to
pass through her terrific crisis, speaking firmly now and again to the
little sufferer, holding her spirit steady as it crossed the yawning
abyss. She had seemed superb to me. I had asked myself if I could ever
summon to my support such unswerving strength and courage.
I didn't hear from Breck again until he arrived at the front door
unexpectedly one night at ten o'clock. I led the way down into the
shaded pergola, and there we remained until nearly midnight. When I
finally stole back to my room, I found Edith waiting for me, sitting
bolt upright on the foot of my bed, wide-awake, alert, eyes bright and
hard as steel.
"Well?" she asked the instant I came in, "tell me, is he as keen as
ever?"
A wave of something like sickness swept over me.
"Yes," I said shortly.
"Is he _really_?" she pursued. "Oh, isn't that splendid! Really? He
still wants you to marry him?"
"Yes," I said.
Edith flung her arm about me and squeezed me hard.
"We'll make that old cat of a mother of his sing another song one of
these days," she said. "You're a wonderful little kiddie, after all.
You'll save the day! Trust you! You'll pull it off yet! Oh, I have been
horrid, Ruth, this last fortnight. Really I have. I was so afraid we
were ruined, and we would be if it wasn't for you. Wait a jiffy."
Fifteen minutes later, just as, very wearily, I was putting out my
light, Edith pushed open my door again with a cup of something steaming
hot in her hand.
"Here," she said. "Malted milk, good and hot, with just a dash of sherry
in it. 'Twill make you sleep. You drink it, poor child--wonderful child
too! You jump in and drink it! I'll fix the windows and the lights."
I tried to be Edith's idea of wonderful. For a week I endured the
ignominy of receiving calls from Breck in secret, late at night when he
was able to steal away from the gaieties at Grassmere. For a week I
spent long idle days in the garden, in my room, on the veranda--anywhere
at all where I could best kill the galling, unoccupied hours until
night, and Breck was free to come to me.
I did not annoy him with demands for explanation of a situation
already painfully clear to me. I knew that he spoke truth when he
assured me he could not alter his mother's opposition at present, and
I did not disturb our evening talks by reproaches. I assumed a grand
air of indifference toward Mrs. Sewall and her attacks, as if I was
some invulnerable creature beyond and above her. I didn't even cheapen
myself by appearing to observe that Breck's invitations to appear in
public with him had suddenly been replaced by demands for private and
stolen interviews.
Of course his duties as host were many and consumed most of his time.
His clever mother saw to that. He said that there were twenty guests at
Grassmere. Naturally, I told myself, he couldn't take all-day motor
trips with me. I was convinced that my strength lay in whatever charm I
possessed for him, and I had no intention of injuring it by ill-timed
complaints. I was attractive, alluring to him--more so than ever. I
tried to be! Oh, I tried to be diplomatic, wise, to bide my time; by
quiet and determined endurance to withstand the siege of Mrs. Sewall's
disapproval; to hold her son's affection; and to marry him some day,
with her sanction, too, just exactly as I had planned. I tried and I
failed.
The very fact that I could hold Breck's affection hastened my
defeat--that and my lacerated pride.
I met him one day when I was out walking with Dandy, not far from
the very spot where once he had begged me to ride with him in his
automobile. Today in the seat beside him, which had been of late so
often mine, sat Gale Oliphant, her head almost upon his shoulder,
and Breck leaning toward her laughing as they sped by.
He saw me, I was sure he saw me, but he did not raise his hat. His
signal of recognition had been without Miss Oliphant's knowledge. After
they had passed he had stretched out his arm as a sign to turn to the
left, and had waved his hand without looking around. My face grew
scarlet. What had I become? Why, I might have been a picked-up
acquaintance, somebody to be ashamed of! Ruth Chenery Vars--where
had disappeared that once proud and self-respecting girl?
Insignificant as the event really was, it stood as a symbol of the
whole miserable situation to me. It was just enough to startle me into
contempt for myself. That night Breck came stealing down to me along the
dark roads in his quiet car about eleven-thirty. I knew he had been to
the Jackson dinner and was surprised to find he had changed into street
clothes. He was more eager than ever in his greeting.
"Come down into the sunken garden," he pleaded. "I've got something to
say to you."
It was light in the garden. There was a full September moon. I stood
beside the bird-bath and put a forefinger in it. I could hear Breck
breathing hard beside me. I was sure he had broken his pledge and had
been drinking.
"Well?" I said at last, calmly, looking up.
He answered me silently, vehemently.
"Don't, please, _here_. It's so fearfully light. Don't, Breck," I said.
"I've got the car," he whispered. "It will take us two hours. I've got
it all planned. It's a peach of a night. You've got to come. I'm not for
waiting any longer. You've got to marry me tonight, you little fish!
I'll wake you up. Do you hear me? Tonight in two hours. I'm not going to
hang around any longer. You've got to come!"
I managed to struggle away.
"Don't talk like that to me. It's insulting! Don't!" I said.
"Insulting! Say, ring off on that--will you? Insulting to ask a girl
to marry you! Say, that's good! Well, insulting or not, I've made up
my mind not to hang around any longer. I'll marry you tonight or not
at all! You needn't be afraid. I've got it all fixed up--license and
everything." He whipped a paper out of his pocket. "We'll surprise
'em, we will--you and I. I'm mad about you, and always have been. The
mater--huh! Be a shock to her--but she'll survive."
"I wouldn't elope with the king of England!" I said hotly. "What do you
think I am? Understand this, Breck. I require all the honors and high
ceremonies that exist."
"Damn it," he said, "you've been letting me come here without much
ceremony every night, late, on the quiet. What have you got to say to
that? I'm tired of seeing you pose on that high horse of yours. Come
down. You know as well as I you've been leading me along as hard as you
could for the last week. Good Lord--what for? Say, what's the game? I
don't know. But listen--if you don't marry me _now_, then you never
will. There's a limit to a man's endurance. Come, come, you can't do
better for yourself. You aren't so much. The mater will never come
around. She's got her teeth set. The car's ready. I shan't come again."
"Wait a minute," I said. "I'll be back in a minute." And I went straight
into the house and upstairs to my room, knelt down before my bureau and
drew out a blue velvet box. Breck's ring was inside.
Just as I was stealing down the stairs again, ever-on-the-guard, Edith
appeared in the hall in her nightdress.
"What are you after?" she asked.
For answer I held out the box toward her. She came down two or three of
the stairs.
"What you going to do with it?" she demanded.
"Give it back to Breck."
She grasped my wrist. "You little fool!" she exclaimed.
"But he wants me to run off with him. He wants me to elope."
"He does!" she ejaculated, her eyes large. "Well?" she inquired.
I stared up at Edith on the step above me in silence.
"Well?" she repeated.
"You don't mean----" I began.
"His mother is sure to come around in time. They always do. _My_ mother
eloped," she said.
"Edith Campbell Vars," I exclaimed, "do you actually mean----" I
stopped. Even in the dim light of the hall I saw her flush before my
blank astonishment. "Do you mean----"
"Well, if you don't," she interrupted in defense, "everybody will think
he threw _you_ over. You'll simply become an old glove. There's not much
choice."
"But my pride, my own self-respect! Edith Vars, you'd sell your soul for
society; and you'd sell me too! But you can't--you can't! Let go my
wrist. I'm sick of the whole miserable game. I'm sick of it. Let me go."
"And I'm sick of it too," flung back Edith. "But _I've_ got a daughter's
future to think about, I'd have you know, as well as yours. I've worked
hard to establish ourselves in this place, and I've succeeded too. And
now you come along, and look at the mess we're in! Humiliated! Ignored!
Insulted! It isn't my fault, is it? If I'd paddled my own canoe, I'd be
all right today."
"You can paddle it hereafter," I flashed out. "I shan't trouble you any
more."
"Yes, that's pleasant, after you've jabbed it full of holes!"
"Let me go, Edith," I said and pulled away my wrist with a jerk.
"Are you going to give it back to him?"
"Yes, I am!" I retorted and fled down the stairs, out of the door,
across the porch, and into the moonlit garden as fast as I could go.
"Here, Breck--here's your ring! Take it. You're free. You don't need to
hang around, as you say, any more. And I'm free, too, thank heaven! I
would have borne the glory and the honor of your name with pride. Your
mother's friendship would have been a happiness, but for no name, and
for no woman's favor will I descend to a stolen marriage. You're
mistaken in me. Everybody seems to be. I'm mistaken in myself. I don't
want to marry you after all. I don't love you, and I don't want to marry
you. I'm tired. Please go."
He stared at me. "You little fool!" he exclaimed, just like Edith. Then
he slipped the box into his pocket, shrugged his shoulders, and in truly
chivalrous fashion added, "Don't imagine I'm going to commit suicide or
anything tragic like that, young lady, because I'm not."
"I didn't imagine it," I replied.
"I'm going to marry Gale Oliphant," he informed me coolly. "I'm going to
give her a ring in a little box--and she'll wear hers. You'll see." He
produced a cigarette and lit it. "She's no fish," he added. "She's a
pippin, she is. Good night," he finished, and turned and walked out of
the garden.
Three days later I went away from Hilton. Edith's tirades became
unendurable. I didn't want even to eat her food. The spinet desk, the
bureau, the chiffonier, the closet, I cleared of every trace of me. I
stripped the bed of its linen and left the mattress rolled over the
foot-board in eloquent abandonment. The waste-basket bulged with
discarded odds and ends. One had only to look into that room to feel
convinced that its occupant had disappeared, like a spirit from a dead
body, never to return.
I went to my sister Lucy's. I did not write her. I simply took a morning
train to Boston and called her up on the 'phone in her not far distant
university town. She came trotting cheerfully in to meet me. I told her
my news; she tenderly gathered what was left of me together, and carried
the bits out here to her little white house on the hill.