XVII

Burton gave forth some information this evening, as he was dressing me

for dinner. He had now discovered from Pierre how Suzette had behaved

when she intruded upon Alathea. She had entered the room--"Passing

Pierre without so much as asking his leave, and he with his wooden leg

not so nimble as might be!" She had gone to the writing table and

demanded my address. "An affair of business which must be attended to at

once," she had announced. Pierre standing at the door had heard all

this. Burton added "He said that Mam'zelle was that scented and that got

up, of course Miss Sharp must have known what she was."

Alathea apparently had answered with dignity, that she had received no

orders to give any address, but that letters would be forwarded.

"She took no more notice of Mam'zelle than if she was a chair," Pierre

had told him--who, having his own troubles with women, was prepared to

see a conflict! Suzette became nonplussed, and losing her temper a

little told Alathea that she hoped she would get as much out of the

situation as she herself had done! Alathea continued writing as though

she had not heard, and then told her quite politely in French, that if

she would kindly leave whatever letters were to be sent on, she would

see that they went that night, and had added:

"Now, I need not detain you longer." Suzette became furious, and

stamping, said she was "Mademoiselle la Blonde," and had more right

there than Alathea!

Pierre had here interfered, and catching hold of Suzette's arm, had

dragged her from the room.

I tingled with shame and wrath. That the person I respect most in the

world should have been exposed to such a scene--! Burton too was

horrified--.

I had the most awful sensation of discomfort--the very fact of having to

hear of all this through servants was sufficiently disgusting, without

the events themselves being so degrading.

What must Alathea think of me! And I cannot even allude to the subject.

How wonderful her dignity has been that she has allowed no extra

contempt to come into her manner.

How shall I have the pluck to ask her to marry me? I mean to do so

to-morrow when she comes.

* * * * *

_Saturday:_

I am going to write the events of these last days down without any

comment.

I came in to the sitting-room after Alathea had arrived. She was writing

at her desk in the little salon. I looked in and asked her if she would

come in and speak to me. Then I got to my chair. She entered obediently

with the block in her hand, ready to begin work.

"Will you sit down, please," I said, indicating a chair, where she would

face me and the light, so that no shade of her expression should be lost

upon me. (I shall become quite an expert in reading mouths. I am obliged

to study hers so closely!)

I felt less nervous than I have ever felt when with her. I thought there

was the faintest shade of alertness in her manner.

"I am going to say something which will surprise you very much, Miss

Sharp," I began.

She raised her head a little.

"I will put the case to you quite baldly--I am very rich as you know--I

am still horrid to look at--I am lonely and I want a companion who would

play the piano to me, and who would help me to write books, and who

would travel with me. I cannot have any of these simple things because

of the scandal people would make--so there is only one course open to

me--that is to go through the marriage ceremony--Miss Sharp--under those

terms will you marry me?"

Her attitude had become tense--her face did not flush, it became very

pale. She remained perfectly silent for a moment. I felt just the same

as I used to do before going over the top--a queer kind of excitement--a

wonder if I'd come through or not.

As she did not answer I went on. "I would not expect anything from you

except a certain amount of your company. There would not be any question

of living with me as a wife--I would promise even to keep in check that

side which you once saw and which I was so sorry about. I would settle

lots of money on you, and give anything to your family you might wish. I

would not bother you, you would be quite free--only I would like you to

take interest in my work in a way--and to play to me--even if you would

not talk to me."

My voice broke a little at the end of this; I was conscious of it, and

of how weak it was of me. Her hands clasped together suddenly--and she

appeared as though she was going to speak, then remained silent.

"Won't you answer me at all?" I pleaded.

"It is such a strange proposal--I would wish to refuse it at once----"

"It is quite bald, I know," I interrupted quickly. "I want to buy

you--that is all--you can name the price. I know if you consented it

would merely be for the same reason which makes you work. I presume it

is for your family, not for yourself; therefore, I am counting upon that

to influence you. Whatever you would want for your family I should be

delighted to give you."

She twisted her locked hands--the first sign of real emotion I have seen

in her.

"You would marry me--without knowing anything about me? It is very

strange--."

"Yes. I think you are extremely intelligent--if you would consent to

talk to me sometimes. I want to go into Parliament--when I am patched up

and more decent looking, and I believe you would be of the greatest help

to me."

"You mean the whole thing simply as a business arrangement?"

"I have already stated that."

She started to her feet.

"The bargain," I went on, "would be quite a fair one. I am offering to

buy a thing which is not for sale--therefore, I am willing to pay

whatever would tempt the owner to part with it. I am not mixing up any

sentiment in the affair. I want the brain of you for my scheme of life,

and the laws of the quaintly civilized society to which we belong, do

not permit me to hire it--I must buy it outright. I put it to you

net--is there any way we can effect this deal?"

Her lips were quivering--.

"You would say this, no matter what you might hear of my family?"

"I am quite unconcerned as to their history. I have observed you, and

you possess all the qualities which I want in the partner who can help

me to live my new life. For me you are just a personality--" (thus I

lied valiantly!) "not a woman."

"Can I believe you?" she asked a little breathlessly.

"You are thinking of that day when I kissed you--" her lips told me by

their sudden drawing in, that she was agitated.

"Well--I expect really that you know men well enough, Miss Sharp, to

know that they have sudden temptations--but that a strong will can

overcome them. I was very much moved about your grief that afternoon,

and the suppressed emotion, and the exasperation you had caused me,

unbalanced me--I am quite unlikely ever to feel again--if you will marry

me, I will give you my word I will never touch you, or expect anything,

of you except what you agree to give in the bargain. You can lead your

own life--and I can lead mine."

I felt suddenly that these last words were not very wise--for they

aroused in her mind the thought that I should go on having friends like

Suzette. I hastened to add--

"You will have my deepest respect, and as my wife shall be treated with

every courtesy and honour."

She sat down again and raised her hands to her eyes as though to remove

her glasses, and then remembered and dropped them.

"I see that you would rather not answer to-day, Miss Sharp--you might

prefer to go now and think about it?"

"Thank you." She turned and walked back into the little salon without a

word more, and when she went I closed my eye exhausted with the great

strain.

But I did not feel altogether hopeless until Burton came in to tell me

lunch was ready and said that Alathea had gone.

"The young lady said as how she would not be back she expected, and she

took her own pens and things in her bag. She was as white as a lily,

give you my word, Sir Nicholas."

I am ashamed to say that I felt a little faint then. Had I overstepped

the mark, and should I never see her again?

A whole party of the fluffies were coming to dinner, and we were to have

a very gay evening. I ordered my one horse Victoria and went for a drive

in the _Bois_, to calm myself, and the trees with their early autumn

tints seemed to mock at me. I could see too much beauty in them, and it

hurt. Everything hurt! This was certainly the worst afternoon I have had

to bear since I came to on No-Man's Land near Langemarke. But I suppose

at dinner I played the game, for Coralie and the rest congratulated me.

"Getting quite well, Nicholas! And of a _chic_! _Va!_"

We played poker afterwards and the stakes were high, and I was the

winner the whole time, until I could see anxiety creep into more than

one eye (pair of eyes! I have got so accustomed to writing of eyes in

the singular that I forget!) We had quantities of champagne and some

exotic musicians Maurice had procured for me, and a nude Hindoo dancer.

Everyone went more or less mad.

They left about four in the morning, all rather drunk, if one must write

it. But the more I had drunk the more hideously sober and filled with

anguish I seemed to become, until when I had called the last cheery

good-night and was at last alone in my bed, I felt as if the end had

come, and that death would be the next and only good thing which could

happen to me.

I have never before had this strange detached sense in such measure as

this night. As of a hungry agonized spirit standing outside its wretched

body, and watching its feeble movements, conscious of their futility,

conscious of being chained to the miserable thing, and only knowing

rebellion and agony.

Burton gave me a sleeping draught, and I slept far into the next day to

awake more unhappy than ever, obsessed with self-contempt and

degradation.

In the afternoon, I received a note from Maurice, telling me that he had

inadvertently heard that a fellow in the American Red Cross had seen

Miss Sharp's passport, when she had been sent down to Brest for them,

and the name on it was Alathea Bulteel Sharp, and judging that the

second name sounded as if it might be a well-known English one, he

hastened to tell me, in case it should be a clue. I could not think

where I had heard it before, or with what memory it was connecting in my

brain. I had a feeling it was something to do with George Harcourt. I

puzzled for a while, and then I looked back over the pages of my

journal, and there found what I had written of his conversation--Bobby

Bulteel--Hartelford's brother--cheating at cards--and married to Lady

Hilda Marchant----

Of course!--The whole thing became plain to me! This would account for

everything. I hobbled up and got down the peerage. I turned to the

Hartelford title, and noted the brothers--the Hon'bles--John Sinclair,

Charles Henry, and Robert Edgar. This last must be "Bobby" Then I read

the usual things--"Educated at Eton and Christchurch, etc., etc." "Left

the Guards in 1893." "Married in 1894--Lady Hilda Farwell, only daughter

of the Marquess of Braxted (title extinct) and divorced wife of William

Marchant, Esquire." "Issue--"

"Alathea--born 1894, John Robert born 1905, and Hilda born 1907."

So the whole tragic story seemed to unfold itself before me.

Alathea is the child of that great love and sacrifice of her Mother--I

read again the words George had used: "She adored the fellow who had

every charm." All the world might cast him out, but that one faithful

woman gave up home and name and honour, to follow him in his disgrace.

That was love indeed, however misplaced! I looked again at the dates and

made a calculation of the time divorces took then, and I saw that my

little darling girl could only have escaped illegitimacy by perhaps a

few hours!

What had her life been? I pictured it. They must have hidden diminished

heads in hole and corner places during the dreary years. Such a man as

Bobby Bulteel must have been, as George said, a weakling. The

Hartlefords were poor as church mice, and were not likely to assist a

scapegrace, who had dishonoured them. I remembered hearing that on the

old Lord Braxted's death years ago, Braxted was sold to the

Merrion-Walters, Ironfounders from Leeds. No doubt the old man had cut

his daughter off without the traditional shilling, but even so, some

hundreds a year must have been theirs. What then did the poverty of

Alathea suggest? That some constant drain must be going on all the time.

Could the scapegrace still be a gambler, and that could account for it?

This seemed the most probable explanation.

Then all over me there rushed a mad worship for my little love. Her

splendid unselfishness, her noble self-sacrifice, her dignity, her

serenity. I could have kissed the ground under her feet.

I made Burton spend untold time telephoning to the Embassy, and then to

Versailles to Colonel Harcourt--would he not dine with me? He was sorry

he was engaged but he would lunch the next day. Then when the long

evening was in front of me alone--I could hardly bear it. And, driven to

desperation at last, when Burton was undressing me, I said to him:

"Did you ever know anything of the Hartlefords, Burton--Bulteel is the

family name?"

"Can't say as I did personally, Sir Nicholas," he answered, "but of

course, when I was a young boy taking my first fourth-footman's place,

before I came to your father, Sir Guy, at Her Grace of Wiltshire's, I

could not help hearing of the scandal about the cheating at cards. The

whole nobility and gentry was put to about it, and nothing else was

talked of at dinner."

"Try and tell me what you remember of the story."

So Burton held forth in his own way for a quarter of an hour. There had

been no possible doubt of the crime, it was the week after the Derby,

and Bulteel had lost heavily it was said. He was caught red-handed and

got off abroad that night, and the matter would have been hushed up

probably but for the added sensation of Lady Hilda's elopement with him.

That set society by the ears, and the thing was the thrill of the

season. Mr. Marchant had been "all broken-up" by it, and delayed the

divorce so that as far as Burton could remember, Captain Bulteel could

not marry Lady Hilda for more than a year afterwards. All this coincided

with what I already knew. Lord Braxted too, "took on fearful," and died

of a broken heart it was said, leaving every cent to charity. The entail

had been cut in the generation before and the title became extinct at

his death.

I did not tell Burton then of my discovery, and lay long hours in the

dark, thinking and thinking.

What did the Duchesse's attitude mean? In the eyes of the Duchesse de

Courville-Hautevine, _neé_ Adelaide de Mont Orgeuil--to cheat at cards

would be the worst of all the cardinal sins. Such a man as Bobby Bulteel

must be separated from his kind. She knew Lady Hilda probably (the

Duchesse often stayed in England with my mother) and she probably felt a

disapproving pity for the poor lady. The great charity of her mind would

be touched by suffering, if the suffering was apparent, and perhaps she

had some affection for the girl Alathea. But no affection could bridge

the gulf which separated the child of an outcast from her world. The

sins of the father would inevitably be visited upon the children by an

unwritten law, and although she might love Alathea herself, she could

not countenance her union with me. The daughter of a man who had cheated

at cards should go into a convent. I instinctively felt somehow that

this would be her viewpoint.

Does Alathea know this tragedy about her father? Has she had to live

always under this curse? Oh! The pity of it all.

Morning found me more restless and miserable than I have ever been, and

it brought no sign of my love!