Lucretius; another asked, ‘Has he given up Tacitus?’ Said Lord Kelly,
‘It’s long since he gave up Tacitus; for he never can hold his tongue a
minute, and he has taken to Lucretius because he feels himself grown so
old that he would make but a poor figure with Lucretia.’ At saying this
the earl laughed, as if in scorn, and cried, ‘Such nonsense!’”
* * * * *
“Our frame and temper of mind depends much on the state of our bodies.
The human body is often called a machine, and a wonderful machine it
is. The blood is like quicksilver, the veins like feathers, the nerves
like springs. The soul sits in the machine. As one who in a chaise
when driving hard cannot hear or give attention, I have been conscious
of the corporeal machine running on with such rapidity that I felt to
apply seriously to anything was in vain for me while that continued.”
* * * * *
“Mr. Crosbie,[230] the advocate, when he once took up an idea retained
it most obstinately, even after there was convincing evidence against
it. On occasion of the great cause between Nabob Fullerton[231] and
Orangefield,[232] where he and I were on opposite sides, he persisted
in thinking Fullerton in the right, when every one else was clear
against him. I said Crosbie’s head was like a Christmas-box with a slit
in the top of it. If once a thing has got into it, you cannot get it
out again but by breaking the box. ‘We must break your head, Crosbie,’
said I.”
* * * * *
“It’s a good thing for Scotland that we can appeal to the House of
Lords. I look upon that court, the House of Lords, as a great rolling
stone, which by going over a cause effectually smooths it at once, when
our fifteen lords, who have been breaking the clods with their mallets
for a long time, may have left some parts rough; or sometimes may have
found large masses which they have not been able to break at all. The
rolling stone can never do harm. If the cause is smooth, it will make
it more firmly so; if rough in whole or in part, will smooth it.”
* * * * *
“Banks and Solander were telling of a monstrous crater which they had
found in Iceland, which threw up prodigious quantities of hot water to
an amazing height. The story, I believe, was true. But I had my joke on
them as travellers; I said they had found a kettle to boil Pontopidan
the Bishop of Berghen’s wonderful fish.”
* * * * *
“I have observed that the Lords of Justiciary in Scotland, though
they proceed with strong common sense and in general with material
justice, yet have not studied criminal law as a science, though it is
a very extensive, important, and nice one. Being lords of session,
their attention is chiefly taken up with civil affairs, and they take
criminal matters only by the bye. They are like barber-surgeons, who
shave—and bleed—upon occasions.”
* * * * *
“There are a variety of little circumstances in life, which, like pins
in a lady’s dress, are necessary for keeping it together, and giving it
neatness and elegance.”
* * * * *
“A man of fame and acknowledged judgment as an author giving his
opinion to a bookseller in favour of a literary work, the copy of which
is offered for sale, when he does not sincerely think as he says, is
a piece of real dishonesty, quite different from those commendations
which a good-natured though not strictly honest flattery bestows. It is
like a goldsmith, to whom suspicious metal is referred, certifying that
it is gold when he knows it to be brass or a bad mixture.”
* * * * *
“Dr. Johnson had a very high opinion of Edmund Burke. He said, ‘That
fellow calls forth all my powers;’ and once, when he was out of spirits
and rather dejected, he said, ‘Were I to see Burke now ’twould kill
me.’”
MR. LANGTON.[233]
* * * * *
“Mr. Johnson used to laugh at a passage in Carte’s ‘Life[234] of the
Duke of Ormond,’ where he gravely observes ‘that he was always in full
dress when he went to court; too many being in the practice of going
thither with double lapells.’”
MR. LANGTON.
* * * * *
“——, who translated ‘Ariosto,’ had a dispute with Tom Wharton[235]
as to some passages of it. —— knew the subject perfectly, but could
not express himself. Wharton knew it very superficially, but wrote with
ease and vivacity. Johnson said ‘the one had ball without powder, and
the other powder without ball.’”
* * * * *
“Johnson had a sovereign contempt for Wilkes and his party, whom
he looked upon as a mere rabble. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘had Wilkes’s mob
prevailed against Government, this nation had died of _phthiriasis_.’
Mr. Langton told me this. The expression, _Morbus pediculosus_, as
being better known, would strike more. _Lousy disease_ may be put in a
parenthesis.”
* * * * *
“Mr. Ilay Campbell[236] spoke with admirable good sense and ingenuity,
but had a very weak voice and a diminutive appearance and manner. I
said his pleading was like Giardini’s playing on a child’s fiddle.”
* * * * *
“The extracts of a book given in the review often please us much more
than the book itself does. The extracts are embellished and illustrated
with criticism. It is like collops well-seasoned and served up with
a good sauce, which are better eating than the sirloin or rump from
whence they are cut. (Or, thus one eats with greater relish slices or
collops well seasoned and served up with a good sauce, than one does
the sirloin or rump from whence they are cut).”
* * * * *
“I said the Court of Session was much more quiet and agreeable when
President Dundas[237] was absent. ‘When he is there,’ said I, ‘you feel
yourself as in a bleachfield with a large dog in it. He is chained and
does not bite you. But he barks _wowf, wowf_, and makes you start; your
nerves are hurt by him.’”
* * * * *
“Mr. Alexander Murray,[238] said that the President Dundas upon the
bench was like Lord Kelly playing in a concert—very quick, loud, and
rumbling. Nothing can be a more lively representation of his manner
than this, when you harangue a little with the president’s blustering
tone and bounces of voice at intervals—‘I cannot agree to give you
this cause against the Duke of Gordon, sitting here as judge on great
revolution principles,’ &c.”
* * * * *
“I said that Mr. Charles Hay[239] and I, who studied Scotch law
together, used to go to Mr. McLaurin,[240] when we found any
difficulty, as to a mill to get it ground. ‘Yes,’ said Crosbie, ‘and he
made you twenty difficulties out of one.’ ‘The observation,’ said I,
‘is just and witty. It reminds me of the fable of the lady, who when
she was not pleased with her looks dashed the mirror in pieces, and so
saw a multitude of ugly faces instead of one.’”
* * * * *
“26th June, 1774.—At a Sunday’s supper at Dr. Webster’s, when I was
finding fault with a lady for going to visit a relation who had married
a low man, the Doctor said that treating such people with mere civility
was the best way to get the better of them. I answered, ‘I don’t want
to get the better of them, I want to get rid of them: you may get the
better of a sow by going into the mire and boxing it; but who would do
it?’ My wife, who wanted to support Dr. Webster, though she had not
much attended to the dispute, said something which was of pretty much
the same import with my remarks. ‘Well,’ said I, ‘this is good enough.
She thinks she is opposing me, and yet she agrees with me; she thinks
she is riding a race with me and getting the better, and all the time
she is behind me.’”
* * * * *
“My father told me that when he got his gown upon the resignation of
the worthy Lord Dun,[241] he went and waited upon him, and said, ‘My
lord, as I am to be your lordship’s unworthy successor I am come to ask
your blessing.’ ‘Sir,’ said Lord Dun, ‘I held that office too long,
for I was come to be but half a judge. Nay, what do I say? I was come
to be worse, for I was able to give corporal presence but one-half of
the year, and when I was present I could not have given that attention
which every man ought to have who decides on the property of others.
But to tell you the truth, I held my office from an apprehension that
they might put in a man even worse than half a judge. However, sir,
since you are to be my successor,’—(he then paid my father some
genteel compliments); he added, ‘I have no title to give a blessing,
but if my prayers can be of any service to you, while I live they shall
never be wanting.’”
* * * * *
“29th June, 1774.—I said the business of the Court of Session went
on as fast without the President[242] as with him, though with less
noise, when he was absent the court was a plain girr (hoop), which ran
smoothly and quietly; when he was there, it was a girr with jinglers.’”
* * * * *
“When Charles Townshend[243] read some of Lord Kames’[244] ‘Elements
of Criticism,’ he said, ‘This is the work of a dull man grown
whimsical,’—a most characteristical account of Lord Kames as a writer.”
MR. GEORGE WALLACE.[245]
* * * * *
“Mr. Andrew Balfour[246] said of Lord Kames, ‘He has the obstinacy of a
mule and the levity of a harlequin.’”
MR. CHARLES HAY.
* * * * *
“Mr. Alexander Lockhart, Dean of the Faculty of Advocates, very readily
shed tears when he pleased, whether from feeling or from a weakness in
his eyes was disputed. He was also very fond of getting his fees. I
applied to him a _part_ of a fine passage in Shakspere,—
‘He hath a _tear_ for pity, and a _hand_
Open as the day.’”
* * * * *
“When Andrew Stuart declared himself a candidate as member of
Parliament for Lanarkshire after being stigmatised so severely by
Thurlow and Lord Camden for his conduct in the Douglas cause, Sir
John Douglas, who was very keen in the great cause, and had admirable
extravagant sallies, said, ‘What think you of this fellow? He has
brass indeed! why, you may make ten dozen of tea-kettles out of his
forehead.’”
I was present.
* * * * *
“I always wished to go to the English bar. When I found I could labour,
I said it was pity to dig in a lead mine when I could get to a gold
one.”
* * * * *
“In 1774 there came on before the Court of Session a cause at the
instance of a _black_[247] for having it declared that he was free. I
was one of the counsel. We took no fees; and I said I knew one thing,
that he was not a Guinea _black_.”
* * * * *
“General Scott[248] was a man of wonderful good luck. He married Lady
Mary Hay, a very fine woman. She ran off with Captain Sutherland, but
was catched at Barnet, and the General got a divorce with the utmost
ease. He then married Miss Peggy Dundas, who proved an admirable
wife. Everything turned out well for him. Sandie Murray[249] said he
was like a cat, throw him as you please he always falls on his feet.
Nairne,[250] on hearing this, quoted the motto of the Isle of Man,—
‘Quocunque jeceris stabit.’”
* * * * *
“General Scott and General Grant,[251] two noted gamesters, were one
day driving upon the sands of Leith at the races in a post-chaise
together. Nisbet,[252] of Dirleton, pointing to them, said very
significantly from Prior, ‘An honest, but a simple pair.’”
* * * * *
“June 18th, 1774.—I said in a dispute with Sir Alexander Dick,[253] on
the different estimation to be put on sons and daughters, that sons
are truly part of a family; daughters go into other families. Sons are
the furniture of your house; daughters are furniture in your house
only for sale. No man would wish to have his daughters fixtures. Such
of them as are well looked are like pictures in the catalogues of the
exhibition, those marked thus are for sale. (Or thus, daughters are
like certain pictures in the exhibition, those marked thus, &c.)”
* * * * *
“June 18th, 1774.—Cosmo Gordon and I were talking of David
Moncrieffe,[254] whose vanity was consummate, and who was flattered
prodigiously by those whom he entertained, Cosmo mentioned a company of
some of them, and said he would be embalmed. ‘Yes’ said I, ‘David gets
himself made a mummy in his own lifetime.’ Said Cosmo, ‘Like Charles
V., who went into his own coffin.’”
* * * * *
“I said Moncrieffe entertained people to flatter him, as we feed a
cow to give us milk. The better the pasture, the more plentiful and
richer will the milk be. Moncrieffe therefore feeds his _pecora ventri
obedientia_ in clover. Other comparisons may be made. He feeds people
like silkworms, for their silk, or like civet cats, for their perfume.”
* * * * *
“Mr. Brown,[255] merchant in Edinburgh, who, from his stiffness of
temper and manners went by the name of _Buckram Brown_, was a violent
American; and when it was said that the king’s army had defeated and
dispersed General Washington’s army near New York, ‘That is nothing,’
said he; ‘for there will start up new armies of twenty, thirty, forty
thousand men.’ The Hon. Captain Archibald Erskine[256] on being told
this said very pleasantly, alluding to Falstaff’s fictitious foes and
Mr. Brown’s nickname, yes, men in Buckram.’”
I was present.
* * * * *
“There was a woman called Mrs. Betty Kettle, who lived with Mr. Thomson
of Charleton,[257] and was exceedingly ill-tempered and troublesome.
Lady Anne Erskine[258] said, ‘Mrs. Betty Kettle kept all the house in
hot water.’”
HONBLE. CAPT. ARCHIBALD ERSKINE.
* * * * *
“The writers who attacked David Hume before Beattie[259] took the lash
in hand, treated him with so much deference that they had no effect.
He was cased in a covering of respect. But Beattie stripped him of all
his assumed dignity, and having laid his back bare, scourged him till
he smarted keenly, and cursed again. David was on very civil terms with
his former opponents, being treated by them as Dr. Shebbeare was in
the pillory, who was being allowed to wear a fine powdered flowing wig.
But he was virulent against Beattie, as I have witnessed, for Beattie
treated him as an enemy to morals and religion deserved.”
* * * * *
“I said that Dempster and Crosbie were different: thus Dempster
had elegant knowledge of men and books, with vivacity to show it;
Crosbie solid stores of learning and law and antiquities and natural
philosophy. Dempster resembles a jeweller’s shop, gay and glittering in
the sun; Crosbie, the warehouse of an opulent merchant, dusky somewhat,
but filled with large quantities of substantial goods.”
* * * * *
“I am for most part either in too high spirits or too low. I am a grand
wrestler with life. It is either above me, or I am above it; yet there
are calm intervals in which I have no struggle with life, and I go
quietly on.—February, 1777.”
* * * * *
“Sir Adam Fergusson,[260] who, by a strange coincidence of chances,
got in to be member of parliament for Ayrshire in 1774, was the
great-grandson of a messenger. I was talking at Rowallan[261] on the
17th March, 1777, with great indignation that the whole families of
the county should be defeated by an upstart. Major Dunlop[262] urged
the popular topick, that the other candidate, Mr. Kennedy,[263] was
supported by noblemen who wanted to annihilate the influence of the
gentlemen, and he still harped on the coalition of three peers. ‘Sir,’
said I, ‘let the ancient respectable families have the lead, rather
than the spawn of a messenger. Better three peers than three _oyeses_.’”
* * * * *
“Mr. David Rae,[264] advocate, when he pleaded in appeals at the bar
of the House of Lords, used to speak a strange kind of English by
way of avoiding Scotch. In particular he pronounced the termination,
_tion_, as in petition, very open, that he might not sound it _shin_,
as is done in Scotland. Mr. Nairne, advocate, said Mr. Rae has
shone—_tion_—more in the House of Lords than any man.”
I was present.
* * * * *
“Mr. David Rae, advocate, one day pleaded a cause in the Court
of Session with a great deal of extravagant drollery. Mr. John
Swinton[265] said of him upon that occasion, he was not only Rae, but
_Outré_.”
MR. MACLAURIN.
* * * * *
“Swift says, ‘No man keeps me at a distance, but he keeps himself at
as great a distance from me.’ This has the appearance as if the man
of dignity suffered something, whereas it is just what he wishes. He
wishes to be at a distance from vulgar disagreeable people.”
* * * * *
“A friend and neighbour of mine, Mr. H——n, of S——m,[266] is like
a fire of a certain species of coal which has a deal of heat but no
flame. He is warm, but wants free expression.”
* * * * *
“Lord Monboddo[267] was urging with keen credulity that the Patagonians
were really at a medium above eight feet high. ‘Nay,’ said General
Melville,[268] ‘I can believe anything great, as I happened in my youth
to see a whale cast on shore.’ ‘A whale,’ said I, ‘is a good cast to
the imagination.’”
MONBODDO, 22nd November, 1778.
* * * * *
“The good humour of some people must be supplied by external and
occasional aids, like a pond which depends for water on the rain which
falls. Others have a constant flow of good humour within themselves,
like a spring well.”
* * * * *
“The beautiful Lady Wallace[269] said in a company that she had had a
dream, which from her way of expressing herself was suspected to be a
little wanton. She said she could not tell it to the company. She could
tell it but to one gentleman at a time. She told it to Mr. Crosbie. ‘It
seems,’ said I, ‘you take Mr. Crosbie to be a Joseph, that you tell
your dream to him.’ A witty allusion to Joseph’s character, both for
interpreting dreams and for chastity.—11th December, 1779.”
* * * * *
“Few characters will bear the examination of reason. You may examine
them for curiosity, as you examine bodies with a microscope. But you
will be as much disgusted with their gross qualities. You will see them
as Swift makes Gulliver see the skins of the ladies of Brobdignag.”
* * * * *
“A poor minister who had come to Edinburgh had his horse arrested. He
upon this gave in a petition to the Lords of Session, praying to have
his personal estate sequestrated and his horse delivered up to him. The
lords granted his petition. George Fergusson[270] found fault with them
for giving him his horse. ‘Come, come,’ said I, ‘you need not be angry;
there is no kindness in it, for you know the proverb, ‘Set a beggar on
horseback, and he’ll ride to the devil.’” 1779.
* * * * *
“I have not an ardent love for parties of pleasure; yet if I am once
engaged in them no man is more joyous. The difference between me and
one who is the promoter of them is like that between a water-dog and
an ordinary dog. I have no instinct prompting me; I never go into the
water of my own accord; but throw me in, and you will find I swim
excellently.”
* * * * *
“Sir Joshua Reynolds observed that a little wit seemed to go a great
way with the ancients, if we might judge from the instances of it which
Plutarch has collected. Edmund Burke upon this observed that wit was
a commodity which would not keep. Said his brother Richard,[271] ‘If
there had been more _salt_ in it, it would have kept.’”
SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS, London,
25th April, 1776.
* * * * *
“The difference between satire in London and in Scotland is this:—In
London you are not intimately known, so the satire is thrown at you
from a distance, and, however keen, does not tear and mangle you. In
London the attack on character is clean boxing. In Scotland it is
grappling. They tear your hair, scratch your face, get you down in the
mire, and not only hurt but disfigure and debase you.
* * * * *
“A company were talking of Dr. Johnson. Dr. Armstrong, who had a
violent prejudice against him, and was in the habit of saying and
being praised for saying odd things, was present. Being asked if his
dictionary was not very well done, ‘Yes,’ said he, ‘for one man; but
there should have been four-and-twenty—a blockhead for every letter.’”
MR. DEMPSTER.
* * * * *
“Burke, talking to Mr. Dempster of——, a member of Parliament who had
deserted his party for court advantages, asked if he had not fallen.
‘Yes,’ said Dempster, ‘on his feet.’”
MR. DEMPSTER.
* * * * *
“Talking of the great men whom the resistance or rebellion in America
had produced, Dempster said, ‘It costs a great deal to raise heroes;
they must be raised in a hotbed.’ ‘Yes,’ said I, ‘these have cost a
great deal of bark of royal oak, and a good deal of dung too.’”
London, 23rd April, 1779.
* * * * *
“The conversation having turned on Andrew Stuart’s[272] artful defence
of the treacherous conduct of his brother to Lord Pigot,[273] I said,
‘He has laid on a thick colouring upon his brother’s character. It
would not clean; he has died (_sic_) it.’”
London, 23rd April, 1779.
* * * * *
“Mr. Seward[274] once mentioned to me, either as a remark of his own or
of somebody else’s, that the most agreeable conversation is that which
entertains you at the time, but of which you remember no particulars.’
I said to-day I thought otherwise, ‘as it is better both to be
entertained at the time and remember good things which have passed.
There is the same difference as between making a pleasant voyage and
returning home empty, and making a pleasant voyage and returning home
richly laden.’”
23rd April, 1779.
* * * * *
“I wrote to Dempster from Edinburgh, 13th December, 1779. I am in
good spirits, but you must not expect entertainment from me. The most
industrious bee cannot make honey without flowers. But what are _the
flowers of Edinburgh_?”
* * * * *
“Showing Dr. Johnson slight pretty pieces of poetry is like showing him
fine delicate shells, which he crushes in handling.”
* * * * *
“In the debate concerning Sir Hugh Palliser[275] in the House of
Commons, when it was proposed to address the king to dismiss him, Mr.
Wedderburne said, ‘Stained as that gentleman’s flag has been, I should
be very sorry to see it hoisted over him as an acting admiral; but I
can see no reason why for one unfortunate spot he should be deprived of
the last consolation of its waving over his grave.’”
_Public Advertiser._
* * * * *
“My wife was angry at a silk cloak for Veronica being ill-made, and
said it could not be _altered_. ‘Then,’ said I, ‘it must be a _Persian_
cloak,’ alluding to the silk called Persian and the unalterable
_Persian_ laws.” 1780.
* * * * *
“I told Paoli that Topham Beauclerck[276] found fault with
Brompton’s[277] refreshing the Pembroke family picture by Vandyck,
and said he had spoiled it by painting it over (which, by the way,
Lord Pembroke assured me was not the case). ‘Po, po’ said Paoli (of
whom Beauclerc had talked disrespectfully), he has not _spoiled_
it; Beauclerc scratches at everything. He is accustomed to scratch
[scratching his head in allusion to Beauclerc’s lousiness], and he’d
scratch at the face of Venus.’”
London, 1778.
* * * * *
“Bodens was dining at a house where a neck of roast veal was set down.
After eating a bone of it, he was waiting for something else. The
lady of the house told him it was their family dinner, and there was
nothing else. ‘Nay, madam,’ said Bodens, stuttering, ‘if it be n-neck
or n-othing, I’ll have t’other bone.’”
EARL PEMBROKE,[278] London,
26th April, 1778.
* * * * *
“Spottiswood[279] asked me what was the reason I had given up drinking
wine. ‘Because,’ said I, ‘I never could drink it but to excess.’ Said
he, ‘An excessive good reason.’”
Dining at Paoli’s,
28th April, 1778.
* * * * *
“When a man talks of his own faults, it is often owing to a
consciousness that they cannot be concealed, and others will treat them
more severely than he himself does. He thinks others will throw him
down, so he had better lye down softly.”
London, April, 1778.
* * * * *
“I can more easily part with a good sum at once than with a number of
small sums—with a hundred guineas rather than with two guineas at
fifty different times; as one has less pain from having a tooth drawn
whole than when it breaks and is pulled out in pieces.”
London, April, 1778.
* * * * *
“When Wilkes was borne on the shoulders of the unruly mob, Burke
applied to him what Horace says of Pindar,—‘Fertur numeris legibus
solutus.’”
MR. WILKES, London, April, 1778.
N.B.—“Dr. Johnson[280] thought this an admirable double pun; and he
will seldom allow any vent to that species of witticism.”
* * * * *
“General Paoli was in a boat at Portsmouth at the naval review in 17—.
He seated himself close to the helm. They wanted to steer the vessel,
and in the hurry of getting to the helm they overturned the general. He
said, very pleasantly:—‘Darbord que je me metts au gouvernail ou men
chasse.’”
GENERAL PAOLI, London, 1778.
* * * * *
“At the regatta on the Thames, Sir Joshua Reynolds said to
Dunning,[281] ‘I wonder who is the Director of this show?’ Dunning,
who delights in the ludicrous in an extreme degree, pointed to a
blackguard who was sitting on one of the lamps on Westminster Bridge,
and said, ‘There he is.’ Sir Joshua observing a fellow on a wooden post
nearer the water answered, ‘I believe you are right, and there is one
who has a post under him.’”
SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS, London,
April 25th, 1778.
* * * * *