Even in the matter of earthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston
to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the
_Evening Post_, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late
earthquake at various points, says:--
"Allowing seven and a half minutes for difference of local time, the
shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies
that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven."
Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of
New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm
referred to, but was the absolute "Hub" from which it radiated, and
therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of earthquakes as
everything else. Property has already gone up to a tremendous figure at
Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the
greatest chance folks there ever had to "pile it on" is the admission of
the earthquake as a "Boston notion."
* * * * *
From the Seat of War.
What were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organized?
They wear leather gaiters.
* * * * *
Republicans.
It would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candidates.
They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings.
* * * * *
[Illustration: DEVOTION TO SCIENCE.
_Mamma._ "AH YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR
LITTLE SISTER SO?"
_The Incorrigible._ "I--I ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN
WHITE."]
* * * * *
An Advertising Parson.
There is nothing like judicious advertising--at least, we have been told
this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who
advertises himself in a newspaper as follows:--
"Cupid and Hymen. The little brown cottage at Cambridge, Pa., is the
place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied.
Inquire for Rev. S. J. Whitcomb."
--While he was about it, why didn't the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the
other jobs for which orders might be left at the same shop? Why didn't
he say: "Funerals attended with neatness and despatch?" or, "Gentlemen
about to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides
without additional charge?" or, "Cases of conscience adjudicated upon
the most reasonable terms?" or, "A fine assortment of moral advice just
received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers?" Let the Rev.
WHITCOMB take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertising, and make
lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness.
* * * * *
Fulton versus Tilton.
FULTON taps TILTON for wine, TILTON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a
_tilt,_ because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict
would probably be, that a full FULTON ran _full tilt_ against a full
TILTON.
* * * * *
"AURI SACRA FAMES."
I saw a parson at his desk,
Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled;
The organ ceased--he rose to preach,
And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled;
He talked of gold, and called it dross,
And prophesied confusion
To all who loved it--told them that
Their trust was all delusion.
'Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt,
The root of every evil;
And its pursuit,--too strongly urged,--
Would lead straight to the Devil.
Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues,
He talked of ANANIAS,--
He and his wife SAPPHIRA were
The wickedest of liars.
He showed us clearly, from their fate,
The sin of overreaching,
And making small the salaries
Of those who do the preaching.
And when his half-hour's work was done,
The miserable sinners
Rolled home in easy carriages
To Aldermanic dinners;
And as I plodded home on foot,
I thought it was all gammon,
To build a temple to the LORD
Of curses against Mammon.
The sin of gold is its abuse,
And not its mere possession,--
Wine may turn vinegar, and gold
May turn men to transgression.
Then tell the truth, O men of GOD!
Nor scorn the loaves and fishes,
Lest we should take you at your word,
And leave you empty dishes!
* * * * *