_The reception Mrs._ Clotilda Skinflint _met with in the prison,
together with that of her adventurous loving spouse_.
The turnkey no sooner had admitted Mrs. _Clotilda_, and her paramour,
than the knowing ones resolved themselves into a committee of the
whole house, how to consider ways and means to make Mrs. _Clotilda_
pay through the nose for introducing such an affair to their august
tribunal; the _Diet_ had not sat full two minutes, before they all
_nem. con._ entered into one unanimous resolution to bring the taylor
her lawful and wedded husband into a præmunire; they therefore set
up a kind of a Star-Chamber, which they erected, by their own will
and power, as _Charles_ did _formerly_ and as _Lewis_ pretends to do
_now_, with this Motto, _Sic volo sic jubeo_. In English, _I’ll do
as I please_; so laying aside all _privileges_ of the subject, and
assuming to themselves, the _royal prerogative_, which they swore
should not be infringed; they demanded that the bodies of _Clotilda
Skinflint_ late of _Monmouth-Street_, together with that of her
lawful sovereign, _Peter Skinflint_, of the Parish of St. _Bride_’s,
taylor, should be brought before them, in order to enter into the
merits or demerits of the prisoner _Tom_, committed into that prison,
by the name of _Tom Filch_, and moreover to demand the committal in
writing; which being accordingly done, by the especial messengers,
the delinquents were regularly brought to the bar of this solemn
inquisition.
We shall disappoint the reader’s curiosity, if he expects a summary
detail of this process, because it was carried regularly through the
forms of cital, and recital, demur, and every other circumstantial
querk of judicatory; only observing, that when Mrs. _Clotilda_, and
her party, seeing the _Servant Maid_, with _Tom_ in her arms, did not
chuse to traverse the _Indictment_ but submitted to the sentence of
the court, which was, that she, the said, _Clotilda_ as she _wore the
breeches_, should immediately pay all the fees of _Tom_, besides,
his expences for _false imprisonment_, pay the servant maid her due
wages, and never more trouble the court, to which she submitted, and
paid no less than the sum of seventeen shillings, and four-pence,
to the clerk of the court, exclusive of the girl’s wages, in all
amounting to one pound thirteen shillings. But unhappily for Mrs.
_Clotilda_, the affair did not end here. _Tom the Cat_, had got
little or no victuals, since the moment of his false imprisonment,
and besides, it was urged by the girl, that the beef-stakes, which
he had eaten, were long since digested; therefore it was _unâ voce_
resolved, that they should not be discharged till _Tom_ had also
been recompensed with a good meal, in consideration of his long and
false imprisonment. Mrs. _Clotilda_ therefore offered one shilling
more, to be laid out, as they, the court should determine, which was
accordingly, like all other subsidies of charitable uses, appointed
for _Tom_’s use, and bread, and cheese was to be his supper, of which
he only shared the parings. The lady of the wardrobe having paid
down her one pound fourteen shillings, thought that she had paid
sufficiently for the releasement of her favourite _Tom_, who in the
main had not got one half-penny worth of eating in the bargain, and
as historians say, could never account from that time to this, for
all this unnecessary expence, and as fruitless confinement; I say,
madam _Skinflint_ imagined that the business would end here; but
the court thought otherwise, and therefore as the parings of cheese
were by that wise _Diet_, thought to be a _diet_, which might very
probably occasion _thirst_, they also adjudged that _Tom_ should
have something to wash down his victuals, and the verdict in his
favour, was that she should pay one shilling, over and above all
costs and damages for that balsamic liquor, vulgarly called _Gin_:
Which Mrs. _Clotilda_, being addicted to, did not so much regret the
payment of, and it was, without hesitation brought in; but we never
were informed that _Tom_ shared a drop of it, as it is averred, and
that strongly, that a little water was more consentaneous to his
choice, of which, when he had drank, like any other good fellow, not
considering his present misfortunes, the good-nature of his friends,
or the malice of his enemies, he leaped on the table, washed his
face, and began a very solemn purr, which pleased the whole company,
and forced even the humane Mrs. _Clotilda_ to break out—_Poor_
Tom _have I got you again? Gentlemen did you ever see so fine a
creature?_ Thus ended the imprisonment, and release of _Tom_, with
which we shall beg leave to end this chapter, as Mrs. _Clotilda_ her
husband, and the maid-servant were also included in the discharge,
all departing the prison-scene, and going to their respective pillows.