The Expense of a Wedding.--It may be said at the outset that no wedding
should be more costly than the financial standing of the bride's family
warrants. If the bridegroom's family is wealthy, and that of the bride in
very moderate circumstances, there will be many to intimate that the
bridegroom "put up for it." The intimation is a sneer, because the bride's
family should pay all the expenses of a wedding. If the expense is
manifestly beyond the resources of the bride's father, society lifts its
eyebrows.
[734 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Of course her wedding is the one pageant in which the girl is the central
figure--the admired of all beholders. It is quite natural for her to wish
it to be beautiful, to look lovely herself, and not to go empty-handed to
her husband. But no sensible girl will have a grand wedding if its cost
will put her father in debt. If Mary's music lessons must be intermitted,
or John's entrance into college postponed because of her trousseau and her
wedding, she should assume some of the sacrifice herself and be content
with a more modest outfit and a simple ceremony. Thousands of thoughtless
girls leave their families to recover slowly from the financial strain of
their wedding. It is selfish and inconsiderate for a girl to say, "You
will never have to do it again for me," or "I shall be no further expense
to you." That may be true, but it is no justification.
Nor is it permissible for the bridegroom to furnish any part of the
bride's trousseau. If she is poor, and is to marry into wealth, good taste
and public opinion counsel her to confine her wedding preparations to what
she or her family can pay for. Let her make ready a simple wedding dress
and going-away gown, or be married in the latter, and take with her to her
new home only her under linen and the treasured keepsakes of her maiden
days. As soon as she is wife, her husband may lavish silks and laces and
furs upon her, but not before.
The Bride's Privileges.--It is the province of the bride to name the
wedding day, subject of course to the insistence of her fiance, who will
urge an early date. She decides whether her wedding shall be formal or
informal, at church or at home. She chooses the clergyman who shall
perform the ceremony, the bridegroom notifying him of her desire. Her
family issues--and pays for--the wedding invitations and announcement
cards. It is customary to ask the bridegroom to make out a list of those
of his relatives and friends to whom he wishes these sent. The bride names
her attendants, decides upon their number and if a bridal procession is
contemplated, consults with them as to their gowns and the accessories.
Here she is in duty bound to consider the expense to be incurred by those
invited to take part in the affair, unless she is prepared to pay for
their gowns herself; this however is seldom done. If she desires her
attendants to wear some particular adornment which will be of no use to
them afterwards, as a fancy muff or boa, she should pay for it herself.
She may endeavor to arrange with her dressmaker to make their gowns if she
can obtain a reduction on account of their being made alike, or the large
order placed. To be invited to serve as bridesmaid is often an expensive
compliment, as it usually involves a new gown and hat, the latter always
being worn at a church wedding.
If the bride decides to have but one attendant, the latter is usually
styled her maid-of-honor, and may be her sister or her most intimate
friend. If she has more than one maid she should include the bridegroom's
sister, if he has one. If a matron-of-honor is to participate, she should
be a friend or sister of the bride who has been recently wedded. The
bridesmaids are chosen from her unmarried friends.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 735]
Who Pays?--The question is often asked, "Who pays, for" this, that or the
other item.
The bridegroom provides the marriage certificate, the wedding ring, pays
the clergyman, and for the carriage in which he drives away with the
bride. He sends a gift and the bouquet to the bride; usually gives gifts
of jewelry to the bridesmaids and the best man, and often includes the
ushers.
The bride's family pays for the wedding cards, pays the florist and the
caterer, the expense of opening the church and the service of the sexton;
the music, carriages for the bridal party, in short, the bills are for the
family to pay. Where a wedding is very elaborate, the details are
sometimes turned over to a "manager," who sees to everything, and receives
a fat fee for his services.
The Wedding Gown.--Choice of a wedding gown depends upon the style of the
wedding. At a church wedding it is as handsome as the bride can afford.
Any girl is excusable for wishing her wedding to be "an occasion," and her
bridal attire as beautiful as possible. White is suitable, and there are
so many fabrics in that color that all purses can be accommodated. The
gown may be of satin, crepe de chine, messaline, lace or chiffon, or of
simple white organdie; all are appropriate for a church wedding. With any
of these a veil should be worn. Two and a half yards of tulle will be
sufficient; other accessories are white kid gloves, white slippers and
white silk hose, if white is worn. White is suitable for the most
elaborate church wedding and for the simplest ceremony at home. The gown
is made en train, as a rule; always so for a church wedding, and always
with high neck and long sleeves.
A bride may elect to be married in a traveling dress. For this some pretty
light color, as light gray, champagne, tan or biscuit color is chosen. A
hat must be worn with such a costume, and for a young bride is by
preference trimmed with flowers. It is correct to carry flowers--not a
shower bouquet, however--with such a gown, which is to be changed for a
plainer one for actual travel. For this dark blue, brown, or gray are
suitable colors; gloves match, and the hat is inconspicuously trimmed. It
is the bride's greatest desire not to look "just married."
Later Wear of the Wedding Gown.--The wedding gown is worn at the more
formal of the post-nuptial entertainments. The trousseau should include an
evening dress and wrap. For the former, black lace, chiffon cloth or net
will prove the most serviceable, and almost universally becoming. A
traveling gown, a handsome suit for visiting, receptions, etc., a pretty
gown for receiving at home, and several house gowns will be needed.
Kimonas, bath-robes, dressing-jackets, are included in the less ornamental
parts of the trousseau.
A girl often invites her intimate friends to inspect her wedding finery,
rejoicing in their admiration. The privilege of such a view is highly
valued.
[736 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Bridal Flowers.--Orange flowers are reserved for the bride, and she never
wears any other in her hair, at least no other that are artificial. She
may carry any flowers, she prefers; the florists make all seasons alike.
Often an order is given months in advance for the bride's favorite flower
to grace her wedding, and the florist forces it to bloom at the appointed
time. White roses and carnations can be had at almost any season; sweet
peas, white lilacs, lilies of the valley, are less easy to procure. The
"shower bouquet" has many narrow white satin ribbons falling from it to
the foot of the skirt, and knotted at intervals round flower sprays.
The rarest of bridal flowers are the orchids, so costly that only the rich
may have them, though a few orchids, two or three, are sometimes put with
lilies of the valley, or Roman hyacinths, intermixed with stephanotis or
stevia, for the bridal bouquet. Bridesmaids may carry large clusters of
flowers tied with ribbons, the flowers suiting their costumes. Or, if they
all wear white, American Beauties may be chosen. The usual preference is
for flowers in more delicate hues.
The Widow's Bridal Attire.--A widow does not wear white at her second
wedding, nor a veil, nor does she have bridesmaids. Her usual choice is to
be married in a handsome traveling gown of some light color, wearing hat
and gloves to match. The material may be silk or broadcloth for a church
wedding. She wears her wedding ring up to the day of her second marriage.
Though she may have no bridesmaids she may have a matron-of-honor, some
married friend, who wears a street or reception dress, with suitable hat
and gloves.
A woman who has entered her fourth decade does not, as a rule, wear white
when married.
It is no longer customary for a woman to go into semi-retirement preceding
her marriage. She does not parade herself; no lady would do that, but she
accepts invitations and appears at all the fetes planned for her up to the
wedding day. As a result, she is often very tired and fagged before the
event.
The Man's Wedding Garments.--One of the most frequent inquiries made of
the editors of women's departments in magazines relates to the proper
attire for the bridegroom. "When is it correct to wear a dress suit?" and
"What should the bridegroom wear at a day wedding?"
"The dress suit," so called, is the man's evening clothes. Naturally,
then, he will not don his evening attire until evening--after or for a six
o'clock dinner,' This should dispose of the question of "the dress suit."
For a man to wear evening clothes at a noon wedding would be as absurd as
for a woman to appear in a ball dress at that hour.
For a day wedding a man wears a black frock coat and gray trousers; his
waistcoat may match the coat or be of white duck or marseilles, white
shirt with standing collar, and tie of the fashionable cut in pearl gray
or soft white silk. Pearl-colored kid gloves are worn, and a silk hat. The
overcoat is black. A boutonniere of white flowers is usually worn.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 737]
The above is the correct dress for best man and ushers at a day wedding,
in church or at home.
For a formal evening wedding, full evening dress is worn by bridegroom,
best man and ushers. The suit is of fine black worsted, silk faced as to
the coat. The waistcoat may be of the same material, or white duck or
marseilles may be worn. A fine white linen shirt with standing collar, and
pearl or white enamel studs, white lawn tie, white or pearl-gray kid
gloves stitched in the same color, and patent leather pumps complete the
attire. A black overcoat, single breasted, and silk hat are the additions
for out-of-door wear.
The Bride's Mother.--The bride's mother wears a handsome reception dress.
Black with much jet and lace, pearl gray, mauve and lavender are favorite
colors for her. White gloves are worn. Mourning attire should never be
seen at a wedding. If the bride's mother, or any of the family, are in
mourning, it must be laid aside for the occasion. Black may be worn, but
it must be lightened with white lace, jet, or other accessories that will
take it out of the conventional garb of grief. Guests of course gown
themselves handsomely.