_Nux Vomica._ Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall
gun?
_Answer._ Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be
connected with the _Tribune_. As for the "needall" gun, we should define
it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, powder,
ball, or anything else.
_O.D.V._ Yes: a man may die of _delirium tremens_ produced by drinking
too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Château Margot,
the verdict of a Coroner's Jury would probably be--"died of a margot on
the brain."
_Fumigator._ What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture known as
"Killikinnick"?
_Answer._ Some authorities derive it from a story about an old Canadian
having smoked himself to death with it, and spell it "Kill a Kannuck."
Others spell it "Kill a Cynic," and believe that DIOGENES, the founder
of the Cynical School of philosophy, died of a surfeit of the article.
_Otis Bunker._ Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England,
and did it not lead to an insurrection?
_Answer._ No tax on fires that we ever heard of. You are thinking,
probably, of the Curfew Tolls mentioned by GRAY.
_Simon Succotash._ The expression to "wind a horn" is frequently used.
Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what sort of key
do they use?
_Answer._ Try the key of A Flat: _you_ are sure to have it.
_Pump-Handle._ Is it possible for a person to sleep during an
earthquake?
_Answer._ Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep soundly upon
any kind of shake-down.
_Philander._ What is the best way of testing a horse's temper?
_Answer._ If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a
fence, just dash him at one and try.
_Gorman Dyzer._ We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat
sausages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer your
other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with sausages on
Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant.
_Caspar Van Keek._ Why is the height of a horse given in hands instead
of feet?
_Answer._ Because it is considered handier, of course.
_John of Boston._ I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to do?
_Answer._ Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps.
_Margaret Shortcake._--I have a great dread of being buried alive. Will
holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead
determine whether breathing has ceased or not?
_Answer._ The test is used by physicians. There is an instance on record
of a looking-glass being thus applied to a young girl who had been
unconscious for hours. She opened her eyes to look at herself in it,
which proved that she was wide awake.
_Widow McRue._--How soon after my husband's death would it be proper for
me to give up my weeds?
_Answer._ If your husband allowed you to smoke during his life-time, we
do not see why you should give up the practice after his death. Although
we do not approve of women smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly
teeth, with an azure cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain
fascination, and so our advice is, "Dry up (your tears), and light a
fresh Havana."
_Speculator._--What is the best way to double a $20 bill?
_Answer._ With a paper-folder.
_Frost-on-the-Pane._--From languid circulation, or some other cause, I
frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this?
_Answer._ Don't go to bed. Sleep in a chair.
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