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A NARRATIVE OF SOME OF THE LORD'S DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MÜLLER
WRITTEN BY HIMSELF
SECOND PART
PREFACE TO THE
FIRST EDITION OF THE SECOND PART.
THROUGH grace I am, in some measure, conscious of my many weaknesses
and deficiencies; but, with all this, I know that I am a member of
the body of Christ, and that, as such, I have a place of service in
the body. The realization of this has laid upon me the responsibility
of serving the church in the particular way for which the Lord has
fitted me, and this has led me to write this second little volume, if
by any means those of my fellow-saints, who have not yet learned the
importance and preciousness of dealing with God Himself under all
circumstances, may be helped in learning this lesson. Nor did I think
that the first part of this Narrative rendered the second part
needless, because that contains more especially the Lord's dealings
with me as an individual, whilst this gives, more particularly, an
account of the remarkable way in which the Lord has helped me in
reference to His work in my hands. For this second part carries on
the account of the Orphan-Houses, etc., which are under my care, and
contains the substance of the Reports previously published, so that
any one who wishes to have the account from the beginning up to the
end of last year, may be able to obtain it. This latter point alone
made it needful for me to think about publishing this second part, as
of the Reports for 1838 and 1839, which still almost daily are
inquired after, there are only a few copies left, though 2,500 of the
one and 3,000 of the other were published and of the Report for 1840
there are also only about 500, out of 4,000, remaining. The being
thus able to put the whole account of the work into the hands of an
inquiring individual, affords such a one a fairer opportunity of
seeing the working of those scriptural principles on which the
Institution is established. And, lastly, the Lord's continued
blessing upon the first part of the Narrative and the Reports, both
to believers and unbelievers, has induced me to publish this second
volume, which I now affectionately commend to the prayers of the
saints, requesting at the same time their prayers for myself.
GEORGE MULLER.
Bristol, June 14, 1841.
SECOND PART
In publishing the continuation of the Narrative of some of the Lord's
dealings with me, I have thought it well to give it in the same form
in which the larger portion of the former part is written. I
therefore proceed to give extracts from my journal making here and
there such remarks as occasion may seem to require. The first, part
of the Narrative was carried on to the beginning of July 1837, from
which period the Continuation commences.
July 18, 1837. Four trials came upon me this morning, without my
having previously had opportunity for secret prayer. I had been
prevented from rising early, on account of having to spend part of
the night in a sick chamber; but this circumstance shows, how
important it is to rise early, when we are able, in order that we may
be prepared, by communion with the Lord, to meet the trials of the
day.
Aug. 15. Today the first 500 copies of my Narrative arrived, and I
had, once more, some conflict of mind whether, after all, I had not
been mistaken in this matter. A sort of trembling came over me, and a
wish to be able to retrace the step. Judging, however, from the most
searching self-examination, through which I had caused my heart to
pass again and again, as to my motives, before I began writing, and
whilst I was writing; and judging, moreover, from the earnestness in
prayer with which I had sought to ascertain the mind of God in the
matter, and from the subsequent full assurance which I had had of its
being according to His will, that in this way I should serve the
Church;--I was almost immediately led to consider this uncomfortable
and trying feeling as a temptation, and I therefore went to the box,
opened it, brought out some copies, and soon after gave away one, so
that the step could not be retraced. [This was the last temptation or
struggle I have had of that kind; for, though, very many times since,
I have had abundant reason for praising the Lord that He put such an
honour upon me, in allowing me to speak well of His name in so public
a manner, I have never since, even for one minute, been allowed to
regret publishing the Narrative; and almost daily have I been more
and more confirmed in the conviction, that the giving such like
publications to the church, making known the Lord's dealings with me,
is one part of my service towards the saints.]
Aug. 17. Today two more children were received into the Infant
Orphan-House, which makes up our full number, 66 in the Girls' and
infant-Orphan-Houses.
Aug. 28. When brother Craik and I began to labour in Bristol, and
consequently some believers united with us in fellowship, assembling
together at Bethesda, we began meeting together on the basis of the
written Word only, without having any church rules whatever. From the
commencement it was understood, that, as the Lord should help us, we
would try everything by the word of God, and introduce and hold fast
that only which could be proved by Scripture. When we came to this
determination on Aug. 13, 1832, it was indeed in weakness, but it was
in uprightness of heart.--On account of this it was, that, as we
ourselves were not fully settled as to whether those only who had
been baptized after they had believed, or whether all who believed in
the Lord Jesus, irrespective of baptism, should be received into
fellowship nothing was determined about this point. We felt free to
break bread and be in communion with those who were not baptized, and
therefore could with a good conscience labour at Gideon, where the
greater part of the saints, at least at first, were unbaptized; but,
at the same time, we had a secret wish that none but believers who
were baptized might be united with us at Bethesda. Our reason for
this was, that we had witnessed in Devonshire much painful disunion,
resulting, as we thought, from baptized and unbaptized believers
being in fellowship. Without, then, making it a rule, that Bethesda
Church was to be one of close communion, we nevertheless took care
that those who applied for fellowship should be instructed about
baptism. For many months there occurred no difficulty, as none
applied for communion but such as had either been already baptized,
or wished to be, or who became convinced of the Scriptural character
of believers' baptism, after we had conversed with them; afterwards,
however, three sisters applied for fellowship, none of whom had been
baptized; nor were their views altered, after we had conversed with
them. As, nevertheless, brother Craik and I considered them true
believers, and we ourselves were not fully convinced what was the
mind of the Lord in such a case, we thought it right that these
sisters should be received; yet so that it might be unanimously, as
all our church acts then were done; but we knew by that time, that
there were several in fellowship with us, who could not
conscientiously receive unbaptized believers. We mentioned,
therefore, the names of these three sisters to the church, stating
that they did not see believers' baptism to be scriptural, and that,
if any brother saw, on that account, a reason why they should not be
received, he should let us know. The result was, that several
objected, and two or three meetings were held, at which we heard the
objections of the brethren, and sought for ourselves to obtain
acquaintance with the mind of God on the point. Whilst several days
thus passed away before the matter was decided, one of those three
sisters came and thanked us, that we had not received her, before
being baptized, for she now saw that it was only shame and the fear
of man which had kept her back, and that the Lord had now made her
willing to be baptized. By this circumstance those brethren, who
considered it scriptural that all ought to be baptized before being
received into fellowship, were confirmed in their views; and as to
brother Craik and me, it made us, at least, still more question,
whether, those brethren might not be right; and we felt therefore,
that in such a state of mind we could not oppose them. The one
sister, therefore, who wished to be baptized, was received into
fellowship, but the two others not. Our consciences were the less
affected by this, because all, though not baptized, might take the
Lord's supper with us, at Bethesda, though not be received into full
fellowship; and because at Gideon, where there were baptized and
unbaptized believers, they might even be received into full
fellowship; for we had not then clearly seen that there is no
scriptural distinction between being in fellowship with individuals
and breaking bread with them. Thus matters stood for many months,
i.e. believers were received to the breaking of bread even at
Bethesda, though not baptized, but they were not received to all the
privileges of fellowship.--In August of 1836 I had a conversation with
brother H. C. on the subject of receiving the unbaptized into
communion, a subject about which, for years, my mind had been more or
less exercised. This brother put the matter thus before me: either
unbaptized believers come under the class of persons who walk
disorderly, and, in that case, we ought to withdraw from them (2
Thess. iii. 6); or they do not walk disorderly. If a believer be
walking disorderly, we are not merely to withdraw from him at the
Lord's table, but our behaviour towards him ought to be decidedly
different from what it would be were he not walking disorderly, on
all occasions when we may have intercourse with him, or come in any
way into contact with him, Now this is evidently not the case in the
conduct of baptized believers towards their unbaptized fellow-believers.
The Spirit does not suffer it to be so, but He witnesses that
their not having been baptized does not necessarily imply
that they are walking disorderly; and hence there may be the
most precious communion between baptized and unbaptized believers.
The Spirit does not suffer us to refuse fellowship with them in
prayer, in reading and searching the Scriptures, in social and
intimate intercourse, and in the Lord's work; and yet this ought to
be the case, were they walking disorderly.--This passage, 2 Thess.
iii. 6, to which brother R. C. referred, was the means of showing me
the mind of the Lord on the subject, which is, that we ought to
receive all whom Christ has received (Rom. xv. 7), irrespective of
the measure of grace or knowledge which they have attained unto.--Some
time after this conversation, in May 1837, an opportunity occurred,
when we (for brother Craik had seen the same truth) were called upon
to put into practice the light which the Lord had been pleased to
give us. A sister, who neither had been baptized, nor considered
herself under any obligation to be baptized, applied for fellowship.
We conversed with her on this as on other subjects, and proposed her
for fellowship, though our conversation had not convinced her that
she ought to be baptized. This led the church again to the
consideration of the point. We gave our reasons, from Scripture, for
considering it right to receive this unbaptized sister to all the
privileges of the children of God; but a considerable number,
one-third perhaps, expressed conscientious difficulty in receiving
her. The example of the Apostles in baptizing the first believers
upon a profession of faith, was especially urged, which indeed would
be an insurmountable difficulty, had not the truth been mingled with
error for so long a time, so that it does not prove willful
disobedience, if any one in our day should refuse to be baptized
after believing. The Lord, however, gave us much help in pointing out
the truth to the brethren, so that the number of those, who
considered that only baptized believers should be in communion,
decreased almost daily. At last, only fourteen brethren and sisters
out of above 180, thought it right, this Aug. 28, 1837, to separate
from us, after we had had much intercourse with them. [I am glad to
be able to add, that, even of these 14, the greater part afterwards
saw their error, and came back again to us, and that the receiving of
all who love our Lord Jesus into full communion, irrespective of
baptism, has never been the source of disunion among us, though more
than forty-four years have passed away since.]
Sept. 2. I have been looking about for a house for the Orphan Boys,
these last three days. Every thing else has been provided. The Lord
has given suitable individuals to take care of the children, money,
&c. In His own time He will give a house also.
Sept. 6. This morning I accompanied a sister, who had been staying a
night with us, to the steamer. In answer to prayer I awoke at the
right time, the fly came at half-past five, her trunk was got from
the vessel in which she came yesterday, and we arrived before the
steamer had left. In all these four points I felt my dependence upon
the Lord, and He, having put prayer into my heart, answered it in
each of these four particulars.
Sept. 15. This evening we had a meeting for inquirers and applicants
for fellowship. There were more than we could see within three hours;
and when all strength was gone, we had to send away four. Among those
whom we saw was E. W., who had been kept for some time from applying
for fellowship, on account of not seeing believers' baptism to be
scriptural. She wished to be taught, but could not see it. She felt
grieved that on that account she could not attend to the breaking of
bread, which she did see to be scriptural. As soon as open communion
was brought about at Bethesda, she wished to offer herself for
fellowship, but was twice prevented by circumstances from doing so.
Last Wednesday evening she came to the baptizing, when once more,
after the lapse of more than two years, I preached on baptism, which
fully convinced her of its being scriptural, and she desires now to
be baptized. Her difficulty was, that she thought she had been
baptized with the Spirit, and therefore needed no water baptism,
which now, from Acts x. 44-47, she sees to be an unscriptural
objection.--Though it is only one month this day since my Narrative
was published, I have already heard of many instances in which the
Lord has been pleased to bless it.
This morning we received a parcel with clothes and some money for the
Orphans, from a sister at a distance. Among the donations in money
was a little legacy, amounting to 6s. 6 1/2d. from a dear boy, the
nephew of the sister who sent the things, who died in the faith. This
dear child had had given to him, in his last illness, some new
shillings, sixpences, and other smaller silver coins, amounting to
the above-mentioned little sum. Shortly before he fell asleep, he
requested that this his little treasure might be sent to the Orphans.
This precious little legacy is the first we have had.
Sept. 19. Two things were today particularly impressed upon my heart,
and may the Lord deepen the impression. 1. That I ought to seek for
more retirement, though the work should apparently suffer ever so
much. 2. That arrangements should be made, whereby I may be able to
visit the brethren more, as an unvisited church will sooner or later
become an unhealthy church. Pastors, as fellow-labourers, are greatly
needed among us.
Sept. 28, I have for a long time been too much outwardly engaged.
Yesterday morning I spent about three hours in the vestry of Gideon,
to be able to have more time for retirement. I meant to do the same
in the afternoon, but before I could leave the house I was called on,
and thus one person after the other came, till I had to go out. Thus
it has been again today.
Oct. 16. For a long time past brother Craik and I have felt the
importance of more pastoral visiting, and it has been one of our
greatest trials, that we have been unable to give more time to it.
This evening we had purposely a meeting of the two Churches, at which
brother Craik and I spoke on; I. The importance of pastoral visiting.
II. The particular obstacles which hindered us in attending to it.
III. The question whether there was any way of removing some of the
obstacles.
I. As to the importance of pastoral visiting, the following points
were mentioned: 1. Watching over the saints, by means of visiting
them, to prevent coldness, or to recover them from backsliding. 2. To
counsel and advise them in family affairs, in their business, and in
spiritual matters. 3. To keep up that loving familiar intercourse,
which is so desirable between the saints and those who have the
oversight of them.--These visits should be, if possible, frequent; but
in our case there have been several obstacles in the way.
II. The particular obstacles in our case are: 1. The largeness of the
number who are in communion with us. One hundred would be quite as
many as we have strength to visit regularly, and as often as would be
desirable; but there are nearly 400 in fellowship with us. 2. The
distance of the houses of the saints from our own dwellings, as many
live more than two miles of. 3. The Lord's blessing upon our labours.
Not one year has passed away, since we have been in Bristol, without
more than fifty having been added to our number, each of whom, in
general, needed several times to be conversed with before being
admitted into fellowship. 4. That brother Craik and I have each of us
the care of two churches. At the first sight it appears as if the
work is thus divided, but the double number of meetings, &c., nearly
double the work. 5. The mere ruling, and taking care, in general, of
a large body of believers, irrespective of the other work, takes much
more time, and requires much more strength, than the taking care of a
small body of believers, as we, by grace, desire not to allow known
sin among us. 6. The position which we have in the church at large
brings many brethren to us who travel through Bristol, who call on
us, or lodge with us, and to whom, according to the Lord's will, we
have to give some time. 7. In my own case an extensive needful
correspondence. 8. The weakness of body on the part of both of us.
When the preaching is done,--when the strangers who lodge with us are
gone,--when the calls at our house are over,--when the needful
letters, however briefly, are written,--when the necessary church
business is settled;--our minds are often so worn out, that we are
glad to be quiet. 9. But suppose we have bodily strength remaining
after the above things have been attended to, yet the frame of mind
is not always so, as that one could visit. After having been
particularly tried by church matters, which in so large a body does
not rarely occur, or being cast down in one's own soul, one may be
fit for the closet, but not for visiting the saints. 10. Lastly, in
my own case, no small part of my time is taken up by attending to the
affairs of the Orphan-Houses, Schools, the circulation of the
Scriptures, the aiding Missionary efforts, and other work connected
with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution.
III. What is to be done under these circumstances? 1. In the days of
the Apostles there would have been more brethren to take the
oversight of so large a body as we are. The Lord has not laid upon us
a burden which is too heavy for us; He is not a hard master. It is
evident that He does not mean us even to attempt to visit all the
saints as much as is absolutely needful, and much less as frequently
as it would be desirable. We mention this, to prevent uncomfortable
feelings on the part of the dear saints under our pastoral care, who
find themselves not as much visited as they used to be when we came
to Bristol, when the number of them was not 70, and now it is about
400, and when in many other respects the work in our hands was not
half so much, as it is now, and when we had much more bodily
strength. 2. it is therefore evident that there are other pastors
needed; not nominal pastors, but such as the Lord has called, to whom
He has given a pastor's heart, and pastoral gifts. 3. Such may be
raised up by the Lord from our own number, or the Lord may send them
from elsewhere. 4. But in the meantime we should at least see whether
there are not helpers among us. 5. As to the work itself, in order
that time may be saved, it appears desirable that the two churches,
Bethesda and Gideon, should be united into one, that the breaking of
bread should be alternately, and that the number of weekly meetings
should be reduced.
Oct. 21. A few weeks since I had rented a very large and a very cheap
house for the Boys' Orphan-House; but as the persons who lived in
that neighbourhood threatened the landlord with an action, on account
of letting his house for a charitable institution, I, at once, gave
up all claim. That which led me to do so, was the word of the Lord;
"As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." I was quite
sure when I gave up the agreement, that the Lord would provide other
premises. On the same morning when this took place, Oct. 5, the Lord,
to show His continued approbation of the work, sent 50l. by a sister,
who is far from being rich, for the furnishing of the Boys'
Orphan-House. Now, today, the Lord has given me another house for the
Orphan-Boys, in the same street, in which the other two Orphan-Houses
are. Thus, in His own time, He has sent help in this particular also.
Indeed in everything, in which I have had to deal with Him alone in
this work, I have never been disappointed.
Oct. 23. Today two young sisters were received into fellowship who
have been in our Sunday-School. Thus we begin now to reap fruit in
respect of our schools.
Nov. 1. Our Bible-School and Missionary funds having been for some
time very low, I had been led repeatedly to ask the Lord for a rich
supply, and mentioned several times, though with submission to His
will, the sum of 100l. before Him. However, He seemed not to regard
the prayer respecting the 100l., but gave to us by little and little
what was needed. Yesterday I received a donation of 80l., and today
one of 20l., and thus He has kindly given the 100l. By this means we
are able to increase our stock of Bibles, which has been much reduced
of late.
Nov. 5. Last night I awoke with a great weakness in my head, which
kept me a good while awake. I at last got to sleep by tying a
handkerchief round my head, and by thus pressing it. Today, however,
though weak, I was able to preach, and that with much enjoyment,
especially in the evening at Bethesda.
Nov. 6. I feel very weak in my head. This evening it was settled at a
meeting of the two churches, assembling at Bethesda and Gideon
Chapels, that, for the reasons before given, the two churches should
be henceforth united as one.
Nov. 7. My head is so weak, that I see it absolutely needful to give
up the work for some time. After I had come this morning to the
conclusion to leave Bristol for a while for the purpose of quietness,
I received an anonymous letter from Ireland with 5l. for my own
personal expenses, and thus the Lord has kindly supplied me with the
means for doing so.--I can work no longer, my head being in such a
weak stated from continual exertion, so that I feel now comfortable
in going, though scarcely any time could have been, humanly speaking,
more unsuitable. The Orphan-House for the Boys is on the point of
being opened, the labourers therefore are to be introduced into the
work;-most important church matters have been entered upon and are
yet unsettled;-but the Lord knows better, and cares for His work
more than I do or can. Therefore I desire to leave the matter with
Him, and He graciously helps me to do so, and thus, in the quiet
submission to His will, and the willingness to leave the work in His
own hands, I have the testimony that I have not been engaged in my
own work but in His.
Nov. 8. This morning I left Bristol. When I left my house, I knew not
what place to go to. All I knew was, that I must leave Bristol. A
Bath coach was the first one I could get, and I took it. My intention
was, not to go to brethren, as I needed perfect quietness; but I felt
so uncomfortable at the hotel, on account of the worldliness of the
place, that I went to see a brother, who with his aunts kindly
pressed me to stay with them.--This evening has been a very trying
season to me. My head has been very weak; I have greatly feared lest
I should become insane; but amidst it all, through grace, my soul is
quietly resting upon the Lord.
Nov. 12. Lords day. I am still staying in Bath. The weakness of my
head allowed me to attend but one meeting, and even that distressed
my head much.
Nov. 13. I was greatly distressed this evening on account of my head.
I prayed earnestly to be kept from insanity.
Nov. 14. I am rather better in my head today.
Nov. 15. I left Bath, and went back to Bristol, as I felt I needed
more quietness than I can have in the house of any friends, being
continually drawn into conversation, which my head cannot bear.
Nov. 16. Today I went to Weston Super Mare, to take lodgings for
myself and family. A sister sent me this morning 5l., by which the
Lord has provided me with the means for removing my family.
Nov. 17. Weston Super Mare. This evening my wife and child, and our
servant arrived here. Yesterday a sister secretly put two sovereigns
in my wifes pocket book. How kind is the Lord in thus providing us
with means according to our need! How kind also in having just now
sent brother T. to take the work arising from the Schools,
Orphan-Houses, &c., just as brother Cr was sent two years ago,
shortly before I was completely laid aside!-Today a brother sent me
information, that he had ordered one hundred pairs of blankets to be
sent to me, for distribution among the poor.
Nov. 23. My general health is pretty good; my head, however, is no
better, but rather worse. This evening I was led, through the
affliction in my head, to great irritability of temper. Of late I
have had afresh painfully to experience in myself two things: 1. that
affliction in itself does not lead nearer to God. 2. That we may have
a good deal of leisure time and yet fail in profitably improving it.
Often had I wished within the last months that I might have more
time. Now the Lord has given it to me, but alas! how little of it is
improved for prayer. I find it a difficult thing, whilst caring for
the body, not to neglect the soul. It seems to me much easier to go
on altogether regardless of the body, in the service of the Lord,
than to take care of the body, in the time of sickness, and not to
neglect the soul, especially in an affliction like my present one,
when the head allows but little reading or thinking.-What a blessed
prospect to be delivered from this wretched evil nature! I can say
nothing respecting this day, and this evening in particular, but that
I am a wretched man.
Nov. 24. I am now quite sure that I want more than mere quiet and
change of air, even medical advice. My general health seems improved
through my stay at Weston, but the disease in my head is increased. I
have had many distressing moments since I have been at Weston, on
account of fearing that my disease may be the forerunner of insanity;
yet God has in mercy sustained me, and enabled me, in some small
measure, notwithstanding my great sinfulness, to realize the blessing
of being in Christ, and therefore secure for ever.
Nov. 25. We returned to Bristol. I was at peace, being able to cast
myself upon the Lord respecting the calamity which I feared. This
evening I saw a kind physician and surgeon, who told me that the
disease is either a tendency of blood to the head, or that the nerves
of the head are in a disordered state. They also told me that I had
not the least reason to fear insanity. How little grateful is my soul
for this!
Nov. 29. I am no better. A sister sent me today 5l. also a pickled
tongue, fowls, cakes, and beautiful grapes were sent to me. My cup,
as to temporal mercies, runs over.-One of the Orphan children died
while I was at Weston Super Mare. There is reason to believe that she
died in the faith.
Nov. 30. I am not any better. I have written to my father, perhaps,
for the last time. All is well, all will be well, all cannot but be
well; because I am in Christ. How precious that now, in this my
sickness, I have not to seek after the Lord, but have already found
Him.
Dec. 1. By the mercy of God my head is somewhat relieved. My liver is
in a most inactive state, which, as my kind medical attendants tell
me, has created the pressure on the top of the head, and through the
inactivity of the liver, the whole system having been weakened, and
my mental exertions having been continued, the nerves of the head
have greatly suffered in consequence.-This evening was sent to me,
anonymously, from a distance, 5l. for my own present necessities. The
letter was only signed F. W.-A sister, a stranger, gave to my wife
1l. Thus the Lord remembers our increased expenditure in consequence
of my affliction, and sends to us accordingly.
Dec. 4. Yesterday I met with the brethren for the breaking of bread.
Today I am not so well. Every time that I meet with them, the nerves
of my head are excited, and I am worse afterwards. A sister from
Barnstaple sent us 1l. l5s.
Dec. 8. My head is not so well as at the end of last week. I find it
difficult to be in Bristol and not to exert my mind. Prayer and the
reading of the Word I can bear better than any thing. May the Lord
give me grace to pray more! I see as yet scarcely a single reason, so
far as I myself am concerned, why the Lord should remove this
affliction from me. I do not find myself more conformed to the mind
of Jesus by it.
Dec. 9. Two years ago this day, I stated my intention of establishing
an Orphan-House, if God should permit. What has God wrought since! 75
orphans are now under our care, and 21 more we can receive. Several
more are daily expected. During the last twelvemonth the expenses
have been about 740l., and the income about 840l. In addition to
this, about 400l. has been expended upon the Schools, the circulation
of the Scriptures, and in aiding Missionary purposes. More than
1100l. therefore we have needed during the past year, and our good
Lord has supplied all, without one single person having been asked
for any thing.
Dec. 12. Today the hundred pairs of blankets arrived. How kind of the
Lord to give us the privilege of being instrumental in providing, in
this respect, for some of the poor, both among the saints and in the
world! This donation came in most seasonably, as, on inquiring into
the circumstances of some of the poor, most affecting cases of
distress were discovered, on account of the want of blankets. May the
Lord give me grace to deny myself, in order to provide for the
necessities of the poor! How much may be done even by a little
self-denial! Lord, help me!-The blankets were of a very good
quality. It is a Christlike spirit in supplying the necessities of
the poor, not to ask how little will do for them, but how richly may
I possibly supply their need.
Dec. 14. A sister, who a short time since had given me 5l. for my own
personal expenses, gave me another 5l. today. How very kind is the
Lord in providing so abundantly for us, and giving us far more than
we need!
Dec. 16. My head is not at all better, but rather worse. My medical
attendants have today changed the medicine. But however kind and
skillful they are, however nourishing the food which I take, however
much I seek to refrain from over-exertion, and however much I take
exercise in the air:-till Thou, my great Physician, Thou, Creator of
the Universe, Lord Jesus, dost restore me, I shall be laid aside!-I
have been working a little during the last fortnight, but only a
little.
Dec. 17.-Lords day. This morning I saw the 32 orphan girls, who are
above seven years old, pass under my window, to go to the chapel.
When I saw these dear children in their clean dresses, and their
comfortable warm cloaks; and when I saw them walking orderly under
the care of a sister to the chapel; I felt grateful to God that I had
been made the instrument of providing for them, seeing that they are
all better off, both as it regards temporal and spiritual things,
than if they were at the places from whence they were taken. I felt,
that, to bring about such a sight, was worth the labour not only of
many days, but of many months, or years. I felt that it answered all
the arguments of some of my friends who say "you do too much."
Dec. 24. This is the seventh Lords day that I have been laid
aside.-This day I determine, by the help of God, no more to send
letters in parcels, because I now clearly see that it is against the
laws of the country, and it becomes me, as a disciple of Jesus, in
every respect to submit myself to the Government, in so far as I am
not called upon to do any thing contrary to the word of God.
Dec. 26. Today the same brother who sent me the hundred pairs of
blankets, sent me 100l. to purchase as many more blankets as I can
satisfactorily distribute.
Dec. 29. Applications for the admission of orphans become more and
more numerous. Almost daily fresh cases are brought before us. There
are already as many applications for Orphan-Girls above seven years
as would fill another house. There are also many more Infant-Orphans
applied for than we can take in. Truly this is a large field of
labour!
Dec. 31. This is the eighth Lords day since I have been kept from
ministering in the Word, nor did I think it well, on account of my
head, to go to any of the meetings today. Whether I am really getting
better I know not, yet I hope I am. My head is yet much affected,
though my liver seems somewhat more active.-This morning I greatly
dishonoured the Lord by irritability, manifested towards my dear
wife, and that almost immediately after I had been on my knees before
God, praising Him for having given me such a wife.
REVIEW OF THE YEAR 1837.
I. There are now 81 children in the three Orphan-Houses, and nine
brethren and sisters who have the care of them. Ninety, therefore,
daily sit down to table. Lord look on the necessities of Thy servant!
II. The schools require as much help as before; nay, more,
particularly the Sunday School, in which there are at present about
320 children, and in the Day Schools about 350.-Lord, Thy servant is
a poor man; but he has trusted in Thee, and made his boast in Thee,
before the sons of men; therefore let him not be confounded! Let it
not be said, all this is enthusiasm, and therefore it is come to
nought.
III. My temporal supplies have been:-
1. By the Freewill Offerings through the boxes £149 18s. 6 1/2d.
2. By Presents in money, from believers in and out of Bristol £77 4s.
0d.
3. By Presents in clothes, provisions, &c., which were worth to us at
least £25 0s. 0d.
4. By Money through family connexion £45 0s. 0d.
5. We have been living half free of rent, whereby we have saved at
least £10 0s. 0d.
Altogether £307 2s. 6 1/2d.
I have purposely given here again, as at the close of the former
years, a statement of the supplies which the Lord has been pleased to
send me during this year, because I delight in showing, both to the
world and to the church, how kind a Master I have served even as to
temporal blessings, and how so plainly in my ease the Lord has
displayed the truth of that word "Whosoever believeth on Him shall
not be confounded," not merely by providing the means for His work in
my hands, but also by providing for the necessities of myself and
family.
January 1, 1838. Through the good hand of our God upon me, I have
been brought to the beginning of an other year. May He in mercy grant
that it may be spent more in His service than any previous year! May
I, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, be more conformed to
the image of His Son, than has been the case hitherto!-Last night
the brethren had a prayer meeting at Gideon, after the preaching was
over, and continued till half-past twelve in prayer; but I was unable
to be present.
Jan. 2. During the last night thieves broke into our house, and into
the school-room of Gideon Chapel. Being stopped by a second strong
door, in my house, or rather being prevented from going any further
by our loving Father, who did not allow the hedge which He has set
round about us, at this time, to be broken through, nothing was
missing, except some cold meat, which they took out of the
house.-They broke open several boxes in Gideon school-room, but took
nothing. They left some of the bones, the meat being cut off, in one
of the boxes in Gideon school-room, and hung up another in a tree in
our garden. So depraved is man naturally when left to himself, that
he not only steals his fellowmans property, but also makes sport of
the sin! How merciful that God has protected us! My mind was peaceful
when I heard the news this morning, thanking God from my heart for
preservation, and considering it as an answer to prayer, which had
been many times put up to Him, during these last years, respecting
thieves.
Jan. 6. I feel very little better in my head, though my general
health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better,
and advises me now change of air. I am most reluctant to go, though
on two former occasions when I used change of air, in August 1829 at
Exmouth, and in 1835 at Niton in the Isle of Wight, the Lord
abundantly blessed me in doing so, both bodily and spiritually. This
evening a sister who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is
therefore quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this
morning, sent me 15l. for the express purpose of change of air, and
wrote that she felt assured, from having been similarly afflicted,
that nothing would do me so much good, humanly speaking, as quiet and
change of air. How wonderfully does God work! I have thus the means
of carrying into effect my physicians advice.-Today I heard of a
most remarkable case of conversion through the instrumentality of my
Narrative.
Jan. 7. This is the ninth Lords day that I have been kept from
ministering in the Word. My head is in a distressing state, and, as
far as I can judge, as bad as ever. It seems to me more and more
clear that the nerves are affected. My affliction is connected with a
great tendency to irritability of temper; yea, with some satanic
feeling, foreign to me even naturally. O Lord, mercifully keep Thy
servant from openly dishonouring Thy name! Rather take me soon home
to Thyself!
Jan. 10. Today I went with my family to Trowbridge.
Jan. 12. Trowbridge. This evening I commenced reading Whitfields
life, written by Mr. Philip.
Jan. 13. I have already received blessings through Whitfields life.
His great success in preaching the Gospel is evidently to be
ascribed, instrumentally, to his great prayerfulness, and his reading
the Bible on his knees. I have known the importance of this for
years; I have practiced it a little, but far too little. I have had
more communion with God today than I have had, at least generally,
for some time past.
Jan. 14. Lords day. I have, continued reading Whitfields life. God
has again blessed it to my soul. I have spent several hours in prayer
today, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm
lxiii. God has blessed my soul much today. I have been fighting
together with the armies of Jesus, though this is the tenth Lords
day since I have been kept from preaching, and though I have not
assembled with the brethren here, on account of my head. My soul is
now brought into that state, that I delight myself in the will of
God, as it regards my health. Yea, I can now say, from my heart, I
would not have this disease removed till God, through it, has
bestowed the blessing for which it was sent. He has drawn out my soul
much yesterday and today. Lord, continue Thy goodness, and fill me
with love! I long, more fully to glorify God; not so much by outward
activity, as by inward conformity to the image of Jesus. What hinders
God, to make of one, so vile as I am, another Whitfield? Surely, God
could bestow as much grace upon me, as He did upon him. O, my Lord,
draw me closer and closer to Thyself, that I may run after Thee!-I
desire, if God should restore me again for the ministry of the Word
(and this I believe He will do soon, judging from the state in which
He has now brought my soul, though I have been worse in health the
last eight days, than for several weeks previously), that my
preaching may be more than ever the result of earnest prayer and much
meditation, and that I may so walk with God, that "out of my belly
may flow rivers of living water." But alas! if the grace of God
prevent not, one day more, and the rich blessings, which He has
bestowed upon my soul yesterday and today, will all vanish; but
again, if He favours me (and oh! may He do it), I shall go from
strength to strength, and I and the saints in Bristol shall have
abundant reason to praise God for this my illness.
Jan. 15. I have had since yesterday afternoon less suffering in my
head than for the last eight days! though it is even now far from
being well. I have still an inward assurance, on account of the
spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through
this affliction He is only purifying me for His blessed service, and
that I shall be soon restored to the work.-Today, also, God has
continued to me fervency of spirit, which I have now enjoyed for
three days following. He has today, also, drawn out my soul into much
real communion with Himself, and into holy desires to be more
conformed to His dear Son. When God gives a spirit of prayer, how
easy then to pray! Nevertheless it was given to me in the use of the
means, as I fell on my knees last Saturday, to read His Word with
meditation, and to turn it into prayer. Today I spent about three
hours in prayer over Ps. lxiv. and lxv. In reference to that precious
word! "O thou that hearest prayer," (Ps. lxv. 2.) I asked the Lord
the following petitions, and entreated Him to record them in heaven
and to answer them.
1. That He would give me grace to glorify Him by a submissive and
patient spirit under my affliction.
2. That, as I was enabled now, and only now from my heart, to praise
God for this affliction, He would not remove His hand from me, until
He had qualified me for His work more than I have been hitherto.
3. That He would be pleased to grant, that the work of conversion,
through the instrumentality of brother Craik and myself, might not
cease, but go on as much now as when we first came to Bristol, yea,
more abundantly than even then.
4. That He would be pleased to give more real spiritual prosperity to
the church under our care, than ever we have as yet enjoyed.
5. Having praised Him for the sale of so many copies of my Narrative
in so short a time, I entreated Him to cause every copy to be
disposed of.
6. I asked Him to continue to let His rich blessing rest upon this
little work, and more abundantly, so that many may be converted
through it, and many of the children of God truly benefited by it;
and that thus I might now be speaking through it, though laid aside
from active service.
7. I asked Him for His blessing, in the way of conversion, to rest
upon the Orphans, and upon the Sunday and Day-School children under
our care.
8. I asked Him for means to carry on these Institutions, and to
enlarge them.
These are some of the petitions which I have asked of my God this
evening in connexion with this His own word. I believe He has heard
me. I believe He will make it manifest, in His own good time, that He
has heard me; and I have recorded these my petitions this 14th day of
January, 1838, that, when God has answered them, He may get, through
this, glory to His name.-[Whilst writing this second part, I add to
the praise of the Lord, and for the encouragement of the children of
God, that petitions 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, have been fully answered, and
the other petitions, likewise, in part.]
Jan. 16, Tuesday. A blessed day. How very good is the Lord! Fervency
of spirit, through His grace, is continued to me, though this
morning, but for the help of God, I should have lost it again. The
weather has been very cold for several days; but today I suffered
much, either because it was colder than before, or because I felt it
more, owing to the weakness of my body, and having taken so much
medicine. I arose from my knees, and stirred the fire; but I still
remained very cold. I was a little irritated by this. I moved to
another part of the room, but felt the cold still more. At last,
having prayed for some time, I was obliged to rise up, and take a
walk to promote circulation. I now entreated the Lord on my walk,
that this circumstance might not be permitted to rob me of the
precious communion which I have had with Him the last three days; for
this was the object at which Satan aimed. I confessed also my sin of
irritability on account of the cold, and sought to have my conscience
cleansed through the blood of Jesus. He had mercy upon me, my peace
was restored; and when I returned I sought the Lord again in prayer,
and had uninterrupted communion with Him. [I have purposely mentioned
the above circumstance, in detail, in order to show, how the most
trivial causes may operate in suddenly robbing one of the enjoyment
of most blessed communion with God.] I have been enabled to pray for
several hours this day. The subject of my meditation has been Psalm
lxvi.--Verses 10, 11, and 12, are particularly applicable to my
present circumstances. God has already, through the instrumentality
of this my affliction, brought me into a "wealthy place," and I
believe He will bless my soul yet more and more.-I do not remember
any time, when I have had more fervency of spirit in connexion with
such a desire to overcome every thing that is hateful in the sight of
God, and with such an earnestness to be fully conformed to the image
of Jesus. Truly, I have reason to apply to myself verse 16, and "tell
what God has done for my soul."--Verse 18 also I can take to myself.
I do not regard iniquity in my heart, but it is upright before Him,
through His grace, and therefore God does hear my prayers.--What has
God done for me, in comparing this 16th of January 1838 with the 16th
of January 1820, the day on which my dear mother died.--I have also
resolved this day, if the Lord should restore me again, to have an
especial meeting at the chapel once a week, or once a fortnight, with
the Orphan and Day-School children, for the purpose of reading the
Scriptures with them.-My heart has been drawn out in prayer for many
things, especially that the Lord would create in me a holy
earnestness to win souls, and a greater compassion for ruined
sinners. For this I have been quickened through reading onward in
Whitfields life.
Jan. 17. The Lord is yet merciful to me. I enjoy fervency of spirit.
My soul has been again repeatedly led out in prayer this day, and
that for a considerable time.--I have read on my knees, with prayer
and meditation, Psalm lxviii.Verse 5 "A Father of the fatherless,"
one of the titles of Jehovah, has been an especial blessing to me,
with reference to the Orphans. The truth, which is contained in this,
I never realized so much as today. By the help of God, this shall be
my argument before Him, respecting the Orphans, in the hour of need.
He is their Father, and therefore has pledged Himself, as it were, to
provide for them, and to care for them; and I have only to remind Him
of the need of these poor children, in order to have it supplied. My
soul is still more enlarged respecting Orphans. This word "a Father
of the fatherless," contains enough encouragement to cast thousands
of Orphans, with all their need, upon the loving heart of God.--My
head has been again in a distressing state today; my soul, however,
is in peace. May God in mercy continue to me fervency of spirit!