All who receive notes are expected to call in person or send letters of
congratulation. Flowers are often sent, and dinners, theater parties, and
other entertainments given for the young couple. Engagement gifts are
often given; china being a favorite choice, though any gift is in order.
After the Announcement.--Immediately upon the announcement of the
engagement the parents of the young man call upon his fiancee and her
mother, whether previously acquainted or not. His family takes the
initiative in the exchange of hospitality which follows. Calls are to be
returned within a week. In case the man's family live at a distance, the
members should at once write cordial, kindly letters to the girl, to which
she must reply within a few days. She should not "gush" but should show
her desire to know them, and a cordial and friendly feeling. The
prospective mother-in-law may invite the girl to visit her. She should
remember that no matter how welcome the alliance she is under inspection,
as it were, and do her best, through courtesy and tact and friendliness to
create a favorable impression.
The Girl's Behavior.--The engagement ring is not worn until the engagement
is announced. If the young man's means permit, it is usually as handsome a
diamond solitaire as he can afford. No womanly girl would wish her fiance
to go in debt to purchase her ring. Should it be less handsome than she
had hoped or expected, she should not give the slightest evidence of
disappointment. That would seem mercenary and grasping. Nevertheless, a
girl does doubtless get much more joy out of her engagement ring than she
does out of her wedding ring.
Though a girl may receive from her affianced gifts of jewelry, silver,
etc., as well as the bonbons, books and flowers she was privileged to
accept before her engagement, it is not in good taste for him to offer any
article of wearing apparel to her. He is not to buy clothes for her until
after their marriage. Nothing that cannot be returned to him uninjured in
case the engagement is broken is really correct for her to receive.
She will naturally receive many notes, letters, etc., from her fiance,
especially if he is called out of town often, or resides in another city.
The inexperienced, very-much-in-love girl is quite likely to write very
ardent and affectionate letters. Leave that to the man. If she knows her
Thackeray she will remember the rose-colored billet-doux poor Amelia used
to write to her George, and which lay unopened day after day, and will
model her missives upon the style of Lucy Snowe's to the Professor--"a
morsel of ice, flavored with ever so slight a zest of sweetness." Let her
make them bright, chatty, kindly, but not too tender.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 731]
Length of Engagement.--As for the length of an engagement, it is often
argued that if one has made a mistake, it is much better to find it out
before marriage than after. A prolonged engagement, however, is not
advisable. It embarrasses a girl to be asked "When is it going to be?" and
be obliged to make evasive answers. Thc old saying "Absence makes the
heart grow fonder" often proves untrue. The long engagement is a strain,
undoubtedly. A year is quite long enough for the two to demonstrate their
fidelity and for all necessary preparations.
Breaking Off.--If the two develop incompatibility, after being convinced
it is irreconcilable the only thing to do is to sever the tie. This is
often heart-breaking if caused by the infidelity of one party, and always
humiliating, especially to the girl. To spare her as much as possible, the
man assumes the breaking-off was her act. He never allows himself to speak
of her save in terms of the most perfect respect. The presents, letters,
pictures, are returned, and Cupid retires discomfited. The girl's mother
writes to her friends and tells them the engagement is broken; no reason
is given and no person of tact or knowledge of social forms will inquire
why or ever allude to the matter to either of the parties to the
engagement or their parents.
"Being engaged" does not relax etiquette. It does not justify a journey or
an excursion together, nor appearance in public places unchaperoned.
Lovers refrain from caresses or evidence of their devotion in the presence
of others; in short they should conduct themselves with decorum.
The Wedding Trousseau.--In case everything goes well when the wedding day
is set it is the custom to announce the engagement in the society columns
in the newspapers. The trousseau is nearly ready, the linen chest is
filled, the details of the wedding settled. It is not customary now for
the expectant bride to have dozens and dozens of undergarments, to be laid
aside, turn yellow and go out of style. One dozen of each garment is an
ample supply for the average bride; even half a dozen new garments of each
kind have been known to answer every purpose. She should have a moderate
supply of shoes, corsets, gloves, petticoats, both silk and cambric, and
handkerchiefs. Fashions change so rapidly now that it is foolish to lay in
a great stock of gowns. The supply of these must be in accordance with her
social position and its requirements. After she is married, she will find
her table-cloths and napkins, sheets, and pillow slips and towels a much
greater source of satisfaction than a lot of passe gowns and wraps. Her
silver and linen are marked with the initials of her maiden name. These
initials are always embroidered on the latter.
The supply of table and bed-linen will depend upon the size of her house
and the style in which she lives. Six sheets and six pillow and bolster
slips are allowed to each bed, and twelve towels, half of them bath
towels, to each bedroom. She should have dinner and lunch cloths, with
napkins to match; it is usual to allow a dozen napkins to each cloth. It
is good economy to purchase all these in a good quality. The dinner cloths
and napkins should be of double damask, so called. The very large dinner
napkins--seven-eighths of a yard square--are less in favor than the
medium, three-quarter size. A fairly ample supply of comforts, down and
silk quilts, and blankets, is often acquired by purchase before marriage.
[732 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]