SCENE--_The outside of a small fancy-stationer's in a
back-street. The windows are plastered with highly-coloured
caricatures, designed to convey the anonymous amenities
prescribed by poetic tradition at this Season of the Year. A
small crowd is inspecting these works of Art and Literature
with hearty approval._
_First Artisan_. See this 'ere, BILL? (_He spells out with a slow
relish._)
"With yer crawlin,' lick-spittle carneyin' ways,
Yo think very likely bein' a nippercrit'll pay!
Still some day it's certain you'll be found out at lorst
As a cringin', sloimy, snoike in the grorss!"
Why, it might ha' been wrote a-purpose for that there little cantin'
beggar up at our shop--blowed if it mightn't!
_Second Artisan_. Young MEALY, yer mean? But that's cawmplimentry--for
_him_--that is!
_First A._ But yer see the ideer of it. They've drawed im a snoike,
all 'cept 'is 'ed, d'ye see? That's why they've wrote "Snoike in the
Grorss," underneath. Hor-hor! they must be smart chaps to think o'
sech things as that 'ere, eh? [_They move on._
_First Servant Girl_ (_reading_)--
"Two squintin' boss-heyes, and 'air all foiry-red.
You surely can't ever expect to be wed?
Yer nose shows plain you've took to gin.
_You_'re a nice party for a wedding-ring!"
I've 'arf a mind to go in and git one o' them to send Missis.
_Second S.G._ (_in service elsewhere_). Oh, I _would_! Go in, SALLY,
quick. I can lend yer a ap'ny towards it.
_Sally_ (_meditatively_). _I_'d do it--on'y she'd guess 'ood sent it
her!
_Second S.G._ _Let_ 'er. You can stick 'er out it wasn't _you_.
_Sally_. I could, O' course--but it wouldn't be no use, she'd tell the
'andwriting on the hongvelope! (_Gloomily._)
_Second S.G._ Oh, if that's all, _I'll_ direct it for yer. Come on,
SALLY; it will be sech a lark, and then you can tell me all about what
she said arterwards! [_They enter the shop._
_First Young Person in hat and feathers_ (_reading_)--
"The female 'art you think you'll mash,
By sporting stick-up collars and a la-di-da moustache.
But I tell you straight it'll be a long time
Before I take you to be _my_ Valentine!"