We have often been asked how we contrive to put together every week
the delightful paragraphs which appear in this column. The system is
really wonderfully easy, and, with proper instruction, a child could
do it. The first point is to select an item of intelligence about
which few people care to hear. This must be spun out very thin and
long, and adorned with easy extracts from TUPPER, the copy-books, or
Mr. W.H. SMITH'S speeches. Then wrap it up in a blanket of humour,
sprinkle with fatuousness, and serve cold.
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For instance, you hear that grey frock-coats are very much worn. On
the system indicated above you proceed as follows:--It is curious to
observe how from year to year the customs and fashions of men with
regard to their wearing apparel change. Last year black frock coats
were _de rigueur_. This year, we are informed by a Correspondent who
has special opportunities of knowing what he is writing about, various
shades of grey have driven out the black. No doubt it is every man's
duty to himself and his neighbours to array himself becomingly,
according to the fashion of the hour, but we are inclined to doubt
the wisdom of this latest move. It is often said, that the grey mare
is the better horse, but when the horse itself has a grey coat, the
proverb seems inapplicable.
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The rest of the space allotted can be filled with political gossip
and personal items, with here and there some inspired twaddle about
foreign personages, of whom no one has ever heard before or desires to
hear again.
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We beg to state that we offer this information gratis to all intending
journalists. If they follow our system they _must_ succeed.
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"SAY!"--Speaking of the relations between England and France in
Africa, and of the proposed Bill for a Sahara railway, connecting
Algeria with Lake Tchad, the _Times_' Paris Correspondent
says:--"England, it is explained, agrees not to go beyond Say, on the
Niger." This sounds ominous. It was Lord GRANVILLE'S indisposition
to go beyond "Say" (and to shrink when it came to "Do") which got
us into hot water in Africa before. _Mr. Punch_ hopes, despite this
disquieting sentence, that Lord SALISBURY, after his excellent speech
at the Mansion House, is unlikely to fall into the same fatal error.
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