There are certain rules in regard to correct letter-writing which
must be followed by all who would “take their pen in hand.” Young
people are the most apt to offend in this respect against the
accepted canons of good taste and it is to these that I would
first address the contents of this chapter. A young girl often
lets her high spirits run away with her _amour propre_, with the
result that her letters, especially those addressed to strangers,
are often lacking in that dignity which is the _sine qua non_ of
correct correspondence.
Consider, for example, the following two letters composed by Miss
Florence ......, a debutante of New York City, who is writing to
a taxidermist thanking him for his neat work in having recently
stuffed her deceased pet Alice. The first of these letters
illustrates the evil to which I have just referred, viz., the
complete absence of proper dignity. The second, written with the
aid of her mama, whose experience in social affairs has been
considerable, shows the correct method of corresponding with
comparative strangers.
An Incorrect Letter from a Débutante to a Taxidermist Thanking
Him for Having Stuffed Her Pet Alice
DEAR MR. Epps:
Aren’t you an old _peach_ to have gone and stuffed Alice so prettily!
Really, Mr. Epps, I never saw such a knockout piece of taxidermy,
even in Europe, and I simply adore it. Mother gave a dinner party
last night and _everybody_ was just wild about it and wanted to know
who had done it. How on _earth_ did you manage to get the wings to
stay like that? And the eyes are just too priceless for words.
Honestly, every time I look at it, it’s so _darned_ natural that I
can’t believe Alice is really dead. I guess you must be pretty
dog-goned crazy about birds yourself to have done such a lovely job
on Alice, and I guess you know how perfectly sick I was over her
death. Honestly, Mr. Epps, she was such a _peach_ of an owl. But I
suppose it had to be, and anyway, thanks just heaps for having done
such a really perfectly gorgeous bit of taxidermy.
Gratefully,
FLORENCE CHASE.
_593 Fifth Avenue,
New York City._
The above is, you observe, quite lacking in that reserve with
which young ladies should always treat strange gentlemen and
especially those who are not in their own social “set.” Slang may
be excusable in shop girls or baseball players, but never in the
mouth of a young lady with any pretensions to breeding. And the
use of “darned” and “dog-goned” is simply unpardonable. Notice,
now, the way in which Miss Florence writes the letter after, her
mama has given her the proper instruction.
A Correct Letter from a Débutante to a Taxidermist Thanking Him
for Having Stuffed Her Pet Alice
Mr. Lloyd Epps, Taxidermist,
New York City.
DEAR SIR:
It is with sincere pleasure that I take my pen in hand to compliment
you upon the successful manner in which you have rendered your
services as taxidermist upon my late owl Alice. Death in the animal
kingdom is all too often regarded with an unbecoming levity or, at
least, a careless lack of sympathetic appreciation, and it is with
genuine feelings of gratitude that I pen these lines upon the
occasion of the receipt of the sample of the excellent manner in
which you have performed your task. Of the same opinion is my father,
a vice-president of the Guaranty Trust Co., and himself a taxidermist
of no inconsiderable merit, who joins me in expressing to you our
most grateful appreciation.
Sincerely yours,
FLORENCE ELIOT CHASE.
_December_ 11, 1922.
[Illustration]
It Is Not the Custom to Comment on the Quantity of Soup Consumed by a
Guest _The young man is leaving the home of his host in “high dudgeon.”
He is of the type rather slangily known among the members of our
younger set as “finale hopper” which means, in the “King’s English,”
one who is very fond of dancing. His indignation is well founded, since
it is not the custom among members of the socially elite to comment in
the presence of the guest on either the quantity of soup consumed or
the method of consumption adopted. These things should be left for the
privacy of the boudoir or smoking den where they will afford much
innocent amusement. Nor is the host mending matters by his kindly meant
but perhaps tactless offer of a nickel for carfare._
[Illustration]
False Teeth Should Remain in the Mouth throughout any Given Dinner _The
gentleman with the excellent teeth has just been guilty of a gross
social error. Wrongly supposing that the secret of popularity lies in a
helpful spirit and having discovered that the son of his hostess is
about to enter a dental school, he has removed the excellent teeth
(false) from his mouth and passed them around for inspection. The fact
that the teeth are of the latest mode does not in any way condone the
breach. Leniency in such matters is not recommended. “Facilis descensus
Averni” as one of the great poets of the Middle Ages so aptly put it._