“Weel--how are ye now?” said Drumcarro, coming to his wife’s bedside.
His shaggy eyebrows were drawn together, so that his eyes gleamed small
from among the manifold puckers round them. He was not altogether
without feeling. He was sorry now that she was dying. He had never taken
much notice of her constant illness before. His voice was still gruff
and abrupt, and he had no kind things to say, but in his way he was a
little affected by the fact that she was lying, this weak creature to
whose presence and complaints he had been accustomed for so many years,
on the brink of the grave.
“I’m just very comfortable. Never you mind me, Neil, my man. Just go to
your bed, and if anything should happen Jeanie will give ye a cry. Your
father was never a man that could do without his night’s rest. And
there’s no need; I’m just as easy as I can be, and well taken care of.”
Mrs. Douglas was past the little wiles which women fall into when there
is a domestic despot to deal with. She forgot that it was a sin against
her husband that Kirsteen should be there. She turned her head from one
side to the other with a smile. “Real weel taken care of--between them,”
she said.
Drumcarro lifted his head and gazed fiercely at the figure on the other
side; the folds of his eyelids widened and opened up, a fierce glance of
recognition shot out of them. “How dared ye come here?” he said.
“To see my mother,” said Kirsteen.
“How dared ye come into my house?”
“I would have gone--to the gates of death when my mother wanted me. Let
me be, as long as she wants me, father; she’s so quiet and peaceable,
you would not disturb her. Let her be.”
He looked at her again, with a threatening look, as if he might have
seized her, but made no other movement. “Ye’ve done less harm than you
meant,” he said; “ye’ve brought no canailye into my house; ye’ll just
pass and drop with no importance, and have no mention in the family. Be
it so. It’s no worth my while to interfere; a lass here or a lass there
maitters nothing, so long as there’s no canailye brought into my house.”
“Neil,” said the mother from the bed, “we must just pray the Lord to
bless them a’ before we pairt. Fourteen of them between you and me--I’ve
just been naming them a’ before the Lord. Alison, she was the first; you
were terrible disappointed thinking there might maybe be no more.” Mrs.
Douglas once more laughed feebly at this mistake. “And then there was
Alexander, and ye were a proud man. And then Donald and William, and
then Anne, my bonny Anne, my first lass that lived--”
“Hold your peace, woman. Put out that name, damn her! confound her!
She’s none o’ mine.”
“And Neil that ye called Nigel, but I like it Neil best,” said the low
voice rippling on without interruption. “And syne Mary, and syne---- But
eh, it wearies me to name them a’. Their Maker just knows them a’ well,
puir things, some in heaven, and some in India---- and some----. Just
say with me, God bless them a’, fourteen bonnie bairns that are men and
women now--and some of them with bairns of their ain. To think all these
lads and lassies should come from me, always a waik creature--and no a
blemish among them all--not a thrawn limb, or a twisted finger, straight
and strong and fair to see. Neil, my man, take my hand that’s a poor
thin thing now, and say God bless them all!”
“What good will that do them? I’m for none of your forms and
ceremonies,” said Drumcarro, putting his hands deep in his pockets, “ye
had better try and get some sleep.”
“I’ll get plenty sleep by and by. Kirsteen, I would like to turn upon my
side, to see your father’s face. Neil, ye’ve been a good man to me.”
He started a little, evidently not expecting this praise.
“On the whole,” said the dying woman. “I was a silly thing when I was
young, but the bairns were always a great pleasure. But you’re a dour
man, Neil--ye canna forgive nor forget. Kirsteen, that ye put your curse
upon, she’ll be the stand-by for the whole house. Mind you what I say.
She’ll have no man, and she’ll be the stand-by----”
“No man will ever have her, ye mean. She’ll just live and die an auld
maid,” said Drumcarro, with a hoarse laugh.
“She’ll be the stand-by,” said Mrs. Douglas, “and maybe my poor Anne--”
She paid no attention to the interruption he made. “I would not wonder,”
she said with a faint smile, “if my poor Anne---- Eh, I would like to
see her little bairns, Kirsteen. Why are they not here?”
“If one of the confounded set comes to my door----”
“Oh, father,” cried Kirsteen, “hold your peace, and let her be.”
“That minds me,” said the dying woman; “give me your hand, Neil--or
rather take a hold of mine, for I’m very waik--like the time we were
marriet. Ay, that’s the way.” Though she was so weak her faint fingers
closed over the hard hand that unwillingly humoured her whim, and took
hers. “Now,” she said, “ye know it’s the man that’s the priest and king
in his own house. I’ll just say the amen. Neil, God bless them a’ every
one, and all belonging to them, for Jesus Christ’s sake, amen--amen!
that’s for His Son’s sake, ye know, in whom He is ever well pleased.
Amen! And many thanks to ye, my man, for doing my last bidding. The Lord
bless them a’, and all belonging to them, in heaven and in earth, and
the far places of the earth, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen!”
Drumcarro said no more, his rugged countenance lowered like a thunder
cloud, yet there were workings in the muscles of the weather-beaten
cheeks and throat half covered with grizzled hair. He drew his hand out
of hers, and looked for a moment at the marks of the weak fingers which
had so closed upon it, leaving an impress which died out as he gazed,
like the fingers themselves disappearing out of sight.
“Now we’ll all go to our beds,” said the faint voice cheerfully. “I’m
real glad we’ve just had that moment; for the man’s the priest--the
man’s the priest. I just said, amen--ye all heard me, just amen. Neil,
my man, go away to your bed.”
He hesitated a moment, then turned away. “Ye can give me a cry if
there’s any change,” he said to Jeanie as he passed; and then they could
hear his heavy steps going slowly along the passage, stopping for a
moment to blow out the flickering candle, and then the closing of his
door.
“I’m going to my bed too. I’m real happy and easy, and just ready for a
sleep; was it no a grand thing to get your father in such a good key,
and hear him bless them all?” said the patient with a little proud
flutter of joy, and then her eyes closed like the eyes of a child.
Kirsteen sent her younger sister also to bed, and made what arrangements
she could for the comfort and quiet of the dying woman. Many of the
appliances of nursing did not exist in those days, but affection and
good sense are perhaps after all the best appliances.
She sat down by the bedside, with a strange sensation as if she were in
a dream. The peacefulness about her was wonderful, so different from
anything she had expected. She had feared to find her mother as
querulous and wailing as ever, and to have probably a struggle over her
bed; possibly to be expelled from the house. Instead of this all was
quiet; everything given over into her hands. She sat going over the
wonderful things that had happened since she had left the place, her
terror of the step she had felt herself bound to take, her trembling
helplessness, the sustenance of her sweet and tender hope. And now that
hope was gone for ever, and all dreams, and every inspiring expectation.
Her life was blank though so full--no hidden heart in it any longer. She
would be the stand-by of her family. “That I will!” Kirsteen said to
herself; the same words she had said to him when he had whispered, “Will
ye wait?” She remembered this too with a forlorn sense of her own life
as of a thing apart, which went on shaping itself different from all
anticipations. She to be the stand-by of the family who had fled from it
so helpless and unfriended! And she to have that dim blank before her,
with no light ever to come out of it, whose heart had been fixed so
early upon such a hope! Perhaps the second pledge might end too in
unfulfilment like the first. At least she would have soothed the
conclusion of her mother’s fading life.
It was in the middle of the night that Anne was introduced to her
mother’s bedside. She had fallen asleep in Marg’ret’s bed, and had not
awakened for hours, sleeping the heavy sleep of fatigue and unaccustomed
excessive emotion. To travel in a postchaise all day, to take a terrible
walk in the dark with the light of a lantern, she who was accustomed to
Glasgow streets, to lie down to sleep fully dressed on a strange bed,
she who was used to retire punctually to rest at ten o’clock, with the
baby in its cradle beside her, and her husband to see that all was
right! When Anne woke and realized all the horrors of her position, come
here to attend a death-bed (of which, as of other painful things, she
had a great terror), and with the risk of being seen and seized by her
father, perhaps exposed to personal violence, perhaps turned out into
the dark night--and everything she was used to out of her reach--her
sensations were almost those of despair. If it had not been for the
superadded horrors of the dark road, she would have stolen out of the
house, and escaped. But she dared not alone face the darkness and
solitude, and the raging burn and roaring wind, which were like two wild
beasts on either side of the way. She thought of David sleeping quietly
at home, and all the children in their beds, with a wild pang of mingled
longing and injury. They could sleep while she was surrounded by these
terrors; and David had made her come in spite of herself, in spite of
her certainty that it would kill her. She got up in the wildest feverish
nervousness and misery, and looked at herself in Marg’ret’s little
looking-glass--a wild, pale, red-eyed, dishevelled creature, so entirely
unlike Mrs. Doctor Dewar. Oh, what should she do? The terrors of the
cowardly and ignoble are perhaps more dreadful than anything that can be
experienced by minds more highly endowed. No barrier of reason or
possibility appeared to Anne to limit the horrors that might happen to
her. She might be murdered there for anything she knew.
And it was with the greatest difficulty that she was got up stairs. She
was afraid of everything, afraid of the creak of the stairs, of her
father’s door, lest it should open upon her suddenly, and of her
mother’s death-bed. Anne was terribly afraid of death--always with a
personal terror lest she should see or hear something ghastly and
dreadful. “Oh, Kirsteen, it will just kill me,” she said. “What will
kill ye?” cried Kirsteen in indignation. “It is just a sight for the
angels.” But Anne was beyond the verge of such consolation. She dropped
down a helpless heap of clothes and tears by her mother’s bedside,
scarcely venturing a glance at the blanched and shrunken white image
that lay in her mother’s bed. And by this time the dying woman had
wandered beyond the consciousness of what was about her. She smiled and
opened her eyes for a moment when she was appealed to, but what she said
had no connection with the circumstances about her. “Mother, it is
Anne--Mother, Anne’s here. Anne’s come to see ye--Mother, have ye not a
word for Anne?” “Anne, is that her name? No, my bonny dear, but Alison
after my mother. She’s the biggest of the three, and look at her gold
hair like Jeanie’s.” The white face was illuminated with the most
beautiful smile--the half-opened eyes had a dazzled look of happiness.
She opened them faintly with the one recognition that remained in them.
“Eh, Kirsteen, but it’s bonny, bonny!” “Mother,” cried Kirsteen with her
arm under the pillow gently moving and changing the position of the
sufferer, as she turned from one side to another. “Mother! one word for
poor Anne!” Her mother only turned once more those dazzled faint eyes
with the last spark of mortal consciousness in them to Kirsteen and
smiled. She had gone out into the green pastures and by the quiet
waters, and recognized earthly calls no more.
“Oh, Kirsteen, never mind, oh, never mind. Now that I’ve seen her I’ll
just creep away.”
“Come here,” said Kirsteen full of pity, “and ye can give her a kiss
before ye go.”
Anne dragged herself up, trembling and tottering. She would rather have
dared the dark road than touch that white face. But what her sister
ordained she had to do. She bent over the bedside with terror to give
the required kiss.
Something had roused Drumcarro at that moment from his disturbed
slumbers. He had thrown himself on his bed half dressed, being after all
human and not without some feeling in respect to the poor companion of
so many long years. Perhaps he had heard something of the progress of
Anne and her supporters up the stairs. He came out now with a swing of
his door, pushing open that of the sick room. The first thing he saw was
the distracted face of Anne put forward reluctantly towards her mother,
against the dark moreen curtains of the bed. She saw him at the same
moment, and with the shriek of a wild creature at the touch of the
slayer sank out of sight, prone upon the floor, keeping a despairing
hold upon the folds of Kirsteen’s dress. Scorn of the coward no doubt
was in Drumcarro’s mind as well as rage at the intruder. He made a
stride across the room, and caught her by the shoulder forcing her to
her feet. The unusual sounds roused the dying mother. She struggled up,
looking wildly round, “What was that, what was that? Oh, dinna make a
noise, bairns, and anger your father.” Then her dim faculties returned
to their previous impression. “Neil, Neil--you’re the priest--Say it
once more--The Lord bless them a’ and all belonging to them, for Jesus
Christ’s sake, Amen--for ever and ever, Amen!”
She put her wasted hands upon her breast and fell back on her pillows.
The end had come--and everything had now to give way to the presence of
death. Drumcarro thrust his trembling daughter violently from him with a
muttered oath, and all except Anne gathered round the bed. The solitary
candle flickered with a faint light upon the group, Kirsteen on one side
with her arm under the pillow to ease the faint movements of the dying,
the father’s dark and weather-beaten countenance lowering over the bed,
Marg’ret behind, and Jeanie more like an angel than ever in her white
nightdress, startled by the sensation that had gone through the house,
appearing in the doorway. A last gleam of light in the mother’s fading
eyes rested upon this white angelic figure. No doubt the departing soul
took it for the guide that was to lead her to the skies.
Mr. Douglas put his hand, not without reverence, over the closing eyes.
He took out his watch to note the time. To kiss the dead face, or make
any demonstration of love or sorrow would have been impossible, and a
contradiction of all his habits and tenets: but the man was subdued, and
there was something in this presence which obliterated for the moment
all violent impulses. He said aloud but softly, “Twenty minutes past
three in the morning,” and closing his big watch with a sharp sound
which jarred upon the silence turned away. He even laid his hand almost
tenderly for an instant upon the golden head of Jeanie as he passed her,
and closed his own door with little noise. It was his only tribute to
the dead, and yet it was a real tribute. No harsh sound nor violence
could intrude there. Perhaps he was ashamed to have startled her, and
thankful even in his arbitrary soul that she had not known what it was.
Some moments of absolute silence passed during which Anne did not know
what to do. She had time to steal away, but was afraid to do so--not
sure that her father might not be lurking, lying in wait for her outside
of the door. The grip of his fingers on her shoulder seemed still to
burn her, and yet she had not received any harm. And this was not
all--for awe and superstitious fear and some natural feeling also kept
her still. She might see some white image of her mother more terrible
still than the wrath of the other parent if she ventured out of the
shelter of human society even in the death-chamber. Tears were hot
behind her eyes, waiting to burst. She did not dare to approach, to look
again at the face out of which life had just departed. The only movement
of which she was capable was to put forth a hand and grasp Kirsteen’s
dress, as at last, after that long moment of silence and homage to the
departed life, the watchers began to move again.
How soon that has to be! A few inevitable tears, a sense of utter quiet
and relief after the struggle, instinctive little cares which Marg’ret
could not postpone, to close the eyes, to straighten the dead arms, to
smooth the sheets in the decorum of death. Marg’ret’s eyes were full of
tears, but she knew well all that had to be done. “You must go and lie
down, my dear, and leave the rest to me,” she whispered. “All’s done
that you can do,” and it was only then that Anne recurred to their
minds, an anxiety the more, and that Kirsteen felt as she moved her
sister’s hold upon her dress.
Four o’clock in the morning, the darkest moment of the winter night! The
little troubled feminine party withdrew to the warm kitchen, the only
place in the house where there was warmth and light, to consult what
they should do. It had been Kirsteen’s intention to leave her father’s
house at once as she had come, her duty being over. But Jeanie’s anxious
entreaty bursting forth among the tears in which her simple sorrow found
relief, and a sense of the charge she had seemed to take from her
mother’s hand like some office and trust conferred, changed the mood of
Kirsteen. Her father had endured her presence, her young sister needed
her; Anne was her chief hindrance in these circumstances. But even for
Anne the bitterness of death was past. It was all over, and she had
sustained little harm; all that any one could ask of her now was to get
away as quietly as possible; the worst was over; Anne was capable of
enjoying the cup of tea which Marg’ret made haste to prepare. She even
was persuaded to “try an egg” with it, as she had “a journey before
her.” It is true that for a moment she was thrown into fresh despair by
the suggestion that Kirsteen was not to accompany her home.
“Oh, what will I do?” cried Anne. “Walk that awful way in the dark, and
take up the chaise at the end, and all alone, with nobody with me? Oh,
Kirsteen, if I had known, you would never have got me to leave my
family, me that never goes a step without my man!”
“It’s a great pity,” said Marg’ret, “that you put Mrs. Doctor Dewar to
all that trouble, Kirsteen.”
“And so it is,” said Anne. “I told her so; I said I was not fit for it,
to be trailed away to the Highlands at a moment’s notice. And my poor
mother that was too far gone to mind, or to ask about my family. And
what good could I do? But you might as well speak to the rocks as to
Kirsteen when she has taken a thing into her head. And now what is to
become of me?”