COUSIN WILL.
If so far as the golden Californian land this book of mine shall
reach, it may, perchance, fall into the hands of some who, from their
number, can select the veritable hero, the "Cousin Will" of my story.
If so, I would ask them to think as leniently as possible of his
faults, herein recorded, for the mustached Will of California, whose
generous conduct wins the love of all, is hardly the same wild,
mischievous boy, who once kept our home in a perpetual state of
excitement.
The tears were scarcely yet dried, which he had shed over his
mother's coffin, when he came to us, and in one corner of his green,
oval trunk, there lay a tress of soft brown hair, which he had
severed from that mother's head. He was the son of my mother's only
sister, who, on her death-bed, had committed him to the guardianship
of my father, asking him to deal gently with her wayward boy, for
beneath his faulty exterior there lay a mine of excellence, which
naught save words of love could fathom.
Without meaning to be so, perhaps, my father was a stern, reserved
man, never seeking the confidence of his children, whose real
characters he did not understand. It is true he loved us--provided
for all our wants, and, as far as possible, strove to make us what
the children of a New England Presbyterian deacon ought to be; but he
seldom petted us, and if Carrie, with her sunny face and chestnut
curls, sometimes stole up behind him and twined her chubby arms
around his neck, he seemed ashamed to return her caress unless they
were alone. Brother Charlie he looked upon as almost incorrigible,
but if he found it hard to cope with his bold, fun-loving spirit, it
was tenfold more difficult for him to tame the mischievous Will, whom
scarcely any one could manage, but who, strange to say, was a general
favorite.
It was night when he reached Meadow Brook, and I was in bed, but
through the closed doors I caught the sound of his voice, and in an
instant I experienced a sensation of delight, as if in him I should
find a kindred spirit. I could not wait until morning before I saw
him, and, rising softly, I groped my way down the dark stairway to a
knot-hole, which had more than once done me service when sent from
the room while my mother and her company told something I was not to
hear! He was sitting so that the light of the lamp fell full upon
his face, which, with its high, white brow, hazel eyes, and mass of
wavy hair, seemed to me the most beautiful I had ever seen.
Involuntarily I thought of my own plain features, and saying to
myself, "He'll never like me, never," I crept back to bed, wondering
if it were true that homely little girls made sometimes handsome
women.
The next morning, wishing to produce as favorable an impression as
possible, I was an unusually long time making my toilet--trying on
one dress after another, and finally deciding upon a _white cambric_,
which I never wore except to church, or on some similar occasion.
Giving an extra brush to my hair, which had grown out darker and so
very curly that Charley called me "Snarly-pate," I started for the
breakfast-room, where the family were already assembled.
"What upon earth has the child got on?" was grandma's exclamation as
she looked at me, both over and under her glasses, while mother bade
me "go straight back and change my dress," asking "why I had put on
my very best?"
"Settin' her cap for _Bill_, I guess," suggested Charlie, who,
boylike, was already on terms of great intimacy with his cousin.
More angry than grieved, I went back to my room, where I pouted for
half an hour or more. Then, selecting the worst looking dress I had,
I again descended to the dining-room where Charlie presented me to
Will, telling him at the same time "to spare all comments on my
appearance, as it made me madder than a March hare to be called ugly."
"I don't think she's ugly. Anyway _I_ like her looks," said Will,
smiling down upon me with those eyes which have since made many a
heart beat as mine did then, for 'twas the first compliment of the
kind I had ever received.
Will had always lived in the city, and now, anxious to see the lions
of the country at once, he proposed to Charlie a ramble over the
farm, inviting me to accompany them, which I did willingly,
notwithstanding that Charlie muttered something about "not wanting a
gal stuck along."
In the pasture we came across "old Sorrel," whom Will said he would
ride as they did in a circus, if Charlie would only catch him. This
was an easy task, for Sorrel, suspecting no evil, came up to us quite
readily, when Will, leaping upon his back, commenced whooping and
hallooing so loudly that Sorrel's mettle was up, and for nearly an
hour he ran quite as fast as his rider could wish. But circus riding
was not Sorrel's forte, and he probably grew dizzy, for he at length
stumbled and fell, injuring his fore foot in some way, so that, to
our dismay, we found he was unable to walk without a great effort.
"_Je-mi-my_! Won't the old gentleman rare!" said Charlie, who was
never very choice of his language.
Will, on the contrary, seemed more concerned for the horse, bringing
water in his hat, and bathing the fast-swelling limb of the poor
animal, who appeared to be grateful for the kindness. Charlie
proposed that we should keep it a secret, but to this Will would not
listen, and in a plain, straightforward way he confessed what he had
done, and father, who saw that Sorrel was temporarily injured,
forgave him, for he could not resist the pleading of Will's dark eyes.
This was his first day's adventure--the next one was a little
different. Finding a cow in the lane, he tried the experiment of
milking, succeeding so well that when at night Sally came in with her
half-filled pail, she declared that "Line-back was drying up, for
she'd only given a drop or so." For this and numerous other
misdemeanors Will also received absolution, but when on the second
Sabbath after his arrival he and Charlie both were missed from
church, whither they had started a full half-hour before the rest of
our family, father grew fidgety, holding his hymn-book wrong side up,
and sitting, instead of standing, during the prayer, a thing he was
never known to do before. He was very strict in the observance of
the fourth commandment, as indeed were most of the citizens of Meadow
Brook, it being an almost State Prison offense to stay away from
church on the Sabbath, or speak above a whisper until after sunset.
By the way, I think it a mistake, this converting the Sabbath into a
day so much to be dreaded by the youthful, fun-loving members of the
family, who are not yet old enough to see the propriety of having in
reserve a Sunday face, as well as a Sunday gown. I would not have
that sacred day profaned, but I would have it divested of that gloom
with which it is too often associated in the child's mind. I would
have everything connected with it as cheerful and pleasant as
possible, and in these days of Sabbath schools and Sabbath
school-books, it seems an easy matter to make it "The day of all the
week the best." I well remember one rainy Sunday, when the whole
family were obliged to remain at home, the younger ones reciting the
Catechism to grandma, committing to memory and repeating to mother
ten verses of the fifth chapter of Matthew, and then being compelled
to sit up stiff and straight while father read to us a long
metaphysical sermon, which he interspersed and lengthened out with
remarks of his own, among which was the consoling one that "Heaven
was one eternal Sabbath."
This was too much for Charlie, whose mind, instead of dwelling on the
words of the good divine, was sadly wandering towards a nest of young
white _pigs_, only that morning born. Turning towards me with a most
rueful face, he whispered, "Darned if I'll go there. I'll run away
first."
Of course I laughed aloud--how could I help it; and on my saying that
"Charlie made me," we were both ordered from the room in disgrace,
which latter we bore manfully--Charlie going straight to his pigs,
while I stole up garret to a big candle-box, where, on one of my old
dresses, lay sleeping six beautiful _kittens_.
But I am wandering from my subject, which was the time when Will and
Charlie were missing from church, and, when, to his utter
astonishment, father learned that they had gone to the consecration
of a Roman Catholic church, which had recently been erected a little
out of the village, on an eminence, where its white cross could be
seen from every point.
Against the Catholics as a religious denomination my father was
prejudiced, and when he ascertained that his son, born of orthodox
parents and baptized in the orthodox faith, had not only run away to
their church, but had also paid twenty-five cents, the price of
admission, he was a good deal excited, and for a deacon showed
considerable temper. It was, of course, Will's doings, he having
coaxed Charlie to go by telling him of the wonderful sights there
were to be seen.
At a late hour they came home, loitering around the barn a long time
before they ventured into the presence of my father, whom my
grandmother had somewhat appeased by telling him that "boys must sow
their wild oats sometime, and it wasn't best to be too strict with
'em, for it only made 'em act worse," adding that "the Catholics were
not the worst folks in the world, and they had just as much right to
their form of worship as we had to ours." This in a measure
mollified him, and consequently the two boys only received a long
lecture, and were debarred the privilege of going to the village,
except on Sundays, for three weeks, a punishment which annoyed Will
exceedingly. But nothing could subdue him, and the moment the three
weeks had expired he was as ready for mischief as ever. For a long
time the coming of a circus had been heralded by flaming handbills in
red and yellow, one of which Will plastered on to our great barn
door, from which conspicuous post it was removed by my father, who
conscientiously turned his back upon men and women riding on their
heads, declaring it an outrage upon all rules of propriety, and
denouncing circuses and circus-going people as utterly low and
vulgar. Thus from my earliest remembrance had I been taught, and
still my heart would throb faster, whenever, with the beat of the
drum and the sound of the bugle, the long procession swept past our
door, and more than once had I stolen to the top of the hill, whence
could be seen the floating banner and swaying canvas, watching from
afar the evil I dared not approach.
Great, then, was my surprise, when, on the morning of the eventful
day, Will suggested that Charlie, John, Lizzie, and I should run away
in the evening and visit the "doings," as he called it. I was
shocked that he should propose my going to such a place. "It was low
and vulgar," I told him, "and no one went there but loafers and
rowdies."
But he assured me that I was mistaken, saying that "some of our most
respectable people attended;" and then he wondered "how I was ever to
know anything unless I once in a while went to a circus, or a
theater, or something. It was perfectly ridiculous," he said, "for
father to keep us so cooped up at home. Nobody else did so. There
was Lawyer Smith's daughter, and Judge Brown's niece in Albany, who
always went, and if it didn't hurt them, it wouldn't me."
Thus Will reasoned, persuading me at last; and just at dark, Lizzie
and I, on pretense of going to bed early, went to our room, dressed
ourselves in our best, I donning the white cambric, which I had worn
on the first day of Will's arrival, and then when we were ready, got
out upon the roof of the woodshed, which came up under our window,
descending thence by means of a ladder which Will and Charlie brought
from the barn. I had the utmost confidence in Will, and yet as I
drew near the tent, and saw the rabble, whose appearance fully
equaled my father's description, I wished myself away. Just then the
band inside struck up, and giving my fears to the winds, I pressed
forward, once involuntarily turning my head aside, as I heard a man
near the door exclaim, "Deacon Lee's children, as I live! Is the
world coming to an end?"
Instantly my face flushed, for I felt that injustice was done to my
father, and my first impulse was to exonerate him from all blame by
explaining that we had run away; but ere I could do so Will pulled me
along, and in a moment we were in the close, heated atmosphere of the
vast arena, where were congregated more than a thousand people, of
all ages and conditions. I was confounded, for it seemed to me that
each and every one was pointing towards us the finger of scorn, and
never since have I felt so wholly degraded and ashamed as I did at
the moment of my first entrance to a circus!
We had been but a short time seated, when Will, who had divined my
feelings, nudged my elbow, and pointing towards a group just
entering, said, "See, there's 'Squire Talbot, his wife and daughter,
Dr. Griffin, and lots more of Meadow Brook aristocracy. Now, ain't
you glad you came?"
It was as he said, and as I saw the above mentioned individuals, some
of them professors of religion, and all of them people of the first
standing in town, I can scarcely tell how I felt. It was a sensation
of mingled pleasure, bewilderment, and perplexity. Could it be that,
after all, my father was wrong, that he was too strict with us,
debarring us from innocent amusements, for if it were proper for
members of the church to frequent such places, why was it not for me?
Now, I can answer promptly that my father was right, wholly right,
but I was puzzled then, and gradually I began to care less for being
there, and to have less fear of what father would say when he found
it out. I was growing very brave, entrenching myself behind the bad
example of those who little suspected the harm their presence was
doing. Father did not know the ways of the world, I thought, but
after being enlightened by me, I was sure he would become a convert
at once, and possibly at the next circus he would be in attendance,
but from this last idea I involuntarily shrank, thinking I could
never respect him again, were he guilty of such a thing.
I enjoyed it vastly, all except the riding of the girl, who I fancied
had on her little sister's dress, and when she came out I looked for
a place where to hide my head; but hearing the spectators cheer
louder than ever, I cast furtive glances at those around me,
discovering to my amazement that they seemed more delighted with her
than with anything else; while, to crown all, I heard Will telling a
young man, that "she was a splendid rider, that he never saw but one
who could beat her, and that was a girl in Albany." Then turning to
Lizzie, he asked if she would not like to ride in that way?
With an involuntary shudder I threw my arm around my sister, as if to
protect her from what I felt would be worse than a thousand deaths.
Gradually there was dawning upon my mind the suspicion that a circus
after all was not exactly the school for pure young girls, and I felt
that not all the wealth of the Indies could tempt me to fill the post
that that rider did. Towards the other actors I was more lenient,
thinking that if ever I joined the circus, I should surely be the
clown, whose witty speeches amused me greatly, for I did not then
know that they were all made up beforehand, and that what he said to
us to-day he would say to others on the morrow. Mlle. Glaraine was
just finishing up her performance by riding around the circle without
other support than the poising of one foot on a man's shoulder, when
who should appear but _our father_!
He had missed Will and Charlie from family prayers, and had traced
them as far as the pavilion, where the fee-receiver demanded a
quarter ere he would allow him to enter. It was in vain that father
tried to explain matters, saying, "he never attended a circus in his
life, and what was more never should; he'd only come for two boys who
had run away."
The doorkeeper was incorrigible; "he'd seen just as honest looking
men," he said, "who were the greatest cheats in the world, and if
father wanted to go in, he could do so by paying the usual fee; if
not, he must budge."
Finding there was no alternative, father yielded, and then made his
way into the tent, scanning with his keen gray eyes the sea of faces
until he singled out Charlie, who was so absorbed in stamping and
hallooing at Mlle. Glaraine's leaping through a hoop, that he never
dreamed of father's presence until a rough hand was laid upon his
shoulder, and a stern voice demanded of him why he was there?
Perfectly thunderstruck, Charlie started to his feet with the
exclamation of "_Je-ru-sa-lem!_" but before he could make any
explanation father discovered Lizzie and me. 'Twas the first
suspicion he had of our being there, and now, when he saw us, he
turned pale, and reeled as if smitten by a heavy blow. Had he felled
me to the earth it would have hurt me less than did the expression of
his face and the tones of his voice, as he said, "You, too, Rosa! I
never thought you would thus deceive me."
I began to cry aloud; so did Lizzie, and in this way we made our exit
from the circus, followed by Charlie, John, and Will, the latter of
whom, the moment we were in the open air, began to take the blame all
to himself, saying, as was very true, that we never would have
thought of going but for him, and suggesting that he alone should be
punished, as he was the one most in fault. I thought this was very
magnanimous in Will, and I looked up in father's face to see how it
affected him, but the moonlight was obscure, and I could discover
nothing, though the hand that held mine trembled violently. I
presume he thought that in this case corporal punishment would be of
no avail, for we received none, but in various ways were we made to
feel that we had lost the confidence of the family. For four long
weeks we were each night locked into our rooms, while for the same
length of time we were kept from school, Lizzie and I reciting our
lessons to our mother, while Will, Charlie, and John, to use their
own words, "worked from morning until night, like niggers."
But the worst part of it all was the temporary disgrace which our act
of disobedience brought upon father. A half-drunken fellow, who saw
him enter the tent, and who knew that we were there, hurried away to
the village with the startling intelligence that "Deacon Lee and all
his family were at the circus."
The news spread like wildfire, gathering strength in its progress,
until by the time it reached us it was a current report that not only
was father at the circus, _grandma_ too! This was more than the old
lady could bear. Sixty-nine years had she lived without ever having
had a word breathed against her morals, and now, just as her life's
sun was setting, to have such a thing laid to her charge was too
much, and she actually worried herself into a fever, which confined
her to the house for several weeks.
After this adventure it became a serious question in father's mind as
to what he should do with Will, who kept our heretofore quiet
household in a state of perpetual excitement. Nothing seemed to have
the least effect upon him save the mention of his mother, and that
for the time being would subdue him, but when temptation came, he
invariably yielded, and Charlie, who was an apt scholar, was pretty
sure to follow where his wild, dashing cousin led. There was
scarcely any boyish vice to which Will was not more or less addicted,
and "Deacon Lee's sons," who had often been held up as patterns for
their companions, began soon to prove the old adage true, that "evil
communications corrupt good manners."
John learned to handle an oath quite fluently, while Charlie was one
Sunday morning discovered playing euchre with Will on the hayloft,
where they kept their cards hidden. But all this was nothing
compared to the night when both the boys were brought home so
intoxicated that neither of them was able to stand alone or speak!
They had been to a "raising," where the brandy bottle circulated
freely, Will, as a matter of course, drinking from the beginning.
Charlie, however, hesitated until they taunted him with "being afraid
of the old deacon," daring him "to drink and be a _man_." Then he
yielded, and with fiendish pleasure the crowd gathered around, urging
him on, until he was undeniably drunk; after which they chuckled with
delight as they wondered what the "blue Presbyterian" would say. We
were sitting down to supper when they brought him home, and the
moment mother saw him, she darted forward, exclaiming, "Is he dead?
Tell me, is my boy dead?"
"Yes, _dead--drunk_," answered the man, with a cold, ironical sneer
at her distress.
_He_ was used to it, for of five noble sons who once called him their
father, four slept in a drunkard's grave, and the fifth had far
better have been there than the wreck he was. My father had risen
from his seat, but at the words "he is drunk," he dropped upon the
floor as if scathed with the lightning's stroke. You who think it a
light matter--the holding of the wine-cup to the lips of your
neighbor's child--you should have seen my father that night, as moan
after moan of anguish came from his pale lips, while the great drops
of perspiration stood thickly upon his forehead and about his mouth.
The effect it had upon him was terrible; crushing him to the earth,
and weaving in among his hitherto brown locks more than one thread of
silver. Once when Charlie was with me, I heard him in the barn,
praying that the promise of a covenant God might be remembered
towards him, and that his son might yet be saved. Charlie's feelings
were touched, and dropping on his knees at my side he made a solemn
vow that never again should ardent spirits of any kind pass his lips;
and God, who heard that vow mingled with my father's prayer,
registered it in Heaven, and from that day to this, amid all the
temptations which come to early manhood, it has been unbroken.
Not thus easily could Will be reached. His was the sorrow of a day,
which passed away with the coming of to-morrow's sun, and after a
long consultation, it was decided that he should go to sea, and the
next merchantman bound for the East Indies, which sailed from Boston,
bore on its deck, as a common sailor, our cousin Will, who went from
us reluctantly, for to him there was naught but terror, toil, and
fear in "a life on the ocean wave." But there was no other way to
save him, they said, and so with bitter grief at our hearts, we bade
adieu to the wayward boy, praying that God would give the winds and
waves charge concerning him, and that no danger might befall him when
afar on the rolling billow.