JUSTICE
The D.M.S. had sent round a note to all A.D.M.S.'s reminding them
that all officers and men were to be inoculated against typhoid
fever. So the A.D.M.S. of the Scottish Division ordered the different
units to send in a nominal roll of all those who had not been
inoculated. Most of the negligent confessed their sin; many of them
were believers, and those who were not, respected the customs of
their times and piously submitted to the ceremony.
Only the 113th Battery, R.F.A., sent in the following roll:
| Names. | Condition. | Reason given for |
| | | exemption. |
| | | |
| Capt. Cockell | | Do not believe in |
| Lieut. Little | Not yet inoculated. | the efficacy of |
| Lieut. M'Cracken | Refuse inoculation. | the operation. |
| | | |
The A.D.M.S. in high dudgeon complained to the Staff and requested
the temporal powers to deliver the heretics over to the lancet. The
temporal powers, while paying due reverence to medical infallibility,
requested the A.D.M.S. to attempt a conversion.
The 113th Battery was famous for its courage and its daring deeds.
Dr. O'Grady was entrusted with the mission of visiting Captain
Cockell and bringing that erring soul back to the fold.
The gunners gave the doctor a warm welcome. Their dug-out was
comfortable, their arm-chairs, made by the men out of the branches of
fir-trees, were luxuriously low and deep. O'Grady dropped into one,
and looked about him anxiously.
"It is a remarkable fact," he said, "that thirst and hunger should
make themselves felt by sensations in the mouth and stomach only,
and not in the rest of the body. At this very moment, when all my
organs are quite dry for lack of decent whisky, I am only warned
by the mucous membrane in my mouth----"
"Orderly! The whisky! Quick!" shouted Captain Cockell.
Whereupon the doctor, his mind set at rest, was able to explain the
object of his mission.
"Doctor," answered Captain Cockell, "there is nothing I would not do
for you. But I consider anti-typhoid inoculation, next to poison-gas,
to be the most dangerous practice in this war."
The doctor, who was a skilful reader of character, saw at once that
only liberal doctrines would help him to success.
"Oh," he exclaimed genially, "you needn't think I share the usual
medical superstitions. But I do believe that inoculation has
practically done away with deaths caused by typhoid. Statistics
show----"
"Doctor, you know as well as I do that statistics may be made to say
anything one likes. There are fewer cases of typhoid in this war than
in former wars simply because the general sanitary conditions are
much better. Besides, when a fellow who has been inoculated is silly
enough to be ill--and that _has_ been known to occur--you simply say,
'It isn't typhoid--it's para-typhoid.'"
"Which is perfectly true," said the doctor; "the pseudo-bacillus----"
"Oh, that stunt about the pseudo-bacillus! Next time you're wounded,
doctor, I'll say it was by a pseudo-shell!"
"Very well, very well," said the doctor, somewhat nettled. "I'll just
wait till next time you're ill. Then we'll see whether you despise
doctors or not."
"That's a poor argument, doctor, very poor indeed. I'm quite ready to
acknowledge that a sick man is in need of moral support and requires
the illusion of a remedy, just like a woman in love. Therefore
doctors are necessary, just like thought-readers. I simply submit it
should be recognized that both professions are of a similar order."
The energetic Cockell had inspired his two young lieutenants with
respectful admiration. They remained as firm as he in their refusal;
and after an excellent lunch Dr. O'Grady returned to H.Q. and
informed his chief of the cynicism of the 113th Battery and the
obstinacy of the heretical sect in those parts.
The A.D.M.S. sent the names of the three officers up to H.Q., and
demanded the general's authority to put a stop to this scandal; and
Colonel Parker promised to let the Corps know of the matter.
* * * * *
Some time before this, the French Government had placed at
the disposal of the British authorities a certain number of
"Legion of Honour" decorations--to wit, two Grand Officer's
badges, twelve Commander's cravats, twenty-four Officer's
rosettes, and a considerable number of Knight's crosses.
The two Governments were in the habit of exchanging armfuls of
ribbons at regular intervals in this way, and the apportioning of
these trifles created a useful occupation for the numerous members of
all staffs and their still more numerous clerks.
The distribution was performed according to wisely appointed rules.
Of each batch of decorations G.H.Q. took one half for its own
members, and passed on the other half to the Army Staffs. The Army
Staffs kept half of what they received, and passed on the remainder
to the Corps Staffs. The same method was applied right down to the
Battalion Staffs, and it will readily be observed (with the help of
an elementary arithmetical calculation) that the likelihood of the
men in the line ever receiving a foreign decoration was practically
nonexistent.
The Scottish Division received as its share on this occasion three
crosses. Colonel Parker and the other demi-gods of the divisional
Olympus being already provided for, these were allotted to
dignitaries of minor importance. It was decided that one should be
given to Dr. O'Grady, who had done great service to the French
population (he had assisted a Belgian refugee in childbirth and she
had survived his ministrations). The second was marked down for the
D.A.D.O.S., and the third for the A.D.V.S., a genial fellow
who was very popular in the mess.
The names of the three lucky men were handed by a Staff officer to an
intelligent clerk with orders to draw up immediately a set of nominal
rolls for the Corps.
Unfortunately the clerk happened to be the very same man to whom
Colonel Parker had given the list of the three heretics of the 113th
Battery the day before. But who can blame him for having confused two
groups of three names? And who can blame the officer on duty for
having signed two nominal rolls without reading them?
A month later, the Division was surprised to hear that Captain
Cockell and Lieutenants Little and M'Cracken had been made Knights of
the Legion of Honour. As they really deserved it, the choice caused
considerable astonishment and general rejoicing; and the three
warriors, happy to see three decorations reach them intact after
having passed through so many covetous hands, were loud in praise of
their superior officers' discrimination.