"Want 'Toddie one boy day.'"
"What DOES the child mean?" I exclaimed.
"He wants you to sing to him about 'Charley boy one day,'" said Budge.
"He always wants mamma to sing that when he's hurt, an' then he stops
crying."
"I don't know it," said I. "Won't 'Roll, Jordan,' do, Toddie?"
"I'LL tell you how it goes," said Budge, and forthwith the youth sang
the following song, a line at a time, I following him in words and
air:--
"Where is my little bastik [Footnote: Basket.] gone?"
Said Charley, one boy day;
"I guess some little boy or girl
Has taken it away.
"An' kittie, too--where ISH she gone?
Oh dear, what shall I do?
I wish I could my bastik find,
An' little kittie, too.
"I'll go to mamma's room an' look;
Perhaps she may be there;
For kittie likes to take a nap
In mamma's easy chair.
"O mamma, mamma, come an' look
See what a little heap!
Here's kittie in the bastik here,
All cuddled down to sleep."
Where the applicability of this poem to my nephew's peculiar trouble
appeared, I could not see, but as I finished it, his sobs gave place to
a sigh of relief.
"Toddie," said I, "do you love your Uncle Harry?"
"Esh, I DO love you."
"Then tell me how that ridiculous song comforts you."
"Makes me feel good, an' all nicey," replied Toddie.
"Wouldn't you feel just as good if I sang, 'Plunged in a gulf of dark
despair'?"
"No, don't like dokdishpairs; if a dokdishpair done anyfing to me, I'd
knock it right down dead."
With this extremely lucid remark, our conversation on this particular
subject ended; but I wondered, during a few uneasy moments, whether the
temporary mental aberration which had once afflicted Helen's
grandfather and mine was not reappearing in this, his youngest
descendant. My wondering was cut short by Budge, who remarked, in a
confident tone:--
"Now, Uncle Harry, we'll have the whistles, I guess."
I acted upon the suggestion, and led the way to the woods. I had not
had occasion to seek a hickory sapling before for years; not since the
war, in fact, when I learned how hot a fire small hickory sticks would
make. I had not sought wood for whistles since--gracious, nearly a
quarter of a century ago! The dissimilar associations called up by
these recollections threatened to put me in a frame of mind which might
have resulted in a bad poem, had not my nephews kept up a lively
succession of questions such as no one but children can ask. The
whistles completed, I was marched, with music, to the place where the
"Jacks" grew. It was just such a place as boys instinctively delight
in--low, damp, and boggy, with a brook hiding treacherously away under
overhanging ferns and grasses. The children knew by sight the plant
which bore the "Jacks," and every discovery was announced by a piercing
shriek of delight. At first I looked hurriedly toward the brook as each
yell clove the air; but, as I became accustomed to it, my attention was
diverted by some exquisite ferns. Suddenly, however, a succession of
shrieks announced that something was wrong, and across a large fern I
saw a small face in a great deal of agony. Budge was hurrying to the
relief of his brother, and was soon as deeply imbedded as Toddie was in
the rich black mud, at the bottom of the brook. I dashed to the rescue,
stood astride the brook, and offered a hand to each boy, when a
treacherous tuft of grass gave way, and, with a glorious splash, I went
in myself. This accident turned Toddie's sorrow to laughter, but I
can't say I made light of my misfortune on that account. To fall into
CLEAN water is not pleasant, even when one is trout-fishing; but to be
clad in white pants, and suddenly drop nearly knee-deep in the lap of
mother Earth is quite a different thing. I hastily picked up the
children, and threw them upon the bank, and then wrathfully strode out
myself, and tried to shake myself as I have seen a Newfoundland dog do.
The shake was not a success--it caused my trouser-leg to flap dismally
about my ankles, and sent the streams of loathsome ooze trickling down
into my shoes. My hat, of drab felt, had fallen off by the brookside,
and been plentifully spattered as I got out. I looked at my youngest
nephew with speechless indignation.
"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "'twas real good of the Lord to let you be
with us, else Toddie might have been drownded."
"Yes," said I, "and I shouldn't have much--"
"Ocken Hawwy," cried Toddie, running impetuously toward me, pulling me
down, and patting my cheek with his muddy black hand, "I LOVES you for
takin' me out de water."
"I accept your apology," said I, "but let's hurry home." There was but
one residence to pass, and that, thank fortune, was so densely screened
by shrubbery that the inmates could not see the road. To be sure, we
were on a favorite driving road, but we could reach home in five
minutes, and we might dodge into the woods if we heard a carriage
coming. Ha! There came a carriage already, and we--was there ever a
sorrier-looking group? There were ladies in the carriage, too--could it
be--of course it was--did the evil spirit, which guided those children
always, send an attendant for Miss Mayton before he began operations?
There she was, anyway--cool, neat, dainty, trying to look collected,
but severely flushed by the attempt. It was of no use to drop my eyes,
for she had already recognized me; so I turned to her a face which I
think must have been just the one--unless more defiant--that I carried
into two or three cavalry charges.
"You seem to have been having a real good time together," said she,
with a conventional smile, as the carriage passed. "Remember, you're
all going to call on me tomorrow afternoon."
Bless the girl! Her heart was as quick as her eyes--almost any other
young lady would have devoted her entire energy to laughing on such an
occasion, but SHE took her earliest opportunity to make me feel at
ease. Such a royal hearted woman deserves to--I caught myself just
here, with my cheeks growing quite hot under the mud Toddie had put on
them, and I led our retreat with a more stylish carriage than my
appearance could possibly have warranted, and then I consigned my
nephews to the maid with very much the air of an officer turning over a
large number of prisoners he had captured. I hastily changed my soiled
clothing for my best--not that I expected to see any one, but because
of a sudden increase in the degree of respect I felt toward myself.
When the children were put to bed, and I had no one but my thoughts for
companions, I spent a delightful hour or two in imagining as possible
some changes of which I had never dared to think before.
On Monday morning I was in the garden at sunrise. Toddie was to carry
his expiatory bouquet to Miss Mayton that day, and I proposed that no
pains should be spared to make his atonement as handsome as possible. I
canvassed carefully every border, bed, and detached flowering plant
until I had as accurate an idea of their possibilities as if I had
inventoried the flowers in pen and ink. This done, I consulted the
servant as to the unsoiled clothing of my nephews. She laid out their
entire wardrobe for my inspection, and after a rigid examination of
everything I selected the suits which the boys were to wear in the
afternoon. Then I told the girl that the boys were going with me after
dinner to call on some ladies, and that I desired that she should wash
and dress them carefully.
"Tell me just what time you'll start, sir, and I'll begin an hour
beforehand," said she. "That's the only way to be sure that they don't
disgrace you."
For breakfast we had, among other things, some stewed oysters served in
soup-plates.
"O Todd," shrieked Budge, "there's the turtle-plates again--oh, AIN'T I
glad!"
"Oo--ee--turtle pyates," squealed Toddie.
"What on earth do you mean, boys?" I demanded.
"I'll show you," said Budge, jumping down from his chair and bringing
his plate of oysters cautiously toward me. "Now you just put your head
down underneath my plate, and look up, and you'll see a turtle."
For a moment I forgot that I was not at a restaurant, and I took the
plate, held it up, and examined its bottom.
"There!" said Budge, pointing to the trademark, in colors, of the
makers of the crockery, "don't you see the turtle?"
I abruptly ordered Budge to his seat, unmoved even by Toddie's remark,
that--
"Dey ish turtles, but dey can't knawl awound like udder turtles."
After breakfast I devoted a great deal of fussy attention to myself.
Never did my own wardrobe seem so meager and ill-assorted; never did I
cut myself so many times while shaving; never did I use such
unsatisfactory shoe-polish. I finally gave up in despair my effort to
appear genteel, and devoted myself to the bouquet. I cut almost flowers
enough to dress a church, and then remorselessly excluded every one
which was in the least particular imperfect. In making the bouquet I
enjoyed the benefit of my nephews' assistance and counsel and took
enforced part in conversation which flowers suggested.
"Ocken Hawwy," said Toddie, "ish heaven all like this, wif pretty
f'owers? Cos I don't see what ze angels ever turns out for if 'tis."
"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "when the leaves all go up and down and
wriggle around so, are they talking to the wind?"
"I--I guess so, old fellow."
"Who are you making that bouquet for, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge.
"For a lady--for Miss Mayton--that lady that saw us all muddy yesterday
afternoon," said I.
"Oh, I like her," said Budge. "She looks so nice and pretty--just like
a cake--just as if she was good to eat--Oh, I just love her, don't YOU?"
"Well, I respect her very highly, Budge."
"'Spect? What does 'spect mean?"
"Why, it means that I think she's a lady--a real pleasant lady-just the
nicest sort of lady in the world--the sort of person I'd like to see
every day, and like to see her better than any one else."
"Oh, why, 'spect an' love means just the same thing, don't they, Uncle
Har--"
"Budge," I exclaimed, somewhat hastily "run ask Maggie for a piece of
string--quick!"
"All right," said Budge, moving off, "but they DO, don't they?"
At two o'clock I instructed Maggie to dress my nephews, and at three we
started to make our call. To carry Toddie's bouquet, and hold a hand of
each boy so as to keep them from darting into the hedges for
grasshoppers, and the gutters for butterflies, was no easy work, but I
managed to do it. As we approached Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house I
felt my hat was over one ear, and my cravat awry, but there was no
opportunity to rearrange them, for I saw Alice Mayton on the piazza,
and felt that she saw me. Handing the bouquet to Toddie, and promising
him three sticks of candy if he would be careful and not drop it, we
entered the garden. The moment we were inside the hedge and Toddie saw
a man going over the lawn with a lawn-mower, he shrieked: "Oh, deresh a
cutter-grass!" and dropped the bouquet with the carelessness born of
perfect ecstasy. I snatched it before it reached the ground, dragged
the offending youth up the walk, saluted Miss Mayton, and told Toddie
to give the bouquet to the lady. This he succeeded in doing, but as
Miss Mayton thanked him and stooped to kiss him he wriggled off the
piazza like a little eel, shouted, "Tum on!" to his brother, and a
moment later my nephews were following the "cutter-grass" at a
respectful distance in the rear.
"Those are my sister's best children in the world, Miss Mayton," said I.
"Bless the little darlings!" replied the lady; "I DO love to see
children enjoying themselves."
"So do I," said I, "when I'm not responsible for their well-being; but
if the effort I've expended on those boys had been directed toward the
interests of my employers, those worthy gentlemen would consider me
invaluable."
Miss Mayton made some witty reply, and we settled to a pleasant chat
about mutual acquaintances, about books, pictures, music, and the
gossip of our set. I would cheerfully have discussed Herbert Spencer's
system, the Assyrian Tablets, or any other dry subject with Miss
Mayton, and felt that I was richly repaid by the pleasure of seeing
her. Handsome, intelligent, composed, tastefully dressed, without a
suspicion of the flirt or the languid woman of fashion about her, she
awakened to the uttermost every admiring sentiment and every manly
feeling. But, alas, my enjoyment was probably more than I deserved, so
it was cut short. There were other ladies boarding at Mrs. Clarkson's,
and as Miss Mayton truthfully observed at our first meeting, men were
very scarce at Hillcrest. So the ladies, by the merest accident, of
course, happened upon the piazza, and each one was presented to me, and
common civility made it impossible for me to speak to Miss Mayton more
than once in ten minutes. At any other time and place I should have
found the meeting of so many ladies a delightful experience, but now--
Suddenly a compound shriek arose from the lawn, and all the ladies
sprang to their feet. I followed their example, setting my teeth firmly
and viciously, hoping that whichever nephew had been hurt was BADLY
hurt. We saw Toddie running towards us with one hand in his mouth,
while Budge ran beside him, exclaiming:--
"POOR little Toddie! Don't cry! DOES it hurt you awful? Never
mind--Uncle Harry'll comfort you. Don't cry, Toddie DE-ar!"
Both boys reached the piazza steps, and clambered up, Budge
exclaiming:--
"O, Uncle Harry, Toddie put his fingers in the little wheels of the
cutter-grass, an' it turned just the least little biddie, an' it hurted
him."
But Toddie ran up to me, clasped my legs, and sobbed.
"Sing 'Toddie one boy day.'"
My blood seemed to freeze. I could have choked that dreadful child,
suffering though he was. I stooped over him, caressed him, promised him
candy, took out my watch and gave it to him to play with, but he
returned to his original demand. A lady--the homeliest in the
party--suggested that she should bind up his hand, and I inwardly
blessed her, but he reiterated his request for "Toddie one boy day,"
and sobbed pitifully.
"What DOES he mean?" asked Miss Mayton.
"He wants Uncle Harry to sing, 'Charley boy one day,'" explained Budge;
"he always wants that song when he's hurt any way."
"Oh, do sing it to him, Mr. Burton," pleaded Miss Mayton; and all the
other ladies exclaimed, "Oh, do!"
I wrathfully picked him up in my arms, and hummed the air of the
detested song.
"Sit in a wockin'-chair," sobbed Toddie.