While the home wedding is modeled in its essentials along the lines of the
church wedding, much less formality is observed. The invitations to the
church wedding are always in the third person and engraved. Those for the
home wedding, though often following the same formula, may be informal
notes in the first person, written by the bride's mother.
Correct Attire.--It is sometimes supposed that a bride married at home may
not wear a veil nor be "given away." On the contrary, if she wears white
she may with perfect propriety wear a veil, and the Episcopal marriage
ceremony always, and nearly all other forms of the service include the
giving away, as implying parental sanction and consent. The "giving away,"
then, is customary, even at the simplest home wedding.
If the bride wears a traveling dress she has a maid-of-honor, the one
attendant being so-called. The groom is attended by his best man. There
are usually two ushers, though these may be omitted, The maid-of-honor
wears some pretty costume which is in keeping with that of the bride. If
the latter wears white, the attendant also wears white with colored
trimmings. If the bride wears a veil, the maid wears a hat; the veil being
the head covering of the bride.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 741]
The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat
and tie, silk--not lawn, gray or white gloves, and patent leather shoes at
a day wedding, The ushers are similarly attired, save that they may wear
black waistcoats. Silk hats are worn.
Minor Particulars.--The bridegroom and best man will require a room. The
clergyman expects a room where he may don his surplice or gown. The ushers
may also require a room.
The bride's mother receives the guests, her father remaining with his
daughter to conduct her to the room where the ceremony is to be performed.
A mother may perform this office if the father is not living. After
placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman, the father steps
back a pace or two, awaiting the end of the service. Wedding music is
played when the party is ready to enter, and may be continued, very
softly, through the ceremony; it must not overpower the voices of the
participants.
Guests should arrive at the hour named, leave wraps in hall or dressing
room, and descend to the parlors. It is not expected that all will be
seated, though a few chairs are provided for the elderly. The ushers
stretch two lengths of white ribbon from end to end of the room, making an
aisle for the little procession.
The clergyman, groom, and best man enter and take their places at one end
of the room, when the music begins. Then come the ushers, next the
maid-of-honor, walking alone; then the bridesmaids, if any, followed by
the bride on the arm of her father. The groom steps forward to receive her
and the two face the clergyman. The best man stands on the bridegroom's
right. The maid-of-honor will hold the bride's bouquet and her glove, if
this is removed; the ring is in the custody of the best man.
Etiquette to be Observed.--At the close of the ceremony the clergyman
congratulates the pair and steps aside. They face about and the bride's
mother is the next to offer her good wishes, then the groom's parents. The
guests then extend felicitations. It is thought in better taste to wish
the bride happiness and congratulate the groom, it being supposed that he
is the most fortunate in having been able to secure such a prize.
It is no longer customary for everyone to kiss the bride; she is not
compelled to suffer to that extent.
The best man assists the ushers--whose first duty is to remove the white
ribbons--in escorting guests to the bride and groom. His duties are the
same as those of the best man at a church wedding.
The maid-of-honor stands at the bride's left as she receives.
The bride and bridegroom lead the way to the dining room, the best man
offering his arm to the maid-of-honor.
The bride's father escorts the bridegroom's mother, the guests follow in
such order as is convenient, and the bride's mother and the bridegroom's
father are the last.
[742 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
If only twenty-five or thirty guests are present the wedding breakfast is
preferably served at small tables. The clergyman and his wife, who should
always be invited, are seated at the bride's table. So also the
maid-of-honor, the best man, the ushers, and the parents of the pair, with
sisters and brothers if convenient. Or, the bride's table may be reserved
strictly for the bridal party.
The bride may cut her own cake if she chooses, or the wedding cake may be
dispensed in boxes as at the reception following a church wedding.
The departure of the newly wedded pair is on the order already indicated.
After the Wedding.--It may be said here that the "horse play"--for it is
nothing else--sometimes indulged in as "an after clap" to a wedding, in
which practical jokes are played on the pair, is not only unkind and
ill-bred, but in most execrable taste. To placard the luggage "Just
married;" to tie white ribbons on it and the carriage in which they are
driven away; to substitute a suitcase packed with the things a man doesn't
want on his journey for one containing what he does, is not at all
"smart."
Why should some coarse, ill-bred persons, whether they have or have not
been favored with invitations, strive to embarrass and make uncomfortable
those to whom the situation is already sufficiently trying? Why, after so
much pains and expense have been employed to make the occasion beautiful
and impressive, should the "practical joker" take it upon himself to spoil
it all by an ill-timed "pleasantry" which is the acme of rudeness and
discourtesy? It is a curious character that can enjoy perpetrating what
are really outrages upon other people's sensibilities.
Wedding Gifts.--Very soon after the wedding invitations are out the
presents begin to pour in. The fashion of gift giving on such an occasion
is not as prevalent as at one time; it was overdone, carried beyond the
limits of good taste, and of course a reaction was inevitable. Some men
profess to share the feeling of the Scandinavian immigrant who was so
deeply affronted at the offerings made by his bride's friends--as if he
were not able to furnish his home with the necessary articles--that in his
Berserker rage he was with difficulty restrained from casting gifts and
donors together into the street.
Generally speaking, only relatives and intimate friends send gifts, though
there is no interdict as regards others who may wish to testify to their
interest in the bride in this way. An ostentatious gift from a person not
in the family is in bad taste. The words "No presents" on wedding
invitations are in the worst possible form.
An invitation to a church wedding and not to the reception precludes the
necessity of making a gift; indeed, it would be thought rather "pushing"
to send one.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 743]
What to Give.--The flat silver is generally given by the bride's family.
In order to avoid duplicates, it is best for the friends and relatives to
consult together in regard to their gifts. It is not thought good form to
offer articles of wearing apparel. Anything the bride's immediate family
has to offer in this line is best included in the trousseau. Cut glass,
silver, bric-a-brac, napery, books, pictures, fans, rugs, clocks, handsome
chairs and tables, are things that may be chosen with propriety.
The question of the correct form of marking silver and napery often comes
up. The rule is to have it engraved with the initials of the bride's
maiden name--not the single initial of her family name, as is sometimes
ignorantly done--because it is her own private property. If a wife dies,
the silver bearing her name is packed away for the future use of her
child, especially if it is a girl. The second wife would be forbidden by
good taste and convention, from using the first wife's silver.
Acknowledgments.--Wedding gifts are usually packed where they are bought,
and sent direct from the shops. The card of the donor is enclosed, within
a tiny envelope. It is a rule that the wedding gift must be acknowledged
immediately, before the marriage, and by a personal note from the bride.
This is not always possible, but the note should be written at the
earliest moment the bride's engagements will permit. Such notes are always
in the first person, and should be pleasant and cordial. The writer must
be careful to render thanks for the article sent. Amusing mistakes
sometimes happen; thus a lady who had sent a pair of handsome candlesticks
was mystified by expressions of gratitude for a silver berry spoon she had
not sent.
A cordial form of acknowledging a gift is this:
12 Canton Avenue.
My Dear Mrs. Bruce:
The beautiful cut glass vase sent by you and Mr. Bruce has just
arrived, and I hasten to thank you most sincerely for your kind
thought of me. It will be a constant reminder of your goodness to Mr.
Waters and myself, and a most lovely ornament to our new home.
Gratefully yours,
Marion Moore.
July tenth, nineteen hundred and nine.
The wedding gifts may or may not be displayed, according to the personal
preference of the bride. They are commonly shown to intimate friends. A
room is given up to their display. Cards are to be removed.
[744 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Wedding Decorations.--At a church wedding it is customary, and wisest, to
put the matter of decorating the church and house into the hands of a
florist, who can furnish the palms and others plants required for the
chancel, and carry out any color scheme desired. He has the paraphernalia
requisite to effective disposition of flowers. Usually large clusters of
foliage and flowers, ribbon tied, are attached to the pews reserved for
the relatives; often they are arranged the entire length of the aisle, The
mantels in the house are banked with flowers, southern smilax is used in
profusion, and flowers are arranged upon the tables at which the supper is
served.
At a church wedding in the country the bride's friends must come to the
rescue, and their gardens be robbed to beautify church and home. Flowers
may be sought in the fields. Large jars of daisies, wild ferns, tall
grasses, autumn tinted boughs, or in the blooming season, boughs of fruit
trees, can be used most effectively. At one pretty home wedding the
decorations were boughs of the wild crab-apple in bloom, pink and pretty,
and kept so by having the stems inserted in bottles of water, suspended by
wires and concealed by other foliage. A large screen sometimes forms a
background for the bridal party. If covered with wire netting flowers can
be very easily attached.
Walls are not festooned; "wedding bells" and canopies are out of date. The
most approved setting is tall palms, ferns on standards concealed by a
lower grouping, with a few potted plants in bloom to relieve the
sombreness of the green. Large flowers like lilies, hydrangeas,
chrysanthemums and peonies are most effective. Tulips are often employed
at a spring wedding. One little country girl made good use of ordinary
field clover in decorating her home for her marriage.
After a wedding, the flowers are often sent to the hospitals, or to those
who are known to be ill, at the request of the bride.