"The art of not hearing should be learned by all." Young America flouts
the chaperon. The young girl of the middle class guesses she can "look out
for herself," and knows "how to behave." Very often she doesn't know, and
sadly demonstrates her lack of the knowledge of life and good sense that
would enable her to avoid situations that create gossip. In European
society the chaperon is indispensable and has an acknowledged and honored
position. In America, young women ridicule the idea and young men are
decidedly impatient of her presence. And yet in our more conventional
circles it is understood that she is a protection to the girls in her
charge, and an oft-needed restraint on young men who are inclined to be
too free and familiar.
Mothers as Chaperons.--A mother is her daughter's best chaperon. Very
often her health, her home duties and her own lack of social experience
unfit her for such a duty. In that case, she should be glad to put her
girls in charge of some more experienced woman. If all young men were
honest and honorable and temperate, the unchaperoned girl would meet with
fewer embarrassments. Think of the awkward plight of a girl should the
carriage or the taxicab break down as she is returning home, or the
miserable state of the girl whose escort at play or party has taken too
much wine! These things don't often happen, some one says. They do
happen--far more frequently than the world at large is aware.
Chaperon's Lot Not Easy.--The duties of a chaperon are so onerous that she
deserves much gratitude, rather than revilement, for undertaking them. She
must stay at balls and parties when she would infinitely prefer her bed;
she must frequent places of amusement that are tiresome to her but
agreeable to her young charges; she must remain in the parlor, or in the
adjacent room separated only by draperies from it, while the girt
entertains men callers, and no woman enjoys being "gooseberry;" she must
check too high spirits and prevent "loud" behavior. And she will many
times know that her presence is resented, and sad to say, endure slights
in the discharge of her duties.
Chaperons a Social Help.--Nevertheless, if girls only knew it, the
chaperon may be very helpful and aid them materially in having a good
time. She should be a woman of wide acquaintance, accustomed to good
society. Then she will introduce the girls under her charge to nice men
whom they should know, and to partners for the dance; see that they are
invited to nice places, and that they are correctly dressed. She must have
tact combined with dignity, and be able to reprove little lapses in
decorum so tactfully that youth will not take umbrage. She must make her
charges like her, and win and hold their respect. And it is very important
that she should know what not to see--"the art of not hearing"--yet she
should never overlook anything vital, It will be seen that she should be a
person of infinite tact, good nature and courage.
[772 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
The Chaperon of the Motherless Girl.--Nowdays, the wealthy widower,
instead of putting his young daughter at the head of the household,
secures some woman of good reputation and social standing as his
daughter's chaperon. She is, practically, the feminine head of the house,
and in so far as possible, takes a mother's place with the girl. She sees
to it that the girl has proper companionship and does not make undesirable
acquaintances. She accompanies her on shopping expeditions, travels with
her, attends theatres and parties with her, takes the head of the table if
the girl gives a luncheon, and everywhere strives to make life pleasant
for her young charge, giving up her own pleasure and convenience for that
purpose.
Even the young woman of twenty-five or twenty-seven, at the head of her
father's household, or living in a hotel, should have a companion.
Avoid Espionage.--And yet, with all this responsibility, the chaperon must
avoid anything like espionage. She must not open letters; she must not be
prying and inquisitive; she must not give reasons for the girl she
chaperons to regard her as "a dragon."
A giddy, flirtatious chaperon is a disadvantage to a girl. She is so
desirous of securing attention and having a good time herself that she
neglects her charge. Often she undertakes chaperonage chiefly or entirely
in order to go about herself. Such a chaperon is worse than none at all.
The Girl and the Chaperon.--A girl should remember that her chaperon
stands in the relation of a mother to her for the time being, therefore
any disregard of her chaperon's suggestions or wishes is the same as
disregarding her mother's. No well-bred girl ever does this--well, at
least not publicly. If her chaperon gently intimates that it is time to go
home, that she is dancing too many times with the same man, or "sitting
out" too long, she should cheerfully comply with the hint. She should not
vanish with an escort, leaving her chaperon and others--to wonder at her
absence, but at the close of every few dances, before the beginning of
another, ask to be taken to her chaperon. There her next partner will
naturally look for her.
She must at all times treat her chaperon with the utmost respect and
deference, remembering the lady is bestowing a favor by taking charge of
her, and that it is often at her parents' request.
At a theatre party, bachelor's tea, sailing party, excursion, etc., one
married woman is sufficient chaperon.
The girl who works, the art and music student, may look after herself, but
the society girl must submit to the thralldom of the chaperon.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 773]
The Chaperon in Middle Class Society.--While the rules of etiquette are
intended to be of general application, there are certain relaxations in
middle class society not permissible in more fashionable circles. This is
the case as regard the chaperon. Many young men on moderate salary would
not feel they could afford to buy a ticket to the theatre or concert for a
chaperon, or order a carriage. But is a girl then to be denied permission
to accept the invitation? Under such circumstances middle class etiquette
requires that the young man shall be well known to the family as a person
of good habits and reputation. The girl, however, is not supposed to
accept an invitation to a supper afterwards. She may go to a dancing party
at a private house or a club in case proper chaperons are provided for the
affair and they almost invariably are. But it is better taste for a party
of young people to go together under the care of a chaperon.
When a girl receives a young man visitor, her mother should always meet
him. She should enter the parlor, be introduced if he is a stranger,
converse for fifteen or twenty minutes, and excuse herself, leaving the
young people to their tete-a-tete. No girl ever loses a young man's
estimation through being properly looked after.
Under no circumstances should the young girl be allowed to accompany a
young man on an excursion without a chaperon. She should not motor with
him alone; another pair of young people should go with them unless a
chaperon is included.