One day, a short time after this, I was walking out as usual with my
little brother Pierre in my arms; I was deep in thought; in imagination
I was at Luneville with my dear grandmother, when my foot slipped and I
fell. In trying to save my brother I hurt myself very much, and he,
poor child, was unfortunately very much hurt as well as myself. He
cried and moaned piteously, and I did all that I could to console him,
but he was in too much pain to be comforted. I remained out for an hour
or two, not daring to go home, but the evening was closing in and I
returned at last. The child, who could not yet speak, still moaned and
cried, and I told the truth as to the cause of it. My mother flew at
me, and I received such chastisement that I could be patient no longer,
and I pushed my mother from me; I was felled to the ground and left
there bleeding profusely.
After a time I rose up and crawled to bed. I reflected upon all I had
suffered, and made up my mind that I would no longer remain under my
father's roof. At daybreak I dressed myself, hastened out of the
barracks, and set off for Luneville, which was fifteen miles distant. I
had gained about half the way when I was met by a soldier of the
regiment who had once been our servant. I tried to avoid him, but he
recognised me. I then begged him not to interfere with me, and told him
that I was running away to my grandmother's. Jacques, for that was his
name, replied that I was right, and that he would say nothing about it.
"But, mademoiselle," continued he, "you will be tired before you get to
Luneville, and may have a chance of a conveyance if you have money to
pay for it."
He then slipped a five-franc piece into my hand, and left me to pursue
my way. I continued my journey, and at last arrived at the farm
belonging to my grandfather, which I have before mentioned, as being
about four miles from the town. I was afraid to go direct to Luneville,
on account of my grandfather, who, I knew from motives of parsimony,
would be unwilling to receive me. I told my history to the farmer's
wife, showing her my face covered with bruises and scars, and entreated
her to go to my grandmother's and tell her where I was. She put me to
bed, and the next morning set off for Luneville, and acquainted my
grandmother with the circumstances. The old lady immediately ordered
her _char-a-banc_ and drove out for me. There was proof positive of my
mother's cruelty, and the good old woman shed tears over me when she had
pulled off the humble blue cotton dress which I wore and examined my
wounds and bruises. When we arrived at Luneville, we met with much
opposition from my grandfather, but my grandmother was resolute.
"Since you object to my receiving her in the house," said she, "at all
events you cannot prevent my doing my duty towards her, and doing as I
please with my own money. I shall, therefore, send her to school and
pay her expenses."
As soon as new clothes could be made for me, I was sent to the best
_pension_ in Luneville. Shortly afterwards my father arrived; he had
been despatched by my mother to reclaim me and bring me back with him,
but he found the tide too strong against him, and my grandmother
threatened to appeal to the authorities and make an exposure; this he
knew would be a serious injury to his character, and he was therefore
compelled to go back without me, and I remained a year and a half at the
_pension_, very happy and improving very fast in my education and my
personal appearance.
But I was not destined to be so happy long. True it was, that during
this year and a half of tranquillity and happiness, the feelings created
by my mother's treatment had softened down, and all animosity had long
been discarded, but I was too happy to want to return home again. At
the expiration of this year and a half, my father's regiment was again
ordered to shift their quarters to a small town, the name of which I now
forget, but Luneville lay in their route. My mother had for some time
ceased to importune my father about my return. The fact was, that she
had been so coldly treated by the other ladies at Nance, in consequence
of her behaviour to me, that she did not think it advisable; but now
that they were about to remove, she insisted upon my father taking me
with him, promising that I should be well-treated, and have the same
instruction as my sisters; in fact, she promised everything;
acknowledging to my grandmother that she had been too hasty to me, and
was very sorry for it. Even my brother Auguste thought that she was now
sincere, and my father, my brother, and even my dear grandmother,
persuaded me to consent. My mother was now very kind and affectionate
towards me, and as I really wanted to love her, I left the _pension_ and
accompanied the family to their new quarters.
But this was all treachery on the part of my mother. Regardless of my
advantage, as she had shown herself on every occasion, she had played
her part that she might have an opportunity of discharging an
accumulated debt of revenge, which had been heaped up in consequence of
the slights she had received from other people on account of her
treatment of me. We had hardly been settled in our new abode, before my
mother burst out again with a virulence which exceeded all her former
cruelty. But I was no longer the frightened victim that I had been; I
complained to my father, and insisted upon justice; but that was
useless. My brother Auguste now took my part in defiance of his father,
and it was one scene of continual family discord. I had made many
friends, and used to remain at their houses all day. As for doing
household work, notwithstanding her blows, I refused it. One morning my
mother was chastising me severely, when my brother Auguste, who was
dressed in his hussar uniform, came in and hastened to my assistance,
interposing himself between us. My mother's rage was beyond all bounds.
"Wretch," cried she, "would you strike your mother?"
"No," replied he, "but I will protect my sister. You barbarous woman,
why do you not kill her at once, it would be a kindness?"
It was after this scene that I resolved that I would again return to
Luneville. I did not confide my intentions to anyone, not even to
Auguste. There was a great difficulty in getting out of the front door
without being perceived, and my bundle would have created suspicion; by
the back of the house the only exit was through a barred window. I was
then fourteen years old but very slight in figure. I tried if my head
would pass through the bars, and succeeding, I soon forced my body
through, and seizing my bundle, made all haste to the diligence office.
I found that it was about to start for Luneville, which was more than
half a day's journey distant. I got in very quickly, and the conducteur
knowing me, thought that all was right, and the diligence drove off.
There were two people in the coupe with me, an officer and his wife;
before we had proceeded far they asked me where I was going, I replied
to my grandmother's at Luneville. Thinking it, however, strange that I
should be unaccompanied, they questioned, until they extracted the whole
history from me. The lady wished me to come to her on a visit, but the
husband, more prudent, said that I was better under the care of my
grandmother.
About mid-day we stopped to change horses at an auberge called the Louis
d'Or, about a quarter of a mile from Luneville. Here I alighted without
offering any explanation to the conducteur; but as he knew me and my
grandmother well, that was of no consequence. My reason for alighting
was, that the diligence would have put me down at the front of the
palace, where I was certain to meet my grandfather, who passed the major
portion of the day there, basking on one of the seats, and I was afraid
to see him until I had communicated with my grandmother. I had an uncle
in the town, and I had been very intimate with my cousin Marie, who was
a pretty, kind-hearted girl, and I resolved that I would go there, and
beg her to go to my grandmother. The difficulty was, how to get to the
house without passing the front of the palace, or even the bridge across
the river. At last I decided that I would walk down by the river side
until I was opposite to the bosquet, which adjoined the garden of the
palace, and there wait till it was low water, when I knew that the river
could be forded, as I had often seen others do so.
When I arrived opposite to the bosquet I sat down on my bundle, by the
banks of the river for two or three hours, watching the long feathery
weeds at the bottom, which moved gently from one side to the other with
the current of the stream. As soon as it was low water, I pulled off my
shoes and stockings, put them into my bundle, and raising my petticoats,
I gained the opposite shore without difficulty. I then replaced my
shoes and stockings, crossed the bosquet, and gained my uncle's house.
My uncle was not at home, but I told my story and showed my bruises to
Marie, who immediately put on her bonnet and went to my grandmother.
That night I was again installed in my own little bedroom, and most
gratefully did I pray before I went to sleep.
This time my grandmother took more decided steps. She went to the
commandant of the town, taking me with her, pointing out the treatment
which I had received, and claiming his protection; she stated that she
had educated me and brought me up, and that she had a claim upon me. My
mother's treatment of me was so notorious, that the commandant
immediately decided that my grandmother had a right to detain me; and
when my father came a day or two after to take me back, he was ordered
home by the commandant, with a severe rebuke, and the assurance that I
should not return to a father who could permit such cruelty and
injustice.
I was now once more happy; but as I remained in the house, my
grandfather was continually vexing my grandmother on my account;
nevertheless, I remained there more than a year, during which I learnt a
great deal, particularly lace-work and fine embroidery, at which I
became very expert. But now there was another opposition raised, which
was on the part of my uncle, who joined my grandfather in annoying the
old lady. The fact was, that when I was not there, my grandmother was
very kind and generous to my cousin Marie, who certainly deserved it;
but now that I was again with her, all her presents and expenses were
lavished upon me, and poor Marie was neglected.
My uncle was not pleased at this; he joined my grandfather, and they
pointed out that I was now more than fifteen, and my mother dare not
beat me, and as my father was continually writing for me to return, it
was her duty not to oppose. Between the two, my poor grandmother was so
annoyed and perplexed that she hardly knew what to do. They made her
miserable, and at last they worried her into consenting that I should
return to my family which had now removed to Colmar. I did not know
this. It was my grandmother's birthday. I had worked for her a
beautiful sachet in lace and embroidery, which, with a large bouquet, I
brought to her as a present. The old lady folded me in her arms and
burst into tears. She then told me that we must part, and that I must
return to my father's. Had a dagger been thrust to my heart, I could
not have received more anguish.
"Yes, dear Valerie," continued she, "you must leave me to-morrow; I can
no longer prevent it. I have not the health and spirits that I had. I
am growing old--very old."
I did not remonstrate or try to make her alter her decision. I knew how
much she had been annoyed and worried for my sake, and I felt that I
would bear everything for hers. I cried bitterly. The next morning my
father made his appearance and embraced me with great affection. He was
much pleased with my personal improvement. I was now fast budding into
womanhood, although I had the feelings of a mere child. I bade farewell
to my grandmother, and also to my grandfather, whom I never saw again,
as he died three months after I quitted Luneville.
I trust my readers will not think that I dwell too long upon this
portion of my life. I do it because I consider it is necessary they
should know in what manner I was brought up, and also the cause of my
leaving my family, as I afterwards did. If I had stated merely that I
could not agree with my mother who treated me cruelly, they might have
imagined that I was not warranted, in a moment of irritation, in taking
such a decided step; but when they learn that my persecutions were
renewed the moment that I was again in my mother's power, and that
nothing could conquer her inveteracy against me, neither time, nor
absence, nor submission on my part, nor remonstrance from others; not
even a regard for her own character, nor the loss of her friends and
acquaintances, they will then acknowledge that I could have done no
otherwise, unless I preferred being in daily risk of my life. On my
arrival at Colmar, my mother received me graciously, but her politeness
did not last long. I now gave a new cause of offence--one that a woman,
proud of her beauty and jealous of its decay, does not easily forgive.
I was admired and paid great attention to by the officers, much more
attention than she received herself.
"M. Chatenoeuf," the officers would say, "you have begotten a daughter
much handsomer than yourself." My mother considered this as a polite
way to avoid saying that I was much handsomer than she was. If she
thought so, she did herself a great injustice, for I could not be
compared to what she was, when she was of my age. She was even then a
most splendid matron. But I had youth in my favour, which is more than
half the battle. At all events, the remarks and attentions of the
officers aroused my mother's spleen, and she was more harsh in language
than ever, although I admit that it was but seldom that she resorted to
blows.
I recollect that one day, when I was not supposed to be in hearing, one
of the officers said to another, "Ma foi, elle est jolie--elle a besoin
de deux ans, et elle sera parfaite." So childish and innocent was I at
that time, that I could not imagine what they meant.
"Why was I to be two years older?" I thought, and puzzled over it till
I fell fast asleep. The attentions of the officers, and the flattery he
received from them on my account, appeared to have more effect on my
father than I could have imagined. Perhaps he felt that I was somebody
to be proud of, and his vanity gave him that courage to oppose my
mother, which his paternal feelings had not roused. I recollect one
instance particularly. There was a great ceremony to be performed in
the church, no less than the christening of the two new bells, previous
to their being hoisted up in the belfry. The officers told my father
that I must be present, and on his return home he stated to my mother
his intention of taking me with him on the following day to see the
ceremony.
"She can't go--she has no clothes fit to wear," cried my mother.
"Why has she not, madame?" replied my father, sternly. "Let her have
some ready for to-morrow, and without fail."
My mother perceived that my father was not to be trifled with, and
therefore thought proper to acquiesce. Pity it was that he did not use
his authority a little more, after he had discovered that he could
regain it if he pleased.
On the following day I accompanied my father, who was one of the
officers on duty in the interior of the church, and as he stood in
advance of his men, I remained at his side, and of course had a very
complete view of the whole ceremony. I was very neatly-dressed, and my
father received many compliments upon my appearance. At last the
ceremony began. The church was lined with troops to keep back the
crowd, and the procession entered the church, the bishop walking under a
canopy, attended by the priests, then the banners, and pretty children,
dressed as angels, tossing frankincense from silver censers. The two
bells were in the centre of the church, both of them dressed in white
petticoats, which covered them completely, ornamented with ribbons, and
a garland of flowers upon the head of each--if I may so designate their
tops. The godmothers, dressed in white as on baptismal ceremonies, and
the godfathers in court suits, stood on each side. They had been
selected from the _elite_ of the families in the town. The organ and
the military band relieved each other until the service commenced. The
bishop read the formula; the godmothers and godfathers gave the
customary security; the holy water was sprinkled over the bells, and
thus were they regularly baptised. One was named Eulalie and the other
Lucile. It was a very pretty ceremony, and I should have liked to have
been present at their "_premiere communion_" if it ever took place.
My English readers may consider this as a piece of mummery. At the time
I did not. As a good Catholic, which I was at that time, and a pretty
Frenchwoman, I thought that nothing could be more correct than the
_decoration des belles_. I believe that it has always been the custom
to name bells--to consecrate them most certainly--and if we call to mind
what an important part they perform in our religion, I do not wonder at
it. By being consecrated, they receive the rites of the church. Why,
therefore, should they not receive the same rites in baptism? But why
baptise them? Because they speak to us in many ways, and with their
loud tongues express the feelings, and make known the duties imposed
upon us. Is there cause for the nation to rejoice, their merry notes
proclaim it from afar; in solemn tones they summon us to the house of
prayer, to the lifting of the Host, and to the blessing of the priest;
and it is their mournful notes which announce to us that one of our
generation has been summoned away, and has quitted this transitory
abode. Their offices are Christian offices, and therefore are they
received into the church.