"There jumped now upon the stage _a red-haired, laughing-hyena
faced, fustian-coated biped_, exclaiming--'My name is Wall! I have
a substantive amendment to move to the resolution now
proposed--('Go off, off! ooh, ooh, ooh! turn him out, out, out!')
We are met in a place where religion is taught (groans). Well,
then, we are met where they "teach the young idea how to
shoot"'--(laughter, groans, and 'Go on, Wall.') Turning to the
young _gents_ on the platform, 'You,' quoth Mr. Wall, 'have not
read history: you clerks at 16s. a week, with your gold chains and
pins.'"
Red hair was first made infamous by JUDAS ISCARIOT; hence the reporter not
only shows the intensity of his Christianity, but his delicate knowledge
of human character, by the fine contempt cast upon the felon locks of the
speaker. Red hair is doubtless the brand of Providence; the mark set upon
guilty man to give note and warning to his unsuspicious fellow-creatures.
Like the scarlet light at the North Foreland, it speaks of shoals, and
sands, and flats. The emperor Commodus, who had all his previous life
rejoiced in flaxen locks, woke, the morning after his first contest in the
arena, a red-haired man! But then, with a fine knowledge of the wholesome
prejudices of the world, he turned the curse upon his head into a beauty;
for he--powdered it with gold-dust. Could Mr. WALL, of the penny theatre,
induce the Master of the Mint to play his _coiffeur_, how would the
reporter fall on his knees and worship the divinity!
Mr. WALL, being of the opposite faction, in addition to the unpowdered
ignominy of his hair, has also the face of a hyena! This fact opens a
question too vast for our one solitary page. We lack at least the
amplitude of a quarto to prove that all men are fashioned, even in the
womb, with features that shall hereafter beautifully harmonise with the
politics of the grown creature. Now WALL, being ordained a poor man and a
Chartist, is endowed with a "laughing hyena" countenance. He even loses
the vantage ground of our common humanity, and is sunk by his poverty and
his politics to the condition of a beast, and of a most unamiable beast
into the bargain. However, the vast enfolding iniquity is yet to be
displayed and duly shuddered at; for _WALL_, the biped hyena, wears--a
fustian coat!
As journalists, we trust we have our common share--which is no little--of
human vanity. Nevertheless, with the highest private opinion of our own
powers, we feel we can add nothing to the picture drawn by the reporter.
The fustian coat, with a tongue in every button-hole, discourses on its
own inwoven infamy.
We recognise with great pleasure a growing custom on the part of political
reporters to merge the orators and listeners at public meetings in their
several articles of dress. This practice has doubtless originated in a
most philosophical consideration of the sympathies between the outer and
the inner man, and has its source in the earliest records of human life.
The patriarchs rent their garments in token of the misery that lacerated
their souls: then rags and tatters were ennobled by sorrow--there was a
deep sentiment in sackcloth and ashes. We have, however, improved upon the
ignorance of primitive days; and though we still admit the covering of man
to be typical of his condition of mind, we wisely keep our respect for
super-Saxony, and expend contempt and ridicule on corduroy and fustian. We
yet hope to see the day when certain political meetings will be briefly
reported as follow:--
"Faded Blue Coat, with tarnished Brass Buttons, took the chair.
"Velveteen Jacket moved the first resolution, which was seconded
by Check Shirt and Ankle-jacks.
"Brown Great Coat, with holes in elbows, moved the second
resolution--seconded by Greasy Drab Breeches and Dirty Leather
Gaiters.
"After thanks to Blue Coat had been moved by Brown Surtout and
Crack under both Arms, the Fustian Jackets departed."
Would not this be quite sufficient? Knowing the philosophy of appearance
in England, might we not by our imagination supply a truer speech to every
orator than could be taken down by the most faithful reporter?