and I believe I was the only man present who had any faith at all
in spirits, many jokes flew around my head; but I stood my ground,
and went so far as to say that I did not disbelieve the existence of
witches. Matthew Henderson, who is very happy in uncommon wild sallies,
cried out, ‘Johnson inoculates him by moonlight.’”
* * * * *
“In talking of Dr. Armstrong’s[199] excessive indolence to Andrew
Erskine I used this strong figure, he is sometimes so that his soul
cannot turn itself in its bed.”
* * * * *
“Allan Ramsay[200] painted a portrait of David Hume, dressed in scarlet
with rich gold lace. ‘George III.,’ said he, ‘thought the picture very
like, but thought the dress rather too fine. I wished,’ said Ramsay,
‘posterity should see that one philosopher during your Majesty’s reign
had a good coat upon his back.’”
* * * * *
“Lord President Arniston[201] was a man of uncommon fire, but at the
same time of a sound strong judgement. When he was at the Bar, and his
fancy sometimes ran away with him, Lord Cullen said he was a wise man
upon a mad horse.”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“The first Earl of Stair[202] was a Captain of Dragoons, and when there
was a comparative trial for an election to a regency, as it was called,
or a professorship of the College of Glasgow, Mr. Dalrymple, afterwards
known as Lord Stair, appeared in his jack-boots as a candidate, and
carried the election. When he was afterwards pleading as a lawyer
in the Court of Session, some ignorant fellow who was his opponent
committed some gross blunders in the Latin which he quoted. ‘Pray’ said
Stair, ‘don’t break Priscian’s head!’ ‘Sir,’ said the fellow, ‘I was
not bred a schoolmaster.’ ‘No’ replied Stair, ‘nor a scholar either.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Lord Forglen was a most curious mixture of a character. Lord Newhall,
who was a grave austere judge, told my father, ‘Forglen is a man of a
desultory mind. I was once walking with him on that fine walk upon the
river-side at Forglen, when all at once he says, “Now, my lord, this is
a fine walk. If ye want to pray to God, can there be a better place?
and if ye want to kiss a bonny lass, can there be a better place?”’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“In the southern countries the warmth of the sunny climate makes the
people of a due warmth without drinking, but in northern countries
men’s hearts are as hard as cold iron till heated by wine. In warm
countries they are like the softer metals naturally; but with us there
is no making any impression on the heart till it is heated by the fire
of strong liquor. I look upon every jovial company among us as a forge
of friendship.”
* * * * *
“A collection of _bonmots_ or lively sallies which have appeared in law
papers before the Court of Session, without being expunged, would be
like the pictures preserved in Herculaneum, or like mirrors saved out
of the ruins after the earthquake of Lisbon.”
* * * * *
“One of the gownkeepers to the Lords of Session had a wonderful share
of natural humour. He was much given to drinking. One day the first
Sir Gilbert Elliot, Lord Minto,[203] who from the political fury of
the times had, when passing his trials as an advocate, been unjustly
remitted to his studies, and Lord Anstruther,[204] another of the
judges, who was noted for his ignorance, would needs amuse themselves
with wagering so much beer that he could not walk along a certain
deal in the floor of the parliament-house without going off it. The
gownkeeper began; but being a good deal muddy with tippling, he soon
staggered off the right line. ‘You’ve lost,’ cried Minto. ‘At leisure,
my Lord,’ said he, ‘I’ll begin again. Your lordship was remitted to
your studies; may not I be so too?’ Anstruther gave a good laugh. The
gownkeeper turned to him,—‘True, my lord, he was remitted to his
studies; but it was not for ignorance.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“The same gownkeeper at the time when the Court of Session used to
sit in the afternoon was carrying in a couple of candles. Mr. William
Carmichael, advocate, who was remarkably humpbacked, and, like all
deformed people, loved a little mischief, stretched out his legs as the
gownkeeper passed, which made him come down with a vengeance. The Lord
President flew into a great passion, calling out, ‘You drunken beast!
this is insufferable.’ The gownkeeper gathering himself up, addressed
his lordship slily: ‘An’t please your lordship, I am not drunk; but
the truth is, as I was bringing in the candles I fell ow’r Mr. William
Carmichael’s back.’ (This fair hit put the whole court in good humour.)”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Wedderburn was a little while in opposition, and then joined the
court. It was said by a patriot writer, he just kissed the cause like
Judas in order to betray it.”
A newspaper.
* * * * *
“In the debate in Parliament about Falkland Island, Mr. Burke said,
‘Our ministry’s excusing themselves on account of its smallness puts
me in mind of an unlucky country girl, who acknowledged that she had
indeed a bastard child—but it was a very little one.’”
Newspapers.
* * * * *
“Wilkes was the ugliest fellow that ever lived, and a most notorious
infidel. Boswell said he was partial as to one article, for he had too
much interest to deny the resurrection of the body.”
* * * * *
“Wilkes was one evening in company with some French _esprits forts_ who
were every one atheist. Wilkes opposed them with great spirit, and then
said, ‘Now in England Mr. Wilkes is looked upon as the most abandoned
and impious fellow alive; and here am I defending the being of a God
against you all.’”
From himself.
* * * * *
“Wilkes was one day talking of the resurrection of the body. ‘For my
own share,’ said he, ‘I would no more value being raised with the same
body than being raised in the same coat, waistcoat, and breeches.’”
I was present.
* * * * *
“Mr. John McLaren,[205] minister of the Tolbooth Church, Edinburgh,
was a man of uncommon natural genius. My father wrote the heads of his
sermons for many years. His last prayer was pretty much a form, and
was full of strong expressions and lively figures: ‘Lord, bless Thy
churches abroad in Hungary, Bohemia, Lithuania, Poland;’ and ‘Lord,
pity Thy poor servants in France. Thou had once glorious churches
there; but now they are like dead men out o’ mind.’ And speaking of
hastening the restoration of the Jews, and in-bringing the Gentiles as
a sort of joyful consummation, ‘Lord, shule [shovel] awa time.’ As he
did not like the Union, ‘Pity poor Scotland. Our rowers have brought
us into deep waters [a Scripture phrase], may we have a peur [pure]
ministry and peur ordinances, and let the bane o’ Scotland never be
a little-worth, lax, frothy ministry, that ken little o’ God, less o’
Christ, and are full of themselves.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“When John, Duke of Argyle, came down to Scotland in all his power, the
Presbytery of Edinburgh were to wait upon him. The young fashionable
brethren regretted much that Mr. McLaren was moderator, as they did
not think he would make a proper elegant speech. However, Mr. McLaren
addressed the duke thus:—‘My Lord Deuch (Duke), I am not used to make
speeches to men like your Grace. All I shall say is your Grace has come
of great and good men. Your Grace excels them all in greatness. I pray
God you may excel them all in goodness.’ The duke, who had a high value
for his ancestors, was greatly pleased with this speech. He said it was
the genteelest compliment he had ever heard, and most suitable from a
clergyman.”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“When there was a thanksgiving day kept at Edinburgh for a victory
by the Whig army over the Jacobites in the year 1715, Betty Frank,
daughter to Mr. George Frank, advocate, Matthew Brown the clerk’s
second wife, a great Jacobite, was passing by the Talbooth Kirk in the
time of publick worship, and she dropped a halfpenny into the plate,
wrapped in paper with this inscription,—
‘Stop, good preacher; go no further!
God receives no thanks for murther.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“It was formerly the custom for the magistrates of Edinburgh on the
king’s birthday to get upon the Cross, which was hung with carpets
and busked (drest) with flowers for the occasion, and before all the
citizens to drink the health of the day, &c. The glasses used to be
filled before they arrived. One day it was a very heavy rain, so that
as the glasses overflowed there was at last hardly the colour of wine
in them. On this occasion the same Mr. Brown wrote these lines:—
‘At Cana once heaven’s Lord was pleased
Amongst blithe bridle folks to dine,
And for to countenance their mirth
He turned their water into wine.
‘But when for joy of Brunswick’s birth
Our tribunes mounted the theatre,
Heaven would not countenance their mirth,
But turned their claret into water.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“The bonnie Earl of Moray,[206] he might ha’ been a queen, used to be
ludicrously said of the late James, Earl of Moray. He might ha’ been
a queen was, however, a serious compliment to express handsomeness in
Regent Moray’s time, of whom it was said, ‘The noble earl,’ &c., and
even of late date it was a serious expression in Scotland. My father
told me that Taylour, the hill minister, speaking to him of Johnston of
Wamphray, who was a very handsome man, said gravely, ‘He might ha’ been
a queen.’”
“McIlvaine of Grümet (pronounced Grimmet), in Carrick, was a very great
original. My father knew him well. He was a tall stately man, quite
erect, with a long sword at right angles with his body, so that when he
was going in or out at a door he stuck. All the old anti-revolutioners,
of which number he was in a very zealous degree, were much in his
style. He was offered a troop of horse at the Revolution, but refused
it, as his conscience would not allow him to take the oaths to a _new_
government. He had something of the old Spanish rhodomontade and a
great deal of curious humour. He wrote to Mr. Charles Cochrane, with
a present of solan geese, thus,—‘Worthy peer, I send you four solan
geese to defeat the quadruple alliance, and all alliances, leagues,
and covenants that have been made repugnant to religion, honour, and
honesty. What we cannot do by works let faith supply, being fortified
with the juice of the generous grape, which makes a little pitiful
fellow as great as any accidental forte monarch.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Grimmet lived just on the coast of Carrick, and had a little boat
which he used to send out, and so had always plenty of fish. Once when
my Lord Cathcart[207] had a great deal of company with him, he sent
to Grimmet for some fish. Grimmet sent him some with the following
letter:—‘I have sent your lordship some fish, but am sorry I could
not get more. The truth is, we have of late been infested with a fish
called the dog-fish, from the German Ocean, which consumes our fish by
sea as much as some people from that country do consume our substance
by land.’”
* * * * *
“Bardarrock[208] was one evening drinking with a company of gentlemen.
When it came to his toast he gave Miss De Hood. ‘Miss De Hood,’ said
they, ‘we never heard of her.’ ‘Neither,’ said he, ‘did I ever hear of
ony o’ yours.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“David Hume used to say that he did not find it an irksome task to him
to go through a great many dull books when writing his history. ‘I then
read,’ said he, ‘not for pleasure, but in order to find out facts.’ He
compared it to a sportsman seeking hares, who does not mind what sort
of ground it is that he goes over farther than as he may find hares in
it.”
From himself.
* * * * *
“As it was said that French cooks will make admirable dishes of things
which others throw away as useless, so the French in general can cook
up a _ragoût_ of vanity from the most trivial circumstances; nay,
from circumstances which naturally ought to humble them. Instance
the soldier running before the King of Prussia, who said, ‘Ma fois,
c’est un brave homme, ce Roi de Prusse. Je crois qu’il a servi en
France.’ And the Chevalier de Malte, who told me that if Lord George
Sackville[209] had advanced at Minden, the French army would have
turned, ‘et il aurroit ete le plus illustre jour que la France jamais
ont.’”
* * * * *
“Mr. William Auld,[210] the minister of Mauchline, took his Sunday’s
supper with me one night when I lived in the Canongate. He had provided
himself with a large new wig, with the greatest number of curls in
it that I almost ever saw. As he walked up the street in his way home
some drunken fellows passed him, and his wig having attracted their
attention, one of them called out, ‘There’s a wig like the hundred and
nineteenth Psalm,’—a droll comparison of the number of curls in the
wig to the number of verses in the psalm, very apropos (apposite) to a
minister.”
MR. BROWN, my clerk, who was present.
* * * * *
“Mr. Charles Cochrane liked to have a number of curious mortals about
him at Ochiltree. Richmond of Bardarrock was one of them, but had more
education and genius than most of them. One day they made a kind of
butt of Bardarrock, and were all laughing at him, upon which he very
gravely said, ‘It’s a changed world now; the lairds of this place
were wont to keep hawks, but this laird has an unco’ taste,—he keeps
gowks.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Lord Forglen was a great original. Every Sunday evening he had with
him his niece Betty Kinloch,[211] afterwards Lady Milton, Charles
Forbes, who went out in the 1715, and David Reid, his clerk. He had
what he called the exercise, which was singing a psalm and reading a
chapter; and his form was this,—‘Betsy, ye hae a sweet voice; lift ye
the psalm;—Charles, ye hae a strong voice, read ye the chapter;—and,
David, fire ye the plate.’ This was burnt brandy for them. Accordingly
all went on, and whenever the brandy was enough, David blew out the
flame, which was a signal; the exercise stopped, and they took their
pint.”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“When Lord Forglen was dying my grandfather went and visited him, and
found him quite cheerful. ‘Come awa, Mr. Boswell,’ said he, ‘and learn
to dee (die), man. I’m ga’n awa to see your old friend Cullen[212] and
mine. He was a gude honest man! but his walk and yours was nae very
steady when you used to come in frae Maggy Johnston’s[213] upo’ the
Saturday afternoons.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Old Dr. Clark told my father that he came in to see Lord Forglen when
he was dying. ‘Weel, Doctor’ said he, ‘what news?’ ‘I canna say I hear
any,’ said the Doctor. ‘Dear man,’ said he, ‘wha do they say’s to
succeed me?’ ‘It’s time enough,’ said the Doctor, ‘to speak o’ that, my
lord, when ye’re dead.’ ‘Hoot, daft body,’ said Forglen, ‘will ye tell
us?’ Upon which the Doctor mentioned such a man. ‘What’s his interest?’
‘So-and-so.’ ‘Poh, that ’ill no do. Wha else?’ ‘Sic a man.’ ‘What’s his
interest?’ ‘So-and-so.’ ‘Poh, that ’ill no do either.’ Then the Doctor
mentioned a third man and his interest. ‘I’ll lay my siller on his head
against the field.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Old Dr. Clark told my father the day Lord Forglen died he called at
his door, and was met by David Reid, his clerk. ‘How does my lord do?’
‘I hope he’s weel.’ So the Doctor knew he was dead. David conducted him
into a room, and when he looked beneath the table there was (sic) two
dozen of wine. In a little in came the rest of the Doctors. So they all
sat down, and David gave them some of my lord’s last words, at the same
time putting the bottels (sic) about very busily. After they had taken
a glass or two they arose to go away. ‘No, gentlemen,’ said David, ‘not
so; it was the express will o’ the dead that I should fill you a’ fou,
and I maun fulfil the will o’ the dead.’ All the time the tears were
running down his cheeks. ‘And indeed,’ said the Doctor, ‘he did fulfil
it, for there was na ane o’ us able to bite his ain thumb.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“——[214] was a very religious young woman. She refused Mr. James
Dundas,[215] of Arniston, because he was a rake. Some years afterwards
she married Mr. Alexander Leslie,[216] brother to the Earl of Leven,
who at length was Earl of Leven himself, but had very little when she
married him. Upon which Monypenny, of Pitmilly, wrote these lines:—
‘Celia, who cast her eyes to heaven,
Now turns them back and looks to Leven;
Her former coyness she repents,
And thinks of men of lower rents,
Which makes it true what old folks says—
There’s difference of market days.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
It is curious that Pitmilly’s[217] sister was second wife to Mr. Leslie
after he came to be earl.
* * * * *
“The old laird of Blair[218] was a man of singular humour. He and the
laird of Baidlin were once visiting at Eglintoune. When they were
coming away, Blair says, ‘Baidlin, we have been very kindly entertained
in this house. I think we’ll leave a crown, the price o’ drink-money.’
‘I think so too,’ said Baidlin. Blair contrived to let Baidlin go
before him, who gave his crown. In a little after Blair came down, and
he says to the butler, ‘Heark’ye! did Baidlin gie you the crown I
gied him to gie you?’ ‘Yes, an’t please your honour,’ said the butler,
and bowed to the ground; so that Blair got all the honour. He was a
man, however, who used to brag of his tricks, so Baidlin got notice
of this, and was determined to be evens with him. The next time he
was at Blair the laird had got a kind of threatening letter from Mr.
William Blair,[219] one of the regents of the College of Glasgow,
craving him for the annual rent of £500 which the laird of Blair owed
him, and a letter of apology from Blair, with entreaties of delay, was
lying open on the table. Mr. William Blair was married to a daughter
of Orbistoun’s,[220] with whom he got a good deal of money, and both
he and she squinted a good deal. When the laird went out of the room
Baidlin wrote a postscript to the letter,—
‘Glee’d Will Blair has gotten a wife,
And Orbistoun defraud it;
Their eyes are in continual strife,
Similis simili gaudet.’
“The laird without looking into his letter again seals it and sends it
off; upon receiving it, Mr. William Blair was in a most horrid rage,
and immediately sent him a charge of horning. The laird got upon his
horse, came to Mr. William, and begged to know why he used him so
severely. ‘Used!’ said he, ‘after writing to me in that impertinent
manner!’ The laird desired to see what he had written; and on being
shown the postscript, ‘Oh,’ said he, ‘that has been Baidlin.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“I have often remarked how strongly people’s faults are painted when
once we are exasperated against them. The faults of indifferent people
are, as it were, written in invisible ink; we scarcely perceive them,
and only know where they exist. But the moment our resentment is
kindled against these same people their faults appear black like the
characters written in invisible ink when held to the fire.”
* * * * *
“Pope told Lord Marchmont of his intention to have Warburton[221] write
notes upon his works. ‘Well said, my lord; it will be a very good trial
of the strength of your genius to see how much nonsense you can carry
down to posterity when you have Warburton on your back.’”
DAVID HUME, Esq., who had it from LORD MARCHMONT.
* * * * *
“Warburton was a prodigious flatterer of Lord Mansfield, and
consequently a favourite. David Hume was one day speaking violently
against him to his lordship, who said, ‘Upon my word, Mr. Hume, he is
quite a different man in conversation from what he is in his books.’
‘Then, my Lord,’ said Hume, ‘he must be the most agreeable man in the
world.’”
MR. DAVID HUME.
* * * * *
“David Hume was one day observing to me that he could not conceive what
satisfaction envious people could have by saying that a work of genius
such as the ‘Gentle Shepherd’ was not written by its reputed author,
but by some other person, as one should imagine that they must be
equally hurt by one person’s being admired as by another. I accounted
for it in this way: that by ascribing it to another person than its
reputed author, they raise doubts whether the praise is due to the one
or the other, and so the admiration, instead of being fixed to one, is
kept _in equilibrio_, like Mahomet’s coffin between the two loadstones.”
* * * * *
“The celebrated Mr. Banks[222] before he set sail on his first
expedition was in love with a Miss Blosset; when he returned he found
himself so enthusiastically fond of roving in search of unknown
regions, that he could not think of matrimony. At the same time he had
shown such an attachment to the lady that it was matter of great doubt
in the world of private news whether he would think himself bound in
honour to marry her. General Paoli asked Mr. Richard Owen Cambridge,
‘Pray, do you think Mr. Banks will marry Miss Blosset?’ ‘Oh no, sir,’
said Mr. Cambridge, ‘his thoughts are all _beyond_ Cape _Horn_.’”
GENERAL PAOLI.
* * * * *
“Dempster said that Cullen the mimick was to men’s characters like wax
to intaglios—to seals cut inwards: That men had particularities, but
that we did not perceive them till the impressions of them were shown,
reversed, bold, and prominent (or words to that purpose), by Cullen’s
mimickry.”
I was present.
* * * * *
“In the spring, 1772, Dempster gave me the following lively
representation of Sir William Meredith.[223] ‘He is no longer with us,’
said he, ‘nor has he yet joined the ministry. He is like a wart round
which there is a string tied. All circulation is stopped between him
and us; and he is ready to be cut off whenever the ministry please.’”
* * * * *
“I was one of Mr. Ross[224] the player’s counsel as a friend. His
spouse, the celebrated Fanny Murray, made me a present of some very
pretty straw mats for setting dishes on. Lord Auchinleck observed to
me, ‘Well, James, she cannot say that then she does not value your
advice a _straw_.’”
* * * * *
“Mr. C. F. told a story in a company in a very confused manner, and
then said he told it in confidence, and then begged they would not
repeat it. ‘Pray,’ said Dempster, ‘do you think any of us can repeat
this story’?”
* * * * *
“A Jew having been brought before Lord Mansfield as Lord Chief Justice
of the King’s Bench, applied to be admitted to bail. He was dressed
in very rich lace clothes. The counsel against him disputed for a
considerable time, alleging that the bail which he offered was not
good. My lord was tired and in a hurry, and looking at the Jew’s rich
clothes, ‘Why, sir,’ said he, ‘he will burn for the money.’”
COUNCILLOR VANSITTART, who was present.
* * * * *
“At the exhibition of the Royal Academy at London in 1772 there was
a picture of Lord Clive renouncing Meer Jaffier’s legacy in favour
of the East India Company, for the support of invalids. Dempster did
not perfectly believe the story of this picture. He was dining at Sir
George Colebrooke’s,[225] and Lady Colebrooke would needs expatiate
upon this picture, and on the subject of it. ‘Madam,’ said Dempster, ‘I
take it that affair won’t bear to be _canvassed_.’”
MR. DEMPSTER.
* * * * *
“On Monday, the 2nd November, 1772, I dined at Fortune’s in
company with Mr. Banks, Dr. Solander,[226] and several more, at
an entertainment given by Mr. Hamilton, of Bangour,[227] when the
following good things passed:
“Lord Kelly[228] said of a Mr. Wright who was present, ‘He has been in
several parts of the world, and I expect to see him in Otaheite before
he dies.’ ‘So then, my lord,’ said David Hume, Esq., ‘you expect to
be there yourself.’ My lord, in order to retort upon Hume for this
catching at his word, set himself in a steady posture, and said, ‘My
dear David, if you were to go there you would be obliged to retract
all your essays on miracles.’ ‘Oh no, my lord,’ said Hume, ‘everything
there is in nature.’ ‘Aye,’ said the Earl, ‘(but) there are different
natures.’”
* * * * *
“Mr. Hamilton of Bangour’s lady, was that morning delivered of a
son, who was not yet baptized. Lord Kelly proposed his health; but
addressing himself to Principal Robertson, said, ‘Doctor, this is not
a safe toast for you, for he’s not a Christian.’ ‘My lord,’ said the
Principal, ‘there are good hopes.’ Hume laughed. Said the Earl, ‘David,
if there are hopes, I am afraid it will be worse for you.’”
* * * * *