(_Some further Wrinkles by an Amateur Delineator._)
["A hint as to the manner you look at people, when delineating them
for your own purpose, so that they should not be cognisant you are
taking mental notes. Never stare at anyone straight in the face; and
if whilst looking you should catch your subject's eye, quickly avert
your gaze without moving to something about them that they may be
wearing, or to the next person; you may for the moment appear to be
looking into vacancy, or making a mental calculation, without staring
at anything in particular."--_Professor O., in a weekly journal._]
To be a successful delineator you should cultivate the art of
squinting. Do this readily and naturally, without any apparent effort.
This completely baffles the subject, for even if you catch _his_
eye, you may safely defy him to catch yours. Beside, it economises
time. In a crowd you can often thus kill two birds with one stone, or
stony stare. If, however, nature has denied you this accomplishment,
instead of squinting, you may wink the other eye. But this is sometimes
misconstrued, as it has a rather challenging effect. You may find
yourself (if the subject is a lady) head over ears in a flirtation--or
in a somersault down the stairs--according to circumstances, before you
know where you are.
Acquire the habit of taking physiognomical snap-shots. Practise this
until, by merely glancing at a person in a good light for, say the
twentieth of a second, you can secure a mental picture of his or her
character, habits, and hobbies. You can develop and intensify, if
necessary, these useful little views at home, bringing out further
details as to the subject's bank-balance, latest _affaire de coeur_,
or number of first-cousins-once-removed. All these points can be
elucidated with a little patience and imagination.
Always, in conversing with a chance acquaintance you may meet in the
street, gaze steadily at the brim of his hat, or study his necktie with
a fixed and critical stare. This will make him think there is something
wrong. He will fidget, and become nervous, revealing the inmost secrets
of his soul. You then easily bag your instantaneous view, and depart
abruptly with triumph. He will cut you dead next time, but that doesn't
matter. You have added him to your collection, and can sail in quest of
fresh specimens.
Some ladies rather like their new bonnets being examined. Learn,
therefore, to do this with respectful admiration, and be prepared with
an instant and favourable criticism. It is as well to master a few
technical terms, so as to avoid, for example, confusing an _aigrette_
with a _toque_.
If, on the other hand, your lady victims resent their head-gear or
hair-dye being too closely examined, you must fall back on mental
arithmetic. Calculate how many barleycorns it would take to go round
the equator, or how many white beans there are in five black ones. If
these sums are too hard to be done on the spur of the moment, work them
out at home, and learn the results by heart, before sallying forth on
your head-hunting expeditions.
Never ask a policeman without scanning narrowly his features, nor, if
sitting behind a 'bus-driver, omit to secure his profile. Interview
every crossing-sweeper you pass. Organ-grinders, also, are fairly
inexpensive material to work upon. All these common objects are readily
accessible, and frequently prove perfect mines of character, if you
only dig deep enough below the surface. But the earnest explorer
will find the countenances of cabmen to be the most remunerative
phreno-physiognomical studies. Never mind their remarks if you can
enrich your note-book with some hitherto undiscovered trait of human
nature, with the inner meaning of some mysterious wrinkle, or with
the true poetry of a wayward wart. Return home happy if the day's
achievements include the decipherment of a mole on a flower-girl's
cheek, or the translation of some rare tint of colour-music on the nose
of some loafer near a pub.
Do not be content with the stores of face-reading lore that have
been already acquired. Each day fresh secrets should be revealed.
For instance, it has only recently been ascertained that one freckle
on the tip of the nose means a disposition to borrow money without
returning it; that three pimples in a row across the forehead indicate
unpunctuality and insubordination; or that a droop of the left eyelid
signifies habitual impecuniosity. It is still a moot point whether a
nose can be both Quixotic and witty, and how to read a promiscuous
eyebrow when combined with a constant upper lip. These, and many other
mysteries, are waiting to be laid bare by the amateur but ardent face
delineator.
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